Monogamy. The idea of loving only one woman all your life?

[Tourmaline]

@Digamma

The 7 year itch is extremely real. Getting past it is a challenge but quite doable too. It's part of why there are renewal of vows and what not, to help fight the 7 year itch. In a sense the man has to make the woman fall in love with him again. It's not that bad really from my experience, but one has to want it and try or else it's probably doomed.

 

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[Digamma]

@Digamma

The 7 year itch is extremely real. Getting past it is a challenge but quite doable too. It's part of why there are renewal of vows and what not, to help fight the 7 year itch. In a sense the man has to make the woman fall in love with him again. It's not that bad really from my experience, but one has to want it and try or else it's probably doomed.

Cool, didn't know there was an expression for it.

Happened to me, I honestly just wanted out.

Why would I try to make her fall in love with me again... when I'm not in love with her anymore?

Wasn't a marriage, of course, just long term girlfriend.

 

[Jakeeck]

TRP is a reaction to feminism but ends up in a shitty version of masculinism while still stuck in a feminist paradigm. It's weird really.

I'd be very curious about if your sister's ex husband stopped trying much the last 3+ years. In my view it's up to the man to keep the romance alive, first and foremost. Does she have kids?



Because of social constructs.

She wasn't married. No kids. She just got her phd and got a well-paying job while he was making $10/hr. She gave him a lot of time (2-3 years after she got her phd) to figure out what he wanted to do but he just couldn't for some reason. Awfully nice guy and was one of my best friends, but he has some mental health issues (mainly ADHD imo) that prevented him from cementing himself in any career/endeavor.

But this is just one example of a problem. There are 50-60% of marriages out there that ended in divorce with a different problem.

I agree that it's up to the man to keep the romance alive, but at some point there's a very natural decline in romantic feelings for your wife... so then what do you do? Keep forcing it?

 

[ChrisV]

I don' think there's anything wrong with being 'scripted.' Some people prefer the stability of a 9-5, and in all honesty I kinda wish I was one of them in some ways. You don't really have to worry about certain things.. you just wake up at 8 AM, go to work, collect your paycheck and live your life. I don't think there's any evidence that entrepreneurs are any happier than 9-5ers.

Some people prefer that routine existence.

This entrepreneurship risk-taking stuff isn't for everyone, and honestly in some ways it's a curse just as much as it's a gift.

It's a high risk, high reward strategy. In some ways it's just a safer bet to just find a stable company, be a cog in that machine, have 2.3 kids with a 30 year fixed rate mortgage and just do that until you're 65.

But people on this forum are just more risk-tolerant than the general population. We don't like mundane things. But some people do. And that's okay. It's almost like saying that everyone should pick high-risk stocks because they have a higher rate of return. In some cases, yes. But some people just prefer the stability of a blue chip diversified portfolio that's unlikely to crash anytime soon.

I say this becasue there can be a tendency for people to look down upon people who just want a regular 9-5 as if they're brainwashed and don't know what they're doing – but in reality, they know exactly what they're doing. Playing it safe.

 

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[Tourmaline]

That's not what I was addressing because I agree with that, and agree with monogamy. However I don't believe marriage is required to be in a committed long term relationship.

Well in all fairness I said monogamy, not marriage.

Hedonism. The pursuit of more pleasure versus pain. We could argue both sides of this one.

From a hook up standpoint I probably don't have to go into detail because we all know what that's about.

But is there not any pleasure gained in being with someone you love? Waking up with them and going on adventures?

Shit, if you do what you want it's hedonistic, and I suppose then that's scripted, is it not?

Hedonism does not lead to happiness, its entire premise is basically wrong. If one chases pleasure they need ever increasing amounts of it to be have the same high. Curiously it sounds like the result of a low dopamine system lol.

FREE WILL ISN'T REAL

Of course it is! It may not be complete radical free will, but one has quite a degree of free will, and that degree can be increased as well.

 

[Charnell]

Well in all fairness I said monogamy, not marriage.

Lol fair enough, looks like that was an unnecessary increase in post count then!

Gonna F*ck right off from this post again, this is like arguing politics or religion.

 

[Tourmaline]

Cool, didn't know there was an expression for it.

Happened to me, I honestly just wanted out.

Why would I try to make her fall in love with me again... when I'm not in love with her anymore?

Wasn't a marriage, of course, just long term girlfriend.

I agree that it's up to the man to keep the romance alive, but at some point there's a very natural decline in romantic feelings for your wife... so then what do you do? Keep forcing it?

Huh well similar answers apply to both here.

This is actually a really difficult issue. Part of it imo is the woman's responsibility to keep her man consumed and in love with her. However, because of the nature of growth the things that made us fall in love back then are different now. So readjusting one's view to appreciate the things about her that would make one fall in love with her again is required. Of course that requires knowing one's self quite well...

At the same time, it helps if better doesn't exist, if only different exists too. If better exists and you know it, then it's several times harder to fall back in love again.

 

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[Tourmaline]

I say this becasue there can be a tendency for people to look down upon people who just want a regular 9-5 as if they're brainwashed and don't know what they're doing – but in reality, they know exactly what they're doing. Playing it safe.

Yup, and it's a tendency that needs to be actively gotten rid of too.

Lol fair enough, looks like that was an unnecessary increase in post count then!

Gonna F*ck right off from this post again, this is like arguing politics or religion.

lol,

 

[Digamma]

Lol fair enough, looks like that was an unnecessary increase in post count then!

Gonna F*ck right off from this post again, this is like arguing politics or religion.

That's because it's both.

 

[Brian Suh]

White lies. If you have kids or plan to, are you going to keep up the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Santa charade?

Fake it til you make it. Starting a business and using we instead of I in your copy when you're a one man shop.

I don't think goofy @Brian Suh was responding to your kids comment and neither was I.

So now we’re resorting to name calling? What a b1tch. Sure feel tough behind a keyboard right?

 

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[Brian Suh]

Or just...monogamy lends to more stable families and is good for raising kids for 20 years...

It's almost like there's sometimes wisdom in why a F*ck load of people do some things? Unless you'd like to present an argument that single parents raise children better...

Sure when your over 35. When your in your 20s especially if your a guy you have so much untapped potential. Most women will get jealous and try to tear you down. I’m just telling people another way. Most people hate “players” because they can’t do what they do. I love women but from a realistic view. Most guys love women from some fantasy image of them and what they can do for them. I know they sh1t like others and fart and look bad without makeup. Other guys view them in an angelic way. These are humans not some saving grace.

 

[Brian Suh]

If you want to talk about anything, I'd rather you simply address what I said:

"Or just...monogamy lends to more stable families and is good for raising kids for 20 years... "


---

Although being a F*ckboi is part of scripted existence too isn't it. It's the focus of plenty of Pop...

Or will you try to put forth that hook up culture is not scripted? I will put forth that it's one of the cornerstones of how to be a hedonistic consumerist.

It isn’t scripted. Scripted is having a boyfriend and girlfriend. Following any plan and having anyone define how you live your life is “scripted”. If you want to be a doctor but because MJ told you the fast lane is the way to go your “scripted”.

 

[Brian Suh]

TRP is a reaction to feminism but ends up in a shitty version of masculinism while still stuck in a feminist paradigm. It's weird really.

I'd be very curious about if your sister's ex husband stopped trying much the last 3+ years. In my view it's up to the man to keep the romance alive, first and foremost. Does she have kids?



Because of social constructs.

TRP is a double edged sword. Some people use TRP for there lack of success with women and use r as a scapegoat saying WOMEN ARE EVIL. Others use it to help them see the truth and to navigate the world with a more accurate sense of reality. Be the latter.

 

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[Charnell]

So now we’re resorting to name calling? What a b1tch. Sure feel tough behind a keyboard right?

Come on Ironic Brian, I'm tough in real life too.

 

[Tourmaline]

Sure when your over 35. When your in your 20s especially if your a guy you have so much untapped potential.

What untapped potential would that be?

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a 20 year old son when you are 48 vs when you are 58?

Most players end up as sad players. They realize how empty and hollow and meaningless their flings were. They hated being used as a human dildo, their feelings not being seen as valid or cared about. Worst part for them, is it narrows their dating options later in life when they're ready to settle down as many women do not want to deal with the extra risks an ex-player comes with. You tell me how much hatred you sense in my words.

 

[ChrisV]

Sure when your over 35. When your in your 20s especially if your a guy you have so much untapped potential.

Oh don't you start this shit again. That thread still f---ing haunts me.

 

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[ChrisV]

She just got her phd and got a well-paying job while he was making $10/hr. She gave him a lot of time (2-3 years after she got her phd) to figure out what he wanted to do but he just couldn't for some reason. Awfully nice guy and was one of my best friends, but he has some mental health issues (mainly ADHD imo) that prevented him from cementing himself in any career/endeavor.

Sounds typical. I notice that ADHDers usually fall into two camps: severe underachievers, and severe overachievers.

With ADHD you're either going to be a total non-achiever or the thrill-seeking aspect is going to push you to become a multi-millionaire. It's a high risk / high return evolutionary strategy.

Of course it is! It may not be complete radical free will, but one has quite a degree of free will, and that degree can be increased as well.

Yea, agree. I mean this can easily turn into a philosophy debate which I don't want it to, but I think humans have free will; though not unlimited free will. If we had unlimited free will we could just go to the gym exactly when we said we would, or eat the exact diet we set out to.

But actually unlimited free will wouldn't be a good thing. If we just consciously decided when we wanted to eat or when we wanted to go to the bathroom, that would damage countless things. Better off leaving that to automatic processes.

So actually the parts of us lack free will, it's our bodies just doing automatic things it needs to (or thinks it needs to do) to survive.

 

[Brian Suh]

What untapped potential would that be?

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a 20 year old son when you are 48 vs when you are 58?

Most players end up as sad players. They realize how empty and hollow and meaningless their flings were. They hated being used as a human dildo, their feelings not being seen as valid or cared about. Worst part for them, is it narrows their dating options later in life when they're ready to settle down as many women do not want to deal with the extra risks an ex-player comes with. You tell me how much hatred you sense in my words.

Being free and being a player are two different things. I used player as a term who gets a lot of girls but let me change that to a free man.

Sounds typical. I notice that ADHDers usually fall into two camps: severe underachievers, and severe overachievers.

With ADHD you're either going to be a total non-achiever or the thrill-seeking aspect is going to push you to become a multi-millionaire. It's a high risk / high return evolutionary strategy.



Yea, agree. I mean this can easily turn into a philosophy debate which I don't want it to, but I think humans have free will; though not unlimited free will. If we had unlimited free will we could just go to the gym exactly when we said we would, or eat the exact diet we set out to.

But actually unlimited free will wouldn't be a good thing. If we just consciously decided when we wanted to eat or when we wanted to go to the bathroom, that would damage countless things. Better off leaving that to automatic processes.

So actually the parts of us lack free will, it's our bodies just doing automatic things it needs to (or thinks it needs to do) to survive.

I believe everyone does have free will but it is something that must be achieved. Free will is like a seed buried underneath pst trauma, identity shifts, self beliefs, confidence and a whole slew of things. It deserves multiple books lol

 

[Kevin88660]

What untapped potential would that be?

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a 20 year old son when you are 48 vs when you are 58?

Most players end up as sad players. They realize how empty and hollow and meaningless their flings were. They hated being used as a human dildo, their feelings not being seen as valid or cared about. Worst part for them, is it narrows their dating options later in life when they're ready to settle down as many women do not want to deal with the extra risks an ex-player comes with. You tell me how much hatred you sense in my words.

I think dating coach paul Janka talked about it also. He quit playing since there is very few “brothers” to share and brag with as he enters 30s while most get married and busy with kids.

He shifted gear quickly and get married and had a daughter.

Permanent single people have no witness to their live.

 

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[Tourmaline]

@Brian Suh Care to answer what the untapped potential is?

 

[Brian Suh]

@Brian Suh Care to answer what the untapped potential is?

It’s different for everyone but your dreams and desires. Unless you find a truly loving woman who likes you for YOU and not how she feels, then you got a winner but most girls aren’t like that (The same goes with male friends)

 

[Kevin88660]

I've seen a lot of people dating others in their 20s and then going back to their high school sweetheart/love/crush.

That didn't happen for people around me. I more or less can see the reasons why.

People who get together before 20 usually are in the same age (max 1-2 years difference).

If they manage to stay together and get married, in where I live people tend to marry late (25-35), they will ran the relationship marathon past age 25 and get married.

Since girls past 25 and more “in a rush” to settle down and their male counter parts may feel not ready, usually either feeling financially inadequate or do not want to be accountable to someone else that early, there is a maturity mismatching issue. No matter how they are made for one another in personality and character, that single dealbreaker will break it. She will marry someone else who is ready at that time, not two years later.

Another issue is the expansion of social circle for the guys after leaving school. (Not necessarily in quantity of people known but the diversity of age: first time in our live we interact with people much older or few years younger than us on regular basis) Most guys in the early 30s, I noticed, opted to marry girls 3-5 years younger. So this means that the likelihood of choosing their high school sweet heart is less.

As time progresses the relatively compatibility of similar age couple starts to somewhat decline a-bit since high school, so from my pov unless there is strong entry barrier established in the first place- a multiple years long relationship that both are happy, I have not yet seen many people that go back to their high school first bf or gf yet.

 

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[G-Man]

All you cats arguing about different “types” of women know that at the end of the day you’re gonna end up with a real woman that has the same strengths and flaws as her ancestor that kept a fire in a cave in Ethiopia right?

Same goes for you, btw.

All stops pulled, and all eventualities planned for, your gonna be one imperfect person paired with another.

 

[Supercar]

...your gonna be one imperfect person paired with another.

This too implies monogamy, LOL. It could be several. Or maybe none at times.

 

[PupRich]

 

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[Jadpapi]

If you look at relationships, and marriage from an entrepreneur point of view, it’s a losing game or business.. you will always put in more than what u get out of this.. you will spend more money,, you will have less time for yourself, and your business, u will have drama , and fights no matter what, you will have no freedom, you will have less sex ( this apply to me I have more sex when I am single), you will have less money, you will spend more money.. look at single life from an entrepreneur point of view it’s a winning game , you get to have more sex, save more money, have more freedom, have more friends, have more of everything, and most importantly your money is yours. You will not lose it in a divorce.. the single life for sure better than marriage or even relationships.. marriage only exist because of the society made it this way.. I make my own rules

 

[Jadpapi]

I like the lifestyle of Leonardo DiCaprio, he gets more of everything lol..

 

[Tourmaline]

It’s different for everyone but your dreams and desires. Unless you find a truly loving woman who likes you for YOU and not how she feels, then you got a winner but most girls aren’t like that (The same goes with male friends)

This implies having a serious relationship means one can't pursue their dreams and desires? Which is patently false, unless your idea of dreams and desires is limited to hooking up with lots.

Of course you can't find a girl like that. That's how men love. How BP of you.

Suppose you could find an MTF like that however

If you look at relationships, and marriage from an entrepreneur point of view, it’s a losing game or business.. you will always put in more than what u get out of this.. you will spend more money,, you will have less time for yourself, and your business, u will have drama , and fights no matter what, you will have no freedom, you will have less sex ( this apply to me I have more sex when I am single), you will have less money, you will spend more money.. look at single life from an entrepreneur point of view it’s a winning game , you get to have more sex, save more money, have more freedom, have more friends, have more of everything, and most importantly your money is yours. You will not lose it in a divorce.. the single life for sure better than marriage or even relationships.. marriage only exist because of the society made it this way.. I make my own rules

But no kids? That's a greater loss than all of that combined.

You can also have way more sex in a serious relationship than outside of one too...not sure why you think otherwise, but that's one of the biggest perks.

 

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[Jadpapi]

This implies having a serious relationship means one can't pursue their dreams and desires? Which is patently false, unless your idea of dreams and desires is limited to hooking up with lots.

Of course you can't find a girl like that. That's how men love. How BP of you.

Suppose you could find an MTF like that however



But no kids? That's a greater loss than all of that combined.

You can also have way more sex in a serious relationship than outside of one too...not sure why you think otherwise, but that's one of the biggest perks.

I don’t want to ever have kids.. me as an entrepreneur I like to leave this planet a better place.. we are over populated now, and if I ever feel like I want kids( I doubt it) I will adopt I will take care of the ones that already exist, and need help... btw kids are the most losing business ever, u get no return u just give all your life, and then they leave you , and live their own life.. specially nowadays.

 

[Supercar]

Kids are like expensive pets who will outlive you and are likely to actually become smarter and better than you. Or maybe not.

To each his own.

In the developed world you do not typically get the financial benefit from having kids. Only the psychological.