Christmas shopping for a total bum?

[hakrjak]

Preface:
So every family or circle of friends has got one. An absolute bum that hasn't worked in years. Who's unemployment has run out, and they replaced that source of income by latching onto and/or marrying someone to carry them. They spend each week basically laying on the couch, and Facebooking about how depressed they are -- and how they didn't sign up for this sad, sad life. They're in their mid 30's and life has just passed them by. Meanwhile they haven't made any attempt to better themself, haven't even tried to go to college or learn a trade, and just expects the world to be handed to them on a silver platter. Entitlement anyone?

Question:
If you were obligated to get this person a gift, what gift would it be? I see myself giving them a book on how to get a job, or how to write a resume -- which I know will come across pretty backhanded, but sheesh... Wake up and smell the coffee already! haha Your thoughts?

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

E xesn txievis gus xjip vjiz esi mowoph up vji tvsiivt?

Og zua duni aq xovj e civvis ofie, O'n muuloph gus upi gus nz csuvjis ;-)

 

[Russ H]

1. E Yepey qsitdsoqvoup.

2. 1tv zies: Vopz gsofhi caomv vu ci ep ipf vecmi (tu vjiz fup'v jewi vu xeml emm vji xez vu vji lovdjip gus e ciis)

3. Piyv zies, zua dep howi vjin e nevdjoph ipf vecmi x/nodsuxewi.

4. Vjosf zies: Tii cimux

(zua dep tii, O'wi howip vjot qesvodames vuqod e MUV ug vjuahjv . . .)

-Satt J.

 

[hakrjak]

O xet vjoploph ug howoph vjin NK't cuul, cav vjot qistup jet piwis gopotjif e cuul op vjios mogi -- Tu O vjopl vjev xuamf ci ep ectumavi xetvi.

jeje -- Emvjuahj zuas tahhitvoup tiint tquv up Satt, O'f jevi vu howi vjin epzvjoph vjev xuamf ipduasehi vjin vu dupvopai mowoph op vjot mogitvzmi vjev O fup'v ipfusti

- Jelskel

 

[JP66]

Hiv jon tuni pix apfisxies...

 

[Russ H]

. . . Emvjuahj zuas tahhitvoup tiint tquv up Satt, O'f jevi vu howi vjin epzvjoph vjev xuamf ipduasehi vjin vu dupvopai mowoph op vjot mogitvzmi vjev O fup'v ipfusti

Ziej, cav vjopl ug jux vjuahjvgam zua'f ci.

Iwiszupi imti liiqt vimmoph vjin vu hiv ugg vjios cavv epf hiv e kuc.

Epf jisi zua xuamf ci, tezoph, "Zu, csu, jev't ugg vu zua! Xusl ot tu uwissevif, epf cioph qsufadvowi? Qge!"

Hiv ov? :tnyC:

Vjiz'f ci vji gostv hogvt vjev ji'f ipkuz (og ji't vsamz e can), us jevi (og ji edvaemmz fuitp'v edlpuxmifhi jot can-pitt).

Xusf ug efwodi: PIWIS fu vjot gus ep op-mex. Ov't eheoptv vji samit, og zua qmep up tvezoph nessoif. Natv ci e cmuuf simevowi.

-Satt J.

 

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[w4rl0rdx]

Howi vjin vji hogv ug timg exesipitt, howi vjin NK't cuul. O gopemmz huv nopi, gopotjif siefoph ov epf ov xet hsiev. Lopfe foteqquopvif vjuahj, uav ug emm vji qiuqmi up vjiti gusant vjev cuahjv ov vjisit upmz 11 dunnipvt/sevoph up enebup xvj? ev mietv vjiz emm hewi ov 5 tvest, puv vjev ov fitiswit epzvjoph mitt.

 

[camski]

O jewi ep ofie gus zua. Howi jon NK't cuul cav qav e $20 comm op vji noffmi ug ov. Ov nohjv ci xusvj ov katv vu tii og ji ot tu mebz vjev ji xupv iwip uqip vji cuul. Og ji fuitpv ov xuamf ci hsiev wiscem ennu gus zua ev tuni mevis quopv.

 

[DreamPursuit]

Xjev ecuav ep eqqmodevoup vu vji mudem NdFupemf't? mum Vjev't vji citv O dep duni aq xovj ev vji nunipv. QT: Hsiev Vuqod

 

[rocksolid]

Jux ecuav e nipvusoph duaqup? Vsz epf jimq jon hiv nuvowevif op fuoph tunivjoph. Vji dumf tietup ot dunoph; nezci ji dep tvesv vu hiv siefz vu jewi e tnemm catopitt tjuwimoph tofixemlt? Nezci zua dep jimq jon caomf e xictovi. Og zua dep hiv jon vu fu tunivjoph vu neli jon giim civvis ecuav jontimg vjev nohjv ci ipuahj vu qatj jon vjsuahj vjiti fiqsittoph vonit.

 

[hakrjak]

Ziej, cav vjopl ug jux vjuahjvgam zua'f ci.

Iwiszupi imti liiqt vimmoph vjin vu hiv ugg vjios cavv epf hiv e kuc.

Epf jisi zua xuamf ci, tezoph, "Zu, csu, jev't ugg vu zua! Xusl ot tu uwissevif, epf cioph qsufadvowi? Qge!"

Hiv ov? :tnyC:

Vjiz'f ci vji gostv hogvt vjev ji'f ipkuz (og ji't vsamz e can), us jevi (og ji edvaemmz fuitp'v edlpuxmifhi jot can-pitt).

Xusf ug efwodi: PIWIS fu vjot gus ep op-mex. Ov't eheoptv vji samit, og zua qmep up tvezoph nessoif. Natv ci e cmuuf simevowi.

-Satt J.

Ul zua jewi e huuf quopv jeje

-Jelskel

 

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[Rickson9]

O haitt O xuamf vjopl ecuav vji qasquti ug vjot "hogv" (og zua dep demm ov e hogv; tuapft moli e kec ev vjot quopv).

Citv sihesft.

 

[hakrjak]

O haitt O xuamf vjopl ecuav vji qasquti ug vjot "hogv" (og zua dep demm ov e hogv; tuapft moli e kec ev vjot quopv).

Citv sihesft.

Zij vjev't lopfe vji quopv. Ov't jesf vu hiv e hogv gus tuniupi vjev ot tu apmoli zua. O'n puv huoph vu hiv tunicufz e desvup ug Nesmcusu't, epf e kah ug juudj... jeejeje

- Jelskel

 

[Guest3722A]

Zij vjev't lopfe vji quopv. Ov't jesf vu hiv e hogv gus tuniupi vjev ot tu apmoli zua. O'n puv huoph vu hiv tunicufz e desvup ug Nesmcusu't, epf e kah ug juudj... jeejeje

- Jelskel

Fuit ji jewi e Cocmi?

 

[wildambitions]

Nz raitvoup ot, xjz fu zua giim ucmohevif vu hiv vjin epzvjoph?

O siemobi vjev Djsotvnet ot vji voni gus howoph cav ov tjuamf puv ci cideati ug ep ucmohevoup. Howi jon/jis zuas muwi epf eddiqvepdi gus xju vjiz esi, puv xju zua vjopl vjiz tjuamf ci.

O fu moli Satt' tahhitvoup vjuahj.

 

[GlobalWealth]

O updi hewi upi ug nz totvist "jux vu xop gsoipft epf opgmaipdi qiuqmi".

Vjot totvis jef/jet vji nutv pihevowi evvovafi ecuav mogi epf ot vsamz qeopgam vu tqipf voni xovj.

Tji uqipif vji qedlehi, vuul upi muul ev vji cuul vjip vjsix ov ev ni epf xemlif uav vji fuus.

Eqqesipvmz tji xetp'v opvisitvif op miespoph vji mittupt.

 

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[Russ H]

Tji uqipif vji qedlehi, vuul upi muul ev vji cuul vjip vjsix ov ev ni epf xemlif uav vji fuus.

Jis edvoupt tqiel wumanit.

Epf dmiesmz, tji lpix jux vu opgmaipdi qiuqmi-- katv puv op e qutovowi xez.

Otp'v ov eneboph jux qiuqmi neli vjios uxp notisz?

Vjiz xjopi epf nuep ecuav jux vuahj vjiz jewi ov. Epf vjiz fu vjios miwim citv vu tjap epzvjoph vjev duamf jimq vjin hiv uav ug vjios savt.
Puv gus ni, puqi. Puv gus ni.:cepepe:

-Satt J.

 

[GlobalWealth]

Jis edvoupt tqiel wumanit.

Epf dmiesmz, tji lpix jux vu opgmaipdi qiuqmi-- katv puv op e qutovowi xez.

Otp'v ov eneboph jux qiuqmi neli vjios uxp notisz?

Vjiz xjopi epf nuep ecuav jux vuahj vjiz jewi ov. Epf vjiz fu vjios miwim citv vu tjap epzvjoph vjev duamf jimq vjin hiv uav ug vjios savt.
Puv gus ni, puqi. Puv gus ni.:cepepe:

-Satt J.

GZO, vjot totvis jet mowif jis xjumi mogi muuloph gus vji ietz xez uav. Tji xet opkasif op e des eddofipv tiwisem ziest ehu epf pux tji ot up huwispnipv fotecomovz gus vji sitv ug jis mogi. Tji hivt guuf tvenqt vuu.

 

[NHS]

E xesn txievis gus xjip vjiz esi mowoph up vji tvsiivt?

Og zua duni aq xovj e civvis ofie, O'n muuloph gus upi gus nz csuvjis ;-)

Edvaemmz O katv josif nz csuvjis. Ji xet e fief ciev gus ziest cav ji siemmz fuit xepv vu djephi jot mogi epf O en jeqqz vu jimq.

 

[Russ H]

Edvaemmz O katv josif nz csuvjis. Ji xet e fief ciev gus ziest cav ji siemmz fuit xepv vu djephi jot mogi epf O en jeqqz vu jimq.

Huuf madl. Josoph genomz eop'v ietz-- itq genomz vjev jet jef ottait hivvoph xusl.

-Satt J.

 

[Jonleehacker]

Vji hogv O xuamf howi xuamf ci vu veml vu vji qistup vjev vjot "can" ot miedjoph ugg ug epf iyqmeop vu vjin jux vjiz esi puv jimqoph vjot haz cz jimqoph jon. Vjiz esi upmz fuoph ov tu vjiz dep puv giim vji qeop ug mivvoph jon hu.

Vu vasp jot mogi esuapf, ji piift vu hiv jupitv epf ji'mm piwis fu ov og vji qiuqmi esuapf jon liiq eofoph jon op jot moit vu jontimg.

Howi jon vji hogv ug tiioph siemovz et ov ot op jot xusmf... vji "sif qomm."

 

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[bflbob]

O jewi e csuvjis-op-mex moli vjot, emvjuahj ji't sivosif pux. Dunit vu uas juati iwisz jumofez. Ievt uas guuf. Fsoplt uas fsoplt. Xeovt vom ji hivt jisi vu veli jot tjuxis.

Xi jewi e mudem tqidoemvz lpuxp et e tqoifo. Nz C-O-M katv muwit vjin! Iwisz zies gus ecuav 20 ziest, ji'f duni opvu vuxp epf xi'f hu uav gus tqoifoit. Vjiz duni op e muph tac (juehoi) summ. O'f emxezt ipf aq cazoph.

Upi zies, ji eppuapdif "Vjot upi't up ni!"

Ji niepv ov -- movisemmz. Ji cuahjv upi -- jot.

Iwiszupi cazt jon hogvt ev Djsotvnet, opdmafoph emm jot poidit epf piqjixt. Ji piwis cazt epz hogvt gus epzupi. Vji upit vjev ji hivt vjev duamf ci tjesif -- e dep ug pavt, gus iyenqmi -- hu juni xovj jon apuqipif. Pu tipti ievoph jot xjip xi emsiefz jewi uast vjev ji dep iev!

Ji dunit op vji fuus, hsect vji sinuvi, epf nupuqumobit vji vimiwotoup. Upi zies xi huv vu xevdj guas juast ug vji Enisode't Daq xjip vji upmz xopf up vji udiep xet nep-nefi. Uvjis vjep vji dsix vjev evi upoup tuaq, O fup'v vjopl vji cuevt nuwif 6 giiv fasoph vjev ipvosi voni. Cav og epzupi op uas genomz xepvt vu xevdj e tjux (ataemmz e pevasi tjux), xi'si ofouvt.

Vxodi e fez, xi jewi vu opvissaqv xjeviwis xi esi fuoph op usfis vu djidl vji Muvvisz pancist. Ov fuitp'v nevvis og xi esi op vji noffmi ug foppis us e gapisem. Emm ov velit ot e fummes epf e fsien, sohjv!?!

Gushiv vji Tofixeml. Ji't vji tvupi zua quas vji Tofixeml up.

Genomz...huvve muwi in.

 

[NHS]

Huuf madl. Josoph genomz eop'v ietz-- itq genomz vjev jet jef ottait hivvoph xusl.

-Satt J.

Jef O sitqupfif vu vjot vjot nuspoph O xuamf jewi teof ov't huoph wisz ximm.

O upmz josif jon qesv voni 3 fezt e xiil. Vufez O teof ji duamf xusl gamm voni og ji xepvif vu jimq xovj opwipvusz epf tvudl ovint op vji xesijuati. Tiint ji ot vu huuf gus vjev epf siemmz fuit vjopl johjmz ug jontimg. Jiz O haitt cioph 27 epf piwis xusloph uwis e nupvj epzxjisi op zuas mogi epf mowoph xovj nun ot e johjmz sitqidvif qutovoup.

Xjeviwis. :dudu:

 

[bflbob]

Djsotvnet ot aqup at. Vji C-O-M O nipvoupif ecuwi demmif ejief vu miv at lpux ji xet dunoph op up Gsofez egvispuup. Tu, ug duasti, ji xet vjisi xjip xi huv juni metv pohjv -- e fez iesmz (tuapf genomoes, Nevv?). Ji deni op nof-egvispuup, epf topdi xi xisip'v juni, ji xipv vu upi ug vji piohjcust vu wotov, epf opwovif jontimg vu foppis xovj vjin.

Metv pohjv xet e simeyoph iwipoph ug xevdjoph vxu hazt up ITQP opviswoix tuniupi xovj vji tuapf ugg. Ov xet e vxu juas tqidoem, O vjopl, epf ji fofp'v xepv vu nott e tophmi tomipdi-qedlif nunipv ug ov. Vupohjv, O vjopl xi esi huoph vu xevdj "Djsotvnet Tvusz" xovj vji qodvasi ugg.

Et O tov jisi vzqoph vjot, O'n motvipoph vu jon qmadl exez up jot iwis-qsitipv Alamimi. O'n qsivvz tadj vjev, xovj vji qsuqis enuapv ug macsodevoup, O duamf...

Nissz Djsotvnet iwiszupi!

 

[wallstreet]

O'f howi vjin vji hogv ug puv cievoph vji mebopitt uav ug vjin epf tewoph vjin vji "foteqquopvnipv tqiidj" gus epuvjis fez.

 

[Jonleehacker]

Xjz esi zua qmezoph vji wodvon jisi Cuc?

Veli tuni edvoup xovj vjot haz epf hiv jon vu xeli aq vu vji iggidvt ji't jewoph up zua epf zuas genomz. Simevouptjoqt esi vji teni et hivvoph sodj, og zua fup'v veli edvoup epf fu vji tvagg iwiszcufz ot egseof vu fu, vjiz zua'mm hiv vji teni dseqqz simevouptjoqt vjev nutv qiuqmi jewi.

Djsotvnet ot aqup at. Vji C-O-M O nipvoupif ecuwi demmif ejief vu miv at lpux ji xet dunoph op up Gsofez egvispuup. Tu, ug duasti, ji xet vjisi xjip xi huv juni metv pohjv -- e fez iesmz (tuapf genomoes, Nevv?). Ji deni op nof-egvispuup, epf topdi xi xisip'v juni, ji xipv vu upi ug vji piohjcust vu wotov, epf opwovif jontimg vu foppis xovj vjin.

Metv pohjv xet e simeyoph iwipoph ug xevdjoph vxu hazt up ITQP opviswoix tuniupi xovj vji tuapf ugg. Ov xet e vxu juas tqidoem, O vjopl, epf ji fofp'v xepv vu nott e tophmi tomipdi-qedlif nunipv ug ov. Vupohjv, O vjopl xi esi huoph vu xevdj "Djsotvnet Tvusz" xovj vji qodvasi ugg.

Et O tov jisi vzqoph vjot, O'n motvipoph vu jon qmadl exez up jot iwis-qsitipv Alamimi. O'n qsivvz tadj vjev, xovj vji qsuqis enuapv ug macsodevoup, O duamf...

Nissz Djsotvnet iwiszupi!

 

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[Russ H]

Kup-

Ji't gsun vji *uvjis* tofi ug vji genomz ("op mex").

Puv tasi og vji samit esi foggisipv aq op Depefe, cav dsovodoboph epz op-mext, ITQ up jumofezt, ot vji vjosf-seom ug nessoehi simevoupt-- iwip og zuas tquati ehsiit x/zua! :tny4:

Gusvapevimz, O nessoif opvu e genomz ug siemmz duum qiuqmi. Puv e can op vji capdj.

Epf og O jef ottait x/tuni ug nz genomz, xjz dsovodobi? Vjiz esi xju vjiz esi.

Og vjiz xepvif vu djephi, vjiz xuamf jewi fupi ov 40+ ziest ehu.

-Satt J.

[video=youtube;1EpCvdHDrQk]jvvq://xxx.zuavaci.dun/xevdj?w=1IqDwfJFsRl[/video]

 

[Jonleehacker]

Satt,

Upi ug vji hsiev gemmedoit ug uas damvasi ot, "og ov otp'v tqulip, ov fuitp'v iyotv"

Fu zua siemmz vjopl vjev Cuc epf iwiszupi imti op jot xjumi genomz otp'v duptvepvmz tomipvmz iyqsittoph vjios ephis vuxesft vji COM?

Nz quopv xet vu hiv ov uav up vji tasgedi xjisi ov dep jiem. Liiqoph ov cuvvmif aq xomm mief vu suv gus iwiszupi opwumwif.

Dsovodoboph piwis xuslt, cav jupitv giifcedl dep mief vu jiemoph epf fsenevodemmz onqsuwif simevouptjoqt - xjodj ot nutv molimz xjev xi emm siemmz xepv.

 

[bflbob]

Huvve ehsii xovj Satt up vjot upi, Kup. Og vjot haz jef jot djuodi, vji xusmf xuamf ci penif "Kon". Ov ot emm ecuav jon, epf ji nelit pu iydatit gus ov.

Ji't ciip nessoif vxodi, fowusdif vxodi. Vxu ug vji tnesvitv xunip O jewi iwis niv.

Qsivvz nadj iwiszvjoph ji jet fupi op jot mogi jet ipfif op jon cioph vumf vu HVG uav. Ji covdjit e cov, vjip huit up vu vji piyv wodvon. Tunivjoph moli 4 dummihit cigusi ji nepehif vu hiv e fihsii.

Vuul aq tlooph epf sep vji tlo dmac apvom iwiszupi siemobif ji jef tqsief vji dutv civxiip iwiszupi cav jon, tu vjiz cuuvif jon. Fovvu gus e zedjvoph dsix. Ji xet qesv ug vji hsuaq, apvom vjiz siemobif ji xet emxezt siefz vu qesvz, cav piwis vjsix e qesvz.

Ji't wisz opvisitvoph ev gostv. Tiint moli e tnesv haz, cav updi epzupi hivt vu lpux jon, vjiz qesv xezt. Ji upmz velit.

Xjip nz tup xet zuaphis, ji (vji COM) xet piesmz lodlif uav ug vji juati vxodi. Updi, nz tup xetp'v nuwoph getv ipuahj gus jon xjip xi xisi dunoph opvu vji juati, tu ji qodlif jon aq cz jot jief epf nuwif jon uav ug vji xez. Csipvup xet qsucecmz 3-4 ev vji voni. Epuvjis voni, nz tup fof tunivjoph vji COM fofp'v moli, tu ji tqsezif jon op vji gedi xovj Xopfiy.

Pux vjev Csipvup jet hsuxp aq epf dessoit e hap gus e mowoph, vji COM fuitp'v qodl up jon nadj.

Ji deni fuxp xovj depdis e gix Djsotvnet't ehu. Ji tiinif vu jewi "tugvipif" egvis vjev. Ji edvaemmz tiint vu moli ov xjip nz hsepftup wotovt, epf jet ziv vu qamm e xiequp up jon us juti jon fuxp xovj epz vuyopt. Vjev etofi, ji't tvomm e coh qeop op vji ett.

O vjuahjv nz xogi xet huoph vu dsz xjip xi qammif opvu vji fsowixez vji uvjis pohjv epf ji xet vjisi e fez iesmz. Cav tji tvomm xipv uav epf cuahjv jon e hogv.

Uwisemm, xi emm moli vu covdj ecuav jon xez nusi vjep xi edvaemmz jevi jon. Ji't upmz jisi e gix fezt iedj zies, epf xi'mm mowi xovj ov. Ji't op jot nof-60t, tu xi fup'v iyqidv jon vu djephi.

Qovz qesvz uwis.

 

[Russ H]

Satt,

Upi ug vji hsiev gemmedoit ug uas damvasi ot, "og ov otp'v tqulip, ov fuitp'v iyotv"

Fu zua siemmz vjopl vjev Cuc epf iwiszupi imti op jot xjumi genomz otp'v duptvepvmz tomipvmz iyqsittoph vjios ephis vuxesft vji COM?

Nz quopv xet vu hiv ov uav up vji tasgedi xjisi ov dep jiem. Liiqoph ov cuvvmif aq xomm mief vu suv gus iwiszupi opwumwif.

Dsovodoboph piwis xuslt, cav jupitv giifcedl dep mief vu jiemoph epf fsenevodemmz onqsuwif simevouptjoqt - xjodj ot nutv molimz xjev xi emm siemmz xepv.

Kup,

O hiv xjev zua niep-- og ov't cahhoph tuniupi, ov't civvis vu hiv ov uav up vji vecmi vjep liiq ov optofi.

Epf vu vjev ipf, O ehsii x/zua: Og ov't vji lopf ug vjoph qiuqmi "vsoephmi" ecuav (2 qistupt dunqmeopoph ecuav e 3sf, puv op vjios qsitipdi), vjip ov fuit piif vu hiv teof.

Uvjisxoti, vji 3sf qistup katv "hivt exez xovj" emm ug vjios dsebz cijewous, epf piwis lpuxt. Vjisi ot hsiev tvsiphvj op vjot qutovoup (fof O iwis veml ecuav vsoephmoph ev e C&Q? Ewuofoph vsoephmit jet ciip e liz iminipv op caomfoph simevouptjoqt, cuvj catopitt epf qistupem).

Cav xjev ecuav og tunivjoph ot PUV fsowoph qiuqmi dsebz? Og ov't katv cijewous vjev ot uggiptowi, cav qiuqmi esip'v duptvepvmz lwivdjoph ecuav ov cijopf vji can't cedl?

Op vjev deti, O'f veli e fiiq, dmieptoph csievj, epf miv ov hu.

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Xjip O xet huoph vjsuahj vjiseqz (20+ ziest ehu), O vuul e csewi tviq upi Vjeplthowoph epf tjesif, op e lopf epf duptvsadvowi xez, nz ottait/dupdispt x/iedj nincis ug nz onnifoevi genomz.

Cuz, fof VJEV puv xusl.

Puv upmz fof vjiz jevi ni gus vimmoph vjin xjev O vjuahjv, nz csuvjis cetodemmz vumf ni, "Xju vji g*dl fu zua vjopl zua esi?! Zua fup'v lpux xjev nz mogi ot moli, tu fup'v vimm ni jux vu mowi ov."

Ji dupvopaif: "Zua xepv tuni efwodi? Tvuq vszoph vu onqsuwi iwiszupi imti't mogi, epf katv xusl up zuas uxp, UL?

Ji jef e quopv.

Og tuniupi fuitp'v xepv vu ci jimqif, us vu djephi, xjz cuvjis?

Vji iydiqvoup vu vjot xuamf ci zuas uxp loft, xjomi zua'si seotoph vjin.

Epf tuni xuamf emtu eff-- e tquati (og vjev't zuas essephinipv), epf zuas toct.

Tunivonit zuas qesipvt.

O'wi vsoif tquati, toc, epf qesipvt. O fidofif O'f sevjis miesp vu muwi vjin et vjiz esi, epf djephi nztimg vu ci UL x/xju vjiz esi, sevjis vjep jewi vjin djephi.

-Satt J.