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Born into a asian household, not rich nor too poor, my parents wanted me to follow the pretty standard timeline, study hard, get good grades, get a good job. I was also decent at studying, without much effort i got pretty good grades, i wasn't hardworking. That started to show after Covid, i wasn't paying attention to classes and my grades fell. I think because of that i started to question why was i studying, cause i wanted a reason to justify that even if i didn't study, i wasn't wrong. I somehow passed high school without putting much effort into it. Now i had to prepare for college entrance exams. I became more distant to studying and started consuming large amounts of content, as a escape from reality, i watched movies, series, games anything you think of. Still i wanted to be rich, somehow one day i stumbled upon a video in which the TMF was mentioned, i got the book. Before i got the book i was still in phase when i thought "Studying hard, going to college, everybody does it, and most of the people are not successful". TMF was a valuable treasure but even though i don't want to admit, it fanned the flames that i don't want to follow the script. I stopped studying even a little bit that i was already doing, i joined the forum, read the gold threads to just escape from MY reality. Somehow i knew deep down, i didn't had any of the quality any successful people. I have zero discipline, no attention span, can't concentrate on work, want instant gratification, no good habits and other things too. I love thinking "myself working harder than anyone else, staying up at nights, reaching new heights". I think I'm delusional. Sitting here writing this is very hard cause i don't wanna know the reality. I wanted to write this post for like a month, everyday i thought that i would write this post and then will stop all distractions and just put in the work. I would wake up thinking i will write post at night so i can just enjoy all the distractions today and will just stop from tomorrow after writing the post, i didn't, every night i would think tomorrow and then continued wasting my time. I was kinda scared too, i thought if i wrote that post and then spend the next day, same old things, wasting time, my dream/delusion of becoming rich would be broken as i would just know that i can't do it. "Why was i born here and not somewhere like USA, my parents just want me to study nothing else, they don't care about me or anything", just like this i used to think what a miserable life i have, everyday.
Slowly i stared to realise what i was doing, disappointed by my actions every single day, i went to bed, it started to hurt, I couldn't live with myself. One morning somehow the delusion broke, i felt fear, about my future, about the consequences of my actions. I wanted to cry out loud but i didn't. I wanted to change myself. So i decided to set some goals for me. I know its going to be painful for me but, "You can either have the pain of discipline or pain of regret"
My goals for the next 4-6 months are:
1. No content consumption, like any social media, youtube, games, i clearly don't have any use for them at the current moment. Almost no internet except for my study.
2. Reach 15-17 productive hours in a day.
3. Regular Workout
4. Healthy diet.
5. Write a journal everyday. (it will make me know my reality)
6. Be a happy guy, and be thankful for everything i have.
7. Read books for 30-45 mins.
8. No music.
I will update this everyday. Peace.
Slowly i stared to realise what i was doing, disappointed by my actions every single day, i went to bed, it started to hurt, I couldn't live with myself. One morning somehow the delusion broke, i felt fear, about my future, about the consequences of my actions. I wanted to cry out loud but i didn't. I wanted to change myself. So i decided to set some goals for me. I know its going to be painful for me but, "You can either have the pain of discipline or pain of regret"
My goals for the next 4-6 months are:
1. No content consumption, like any social media, youtube, games, i clearly don't have any use for them at the current moment. Almost no internet except for my study.
2. Reach 15-17 productive hours in a day.
3. Regular Workout
4. Healthy diet.
5. Write a journal everyday. (it will make me know my reality)
6. Be a happy guy, and be thankful for everything i have.
7. Read books for 30-45 mins.
8. No music.
I will update this everyday. Peace.
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