{PROGRESS + ACCOUNTABILITY} LAURYN'S RECONSTRUCTION: GETTING TO 50 SHADES OF PAID

[Lauryn]

I'VE DECIDED THAT IT'S TIME FOR ME TO STOP BEING AFRAID TO FAIL AND STEP UP INTO THE SELF-PUBLISHING GAME AGAIN. THIS FIRST POST WILL BE LENGTHY, BUT IT WILL GIVE YOU INSIGHT INTO MY JOURNEY THUS FAR.

===

I STARTED WRITING AND PUBLISHING IN 2006 - KINDA.

After a bad breakup, I joined an old forum based on a video vixen. She wasn't as participatory as we would have liked, but the community was strong. Lots of laughs and like-minded people. One of the members decided to launch a magazine and with my flair for interviewing people and community engagement, I landed a role as Editorial Assistant, and later, Associate Editor.

After several years, my writing has been featured in a few places, but mainly my own sites/blogs and that magazine. I leveraged this skill into niche blogging, which I dived into in 2009. I was an Air Force wife at the time, graduating from school with my BS (Management) and finding it tough to find a job that respected my loan payments. In fact, I thought it was hard to find work because of the "military wife" stigma (you're not going to stay long, you're flaky, lazy, etc.)

Affiliate marketing through my blog was cool but I never made the profits my friends did. I cared too much about what I was promoting. I couldn't promote a $50 ebook I hadn't read. What if it was low quality and crappy? Then the customer would refund their money and nobody could trust me!

In addition, the need for money pulled me into scattered action. I had "Bright Shiny Object" syndrome chasing the perfect niche, but I noticed it wasn't until I wrote about a sex ebook I read on Clickbank that I started making some money. Even still, I didn't take the sign. I thought the book could be written better, but I wasn't prepared to do anything about this - not right away at least.

AMAZON, WSOS AND MAKING MONEY OFF THE INAPPROPRIATE

By 2011, I'd interviewed and profiled all types of individuals, gotten a Master's in Internet Marketing and had still been struggling with consistent affiliate income. I had a lot of drive and talent, but I wasn't profiting. I didn't know what to do next.

I spent lots of time on the Warrior Forum, in and out of different threads, trying to figure out what I was missing. I stumbled across a WSO about making $700 a week on Amazon Kindle. You didn't need a website. You didn't need to market. You just needed this guide. The screenshots displayed royalties and sales around $700 a week. I lived at home, and mainly made money mystery shopping, so that would have gone a long way.

I bought the WSO ... I Think it was like 7 bucks. Gobbled it up, and started experimenting. I wrote a mini book under a pen name following its formula. It made about $6. The next month, I expensed some "energy" I had and wrote a sexual instruction book. I didn't think too much of it. I just wanted to see who would buy into my horndog tendencies. But to my surprise, it was that book - the one I wrote from sheer kicks (and horniness) that ended up making me about $8k in 2 years - without ANY marketing.

My friends were impressed, because they were always warning me against talking about sex or inappropriate things. They said it would hurt my chances of getting a real job ... and the underlying message was that sex didn't make money... but when I "struck gold" with this, they supported me. Hell, even my dad (who is now a pastor) said he was proud of me. He tells people I'm a great writer, but he just won't tell them what I write. My family thinks it's crazy but in their own way they're proud too.

So serious.

LAZINESS... AND DISCOURAGEMENT

For about 1.5 years, I literally enjoyed the joy of sitting on my a$$. I bought what I wanted - in my case, not much, and paid personal bills with that money. To supplement, I was retail auditing on the side. The retail audits weren't paying the best, but they did enough and allowed me to travel. But overall, I was really sitting on my behind. I didn't strategize for keeping the funds. I had published about 3 or 4 books, and thought publishing more books would solve my issue in terms of increasing funds.

Hurricane Sandy hit the NY area last year. Staten Island and Brooklyn, where I'm from, were devastated. At this time, my earnings tanked. It took me 6-8 months to realize that it wasn't the weather, or the pricing (I upped the prices), but the Amazon Adult Filter that did me in. Selena Kitt talks about it on her blog, but basically, the filter removes explicit Kindle material from the general search results. The "big secret" is that Amazon Kindle makes a lot of money through sex/erotic/romance books, but they don't want to be seen as smut peddlers. So, you have to watch your book and your content and/or create an independent strategy for marketing it outside of letting Amazon's internal SEO work for you.

I was so upset at the system. I tried everything to get around it, and didn't get much of anywhere. I tweaked my titles. Created new covers (myself). But I wouldn't market, and I wouldn't get off the idea that I needed "my money back first".

THE LEAP... TO NOW

I suffered a bit of depression and anger for a good while, because not only had my publishing taken a hit, but the retail job was shut down. So I really had to scramble for some source of income.

I took a part time gig doing Internet work for someone who basically belittled my skills to justify limiting my income. I did way too much work all the time. Then, on paydays, it was difficult to find him until late in the evening. I ended up going to get a retail gig at a lingerie store and mystery shopping again to tide me over.

Retail hours died after Christmas. And on my birthday, I got an email saying I was fired from my main mystery shopping gig. Royalties were still down. Depression set in again.

From February to almost May of this year (2012), I was low. I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I had decided to get my MFA to avoid student loan payments and strengthen my employability in marketing or as a freelancer (design/marketing hybrids are in demand, but even then the field is competitive).

I called a friend, and asked about her gig. They paid alright. Thing was, they were in Kansas City, MO. I tried to get the job before I got there, but they basically said I was a 'flight risk' until I was there. I was told to come to KC and then I'd get an interview, and possibly a position. I transferred my retail position and left with the last $2k in my pocket. When I got there, management told my friend my resume was intimidating. They also stalled on the interviews.

I worked at a massage place and the retail gig, from 6a - 9p some nights... almost never having off. I took time off school. And I started to burn out quickly.

TURNING POINTS

By August, I wrote one more book, but STILL wasn't making money. The adult filter was swift. I gave up trying to game it, or argue with Amazon.

I realized that I needed to put hustle and soul into marketing the book - the main book that had made 95% of my money - and possibly invest more into it before I got anything out of it. I had a bunch of resources, taken several classes and realized I needed a job to take care of my expenses (I was miles away from home, no family)... while I finished my degree and leveraged something.

In August, right before I was set to come home to NY and literally start from 0 again, my friend offered me a guaranteed position in Dallas. It wouldn't pay much, but there was overtime if I worked hard, and it would be a good headstart. I also would room with this friend (she had an extra room) so finding a place wasn't going to be an issue.

Having lived by the seat of my pants before, I took the leap and jumped. I finished my degree, and pursued a few opportunities that seemed promising but went "nowhere." Marketing manager at a publishing company, search marketing at an agency, SEO specialist, content writer... blah blah.

I would get feedback that basically indicated my experience, while great, wasn't a good fit. Speaking with a few friends in HR, they revealed that having been a freelancer makes me look way to risky - and even a threat. (But in my opinion, shouldn't it at least speak WELL on my part that I put myself out there and stayed proactive? Whatever...)

After two very painful interviewing experiences in the last 2 months, I decided F*ck running after another interview. If I pursued any job, it would be very specific to my needs/desires, and since I'd still need a proven record of success for them, I'll just chill where I currently am and stop running from the work that needs to be done with my publishing empire.

I'm still making money, but I miss the large paydays Kindle and Nook brought. I won't see these paydays from a job, and if I did, it wouldn't be the same because these are perpetual, whereas my effort and "working" would justify someone else paying me.

So with that said, I've recently started to focus and streamline my attention to focus on the books.

*DEEP EXHALE*

 

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[Lauryn]

Wow. It's been quite some time, hasn't it?

I'm going to keep it cute + quick. After pulling away to manage shit in my personal life, which was financially all over the place, I got motherfucking focused. I had to eat crow and take a job working overnight... and then switched to another working 6 days per week. I had clients who paid me shit but I took them just to survive... and then I said F*ck it and dumped them.

2016 was one of the toughest years, period. I was forced to see all this shit was NOT working for me. So I cut the underpaying clients and learned to live without. I got real familiar with Ramen and rice and beans. I begrudgingly started having money from my paychecks put into an IRA and in some company stocks.

I continued working 6 days per week and paid off whatever debts were in the way and started facing others. And I cut off clients to focus on building residual (passive) income. My time has been spent at another forum (some of you recognize me there and reminded me of where I got my start here) that's focused on book publishing.

By getting financial distractions out of the way, getting boundaries on respecting my services as a copywriter, marketer, and strategist, and focusing SOLELY on book publishing, I've been able - since November 2016 - to publish in the right direction.

I'm making a modest but significant $2K to $5K per month. It's modest because we know members here have made $50K per month. No, it's not complete Fastlane when there's dependence on Amazon for the moment, but it's my lane, and I'm good with it.

The plan is to get to a certain amount, and then re-introduce my branding, copywriting, and marketing to the world. When I can negotiate without NEEDING the client ($$$), then I'm in a better position and it helps us all.

Oh, and I'm still in Dallas but I'm working on moving to the West Coast - Cali, for a while.

And learning about real estate.

PS - I once asked about relationships while finding my Fastlane. Someone said forget it until I get where I'm going. I didn't get it then, and I was lonely as F*ck but I get it now. The more focused I get, the more I see that when the right one appears, he'll appear... but as a woman, I cannot have a man whose motivation is significantly less than mine. I can, but I choose not to and I'm actually outgrowing my attraction to most men more quickly than I care to admit. It's a mindset thing. It's how someone carries themselves. When someone lacks purpose or focus in their life, you don't have anything in common to talk about.

The Desert of Desertion honestly isn't that bad when you can see the results on the horizon. Never any traffic on the extra mile. So worth it.

 

[Lauryn]

No hard numbers to report yet, but pleased to announce I broke the top 100 in paid Kindle sales yesterday.
Right now I'm at about 918...

And my book is just between John Grisham and Lee Child in the 90 minute literature and fiction segment.

No words! In pain right now - sick, but so damn excited and happy. Now if only I could get the reviews to pop off!

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I had to eat crow and take a job working overnight.

I wouldn't worry about this, jobs are all a part of the process. You known WHERE you are going. If you're traveling across the country and a get a flat tire, it sucks to get your hands dirty and change the tire, but you did you because you need to.

I'm making a modest but significant $2K to $5K per month

Sorry, but I think this is an awesome start. You should be proud of this foundation.

but as a woman, I cannot have a man whose motivation is significantly less than mine.

Ha ha, I'd like to say I should start a Fastlane dating category, but you'd be 1 profile among hundreds.

Thanks for the update @Lauryn !

 

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[Lauryn]

1. I'm in Vegas.
2. I pushed play on Ricochet and published it via Kindle.
3. I did it!

​

I'm a little nervous considering the amount of material I had to inject into the story. I'm not sure how my writing will be received. I'm not a horrible writer, but you know us writers are notoriously self-conscious of what we put out - especially when our names and faces are attached to the material.

Anyway, I'm exhausted and proud of myself, but the real work begins tomorrow: Mapping out the novel as it picks up from where the novella leaves off.

 

[Lauryn]

UPDATE: A couple of copies have sold on the book. I know this because people have been hitting me up and telling me that the story was awesome, but they had to put it down for a few minutes because it got "too real" and "hit close to home."

I'm so excited because this means I'm hitting the nerves I want and need to hit... and getting readers to have the desired reactions I want. Strong emotions trigger strong responses.

In a way, I might have to be careful not to make them too reactive.

 

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[Lauryn]

680 free downloads today. No reviews on Amazon yet but privately people have been raving about the prequel.

Funny thing is, this morning my roommate, who is also a coworker, liked my FB status about the book and her cousin hit her up and asked if she knew me or about me. Long story short, this person is a fan of my other previous work and was all types of excited to see her cousin not only knew but lived and worked with me.

Because I don't always talk about what all I do... my roommate didn't know. She came up to me at work a little mad (in a good way) that I never told her all of this. I smiled and laughed and this made my day, because this is a perfect example of grinding in silence and letting your success speak for itself.

I've been up since 3 am, working since 3:15 and it's almost 11pm. I'll be working as early as 5:30 in the morning until 10 pm again, so I'm going to bid adieu now... I have 3 active clients and 2 jobs to juggle while writing. I'm not even mad at the busy season.

 

[Lauryn]

Special Announcement: I LANDED MY DREAM JOB!!!!!!

And I can say, with confidence, that I start my new job Monday. I'm a copywriter for one of the coolest marketing/design agencies I've ever come across. Not only am I making 50% MORE than my last job:

- I can wear whatever I want
- I can curse
- I can say + write crazy sh*t
- I can drink
- I can STRENGTHEN my copywriting and content writing skills ALL DAMN DAY!

AND MHM, YES, I CAN DRINK ON THE JOB. We just have to bring our own liquors, vodkas, wines, beers, what have you. Company policy.

All I can say is: Look at God. Won't He Do It?​

Now, I know the goal of the Fastlane is to not need a job. Right now, I see this opportunity as not only strengthening my skills, but giving me a little piece of mind because I'm funnelling money into my publishing dreams. My focus is becoming the best writer possible from a copywriting, content writing and book writing standpoint. If this job not only strengthens my Fastlane but pays me to do it, while I'm still pursuing other projects, then I'm happy. Even if I hit the Fastlane, whose to say I won't enjoy being employed for the sake of having something great to do during the day?
​

​

 

[Lauryn]

Okay, I've stepped back in to say I am a full time, self-published author/entrepreneur. Most of my niggling financial obligations have been paid off. I'm learning to be even more financially savvy, and I'm also leveraging my time to learn to invest, and to put energy toward getting into real estate entrepreneurship, and retail/ecommerce.

Leverage, baby. Leverage.

Oh, my last day was July 4 "on record."

I'm still feeling like I'm in the beginner stages, but at least my foundation is so much more solid than it was before.

EDIT: Oh shiz... today is my 4 year anniversary here. Hahah!

 

[Lauryn]

Big News.

Ricochet - and tentatively, The Playgirl Diaries - has been signed to a publishing deal.

The publisher is someone I've worked with in the past. I've edited for her and consider her a friend and inspirational woman overall. I love her books and she has mastered the genre in which my series is in so well that she and her counterparts are number one bestsellers on Amazon. In fact she's been self-publishing before it was a big thing on Kindle.

She's going to help with several parts of the process to help leverage my talent with her resources and acumen.

I wasn't looking for this deal. You guys know how I felt. I was A-okay with having to do this on my own. But the lift is needed. If the stories suck, then there's a chance I get to take them back and publish them under me.

I have a real reason to kick this shiz into even higher gear now because she has a very hungry and supportive fan base, holds book discussions, book giveaways and then some. She's also going to rip down the covers I had in mind and help me with better covers and get some print options going.

The contract is signed on my end, things just need to be finalized over the next week, but it seems pretty much signed, sealed and delivered.

Oh - and don't worry, if this deal falls through, I'm still publishing.

===

Ricochet has sold a little over 10 copies since publishing. My other book - the adult one that made almost $8k on its own - that's still my number one. I need some cover, SEO and copy editing and marketing done for this book, but I'm cool for now. I'm just happy that it's selling and my royalty payments are climbing.

It's just been a very exhausting month and a half - actually two months - because shiz hit the fan right after New Year and then doubled up after coming back from Vegas. I see things and people for who they are and I have too much to do to put energy into getting angry. Hurt and wounded, I'll just mix and match things into my stories and let the drama keep people hooked. Nothing will be true, just based on real events... and I'm cool with this because ...

 

[Lauryn]

Just a little taste of what some people have thought of Ricochet, while you are waiting for a juicy update:

 

[Lauryn]

I got laid off today. This had nothing to do with my performance. There were company-wide layoffs.

I cried for about 30 seconds. I was upset for about 60 minutes.

I'm just over it now. I think I was meant to do something different. You know, like finish these books?

Like, how many times will I let my life and livelihood be affected by employment? I can't.

The good news is I was offered an alternative work set up, so we'll see what happens.

My rent is paid through Septmember.

It is what it is.

I'm strategizing a way to finish Ricochet and find some business clients. My head just hurts because I just paid out of pocket for a doctor and meds yesterday for an infection that was worse than anticipated.

[HASHTAG]#GodBlesstheGrind[/HASHTAG]

 

[Lauryn]

@Lauryn

@RicTur

Hope you're doing well! I haven't commented or reached out to you in a while so I figured now is a good time despite what I recently read. You may have had time to clear your mind already and focused on YOU by now, but remember what MJ said, loose the baggage. On second thought, who cares what others think. You need to follow your heart not what your mind says. Who knows, perhaps this event in your life will allow you to strike something huge, something worth while, and something that will spark an opportunity. Let's just say, a blessing in disguise.

Time has been crazy but I am better now. Yeah, I'm so attached to the outcomes of other peoples' lives sometimes, especially if I care. I can't do that anymore. I had to take a step back and see that this character flaw holds me back.

Now is the time to regain the ropes in your life, and focus on what truly makes you happy. Writing....

P.s. I've been in a slump myself, with work dragging me down, and haven't been hitting my miracle mornings in a while. When this occurs, I get even more down and anxious. I am 90% done with my first book, in which I wanted 3 out by 12/12. The current book has driven me insane as when I compile it into mobi format the book is un-clickable and pop-ups do not work (Children's interactive book that works in preview mode) I will be working on this all day today as I will/should have some time to focus. Between ballet, the wife working full time, a third child on the way and school schedules with the little ones, it's breaking me down quick. All I can do is stay strong and push through.

That's awesome. I don't even worry about all that. I use Microsoft Word and keep it moving! Ballet? And congratulations on the new addition.

I wish the best for you as always, and hope to hear your recent earnings/numbers since the first book release! Have you seen increases? Have you modified your keywords, performed extensive book marketing, what seems to work? I would love to see what others are doing out there that are in fact having success. Good luck girl, and keep that head up!

-Rick

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity
-Jaret Grossman

My numbers are climbing steadily. I just have to work around that filter. Cleaning language has helped tremendously for the non-fiction space. I don't do any extensive marketing. I believe in the power of the backlist. Write, publish, repeat. In fact, if you get the opportunity, look at Write. Publish. Repeat. on Audible or Kindle and read it/listen to it. Great information and it's sooooo damn valuable and helpful to take in.

I'm about 80 Word pages into my book. Single spaced at that, mostly. 22.2K words. I stayed up several hours last night writing because I couldn't sleep and somehow I advanced the story. The secret to breaking through my slumps as a writer is to toss in a sex scene.

​

In other news, I am planning on taking in a ghostwriter soon enough. They'll get the plots for my story, and their job is to write the first draft. I'll read the story and make thematic and stylistic edits and publish. I think it's about scaling. The book is my idea, the storyline and plot is my idea, and the ending result is my idea, but the time, speed and velocity will come from outsourcing the help in that aspect.

 

[Lauryn]

JOURNEY THUS FAR

To sum it up, I've been doing "everything" myself. Writing/Editing/Cover Designing... etc.

THAT'S GOING TO STOP.

I realize that part of the process needs to be outsourced, particularly editing and cover design. I'm not grammatically precise, and because I know what's "supposed" to be there, it's easy for me to overlook things that hold my book back - from being fully comprehensible and properly proofed.

In terms of design, I didn't go through the processes of checks and balances the way I'm supposed to. I would just throw something up for the sake of having a cover. My earliest covers were pretty damn ugly. I don't even have them. But they worked, and I made money. That doesn't mean I shouldn't constantly refine my image and the book's image and positioning for the audience I seek to attract.

Additionally, doing everything scattered me. I rushed to get things done. Even though people read my books, and enjoyed them - I feel the quality of my work suffered. When I was desperate for money, I think it caused me to fall off a bit too.

Because my name is now going on my books from this day forward, I'm focused on being associated with quality writing, and providing value that transforms lives. I am working on a fiction piece, but it's meant to be entertaining and informative as well.

Either way, I'm currently going to be more of an author/copywriter/creative director, taking ownership of the writing, marketing and design strategy. I won't execute every little detail on my own though.

I'll know what I want and how I want it to look, but I'll definitely include more people in my work. After skimming Britni Danielle's thread, I discovered www.GoonWrite.com, purchased 2 covers for upcoming books. These books are 2 that I have been sitting on for a while... but I needed something to jumpstart my execution.

The first is The Playgirl Diaries. It's a fiction piece, inspired by real events, as well as Lloyd's Playboy Diaries mixtape. I have the story, but it's not outlined, and the trepidation of "having never written fiction before" is what has held me back for the longest. I'm currently reading The Plot Skeleton and The Fire in Fiction to strengthen my story development skills. I also have a few published friends with wildly popular books in their genres and some avid readers giving me feedback as I develop.

Here's the cover for The Playgirl Diaries.

 

[Lauryn]

STANDING OUT IN A CROWD...

A book I read on writing books for money (a long time ago) outlined that there were 11 niches that always sold in terms of books. Sex was definitely in that category. Here's the thing though: In order to stand out, you have to have a vibrant message.

I've been reading "sex" material since before I was supposed to. Not because my parents allowed it, but because I made it a point to, even if it meant going to the library or bookstore as a kid to do it.

I learned a lot, but these days, when I know there is still more to learn (based on my own personal experiences), it's just clear that some of the information is generic. I feel that a lot of what is published is clinical and general, designed for "noobs" - and meant to be clean + clear for those who have no idea of what to do themselves. Or desire reassurance. There's also a lot of material that's plain fuggin' cheesy - like those women's mag articles that tell you things like:

...As you lay in the grass during a midsummer picnic with your boy toy, pluck a few blades of grass and tickle the oh-so-sensitive skin between his fingers with it. Whisper something sweet in his ear. The combination of the green grass, your seductive words and the sweet aroma of the Earth will make his heart pound!!! <3

Girl... Believe that if you want to!
​

But what's missing? Books + info that:

• Reassure her desire for something that sends her erotically over the edge;
• Help her destroy disempowering beliefs that inhibit her sex drive;
• Give her permission to set herself free in order to truly enjoy sex;
• Cultivate sexual empowerment so she can be fierce and fearlessly feminine if that's what she wants.
• Go beyond basic techniques and cheesy tricks.

MY TARGET AUDIENCE
​

My goal - and passion - is to increase sexual empowerment in women. Women aren't taught how to embrace sex as an important aspect of life in terms of health and well-being. Yeah, I'm saying it - sex is healthy and part of a healthy lifestyle.

I won't get moralistic here, but I honestly feel being sexually empowered and knowing how to manage your sexual energy (creative energy/life force) is a key to being powerful in every area of your life.

Women who are comfortable embracing their feminine (and masculine energies), embracing their sexual selves, and expressing their sexual needs have more fulfilling relationships. This is GREAT because a sexually empowered woman = a great time in bed without having to blame it on the alcohol.

My target readers aren't interested in basic moves and tips. They know how to do the basics. They want better relationships with the man they're in love with. They want mind-blowing, soulful experiences that just shift how they're living. They want to feel sensual, sexy and beautiful, regardless of anyone's opinion of them. And they want to feel fierce and in control in every area of life as opposed to feeling like living with the hand they've been dealt.

They want to explore how sex strengthens their bond. They also want to look and feel sexier at any size, without feeling like there's this need to conform to someone else's idea of what sexy is. They also want to feel empowered and feminine in every area of their life, even if they're not the "girliest" women you've ever come across.

CHALLENGES

Interlacing creative, spiritual, artistic and sensual components of sex, embracing sexuality and the complexities as it lies within oneself and their relationships takes a lot of dedication and work. At least for me. There are so many things I have said, and want to say, but have a hard time saying.

Books like these require research. I'll have to read up on books on various topics by late and contemporary sexuality educators and writers, interview women (and men) on their perspectives + experiences, and work with professionals in women's health, psychology, sexology, etc. and couple that with my perspective and understanding to create something unique.

I have 2 books, one already published (and being reworked to fit this new paradigm), I'm working on for this audience.

Research for these two books may take a long time to do - BUT as I work on them, I can ALSO work on my novel, because the main character is basically my customer persona - fictionalized.

 

[Lauryn]

Sooo it's 3-30-14 and I have just a few small updates:
=============================================

• Amazon Royalties for this month are between $185 - $200. I won't really have a concrete number for a few more weeks. I'm excited because the bulk of these royalties are for my non-fiction title. Yes, the very one that propelled me into the true beauty of passive income. That book is 3 years old!

• After reading Held for Ransom's "Hello from Denver" thread again, I realize two things: 1) I need to be more patient and read everything the first time around - while taking notes, and 2) Never give up and never give in.

• Between Held for Ransom and Chicken Hawk's stories, plus looking at my very own, it's clear: This industry is for the taking. Just follow the formula, improve upon the method and execute faster. It gets easier with time, consistency and drive. Just push it.

• I'm going to jump around and write portions of The Playgirl Diaries that excite me and then fill in the blanks there. I'm just itching to get to the sex scenes (hey, I'm filthy, what can I say?) and just go from there. I can write powerful emotion, let's put a little Umph in it.

Now Push It... Push it Real Good!

 

[Lauryn]

I've been writing and going really hard in my copywriting business - but things have been tricky. Life has so many challenges sometimes.

...I drove to GA to get my emissions done and to renew my car tag. They said my car misfired, and because of this I did not pass the test. I paid $98 for that plus the $15 for emissions.

They said something about my thermostat housing but I did not have the money or time. I drove 285 like I was told to, and when I came back, I passed the test, but my thermostat housing basically flushed out because all my antifreeze was on the ground.

I paid about $250 for car repairs I was told I needed at a car repair place because they did something that rendered my whip undriveable and I had no choice in the matter.

They told me my engine was bad, and to start looking for another car. Jose has been with me for 4 years, and now suddenly, after all this road traveling and everything I've been through, I need a new car? REALLY?

I drove home - and had to borrow money from my parents and friends - because I was completely BROKE and I couldn't deal. Why, oh, why, did I run out of antifreeze before I made it home? And paid $13 for more antifreeze...

So I had to file a claim with the bank, because I wasn't having it. The car had been running okay ...and 3 days later, my car is pooling out of antifreeze and my car won't start?

I'm -$600 in one bank account.
I have $3 in another.
I have not enough for both rent and Internet/ electricity, but I'm paying all my bills and letting my rent overdraw my account.

But I'm really running on fumes in my life right now.
And I'm just at this point where I wish I felt something. But all I feel is this desire NEVER to be in the same place again.

With that said, I'll be walking to and from work, without a care in the world as I do until I get my car paid for - and handled. I'm working a seasonal retail gig. It's commission-based, and I'm handling clients on the side as I write. I've got this. It's not easy, but it's a reminder that I need to push harder with my publishing and my writing and that I've got this. I just need to suck it up and work harder than ever.

 

[Lauryn]

Just stopping in to say...

If there is anything I've been learning, it's how to let shit go.
Like seriously. I have this desire to help people, even before I help myself. That's all nice and sweet and shit, but it's gotten me nowhere. I don't regret helping people. I think it's imperative to help others. But Lauryn helps people to the point of enabling.

I've been struggling to live on a $40K salary lifestyle since August. I do not make anywhere near that right now. But my landlord doesn't care. My student loans don't care. And my friends, God Bless them, can't afford to care. Why have I been so focused on keeping up with everyone else to help them?

Now that I am where I am, I see how I could have - and should have - put that energy into me. If I released a book INSTEAD of or in addition to letting everyone lean on me for every month I've been out the house, I could have produced rolling income. But I haven't... smh.

Further, as it stands, people who don't want to help themselves are a waste of your time. Too many people in my circle are F*cking HAPPY where they are. I'm grateful for where I am, but I am not complacent. Hanging with complacency has cost me dearly. I can outwork many people... my circle and my focus has always been an issue.

It's something I think about as I sit here in bed - on a real mattress - for once in a long time.

 

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[Thriftypreneur]

this is a perfect example of grinding in silence and letting your success speak for itself.

This. Well done, and keep going! You grind hard... Only a matter of time before you reap what you've sown.

And that kitten looks exactly like my kitten (well, she's not a kitten anymore. she's a fat a$$ and rules the entire house, but still! Looks just like her as a baby!)

.


Edit: Yes, I love my kitties. I'm lame.

 

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[Held for Ransom]

I remember there's a woman bringing in $30k a month in bigfoot porn

Ah, ah!!!

It *used* to be that way until Amazon CRUSHED her with filters and blocks. Undaunted, she took her talents elsewhere in Romance and quickly reproduced the same results. And she did it as a complete unknown (brand new pen name, no promotion, nothing)...

Great writing is appreciated everywhere.

Ugh, I must admit I have a bit of a girly crush on her. She's so close to me geographically. I think she's just terrific.

Don't worry, I confessed it to the wife.

It's all good.

*gulp*

Love the enthusiasm... Love the passion.... Love the grit @Lauryn.

Love it.

 

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[Lauryn]

For those of you who are following my self-publishing thread, I have mentioned that there were a lot of things crushing the flow in the path right now. Because the forum is so public, I didn't want to give too many details of the drama.

Even still, I'm limiting what I share here. I am not interested in pity or anything, just going into detail about what I've been experiencing and observing. And how it's been affecting me.

----

I have two jobs. My "bread and butter" is work for a private contractor for the City.

Within the 7 months I've been there we've been working under insane conditions. Of which I cannot specify due to a NDA we've signed, but let's say it's enough to cause a problem when one or more disgruntled employees file claims. *Which they have*

In the past few weeks:

- Several people were fired or quit
- The program director quit after non stop verbal abuse from the owner and working 16 hour days
- Government entities have investigated our conditions
- I felt like a target of workplace bullying
- Workplace drama lived with me because a coworker my friend (who is a supervisor) let stay in the house was centered in the middle of it.
- Said coworker basically pit me against my friend and vice versa, proving a theory I had to be true
- Workplace morale is low
- My department's behind because we're helping other departments

Blah blah blah - the point is I've renamed this place "SURVIVOR" because someone's always having an emotional breakdown, quitting, suffering from some kind of angst or getting fired.

Speaking with the Program Director today, she's proud of walking away. She really gave her all and is now focused on taking time for herself and then finding work in a place that she loves doing what she's passionate about. I slipped her a link to MJ's book, and I hope she can devour the book and find something to keep her really focused and away from working crazy a$$ hours like she did before.

Between speaking to her, you guys and people at my other job (hint: a "sexy" women's retailer), I've come to see the beauty and purpose of eliminating the hours for dollars mentality in my life. Money never came easier and more abundantly to me than when I was publishing. However, my laziness - and refusal to look a gift horse in the mouth - is why I am here where I am today.

So with that said, it's a struggle that I'm having so much confusion, calamity and chaos around me right now, but if I hold on for another 30-45 days, I'll actually be a city employee with a potential pay raise, and I'll hopefully have a full novel - not novella or short story - but a NOVEL - under my belt and ready to go.

 

[Lauryn]

Hey everyone!

The past few days have been better than anticipated. My rent is officially covered for a minute while I get it together. I'm blessed to be in a better position now than I was the last time I was "terminated" from a place (7 years ago).

Now I can not only sleep more (not out of laziness but to stay alert and focused when I am up), I can also remove myself from the frenzy of the grind and actually entertain the occasional date or two:

----

@ChickenHawk mentioned something in her thread about checking out the top sellers in your genre, the one you're trying to tackle, and reading some of their material. Did I mention my co-publisher is one of the TOP sellers in Amazon for the genre she's in? She gets hateful tweets about her book based on its title, and the book is a 3 part series so you'll find all her books in the top 5-10, including those she's helped publish by other authors, consistently in the top 10 for this genre. I feel really blessed.

She's not big on marketing. She's big on storytelling. So all of her guidance and feedback - just reading her material - shows me how to become a better writer.

----

I'm not currently focused on Ricochet. I'm giving it a break. I'm more focused on The Playgirl Diaries. I'm ready to let the stinky first draft come out. No more being tied up in confusion and perfectionism. Ricochet warmed me up to tell the story... and the story is now coming.

One more thing: Something I find really cool about writing, is how your story and its characters will create themselves from some kind of Formless Substance. Playgirl Diaries is rolling; everything within creates itself without much pre-meditation. I really can't put into words the phenomenon of starting out with the intention to write one thing and your hands get all magical. Before you know it, your story veers off in a completely unexpected direction. It happened, it happens now and it's going to happen again, but it always seems to work...

 

[Lauryn]

EXCERPTS from the DRAFT

• Unedited... so pieces may have spelling errors, choppiness or awkward flow. But it's still pretty damn decent enough for me to share.
• Language + Graphic details. No sex.

EXCERPT #1: SHE LIVES

What. The. F*ck.

Pain crushed my temples. My arms stung badly. My mouth was dry. My lips split as I yawned.
The rancid flavor of vomit slapped my tastebuds as I emerged into consciousness, the air
stinging my clearly raw throat. My arms felt heavy and stung badly. My eyelids were also heavy,
and my body felt groggy. I knew this familiar heaviness and sedation was a side effect from
ingesting all the diphenhydramine in all those sleeping pills I swallowed.

I threw back an entire bottle of Ipecac. I swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. And I viciously
slashing both wrists until blood was everywhere. I was going to leave this Earth and live in the
sky.

But somewhere along the line, between the spaces of life and death, a battle of wills played out
between body and spirit, and body won. Instead of leaving this world and all the pain that came
with it behind, my body told me, “Die another day.”

Realizing that my suicide attempt failed crushed me. I was heartbroken, almost as heartbroken
as I was when I decided death was the only answer to my suffering. Nobody ever makes suicide
a friendly addition to their bucket list, but hell, when you actually decide to do it, you don’t create a
backup plan in the event you fail. Unintentionally surviving suicide - waking up alive - isn’t in the
handbook.

===

EXCERPT #2: AMBIVALENCE + BAD ROMANCE

Travis made it a point to see me every day before he went to work. I had moments where I told
myself I hated him and never wanted to see his face. And I meant it with every fiber of my being.
But I couldn’t deny the comfort seeing his face gave me.

I initially wasn’t interested in letting my love for him show above the surface, but eventually it did.
Most of the time he was with me, he would hold me in his arms while I cried hysterically.
I felt so protected and safe in his arms, and it was alright to break free from the stoic and dismissive attitude
I presented to the nosy a$$ nurses and their fake concern and just let my pain go. And he was okay with it,
because we’d been down this very road before, where he’d do something that triggered me to cry and be the
one to hold me while I released everything I held in. At the end of the tears, he’d wipe them away,
kiss my forehead and whisper, “I’m sorry baby. I love you. And I’m going to see you tomorrow.”

He meant it. My being away only added to his stress levels and guilt. You could look into his face
and see it all. He had as much stubble as the Air Force would allow, and his eyes were weary. It
was clear he’d been crying and feeling as f*cked up about the situation. Being that he was still
the romantic he’d always been, no visit was complete without a small gift. Every day, he’d enter
with a longstemmed red rose. He was well aware of my chocolate fetish, so concealed in his
pocket, he’d have another treat, like a Peppermint Patty, a Snickers or Butterfinger, which I
devoured quickly before the nurses came.

The day I was released, he showed up with an entire bouquet and a huge teddy bear. He had
also brought a change of clothes and some of my makeup, which I was grateful for. I might have
entered the hospital in some funky sweats, a vomitstained tee and Tuesday’s panties (not really,
but you get the point), but if I wasn’t leaving in a body bag, I didn’t want to leave looking as bad as
I’d come in.

===

EXCERPT #3: SOLIDARITY

She squeezed my hand for emphasis around the important points of her speech. I don’t know if it
served to reassure me so much as her. “I want you to know, personally, that I have put myself
and my career on the line by not diagnosing you the way I technically should have. Any other
patient would have been here for 30 days. Any other psychiatrist would not have taken this risk.
But I’m taking it, and I want you to know this. I also want you to know why.”

Dr. Patel’s eyes moistened as she spoke. “Carmen, I know you’re hurt, depressed, wounded
and angry. You’re quite frankly pissed off with your husband for his betrayals. You’re angry with
your family for their inability to see beyond the surface. And you’re angry with God for allowing
you to fall in love with someone who is so right, and yet so wrong.”

“I know this because I’ve been in a similar situation. My own husband of seven years has had a
string of affairs. His actions occurred during different times in our marriage. One time he even
sustained a woman on the side while I was pregnant with our son.”

She stopped as tears began to flow. We sat in the waves of sadness and emotion that rippled throughout the room.
Looking at her, I could see she really understood me, my pain and why I had “gone crazy.”

“Wow, Dr. Patel,” was all I could say.

“Upon confronting his behavior, I became deeply upset with my husband. I also disliked my life
as well. I contemplated taking our son, who is now three, and leaving in the middle of the night. I
began to cope with drinking. I’d come here, to this very office, and I’d drink wine nearly every day
before and after I actually began working.”

Dr. Patel never finished her story. She just refocused her speech upon me.

“Carmen, the woman everyone sees? She isn’t who you are. She’s who you’ve become out of
frustration and failed expectation. You’ve been frustrated by your husband’s behavior. You’ve
expected him to change. Your family is frustrated because you have what appears to be a good
man and a great situation, but they can’t understand the level of betrayal you feel when he’s not
providing emotional warmth and security in the manner you need. I get that.”

Dr. Patel sighed deeply. She wiped her tears, and stood up, beckoning me to embrace her. I
shared in the solidarity of this moment by hugging her, openly and lovingly. Not like someone
hugs a doctor who assesses their mental state, but like two lifelong friends who’ve survived a
major disaster. I felt her love and compassion for me and my situation. I could tell she was as
moved by my situation. I wasn’t another nutjob with no conscience. I was a deeply
wounded woman who was lost and F*cked over from living up to everyone else’s promises and
expectations for my life.

As our embrace ended, she pulled back, yet held me at arms distance, staring deep in my eyes,
as if to will me to really take in what she was about to say.

“You’re a wonderful and beautiful soul. I know you love this man, but before you love him, you
have to love yourself. What you did wasn’t an act of love. It was an act of defiance. Of hate. Even
martyrdom. You deserve to live a wonderful life, full of love and laughter, but you’ll have to learn
to deal with the painful challenges that arise also. Travis? … He loves you. I see it in his eyes.
But I can’t pretend the next time he pushes you this far, that you’ll survive or even be able to keep
the “crazy” label off you in the event you end up here again. This your survival? It’s your second
chance. Don’t waste it.”

 

[Lauryn]

Hey you!

How's your week going?

This week is coming to a close. I have been working everyday since last Monday. Major deadline at the day gig, and it was important for me to be there and involved.

No real writing, right now. Here's what I have been doing:

• Monitoring KDP sales. I'm over $200 for this month. Yay! Grateful for the trend.
• Taking a course on Ash Ambirge's Six Appeal Process. (No aff link and course is locked right now.)
• Delegating clients. One wants to hire me, and I just picked up another for branding.
• Looking for a place to move. In 60 days or less, I hope to have my own little studio to live/work out of.
• Reading about sexual and pornographic addiction and sexual wildchilds - because that's what my story's about.

At the end of the day, 99% of what I'm doing is about creating an emotional impact. That's what Six Appeal Process is about, and so far I'm learning a lot. I'm also blessed to be in a way better position than I was before, and the strength I get from constantly improving my craft is going to run right into everything I'm doing with my book series.

I've had people come to me for help writing their book - go figure, who would want my help, right? I've had to pull back and wait until I've mastered my own process. I'm not interested in being that chick who can sell you a book writing system before she finishes making a nice profit from her own system. Definitely not interested in being that chick.

Brand sexification? Yeah, that's me all the way... from Monday to Sunday.

If I find any great links, I'll be dropping them here. Like this one, it's about the power of triggering emotional impact in your story. This is one of the mistakes I made with Ricochet... I didn't fully draw out the emotional connection readers needed to see why Carmen was so miserable about her marriage and her life. The story structure wasn't fully fleshed. This is being corrected as we speak!

 

[Lauryn]

Hey there folks!

I'm just coming up for air.

The new job has been keeping me very busy - but in a good way. I don't know if I mentioned this in previous threads, but they promoted me by the time I got my first check. The pay was converted to salary, and it's more than enough for me to get my own place. I picked out a very nice, very sexy, very "Lauryn" spot to nestle in. Unfortunately, there are upgrades being done, so I won't be moving in until nearly the end of June. My commute is 30 minutes in the morning, but it's up to an hour in the evening.

I've been getting up at 4:15 daily, showering and running out the house by 5. I spend an hour at Starbucks, then go in 90 minutes early to get started. Even on salary, I won't change up my availability. Being in the office ahead of time allows me to idle my mind a bit, get focused and not feel so frantic. What I love about my job is I can BS and daydream as needed, so long as I handle my work - which I do.

We've had major deadlines recently, so this is the cause of my being swamped. Add to that, moving between Plano and South Dallas is uhm, not that easy when you're taking 75 everyday and there's lots of bumper to bumper traffic. So.... by the time I get home and get settled, I'm energetically done for the day. Also, my roommate checks in with me about her day at the time, and I'm not going to rush her out the convo. We connect and de-frizz and then I'm knocked out.

Today I realize I REALLY need my time optimized. I have a brand development client for a book/DIY study kit I designed... and I haven't finished some of the material. SMH! So in looking to finish this, it seems like it's in my best interest to spend a few more hours at Starbucks in the evening, buy tea or something, and then push the work out. I have to isolate myself because once this program is completed, the ebook is polished for Kindle, the self-study is polished for sale on the website, and then I'll be able to really go back to my focus on The Playgirl Diaries and Ricochet.

I've still been getting some amazing feedback from people who've read Ricochet. I'm not sure how to pump the story out some more, because some people really seem to love it, but I know it has confused some. Decisions, decisions.

Overall though... Busy as ever... but things are really blooming... Trust me, I'm checking in here and there... and will even renew my INSIDERS as soon as I'm able to BREATHE again!

Oh! But I wanted to add, my royalties from previously published books are still growing and blossoming, even in the face of me being so busy... so if you have the time, PUT IT INTO YOUR WRITING. Writing is what keeps me alive and fed, and helps me build on whatever I'm doing. Put your foot into your books and keep publishing. I see so many posts asking about the best day, date and time to publish. The answer is 5 MINUTES AGO DAMMIT.

Stop over thinking it... stop beating your head against the wall. These are books, not blog posts and powerful epic shit doesn't work on a schedule except Godspeed. Hustle!​

 

[Lauryn]

Oh! Oh!

Forgot to add, a piece I wrote for an artist made it's way into XXL, a major hip hop publication in the US. For those who have time, check out the Freshman issue... My byline is on page 75.

I guess after all these years, I'm hitting my stride... or I'm doing something right...

 

[Lauryn]

All writing is good. Polishing your copywriting with the Halbert thing will be very valuable, I think. Many things about copywriting can be used in fiction too.

Thank you! I've learned the more you write, the better you get, in any format. And some things bleed into other things. It's funny how after a while everything customizes itself and creates a unique voice according to what you're trying to do.

At the core, all I want to do is provoke emotions with finesse. Copywriting will help...

 

[Lauryn]

PS. I'm all about black and Latino empowerment but I will never trade anything over the personal development that comes through sexual empowerment. Sex creates and transforms. It's the most powerful energy we have. You will never enpower anyone until you empower yourself and nothing does that quite like sex does... Not cheap casual F*ck buddy sex.... Deep spiritually rejuvenating sex (with the right partner or partners, if that happens to be your thing, LOL) that releases negative energy and hurt and restored you to that juicy core of love and relaxation.

It's that supreme love and relaxation that gives you the universal love energy needed to empower and uplift by example. At the end of the day when you strip the skin, soul, sex and labels we place on ourselves and split ourselves by, at the core we are love. We tend to lose this in the human experience because we're looking outside ourselves for that acceptance and validation.

(Sometimes you can find this experience closely mirrored after six shots of Sweet Revenge, which I sometimes drink to get the juices flowing when I write.)

 

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[COSenior]

You know I had no idea the classics were alcoholics

Two words: Ernest Hemingway.

Yesterday my husband and I were driving together when we had to stop at a light behind a vehicle that had an interesting bumper sticker. It said "Women who behave rarely make history." I'd seen that before and always thought it was mildly amusing. But this time, I saw it from the perspective of someone who had just read "The Invention of Wings." If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.

The book was a fictionalized account of two sisters who, in the early 1800s were born and raised in a planter family in Charleston, SC., by the names of Angelina and Sarah Grimke. The twist was that the older sister had a deep aversion to their way of life, specifically that they owned slaves. At the age of eleven, she 'disgraced' herself in the eyes of society at her birthday party by refusing her gift, a young black girl about her age to be her personal maid. She also raised her sister in her beliefs, and eventually the two of them left Charleston and became the first female abolitionist agents in the 1830s, traveling alone, speaking in public and writing against the horrific crime of 'owning' another human being. If you aren't familiar with social norms of that time, all of those things were considered highly scandalous, especially for unmarried women. This book was based on true facts, and yet, did anyone ever hear of the Grimke sisters in their history lessons? Lucrectia Mott knew them and was influenced by them, as was Harriet Beecher Stowe, Bronson Alcott, John Greenleaf Whittier and others whose names you might know if you are a history buff.

Having just read the book when I saw that bumper sticker, it occurred to me and I mentioned it to my husband that whenever we say 'behave' in reference to how women comport themselves, it has to do with rules that men made up and imposed upon us. Unfortunately, we women then adopted crab behavior and proceeded to pull any of our sisters who tried to climb out of the boiling pot back into the hot water. My point is, societal rules that govern our comportment, especially with regard to sex, are at best an attempt to disempower women and at worst another form of slavery. As women we are all the same color in the sense that it doesn't matter; someone is always going to try to impose rules on us that limit us in ways both subtle and outrageous.

Whoever wrote that message to you, Lauryn, has received their just punishment. Release the anger, it does you no good. Hold your head up and know that you have rightfully refused to bow to the narrow-minded, out-dated judgement of a bigot.

 

[Lauryn]

I printed out a copy of Ricochet and the chapters of PGD thus far.

I see why everyone doesn't like Carmen. The story needs less explanation and more action. More demonstration on her part of what is really going on with her. This means I have to spend some time developing her character more. She's an angry bucket of rage and overreaction because there's less drama and nothing but the aftermath. I see where I fired prematurely.

Don't worry, the story is still the same. The explanation and build up is what's going to be developed. Several key scenes will be brainstormed and added.​

​

In other news, I'll also be downloading, printing out and editing my other books. I have access to a printer that reduces the cost. All I have to do now is take my printed materials and give them to Staples for coilbinding. $3.99 a pop beats $10-$20 per book. I highly recommend printing books out when you can so you can look at the material objectively - and away from the computer and its distractions. It really helps.

I'm going to buy the book on character development, and the other on master plots. This is the key right now... getting the characters and the plot strengthened. The writing is great but the reason things catch on is because they move with a BANG and a BANG is what I want and need. I already have a great publishing team behind me for this series... I just need to facilitate the sales process by bringing something new to the game.

I'm ready.... #twerk