Dealing with lonliness

[AndrewNC]

But on my downtime I don't really have people hang with, or talk face to face.

Do you think this will automatically change when you reach your business goals? Close your eyes and picture yourself making the fastlane, selling your company. Really get in the moment...see what you will be seeing., hear what you are hearing, feel what you are feeling. etc. When you do that, who is standing next to you?

Or are you all alone? I was when I quit my job and moved 1,000 miles to a new city after my first small fastlane success. I have one friend from the forum who will be my roommate for the next year, but for the first month of living here, I only saw him for three days before he began to travel. I was all alon.

In a new city, all alone, right after my first small business success... Thinking about it, if I stayed in the same city as before, I wouldn't have had many friends who were still around that are outside of this forum.

Do you want to be alone when you 'make it', or do you want to be surrounded by a wide variety of friends that share unique interests with you? I went to a meetup.com group and the first event was at some german bar. While drinking beers with some people there, I started talking to a guy who is in the startup community and his girlfriend is actually starting a business in my industry. We became friends and then I will be promoting their product to my user base.

The other night I was writing about how too many entrepreneurs (mainly myself) lock myself in my room in front of my computer all day to race to the finish line of success and leave the outside world behind. As I was writing that story, I walk out of my room and my roommate has a friend over who I decide to sit outside with and talk to for a little while. It turns out he is the Vice President of an organization with 46,000 members who are exactly in the market for what I am offering.

He offered free marketing to 46,000 people who are my target customers...

I also had a conversation with a stoner hippie who taught me something that would make me a better salesman on anything in life...

This just happened from stepping outside of my bedroom into the kitchen... Imagine what is possible if you leave your house and meet people with similar interests as you?

 

[AubreyJ]

yea theres alot of ways to make new friends but something i forgot to say is honestly man the best thing you can have is a lover. I've had alot of friends some have turned their back on me and others have stabbed me in the back. but its different with someone you love. Theres a kind of agreement that its you two vs the world and together you can conquer it. dont get me wrong tho its not as easy getting a girlfriend of course but ultimately i think its important for any great man to have a woman behind him (or vice versa)

I disagree with this. If you're number one priority is to have a lover, what happens if you break up? Then you are back at square one. I think the number one thing is finding a couple of really great friends. Like I said in my first post on this thread, I don't have that many friends, but I have a few really, really close friends. I've had boyfriends who have come and gone over the last 5 years, but my close friends have always stayed consistent. It's important to have people in your life who you can tell anything to, and people who you know are going to be around 5+ years from now- and chances are (unless you are dating your future husband/wife) your significant other will not be that person who is going to be there in 5, 10, or even 20 years.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Entrepreneurship can be very lonely, especially if you are a one-man show. And still, even if you have employees, it can be lonely because its not always best to befriend employees.

Things that help me deal with the daily loneliness? This forum. Talk radio. Find like minded groups on Meetup, FB, and yea, even Craigslist. Right now there's probably a few posts in your area in the activities section for gym partners, kickball, softball, tennis partners, for Fantasy Football leagues, list goes on and on. Join one of those and you expand your circle.

 

[AubreyJ]

What about getting a dog? I am a huge introvert, and so loneliness is something that I've never really experienced, because besides a few close friends or a boyfriend, I genuinely prefer to be alone. But, my dog is one of my best friends- it's nice to always come home to something that is extremely excited to see you, and something that loves you unconditionally.

Aside from a pet, maybe try joining clubs, or try going to places where you'll meet people who are into the same hobbies as you- I've met really cool people at the gym or at car events, or even at Guitar Center when I go there to test out different instruments. They may not have the same fastlane mentality as you, but it is always nice to get your mind off work for a bit and meet up with people who are passionate about the same hobbies as you.

 

[pickeringmt]

But bro, all the same, I wouldn't recommend isolating yourself.

Oh I understand, and I don't actively seek being alone.

For me it has been part of shifting the course of my life and leaving the old behind. It has made me a stronger person.

I could not do it without the great people in my life - some of which are right here on this forum. All I am saying is that I have found that some of the most painful parts of creating a life you are proud of can become some of the greatest sources of inner strength.

 

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[Darius]

I don't really want this post to sound sad lol

Anyways right now pretty much all of my friends live somewhere else right now (some went back to their native countries, or have gone away for school). Currently, my business requires only my input, so I usually work on it alone. But on my downtime I don't really have people hang with, or talk face to face. I've got my family around, but they're usually busy with their own lives.

I don't go to school, or work at a job (for now anyways), so any advice on how to meet like minded people?

Find a launchhouse or coworking space. You can meet some cool people there, while still keeping focus.

 

[Patchwork Girl]

I don't know where you live but I have struggled with the same thing myself and my work can be quite isolating. The usual advice is to join a club or group for a hobby or interest - doing/learning the activity takes the pressure off talking to new people. Have you tried this? If you don't want to go alone maybe get a family member to tag along for the first session or two! Or maybe get a small job (even if you don't need it - something social) or volunteer somewhere, just for a couple of hours a week - I find it much easier to start talking to people when I'm working alongside them.

 

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[SteveO]

I second the club or hobby thing. I have a lot of friends. They are from the fastlane forum, softball, and running clubs. Hundreds of acquaintances from these few alone. All you need to do is find something that interests you and that you enjoy. Then look up the others that enjoy it also.

 

[DeletedUser394]

Dude there's like 100 fastlaners in vancouver. Go hang out.

I was in Vancouver yesterday.

 

[Marc B.]

I have met a lot of people by becoming a regular at my local gym. The trick is to open up and talk to people; introduce yourself! I'm not sure how introverted or extroverted you are, so this may/may not be difficult for you, but the best way to get over cold-approach anxiety is repetition. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself, but when you've been alone for a while it can take a bit to get acclimated to a new social atmosphere. I'm speaking from my own experience. If you're a member of any other forums, see if people are having meet ups. It's a common social activity for car enthusiasts and I know that they're not the only ones who do it. Into games? See if there are any LAN parties in your area. You catch my drift.

The last thing I can think of is to try reconnecting with old friends who you haven't spoken with in weeks, months, years even.

Not all of my suggestions are original, but they might reinforce what other members have said. Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.

P.S.: Don't worry--your post didn't come off as "sad."

 

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[pickeringmt]

Hey man, I am extremely isolated in this sense as well. I have been so for some time.

Focus on you. Be who you want to be. You have to become your life's purpose otherwise you will never find satisfaction.

You can have tons of people in your life and still be alone. Know yourself and you will never feel the pain of loneliness.

 

[Ninjakid]

Hey man, I am extremely isolated in this sense as well. I have been so for some time.

Focus on you. Be who you want to be. You have to become your life's purpose otherwise you will never find satisfaction.

You can have tons of people in your life and still be alone. Know yourself and you will never feel the pain of loneliness.

Yeah I see what you're saying man.

Truth is, loneliness is more of an internal struggle than actually being alone. As Robin Williams said, the worst thing is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

But bro, all the same, I wouldn't recommend isolating yourself. It's not really healthy. I used to purposely do that a lot, but once I opened my self up to interact with people, everything got better

 

[Ubermensch]

I don't really want this post to sound sad lol

Anyways right now pretty much all of my friends live somewhere else right now (some went back to their native countries, or have gone away for school). Currently, my business requires only my input, so I usually work on it alone. But on my downtime I don't really have people hang with, or talk face to face. I've got my family around, but they're usually busy with their own lives.

I don't go to school, or work at a job (for now anyways), so any advice on how to meet like minded people?

Embrace the loneliness. Great realizations are to be obtained in the cave. Just ask Zarasthustra.

To paraphrase Nietzsche: Ape is to man as man is to Ubermensch.

That said, the only people worth your time are people who can make you money. Find something to sell. Get it for the low (Hustlin' 101). Speak to allies. Build an army. Create a comprehensive strategy, an ultimate strategic goal - and then strike... like a Thunbderbolt. [HASHTAG]#theartofwar[/HASHTAG]

 

[jilla82]

Whatever you do, make sure the people you hang out w/ arent just "filler friends"...people who you keep around just because you are lonely. They will add nothing to your life.

In the past two years ive changed a lot, I dont even like being around the people I used to hang around.
So I stay away.

This thread has opened me up to finding new people to be around...but I refuse to be around the average broke complaining excuse filled person.

 

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[Ninjakid]

@Darius I've never gone to those before, what are they?

@AubreyJ that's actually a great idea, but living with grandparents at the moment, so can't do that right now.
My dad has a bunch of dogs at his place though. When I go there I usually feel good because I enjoy their company
Yeah joining clubs would be a good idea. I used to go various meet-ups and things before, but when I was with my S.O., I kind of stopped doing a lot of those things. I guess now that we're broken up, it would be healthy for me to start doing those things again

 

[Ninjakid]

@Patchwork Girl yeah I think that would be a good idea. I tend to easily make friends when I work somewhere, but even if we don't hang out, it's nice to just converse with people

@Noxtus haha true, but I'm not much of a club goer. Some nights I'm down though, and I wouldn't mind. Maybe next weekend

 

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[Hope]

I couldn't help you out there, I don't do anything else right now except for working out, eating, sleeping, and business, I plan to move to Europe in 2016 so long as everything goes well in my business, but until then, I'm a lone wolf.

 

[KassandraTB]

Meetup.com and join groups

 

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[Ninjakid]

@Hope that's great to hear that you're doing your thing.

@KassandraTB , @SteveO , @Rcaraway1989 Some really great advice. I haven't really taken advantage of that site, but I'm willing to try it out. I'm a really extroverted person actually, and I'm cool with interacting with many different people.

@Noxtus very true, but I just got out of a serious relationship, and I don't know if it's completely over or not. But either way, I'm not really down for a new relationship or even hookup right now.

@AubreyJ you kind of mirror my cynical views on relationships lol. I do believe you can find someone special who will always stay by your side, but those types are rare and far in between.

@HBK On the contrary, I think a healthy, stable relationship can be the best thing for someone who's motivated. Many successful businessmen have had the same partner for years and their accomplishments are to be envied. I live in Vancouver, Canada, and I actually know of a meditation place that my friend introduced me to. Issue is, it's like a two hour transit ride each way, seeing as I only have a learner's permit right now. But there's a class on thursday that I'm thinking about going to, will probably help a lot

 

[Ninjakid]

I live in Calgary.

In Vancouver often, mostly just for flight connections.

There are seriously a lot of them in Vancity. Meeting up with fasteners in person is great, even if you just go out and have fun (instead of talking about business 100% of the time). It's life changing.

How do you usually meet them?

@RogueInnovation I used to do taekwondo classes a lot, but I got busy and commuting there all the time became kind of a pain. But I'm thinking I'll get back into it. I met some amazing and inspiring people there.

 

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[DeletedUser394]

How do you usually meet them?

@RogueInnovation I used to do taekwondo classes a lot, but I got busy and commuting there all the time became kind of a pain. But I'm thinking I'll get back into it. I met some amazing and inspiring people there.

Post in the meet up section a couple weeks before I travel to wherever I'm going at the time.

 

[Ninjakid]

Post in the meet up section a couple weeks before I travel to wherever I'm going at the time.

Great idea mate. I'm gonna try that. Thanks a million!

 

[Waisec]

I have met a lot of people by becoming a regular at my local gym. The trick is to open up and talk to people; introduce yourself! I'm not sure how introverted or extroverted you are, so this may/may not be difficult for you, but the best way to get over cold-approach anxiety is repetition. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself, but when you've been alone for a while it can take a bit to get acclimated to a new social atmosphere. I'm speaking from my own experience. If you're a member of any other forums, see if people are having meet ups. It's a common social activity for car enthusiasts and I know that they're not the only ones who do it. Into games? See if there are any LAN parties in your area. You catch my drift.

This is spot on. Start lifting weights even only if it's just a few times a week. Eventually as people see you go there often you are bound to meet new people. I have seen some of the shyest guys making friends just because they regularly hit the weights.

The added benefit is that most guys who lift regularly also tend to be executives/CEO's/own businesses/athletes. Successful people, the kind of people you should surround yourself with anyway

 

[Ninjakid]

Ninjakid, you sound like you are on the edge of a mild form of depression.
Become physically active, e.g. running, cycling, weight lifting or a team sport. The latter will bring along new contacts/friends at the same time. So, you'll hit two birds with one stone.
It has been proven scientifically that physical activity fights off depression and gives you lots of energy to take up new initiatives.
So, the more active you are, the more outgoing you'll probably become. That will help in solving loneliness.
Also, watch what you eat. Fatty fish with a high amount of Omega 3 is very good for your mood. If you don't like fish, you can always take Omega 3 supplements.

Good luck.

Yeah bro, I don't deny that. It's probably the case.
Right now I work out regularly, and I eat whole foods (specifically a lot of fish). Thing I have all my workout gear at home. So it's like I get all the benefits, but none of the social aspect of it like I would if I went to a gym. So I think joining a gym would be great for me to be around like minded people. Thanks man

 

[Ninjakid]

Its really sad to know that you are lonly but to deal with your lonliness you can play games online or otherwise join any club where you can spend lot of time to learn something new on everyday.

It's okay, I'm kind of used to it. I've always been more of the loner type. Partially because I don't seem to have a lot on common with most people I meet.
But being an avid gamer, some of the coolest people I did are fellow gamers

 

[MichLap]

I have one bumper-sticker business, and a tech business that makes programs, apps, and websites and such. I feel both would fall under the realm of internet business though.
I'm sure there's tons of people in a similar field as me, but I don't personally know them. However sometimes I like to pretend I'm friends with Elon Musk, but not in a stalker type way.

I love Elon Musk, he was a loner in his childhood Probably still is

 

[throttleforward]

How do you know what I'd expect?

I don't. My only caution (not to you, but in general) is that no one can know in advance who can or can't make them money.

 

[Ubermensch]

I don't. My only caution (not to you, but in general) is that no one can know in advance who can or can't make them money.

"There's no such thing as luck... only probabilities." ~Yoda, Master Jedi

You can talk to people with a higher probability of making money, rather merely reyling on luck.

While that's technically true, it IS true that there are ways to increase your chances of success. If I specifically target a group of 100 people - based on their profession, who their clients are, and THEIR need to help me FILL the need (a.k.a introducing me to their clients), then I reckon that is far more effective than walking into a Starbucks and asking random college students and senior citizens with no current business experience.

I just plain disagree with the statement that you can know in advance who can make them money. You can't know with 100% accuracy, but what CAN you know with 100% accuracy? But you can definitely help yourself out by doing research, being smart and a little clever and creative.

Example: I am inking deals with sales organizations, some of which have hundreds of sales reps, that are going to be pitching my product full-time. Speaking to the principles of these organizations, and executing business development agreements with them, is far more effective than talking to the mother of four children that just walked out of the cafe across the street.

 

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[Lauryn]

At least I know I'm not alone with the lonely ish. Sometimes I deliberately shut everyone out if I feel at risk of being vulnerable to filler friends. I can't waste my time or anyone else's like that.

 

[marklov]

loneliness can become a matter of perspective.

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone

When friendship disappears then there is a space left open to that awful loneliness of the outside world which is like the cold space between the planets. It is an air in which men perish utterly.

 

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