Dealing with lonliness

[AndrewNC]

I just made a post that relates to getting over loneliness on another thread that I started. It could be worth the read.

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...ed-in-not-seeing-any-success-heres-why.54295/

 

[Ninjakid]

I don't really want this post to sound sad lol

Anyways right now pretty much all of my friends live somewhere else right now (some went back to their native countries, or have gone away for school). Currently, my business requires only my input, so I usually work on it alone. But on my downtime I don't really have people hang with, or talk face to face. I've got my family around, but they're usually busy with their own lives.

I don't go to school, or work at a job (for now anyways), so any advice on how to meet like minded people?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Noxtus]

Bars and night clubs are awesome man.

 

[Noxtus]

theres no easier way to meet someone and become friends than when both of you are a little messed up (; or alot lol

 

[Rcaraway1989]

Meetup.com and join groups

Agree with this. Join like 10 or so meetups. And on Sunday, pick 3 events happening that week. Go to them.

I'm introverted, too -- but I believe it's important to engage in activities that expand your social and emotional self (as well as physical).

Not everyone you meet is fastlane, but if you keep flexing your social muscle, you will start to bring better and better people into your life.

Mastermind groups are also super nice (I'm looking to form one soon, too).

 

[Noxtus]

yea theres alot of ways to make new friends but something i forgot to say is honestly man the best thing you can have is a lover. I've had alot of friends some have turned their back on me and others have stabbed me in the back. but its different with someone you love. Theres a kind of agreement that its you two vs the world and together you can conquer it. dont get me wrong tho its not as easy as getting a girlfriend of course but ultimately i think its important for any great man to have a woman behind him (or vice versa)

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Noxtus]

you misunderstand sorry i meant to say its not just the simple solution of getting a girl friend but i dont think you have to make that priority number one to achieve it at all. I currently have a fiance and i found her in my down time

 

[HBK]

Yeah and besides a gf can be very distracting. Where about's do you live? I would recommend attending a meditation course where you will sort of meet like-minded people as you assume people attending are trying to better themselves at these and it would also vastly benefit you.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Ninjakid]

Really? You live nearby?

I'll try to find them, and we'll party it up.
Jk, but would be cool to meet some of them

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[DeletedUser394]

Really? You live nearby?

I'll try to find them, and we'll party it up.
Jk, but would be cool to meet some of them

I live in Calgary.

In Vancouver often, mostly just for flight connections.

There are seriously a lot of them in Vancity. Meeting up with fasteners in person is great, even if you just go out and have fun (instead of talking about business 100% of the time). It's life changing.

 

[RogueInnovation]

Dance, Martial Arts, Conventions.
People at these places will make friends with you, and you'll learn stuff.

The gym can be great too. Its very natural to meet people there, imo, and you can do cool interesting stuff with them like mountain biking etc or whatever they are into.

 

[LibertyForMe]

I like to talk to my business friends on Skype. Then, even if I don't have any friends close by, I can still talk and have some great friendships. I stay in touch with quite a few forum members this way, and am even very good friends with a guy who I have never even met in person from this forum!

 

[Ninjakid]

I have met a lot of people by becoming a regular at my local gym. The trick is to open up and talk to people; introduce yourself! I'm not sure how introverted or extroverted you are, so this may/may not be difficult for you, but the best way to get over cold-approach anxiety is repetition. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself, but when you've been alone for a while it can take a bit to get acclimated to a new social atmosphere. I'm speaking from my own experience. If you're a member of any other forums, see if people are having meet ups. It's a common social activity for car enthusiasts and I know that they're not the only ones who do it. Into games? See if there are any LAN parties in your area. You catch my drift.

The last thing I can think of is to try reconnecting with old friends who you haven't spoken with in weeks, months, years even.

Not all of my suggestions are original, but they might reinforce what other members have said. Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.

P.S.: Don't worry--your post didn't come off as "sad."

I hear ya man. I think the main problem with me is that I don't really have many outside activities, so it's harder for me to meet people at the moment. As for approaching others, I have no problem with that. So my next step is probably to look for clubs or meetups with people who have similar interests.

As for old friends, that sounds like a good idea. I only have one old friend from before who I actually consider my friend; but it would be nice to see how's he's doing.

Thanks for the advice bro, it actually helps a lot

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Ninjakid]

I like to talk to my business friends on Skype. Then, even if I don't have any friends close by, I can still talk and have some great friendships. I stay in touch with quite a few forum members this way, and am even very good friends with a guy who I have never even met in person from this forum!

I have a similar syndrome. The coolest people I know I interact with online or phone usually haha

 

[HenkHolland]

Ninjakid, you sound like you are on the edge of a mild form of depression.
Become physically active, e.g. running, cycling, weight lifting or a team sport. The latter will bring along new contacts/friends at the same time. So, you'll hit two birds with one stone.
It has been proven scientifically that physical activity fights off depression and gives you lots of energy to take up new initiatives.
So, the more active you are, the more outgoing you'll probably become. That will help in solving loneliness.
Also, watch what you eat. Fatty fish with a high amount of Omega 3 is very good for your mood. If you don't like fish, you can always take Omega 3 supplements.

Good luck.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[qvantage]

Its really sad to know that you are lonly but to deal with your lonliness you can play games online or otherwise join any club where you can spend lot of time to learn something new on everyday.

 

[Ninjakid]

Oh I understand, and I don't actively seek being alone.

For me it has been part of shifting the course of my life and leaving the old behind. It has made me a stronger person.

I could not do it without the great people in my life - some of which are right here on this forum. All I am saying is that I have found that some of the most painful parts of creating a life you are proud of can become some of the greatest sources of inner strength.

I agree man. People around you sometimes have a different plan for you, and the only person on your side is yourself at times (seemingly, even though it might not be actually the case). So in those cases, a dude just has to go at it himself.
I think back to the movie Up In The Air when George Clooney says, "think of the best moments in your life. Were you alone?" And the guy he's talking to says no.
No one can really do it all on their own, so it's good to hear you got some valuable people in your life

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[MichLap]

I don't really want this post to sound sad lol

Anyways right now pretty much all of my friends live somewhere else right now (some went back to their native countries, or have gone away for school). Currently, my business requires only my input, so I usually work on it alone. But on my downtime I don't really have people hang with, or talk face to face. I've got my family around, but they're usually busy with their own lives.

I don't go to school, or work at a job (for now anyways), so any advice on how to meet like minded people?

Whats your business? Couldn't you meet people in similar fields?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Ninjakid]

Entrepreneurship can be very lonely, especially if you are a one-man show. And still, even if you have employees, it can be lonely because its not always best to befriend employees.

Things that help me deal with the daily loneliness? This forum. Talk radio. Find like minded groups on Meetup, FB, and yea, even Craigslist. Right now there's probably a few posts in your area in the activities section for gym partners, kickball, softball, tennis partners, for Fantasy Football leagues, list goes on and on. Join one of those and you expand your circle.

Yeah I'm both both my businesses I'm basically solo right now, except for my dad being my partner in one.
Speaking of entrepreneurship being lonely at times, there were times when I literally thought "it is really worth it? I feel completely on my own here."
But those were fleeting moments, and in a way, while entrepreneurship can seem lonely, it provides great opportunities to meet people that a 9-5 wouldn't.
For example, when you aren't stuck in the same place with the same people everyday, you get a chance to go out more, and network. Partially because it's a good idea to expand your business, and also you can choose your hours. So even with the initial loneliness and hardships that an entrepreneur can face, I think the benefits far outweigh everything else; and I don't even have much success in this field yet haha
But those are some great ideas MJ, thanks a lot
By the way,I used to listen to talk radio pretty much 24/7, because it would always feel like I had company

 

[Ninjakid]

This is spot on. Start lifting weights even only if it's just a few times a week. Eventually as people see you go there often you are bound to meet new people. I have seen some of the shyest guys making friends just because they regularly hit the weights.

The added benefit is that most guys who lift regularly also tend to be executives/CEO's/own businesses/athletes. Successful people, the kind of people you should surround yourself with anyway

I have a weight training routine that I follow every day. It's one of the greatest motivators for me. I feel way more energized after a workout, and I love seeing abs every time I take off my shirt
And you're completely right, I have heard that a lot of successful people work out and stay fit even if their jobs aren't particularly physically demanding. You can tell a lot about a person by how they take care of their body. Even more so when people get older, because it's a lot easier to stay fit when you're my age (even though the vast majority of my peers are out of shape). A CEO who lifts weights and stays in shape is the guy I would imagine to negotiate the best deal, or get trading rights in that foreign country.
Also, I've made it a point to surround myself with like minded people. A lot of the people who were my "friends" before would always criticize my fastlane path, and make "logical" reasons why being overly successful isn't likely. I'm cool with people whether they're fastlane or slowlane, but I don't need these downer types in my life

 

[Ninjakid]

Do you think this will automatically change when you reach your business goals? Close your eyes and picture yourself making the fastlane, selling your company. Really get in the moment...see what you will be seeing., hear what you are hearing, feel what you are feeling. etc. When you do that, who is standing next to you?

Or are you all alone? I was when I quit my job and moved 1,000 miles to a new city after my first small fastlane success. I have one friend from the forum who will be my roommate for the next year, but for the first month of living here, I only saw him for three days before he began to travel. I was all alon.

In a new city, all alone, right after my first small business success... Thinking about it, if I stayed in the same city as before, I wouldn't have had many friends who were still around that are outside of this forum.

Do you want to be alone when you 'make it', or do you want to be surrounded by a wide variety of friends that share unique interests with you? I went to a meetup.com group and the first event was at some german bar. While drinking beers with some people there, I started talking to a guy who is in the startup community and his girlfriend is actually starting a business in my industry. We became friends and then I will be promoting their product to my user base.

The other night I was writing about how too many entrepreneurs (mainly myself) lock myself in my room in front of my computer all day to race to the finish line of success and leave the outside world behind. As I was writing that story, I walk out of my room and my roommate has a friend over who I decide to sit outside with and talk to for a little while. It turns out he is the Vice President of an organization with 46,000 members who are exactly in the market for what I am offering.

He offered free marketing to 46,000 people who are my target customers...

I also had a conversation with a stoner hippie who taught me something that would make me a better salesman on anything in life...

This just happened from stepping outside of my bedroom into the kitchen... Imagine what is possible if you leave your house and meet people with similar interests as you?

That's a really inspiring story man. Ever heard of the law of attraction? I think it's been over-hyped, over-marketed, and spat all over with frauds and phony science; but there's some things I do agree with. I believe that the right kinds of people come into our life for a reason, and inspire to bring out the best in us. And interestingly, it often happens at the most random moments and times.
That's a bold move to move to a new location when you don't know anyone there. Good job, homey. I can't say I am really prepared to do the same. I was planning a move to Japan a few years back for university, but I kind of chickened out. Or rather, I decided I'd rather be near those close to me.
Some of the most important people in my life... actually now that I think about it pretty much all of them.. I didn't meet at work or at school, but in a very coincidental setting. Given the bonds we've formed over the years, I don't think that out of the thousands of people I could pass on the street in a day, I would meet and befriend these particular people at random. And for you, my friend, you met the right people who could help you accomplish your goals at impeccable timing. How cool is that?

In answer to your question, I only picture a handful of people at my side. Some really special friends, and some of my closer family members. These are people I would would trust with my life, or even my bank account I firmly believe these people will be at my side no matter what. But I ubderstand that when you become fastlane, some people drop out of your life because you have money, and some come into your life just because you have money.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Ninjakid]

Whats your business? Couldn't you meet people in similar fields?

I have one bumper-sticker business, and a tech business that makes programs, apps, and websites and such. I feel both would fall under the realm of internet business though.
I'm sure there's tons of people in a similar field as me, but I don't personally know them. However sometimes I like to pretend I'm friends with Elon Musk, but not in a stalker type way.

 

[marklov]

I battled the same issue but at the end of the day I just worked out , clubbed , fished , went to local meet ups of all kinds , different social environments etc...

Met some great people and some pretty abrasive ones aswell lol.

Felt good to not only talk about the same interests but hear others experiences and just chill.

I think i'm starting to really realise that people especially friends will come and even ones you wish were around.

I do wonder which faces ill see when the dust has cleared.

 

[Yasai]

Was about to give some advice, but it seems the lads (and ladettes) of this forum already took care of that ;D

Like some other people mentioned: It's perfectly possible to "not be in need of direct social interaction" and just being content with being alone. Especially if you need time to think about stuff (in a good, non-brooding way of course).

Having "time for yourself" can also teach you some valuable lessons. The only person you have to deal with 24/7... is yourself. And that should be as enjoyable as possible.

Some people almost like to "collect" "friends", as if they were some kind of currency ("Look how many people on facebook I (don't) know! Approve of me and my epic social skills! Please?"). Acquaintance collecting seems a bit slowlaner-ish, too.

That being said, I'm sure you'll find great people - especially if you don't focus on your lack ("I feel alone") but rather what you DO want (and it seems you made that shift already).

Cheers

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[throttleforward]

Embrace the loneliness. Great realizations are to be obtained in the cave. Just ask Zarasthustra.

To paraphrase Nietzsche: Ape is to man as man is to Ubermensch.

That said, the only people worth your time are people who can make you money. Find something to sell. Get it for the low (Hustlin' 101). Speak to allies. Build an army. Create a comprehensive strategy, an ultimate strategic goal - and then strike... like a Thunbderbolt. [HASHTAG]#theartofwar[/HASHTAG]

However, the people who can make you money are often those who you'd least expect.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Ubermensch]

However, the people who can make you money are often those who you'd least expect.

How do you know what I'd expect?

 

[Ninjakid]

I've read all of your comments and I really appreciate the support, guys
@Yasai I agree that alone time is valuable. But the problem is I get depressed when I'm alone for long periods of time. But it's sometimes nice to collect my thoughts and work on my own thing.

 

[Ninjakid]

@MichLap I do too! And yeah, he is kind of a loner, when he was making Zip2, he apparently didn't have friends.
Funny story: He went to Netscape to ask for a job, but he was too shy, and he ended up just walking out. He said in an interview that he felt like if he asked for a job, they would call the police or something and tell him to get out haha. I think he was like 24!

 

[Ninjakid]

At least I know I'm not alone with the lonely ish. Sometimes I deliberately shut everyone out if I feel at risk of being vulnerable to filler friends. I can't waste my time or anyone else's like that.

I'm kind of the same way at times. Just remember though, if you don't give someone a chance, how will you ever know for sure?

 

[Ninjakid]

Loneliness is really a feeling state. There's many people who are alone, but not lonely. And there's many people who are always surrounded by others, and feel lonely