You Are Worthy.

[ZackerySprague]

Over the past few weeks, I have been struggling internally with feeling a sense of self worth. Short backstory, my biological father and mother both split up when I was three years old. My mom re-married to my now step-dad with my step-brother. Within the past going on ~5 years my parent's focus was always both my sister and my younger brother. I was never in the picture, none of them wanted to get to know, despite what they will tell you otherwise. They have made attempts, from memory, I was the one who initiated conversations with my mother or my step-dad. My mom would always be on the bed, knitting, while on the phone with my sister. My step-dad (who till this day) does not get off the computer, even my grandmother today stated "He's always on the computer". Yup grandma, that hasn't changed since I have left the house.

Some of the people I know and spoke with believed because I am the middle child and didn't receive attention or praise from my mother, I took after my step-dad and went into the career field that I am in today. This would make sense was now that I look back I can see now, because I also have hard time speaking with my brother. No fault to his own. But a good memory I have is so many years ago when I was with my ex-girlfriend, I came home to speak with my parents. There were crying because my step-brother may not be able to have kids (personal story that I can't go into on the forum). I felt left out because I thought, well what about my kids? They tried to re-assure that my kids will matter, but I don't think they did a good job of that, tbh. Disclaimer: I tore up my certificates because I was that upset. I know, I acted like a child haha!

Over the past few years, after reading some books. I have a theory that the greats become the way they are because of some kind of Abandonment that occurred in their past (I could be totally wrong here haha!). David Goggins, it was his father. Steve Jobs, his parents abandoning him. John Paul Dejoira (Abandonment happened). But how they reacted to these changes, was they found a sense of self worth and wanted to help others in anyway they can.

I have in the past, always looked for external validation, still have from time to time. The reason why this all came about was also because from my past relationships, I have seemed to lost myself according to a book called "Whole Again". I am what the author states as a Cluster-B survivor, a person who gives so much emotion, time, and attention to a person who was very insecure of themself. Eventually the author states that you, as a secure person, eventually lose your sense of self as the insecure one always wants constant re-assurance that they are worthy or felt like they are worth of something. But in reality, they need to work on themselves. This is what happened to me in my past relationship, I was the re-bound for my ex as she was dating someone at the time but broke up to be with me. But in reality, she should have taken the time to work on herself.

In the end, I wanted to come here to tell everyone, you are worthy internally, and don't need anyone else to tell you otherwise. It is still a good idea to be open to criticism or advice from people who are ahead of you, don't take their advice as an attack on your character. These individuals want you to succeed.

To Your Success,
Zack.

 

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