Why should I have kids?

[DennisD]

Where is all this coming from?

You're not going to get a 'solid argument' because nobody here cares whether or not you have a kid.

That's like me asking the community "Convince me to wear green, I want a real solid argument!"

Why have a kid?
Because you want one.

 

[Ayanle Farah]

Have kids or don't, it's you choice.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

Our world is kinda F*cked because of people like you, no offense.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family?

I wouldn't worry about it. Do what YOU want. Do what makes YOU happy.

Isn't that what we're promoting here?

IF you want 10 kids, do it. IF you want ZERO kids, do it.

However you might find your opinion change with age.

After some growth and maturity, you may want kids. Maybe you won't.

A lot of people of child-rearing years are finding out they not wanting kids is no longer "taboo" or unusual.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

LOL.

You can't be serious, but surely you are.

A pathetic generalization, doesn't even warrant a reasonable response other than a pathetic generalization directed at you as well -- you probably think all Republicans are Nazis too, because well, CNN and your Marxist professor told you.

 

[The Abundant Man]

So this is one of those "What's the point of life if we're all going to die anyways." existential crisis.

If you don't want kids then don't have kids. If you do want kids then have kids.

Biologically, we're all designed to spread around for species survivablity.

Personally, I love kids. They're a joy. Some parents will be like, "My kid is just trouble. Kids suck. I hate kids." While some parents will say, "No matter how much stress my kid gives. I will still love them no matter what." Some people absolutely love the 9-5. Obviously, people on this do not. It's all a matter of perspective.

In the South Park episode, You're Getting Old, as Stan is getting older he starts to think everything in the world sucks. This causes everybody to hate because he's being a cynical dick.

One of my favorite movies is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Jim Carrey is erasing the memories of his past relationship with Kate Winslet. He starts going through the memories thinking "This relationship was awful. I see where it went wrong" but then as he's going through the good memories he wants the relationship back seeing how good it really was.

It's always a grass is greener on the other side scenario. Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

Nothing in life is ever really certain. As you said, it's what you make of it. If you start thinking negatively about kids. Then yeah it's going to be a negative experience. If you start thinking positively about kids. Then they might grow up to be well adjusted people. Of course there are outliers.

 

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[Overdrive]

I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life.

I am 46 years old so I know I am older and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around owning a FERRARI. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, FERRARIS can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life.

Ask yourself:

Why do some people want to own a Ferrari? Because it makes them FEEL GOOD.
Why do some people want to have kids? Because it makes them FEEL GOOD.

You don't have to own a Ferrari and you don't have to have kids in order to live a happy life. But also nothing wrong with either one.

 

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[GPM]

No one cares if you have kids or not. Well, maybe your parents might.

I always knew I would eventually want kids. Have been actively trying with my wife for several years.

I am now 33 and my daughter was born on the 12th. I can honestly say that the moment they plopped our baby onto my wife's chest was the happiest and proudest I have EVER been.

I am creating an empire, and she is the heir. Gone are the days of staying up late to party. Gone are the days of only thinking about myself. I look to the future, and I am holding it in my arms right now.

Kids are sort of like business in that you need to think long term. If you can't see past today then maybe it is not a great time to start a business OR have kids. You need to be willing to put in thousands of hours and years of your life with no payback and be ok with it.

Don't be an asshhole who has a kid who you then neglect. The world needs far less of those.

 

[lowtek]

Yeh the whole not die alone thing and the myth of the lonely old man retoric.

News flash we are all gonna die alone, and being in a miserable marriage or relationship with with someone you no longer love with kids, potential divorce, she gets custody and another man raises your kids.....

Those that are married will say that wouldnt happen to me my wife is the one... just tell that to all the widows where there husband died and after he passed found there special one again.....

As a man getting married and having kids today would be a terrible idea in todays society men get a$$ reamed in divorce, if you do go that way at least know the risks. Go into marriage and having kids with your eyes wide open of the likely consequences, facts dont lie.

Damn dude. That's some serious victim mentality. Really, you're as bad as the pro commie Bernie bros.

I get the MGTOW arguments. The points raised are valid, but the solutions are antithetical to entrepreneurship.

The very same arguments (i.e. half of marriages fail and the man gets eaten alive in court) can be applied to business (i.e. 95% of businesses fail and those that succeed most often end up a job with no way out).

In fact, it's worse. If you have a 50% chance of getting divorced and losing half your shit, getting married reduces your net worth by 25%.

If you have a 95% chance of failing in a business, and losing everything you put in, you lose 95% of what you put in. If you're putting in your life savings... well then you can do the math.

There are just as many tales of people losing everything in business as losing half their wealth in a divorce. Even on this forum.

As far as the widow comment.... dude you need help. There's nothing immoral about a widow trying to find happiness in this world after their spouse died. It doesn't diminish the time they shared with the dead spouse, or their bond.

Regarding everybody dying alone... you're so full of shit it hurts just to read. My uncle died last summer, surrounded by his wife of 47 years, two kids, 5 grand kids, and close friends. Guess he screwed up and didn't take the red pill, yeah? Much better to spend your life playing video games and fapping to pr0n.

 

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[Get Right]

My kids make me a better person.

 

[WJK]

At 22 years old, don't worry about having kids. Worry about putting a life together. If you get the urge later, you can always have kids when you can afford them and have time to enjoy them.

 

[S.Y.]

For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.

I have a son. And he is by FAR, the best event that has ever happened to me.

I am not here to convince you. For me, that's not how it works. If you have to get down to arguments, to pros vs cons; then please DONT.

There's this idea that having a kid prevent you from living to the fullest. This might be true statistically (I have no clue). In my case, however, it is wrong. The quality of my life has significantly increased since I became a father.

Sure they demand your time. Sure they are self-centered, codependent, stressful, etc....

But you also have to include the positive: they are joyful, they give you a totally different perspective in life, raising one to be unscripted is a rewarding challenge, the hug, the first steps, the first word, the first day in class. There is a magic in those experiences.

I will end with this. You seem to have many "either or" positions.
- having a kid doesn't prevent you to live life to the fullest
- having a kid doesn't prevent you to grow as a person
- having a kid doesn't prevent you to touch other people lives and leave a legacy

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.

Yeah, it's not narcissistic to not want to have kids. Your post reads a bit nihilistic though, not sure if that was your intent but I can tell you from personal experience that nihilism doesn't bring long-term happiness. Just something to think about (unless I misread your post, and then just ignore all that haha)

I am 36 years old. I have 2 daughters, 10 and 7.

If I had to do it again, would I have kids?

YES.

But, I would wait until I was around 35 years old to have them. Maybe longer.

Since you're only 22, it's not something, IMHO, you should even have on your radar, much less be worried about...ya know? No hurry.

Find your fastlane, work on that for the next decade or longer. Then decide if having kids is something you want.

If you want kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. Your decision, and anyone that judges you for that is only wasting their own mental energies.

I'm sure you'll hear the usual stuff about "old age" and "not dying alone" and all that crap though...bleh.

Along the same scripted lines, don't fall for the old "you gotta be married to have kids!" nonsense. In the USA, the lifetime divorce rate is almost 70% and the lifetime marriage infidelity rate is over 60%...so yeah. There's better ways to love a woman and have kids than marriage.

 

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[Tommo]

I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as f*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.


I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted , alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.


If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?


For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.

Maybe ask your parents why they had you. Could be an interesting starting point I reckon.

 

[SquatchMan]

Have you been reading Nietzsche?

It's hardwired into humans (every living organism, really) to want offspring to further spread their wonderful genes. I don't really see the need to argue for kids. It should be something that every living organism, including humans, wants.

Simple as that.

 

[JArcher]

Why should you have kids? It's an interesting question with millions of logical arguments as to why you shouldn't. But people aren't logical. Kids are awful, they scream and cry, they throw tantrums and cause no end of stress from when they're born to them getting into trouble in school. They cost a fortune and force you to spend more time than you should on things that seem pointless. They make a mess, wreck your house, scratch your car (my son destroyed the paint job on my car "washing" it with a sweeping brush) smash windows, rip books, draw on the walls... the list of stresses could take up a page in this thread BUT...

When you're having a hard day and your daughter throws her arms around you just to say she loves you, all those stresses, all the upset, seem to disappear and somehow feel worth it. When there's laughter at the dinner table, running down the beach on a family holiday, telling stories and spending time together who cares that the cars all scratched to f@*k.

There are moments that can never be replaced like watching them win in their first sports game, helping your son pick himself up after his first heartbreak, watching the smile on your daughters face when you let her drive the car and so many others that are worth all the money and stress in the world and to me, money is only as good as the people you spend it on anyway.

Lots of people chase titles, they want to be a doctor, or a lawyer or a millionaire. But you can keep your disposable income, getting drunk at a nightclub on a friday night and "living life" without kids. But my kids mean I'll never be alone, I'll always be loved, not always liked, but always loved. I'll always have someone to love and to do my best in all my efforts for.

I am a DAD. And to me, that's the greatest title in the world, I'll always wear it with more pride than any other that can ever be given to me.
That's why I have kids.

 

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[minivanman]

Maybe ask your parents why they had you. Could be an interesting starting point I reckon.

I was an accident. Both my daughters 11 years apart were accidents. I've never 'wanted' a child for 1 second in my life nor have I ever thought having a child might be something for me. Now that I am 53, and having custody of the grandson is something that I really like. Life without him around will be dull once he moves out.... unless I can talk the lil woman in to retiring but that is very doubtful. But.... having the responsibility of a kid before I was 45 was not something I ever wanted which made me not the best dad but everyone I know including my daughter and ex-wife says I'm the best grandpa they have ever seen. lol

 

[amp0193]

I am now 33 and my daughter was born on the 12th. I can honestly say that the moment they plopped our baby onto my wife's chest was the happiest and proudest I have EVER been.

Congrats on the addition... that moment is unforgettable. Raw emotion... nothing like it.

 

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[lowtek]

Yeah, it's not narcissistic to not want to have kids. Your post reads a bit nihilistic though, not sure if that was your intent but I can tell you from personal experience that nihilism doesn't bring long-term happiness. Just something to think about (unless I misread your post, and then just ignore all that haha)

I am 36 years old. I have 2 daughters, 10 and 7.

If I had to do it again, would I have kids?

YES.

But, I would wait until I was around 35 years old to have them. Maybe longer.

Since you're only 22, it's not something, IMHO, you should even have on your radar, much less be worried about...ya know? No hurry.

Find your fastlane, work on that for the next decade or longer. Then decide if having kids is something you want.

If you want kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. Your decision, and anyone that judges you for that is only wasting their own mental energies.

I'm sure you'll hear the usual stuff about "old age" and "not dying alone" and all that crap though...bleh.

Along the same scripted lines, don't fall for the old "you gotta be married to have kids!" nonsense. In the USA, the lifetime divorce rate is almost 70% and the lifetime marriage infidelity rate is over 60%...so yeah. There's better ways to love a woman and have kids than marriage.

I'm 36 and my wife and I just had our first, two months ago.

I'm wishing we had done it 5+ years ago lol.

As far as the OP, at 22 I don't think it's best to have kids. You're not even really done maturing yet (brain doesn't finish maturing until 25, AFAIK). Wait and see how you feel in 5 years.

 

[NewManRising]

Have kids or don't, it's you choice.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

Our world is kinda f*cked because of people like you, no offense.

I'd argue it is the opposite. The world is f*cked up when people who are neither financially or emotionally stable have children. At least this guy is honest and being responsible. And I don't think what he says qualifies as being a narcissist. That is a total different thing.

 

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[scott.legendre]

I have more fun playing with my 20 month old son than I do dealing with adults. My kid is absolutely awesome.

Women have been way more expensive than my kid is.

He's a mini-me.

 

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[Rawseed]

I have a five-year old daughter and she truly helps me think better.

She's always asking me why. My first instinct is to answer like my parents did. "Because I said so."

But, instead I pause. And, think.

50% of the time, I have no idea why I do the crap I do. It's just dogma that I learned from my parents, teachers, friends, and the media.

She really helps me remove the self-imposed limits I place on myself.

Kids are big thinkers. At least until adults kill their creativity.

Having a kid can open your mind to the unlimited possibilities around us.

It also creates a high stakes situation. Which could be good or bad.

On one hand, a kid could make you work harder in order to provide for them

On the other hand, they could make you stay on the slow lane for fear of being unable to provide for them.

Theres no right or wrong answer.

Good luck with figuring it out.

 

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[Ecom man]

To me my kids and wife are my why. The reason I get up and work on my business. The reason I am In the fast lane at all.

Sure kids can sometimes be a pain. They cost you sleep, they cost you money, and they can even cost you “freedom” but to me there is nothing better than walking down the stairs of my house and having my 1 year old smile her cheesy grin at me.
My kids don’t keep me from building a business, they are the reason why I am. My kids don’t keep me from having a full life, they are one of the reasons why my life is full.

 

[Brian Suh]

I am 22 years old so I know I am young and may not understand but I can't seem to wrap my brain around having kids. They are needy, codependent, stressful as F*ck, and take up so much damn money. Also, the kids can turn into a complete mess up that I have no control over causing more stress in my life. In the end, the world is going to end anyways and there are 6 billion other people in the world who will continue our species so I won't be important in that area of continuation of humanity.


I absolutely love my life and the directions I am headed in and I feel a kid will just completely ruin this. I just want to live life to the absolute fullest. I understand parents saying kids will help you grow as a person but I have other avenues that I am growing in and am completely happy to do just that.

As you know from reading MFL and unscripted , alot of the things you have been told in life is bullshit. From the food you have been eating to the things you find interest in. So I was wondering to myself, is having a kid something "I" REALLY want or is it something that is expected of me by society and my family? Will it make ME happy? Because ultimately, this is YOUR life. You can even say life begins and ends with you as you are the only one experiencing life so your life experience is the most important thing. Not to be too self centered but even helping other's life experience is to enhance your life experience so in a way we are all selfish.


If anything, I will like to adopt a kid if I were to have one as that is one less poor soul I can save from atrocious acts they didn't deserve. As for legacy, I want my legacy to be the lives I touched and how I lived my life in the time I am here. I don't care if my name lives on through my family gene as the sun will explode the Earth anyways, so isn't what we do today the thing that counts the most? Isn't the present the most important thing anyways?


For those with kids, why should I have kids? Give me a solid argument.

 

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[The Abundant Man]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwZ0ZUy7P3E

 

[Ayanle Farah]

It’s my life and I will do as I damn please. That doesn’t make me a narcissist. I don’t think you know what a narcissist means. And I have seen kids born into terrible situations because there parents weren’t thinking and now they have to face that burden. I would argue that it is more ethical to not have kids until you CONSCIOUSLY decide to have a kid from an intelligent space.

You told me what narcissism is and you fit right in your own definition.

Even if a kid is born into a "terrible" situation which I assume you're talking about poor people. It's not like it can't get better, but kids can be born into luxury with plenty of opportunities and still have terrible childhoods.

 

[Andy Black]

I'm 36 and my wife and I just had our first, two months ago.

I'm wishing we had done it 5+ years ago lol.

As far as the OP, at 22 I don't think it's best to have kids. You're not even really done maturing yet (brain doesn't finish maturing until 25, AFAIK). Wait and see how you feel in 5 years.

Yep. I became a dad at 37. It could have been 5 years sooner, but there you go.

Before that, forget it. Being single, partying, and riding motorbikes was all that mattered.

Becoming a dad changed my life. The world makes sense now.

 

[Timmy C]

Have them dont have them.

The choice is yours alone neither is wrong everyone is different.

I for one never want kids.

 

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[Brian Suh]

Have kids or don't, it's you choice.

I'm more interested in what made you into a narcissist, were you born that way?

Our world is kinda f*cked because of people like you, no offense.

I'm just questioning common convention and wondering to hear different persepectives. This is not an issue to be taken lightly as kids have a HUGE consequence on one's life. Being a narcissist and having one's self interest are two completely different things. You wouldn't be on this site if it wasn't for your self-interest. Being narcissist is thinking you are special somehow and deserve special treatment.

 

[Brian Suh]

If you don't want kids dont have any! FFS just because everyone else is doing something doesn't mean you have to.

I have mates that are happy they had kids and others that look dead inside and have told me personally they regret having kids.

The same applies to everything. The reason I made this thread is to hear stories or someone that can maybe provide the RIGHT reasons to have kids. Again, I believe most people have kids because they are socially conditioned to and thus never achieve their true potential in life and achieve their dreams. Like college and getting married, it can be done because of sleep walking through life.

 

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[Brian Suh]

How is this not thinking you are special somehow and deserve special treatment, i.e. a narcissist?
You didn't leave much room for anyone else, I guess anyone who is not you might aswell not exist and don't matter.

It’s my life and I will do as I damn please. That doesn’t make me a narcissist. I don’t think you know what a narcissist means. And I have seen kids born into terrible situations because there parents weren’t thinking and now they have to face that burden. I would argue that it is more ethical to not have kids until you CONSCIOUSLY decide to have a kid from an intelligent space.

 

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[Brian Suh]

How is this not thinking you are special somehow and deserve special treatment, i.e. a narcissist?
You didn't leave much room for anyone else, I guess anyone who is not you might aswell not exist and don't matter.

A narcissist is forcing someone or a group of people to do something for you because you think you are special. I am not forcing anyone on anything. I am just stating that we should question bringing a LIFE to this earth before we are fairly self sufficient. How many people do you know that are completely self reliable. Not just financially but emotionally as well. There are plenty of billionaires who are miserable with no personal life as they are doing it for the wrong reason. Same with having kids.

 

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