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RANT When you cut off people no one is left

Discussion in 'People & Relationships' started by Az_47, Dec 10, 2018.

  1. Az_47
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    Az_47 New Contributor

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    I’ve just realised, if I’m giving value to someone, I’m okay. If I’m suffering, there’s no initiative to even ask what’s up. I could disappear for a few days only to be asked questions because someone else needs something of value to them.

    I often find myself wasting away time for others. I don’t mind the feeling is mutual. However I feel like they don’t actually care.

    People will say don’t do interact than!, but what kind of pathetic human life is that?

    People are hard to find, yes sure they will jump at opportunity to meet because they have a problem I could solve. Other than that, it’s nothing.

    So I resorted to helping strangers who I don’t know. And it has helped a lot, but the reality of friends I grown up with, known, worked with, helped, supported, just couldn’t care less. I try to converse and it’s jus boring to them.

    Although I have never really been in this position but I didn’t realise until I realised who actually dials my phone


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  2. whiz
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    whiz Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Every single relationship on Earth either has one or both parties believing they are getting value from the other person. I use the word “believing” because sometimes people aren’t really benefitting themselves, but I digress.

    This is just a fundamental truth when it comes to human relationships. We evolved to be useful and find use in others.

    If you feel like you’re giving too much value and receiving too little, maybe you should rethink the relationship and ask for what you want, or just let it die.

    The ideal situation is a win-win reciprocal (mutually beneficial) relationship in which both people get value out of it.

    End bad relationships that lack value and pursue good ones. Good relationships are like fertile soil... once you have them, you can grow a whole bunch of things.

    Don’t become a loner, because that sucks too. Just find valuable people that you can trade time and resources with. The way to find valuable people is to become a valuable person yourself.

    Good luck



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  3. Thomas Baptiste
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    Thomas Baptiste Third of His Name Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Change your environment man. Life is a journey, and it can be very lonely at times. We are social beings, and the fact is we all want other people in our lives that add value to us (some vice versa), and we regret when they don't do what we want them to do. We often project our own values on the people we have relationships. I have struggled with these types of feelings before and I've been down the path of solitude. It's a matter of knowing who you are and knowing what you're worth. Many people are superficial and aren't competent enough to know that their actions are hurting others. You can help strangers and you'll see them show more appreciation than any of your 'friends'. Perceived value. Live a life that doesn't depend on any other value than that you deem of yourself. You'll be more at ease with these things. This way in time you'll find people that value you and your time, and it won't hurt as much when they inevitably don't ..one day.
     
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  4. eliquid
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    eliquid ( Jason Brown ) Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    While generically we might be social beings and feel that being a loner sucks, there are actually people that do better and thrive on this.

    I suggest you take a few personality tests and exercises to see if you are one of those people, such as an INTJ or 5w4.

    Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

    .
     
  5. NewManRising
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    NewManRising Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Don't worry about it. My whole adult life i've essentially been friendless (and I am 38). The reason for this is, for reasons you stated. I have dealt with too many freeloaders, jackasses, people who view friends as resources only, and people who just weren't compatible. I have made the decision that I must be picky in order to consider someone my friend. I have very little tolerance for people with the aforementioned described traits. The problem is, most people are selfish and they view life as a competition. They analyze and become envious of every little instance with a person. If they perceive someone is getting more, doing better, appearing good, being liked, etc, they become envious and backstabbing. Like in MJs book you have to understand the selfishness of the masses and use it to your advantage. Just because others are selfish doesn't mean you can't learn to make friends. For some people use their selfishness to your advantage, and use the awareness of this to make good friends. These days I only focus on people who have a commonality with me or their is a mutual give and take. Whether this is business or personal this has to be present. But, also, don't be too giving because this can be taken advantage of. You have to find a balance.

    Don't feel too bad. Losing best friends and family members is much more common than people think. Society and the programming everyone got is mostly to blame. Some people stuck with the wrong influences. And so, they view like like a competition and are selfish, and as a result, they live a very narrow, lonely, poor life. People essentially put themselves in a box and don't know how to get out of it other than keep believing they have to keep being more selfish and greedy and not having any desire or loyalty to others. Their whole life perception is F*cked. Don't waste your time with friends/family/coworkers who treat life like a competition and feel like life is only about events (marriage/happiness/kids). Sadly, this is the majority (scripted people). You can choose to be different.
     
  6. Timmy C
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    Timmy C I Will Not Stop! Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Some people deserve to be cut off and are toxic. Dont worry about it. I just alienated about 15 people, your better off. It's better to be alone than with a bunch of punks that show you no respect.
     
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  7. 404profound
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    404profound Platinum Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Just like in the financial world, the social world has producers and consumers too. You are producing, but your peers aren't reciprocating. Unfortunately, that is the norm. Producers are a rare breed in any context. I had to dig myself out of a pretty deep depression this summer, and one way I did it was by identifying and forcing myself to interact with people whom I know are kind and sociable. Sometimes you have to admit when change needs to happen, then do it.
     
  8. HUSTLIN HEATHEN
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  9. James Cozens
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    James Cozens Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    I love the way you frame that: "Producers are a rare breed". I've also had the same issue: giving help and services to those who just wanted free advice. They're like leeches, I swear. They're everywhere and unless you're clued up on how to spot them, they'll jump onto you in a heartbeat.

    I also spent a few months this year in what I would call a depression - genuinely HATING people because of constantly being used, scammed and disrespected.

    As a result, I put my wife into a miserable state where she no longer felt attracted to the miserable person I had become. Thankfully I realized I had to change my outlook on life and become more positive around people.

    I think the secret is to understand that there are a lot of leeches out there that you need to identify and avoid, but that there are also some pretty awesome people out there willing to reciprocate too.

    Taking a personality test is pretty helpful too (as stated above) as it helps you identify who you are and how you can best relate to others. I personally recommend the "16 personalities" quiz.
     
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  10. Determined2012
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    Determined2012 Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    I got:

    PROTAGONIST PERSONALITY (ENFJ, -A/-T)
     
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  11. HUSTLIN HEATHEN
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    HUSTLIN HEATHEN Contributor

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    WTF?

    You're content in giving value to random strangers and expecting nothing in return...yet you're upset when your own friends expect you to do the same for them?

    My dude...that's the most RIDICULOUS, a$$-backwards form of neediness I've ever seen.

    Value is earned in this life. NOBODY is entitled to a handout.

    And if it is just you bending over backwards, with zero effort on their part...why keep them around? Do you like being miserable?




    “Attachment causes Suffering” - The Buddha

    “DON’T BE A CUNT” - Dan Pena, the 50 Billion Dollar Man
     
  12. Kybalion
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    Kybalion Renegade Master I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    Yes. Your observations are correct. Social interaction revolves around exchange of VALUE.

    You have the option of thinking people are scum and avoiding them. Some already noted that in this thread before me, so I won't talk about it.

    However, have You thought that maybe...

    Just maybe...

    The fault is within You and only You can fix it!

    Wtf?


    See the definition of VALUE is ultra subjective. Everybody has different value systems. When You chose Your friends even You were driven by some kind of value system.

    Lets explore some examples:

    • Maybe You liked that Your friends invited You out.
    • Maybe You liked that Your friends gave You attention.
    • Maybe You liked that Your friends were high - status.

    In exchange You might have given - time, energy, advice, even money or drugs.

    These are just examples.

    However, they provide insight in how social connections operate: You consciously or unconsciously gave one kind of value and in return accepted another kind of value.

    From Your post it sounds like Your friends are receiving Your problem solving skills. And it seems like You are disappointed, because You are not getting attention, when they do not need Your solutions.

    So clearly these people You are surrounding Yourself with are a BAD FIT for YOU!

    What can You do to solve this problem?

    Start with defining Your needs. What do You want from people? It can be anything You value. There is always someone, who has what You need.

    Your needs do not need to be material. They can come in form of intellectual discussion, motivational conversations, spiritual connection, good looks, commonalities, status, money etc. etc. etc.

    You decide.


    And now is the most important part.

    What can You give in return?

    Again, do not delude Yourself into thinking You have to give material help or technical knowledge. You can provide jokes, love, connection, good energy, courage, confidence etc. Or something else that You have and others might value.

    There are a lot of people who value, what You already have in abundance. (And they have exactly, what You need too)

    Now get the F*ck out and find them and STOP whining.

    PS.
    To illustrate this point better here is a short and beautiful story:

    ''One day a man said to God, “God, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.”

    God showed the man two doors. Inside the first one, in the middle of the room, was a large round table with a large pot of stew. It smelled delicious and made the man’s mouth water, but the people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

    The man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, “You have seen Hell.”

    Behind the second door, the room appeared exactly the same. There was the large round table with the large pot of wonderful stew that made the man’s mouth water. The people had the same long-handled spoons, but they were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

    The man said, “I don’t understand.”

    God smiled. It is simple, he said, Love only requires one skill. These people learned early on to share and feed one another. While the greedy only think of themselves… [Author unknown]''


     
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  13. James Gill
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    James Gill Bronze Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Some people on here can be harsh but it's pretty much always with good intentions. I think you need to care less. There are actually more strangers out there that care about other strangers than you probably realise due to your situation. My door is always open.
     
  14. Az_47
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    Az_47 New Contributor

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    Things are slowly back on track. Surprisingly I had to take on this journey alone, my friends don’t know the struggle, not one asks how I live my life currently. It’s jus discussing about what’s on the news lol.

    Suits me fine, as in the background I am building it up. I found myself a good job, AWAY from everyone of those losers. Nothing can stop me!

    I feel better after not sharing my problems, I made a mistake of sharing one good news last week to my best friend and he made sure to let me know that what I did was not special, in fact I did not do anything abnormal, or good and in fact I’m stupid.

    My response would have been: oh nice that will really help you in the situation that you are in now! I’m glad. Now sort the other stuff out.

    But no, it was jus negative after negative. Where any light I shine has to be stamped on.

    ——-// bottom line

    I went silent for weeks and it helps me mentally, I was at my lowest but I kept it inside no one could attack me.

    Now I have secured job for example, I have miserable people around me, they will on purpose make me feel like I jus mentioned the weather. They will avoid all convo. Isn’t that weird especially as I practically had nothing left so I can hardly be a threat?





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  15. Kybalion
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    Kybalion Renegade Master I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    Sounds like You really believe people owe You something.
     
  16. Kybalion
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    Kybalion Renegade Master I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    They don’t!
     
  17. LittleJohn
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    LittleJohn Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    I think you may be right, man. Discerning these things wasn't always easy for me I think because I extend the benefit of the doubt and discount things because I reason 'people are human'.

    Now I am a little older and dare I say a little wiser (experienced more like it) I am seeing this backstabbing! Even within the family! For me, I share things with people I *think I am close to and then it gets served back to me as I am moron that can't think for myself or crazy for trying new things. But yet these people are stuck in their J O B everyday and sometimes their insults get texted to me while I am at the playground playing with my kids on a Monday!

    Now don't take this the wrong way that Im the shit and my life is unicorns because im at the playground on a Monday. Id rather be knee deep in my business fighting to grow it....I know that time will come but I think because I had the foresight (we - my wife and I) to organize our life with this kind of freedom while I start a business people I know look for ways to point out why I am a turd. Does this make sense to you? It does to me and my point here is I am seeing people become insulting, unwilling to think different, rude jerks to me.

    I choose to accept these people for who they are but am moving them out to the outside of my circle and like you said...


    ]

    This.

    Unfortunately, I think you are right. Living it now.
     

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