WE HAVE PERMISSION TO ENJOY LIFE!

[Kak]

Admitting something here. I have been EXTREMELY hard on myself, for YEARS. Think about my relationship with myself as someone who's dad never told them they were proud of them. (mine did, this is just an example) I always expect more out of myself, which is great for a life of higher achievement and piling stuff on, but man did it drag on me at some point. I always want CONSTANT improvement. I always want to be moving the football down the field. I still have major tendencies in this department.

Make a great deal? The next day, I suck for not arranging a new one.

Have 50% growth in a year? I suck because it wasn't 500%

Bunch of people love my radio show and tell me as much? Nah, my sound sucks and I need to expand my vocabulary.

Work out every day for a week? I suck because I haven't been doing it for 5 years.

Brittany thinks I am the best husband and dad ever, but sometimes I even decide I suck at that and could be better.

You get the picture.

There was something kind of amazing that helped me out through this. On my daily to-do list, I added one more task at the bottom, and it isn't a task at all. It goes like this...

"This is what you set out to do today. If you finish this list, that YOU designed, that means you are on a positive trajectory for constant improvement. Everything is incremental. One step at a time. TODAY IS A WIN. Be proud of what you accomplished today and now go enjoy your family and life."

It is like my past self giving my present self permission to be free the rest of the day, and it is surprisingly amazing. I will always be hard on myself, but this was a big step to freeing myself from my own tyranny.

I hope this helps anyone feeling the same way. I will probably do a radio show on this very thing. What is the point of all of this? To get everything life has to offer... Well, I was blocking, needlessly, a lot of what makes life worth living.

I am blessed. I am 31. I am healthy. I have a beautiful home. I have a fantastic wife and an awesome son. I work on cool projects, and I am by the world's definition, successful...

I HAVE PERMISSION TO ENJOY LIFE!

 

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[AmazingLarry]

Great to hear the perspective of someone else who struggles with this.

I can work all day or do no work and either way I feel anxious that I should be working more and it's difficult to truly relax.

My brain knows that I need to spend time off with my family or good friends doing things I enjoy, but my subconscious tells me more work will bring success and true satisfaction.

I think a lot of this for me stems from comparison with others. A healthy dose can be helpful for motivation but it can easily become toxic.

 

[ZCP]

The 'done for the day' list is awesomely impactful.

Give yourself some credit = also awesome

 

[David Fitz]

This is great to hear.

I'm always hard on myself. I feel I can never switch off or enjoy myself because I need to be doing something to improve myself.

 

[themarkboogie]

This is awesome and so painfully true. I can relate 100%. Honestly, it seems like I'm most down on myself *after* big wins which is something I've noticed recently and will need to take some time to investigate further.

Constantly striving for greatness is admirable, but not at the cost of your happiness and sanity. If so, then what is all this for? We need to give ourselves permission to be happy now.

A book that helped me in this regard is 'Self-Compassion' by Kristin Neff. One quote that I always come back to is "give yourself the same kindness and care you'd give a good friend."

It's a good book and worth a listen if you have an extra credit on audible.

 

[Antifragile]

@Kak
Ha! I was just thinking about your episode 48 comments as if it was some “inferior product”, when in fact I enjoyed it more than I expected to enjoy it. I thought it was great and yet you weren’t happy.

Breaking it down:
- the point of entrepreneurship is to gain financial and as a consequence time freedom.
- the point of such freedom is to enjoy life and be happy.

Now onto the serious bit, when my wife tells me I’m the best husband, I listen and agree. When she’s right, she’s right, who am I to argue?

 

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[LifeisSuffering]

Agree 100% after a day of work i really say that i could have done more; and never enjoy the achievement of the day
Sometimes you take a time-off and i can't let myself relax and just enjoy and i probably will judge myself tommorow and say if only i didn't rest yesterday i would made more progress
i think that happen when you don't specify the time that will take to get to a certain goal; so your rush yourself too see results. so what im doing now is to set a goal and what it take to achieve it. this help me be more productive with my time and focused and reduce the negative selftalk.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

The Power of Now, Tolle
Letting Go, Hawkins
The Untethered Soul and Surrender Experiment, Singer
Anything written by Thich Nhat Hanh

All of these will give you some extra wisdom on how to enjoy life NOW, not later.

 

[Kak]

The Power of Now, Tolle
Letting Go, Hawkins
The Untethered Soul and Surrender Experiment, Singer
Anything written by Thich Nhat Hanh

All of these will give you some extra wisdom on how to enjoy life NOW, not later.

I appreciate it brother. I’ve tried to get into some of those, but I think I’m too nicotine and Ayn Rand for them. Maybe I need to “try harder” at reading those books.

Let’s put it this way, I love my life, but I could be less hard on myself.

Regardless, I still feel a strong purpose and a drive to do what I do and I don’t want to psychology that out of myself.

 

[Antifragile]

Ha-ha at the “try harder” on the Power of Now.

 

[Raoul Duke]

 

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[Rockeez]

Live in the moment, be optimistic about the future and enjoy your life now

 

[Kak]

Libsyn Directory

directory.libsyn.com

I did end up doing a show on this topic this morning.

Don't listen, it totally sucks... Joking.

 

[Guest-5ty5s4]

Great episode.

I believe in celebrating wins!

Land a deal or client? Have a little party, go out to eat, celebrate somehow.

You’ve got to reward yourself as a way to keep going. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive. But you deserve to treat yourself sometimes, even on small wins.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I appreciate it brother. I’ve tried to get into some of those, but I think I’m too nicotine and Ayn Rand for them. Maybe I need to “try harder” at reading those books.

As you get older and start to ponder mortality, they will become easier reads.

 

[Matt Sun]

I just wanted to say that reading this thread has made my day much happier just by this focusing on the now and what I already have and being grateful (contemplating the spider, not killing it, like MJ says in Unscripted ). I had been feeling kind of sad and frustrated with the world and stuff that is happening. Not today, I enjoyed my home, the coffee and being free with my time. Went out to the park with a friend to drink mate in the sun. I felt much happier connecting with the simple stuff of the here and now. And I'm definitely going to try to keep this attitude. Thanks guys ! Really appreciate this thread.

 

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[Guest1413tpa]

To me, its not needing permission to enjoy it But glad to hear you figured this out.

 

[Ing]

You all have success and work hard. Sure that is a permission to enjoy life!

 

[JordanK]

I found myself like this. Especially during the lockdown's when all I could do was work on my business.

Recently, I have been approaching each week like this.

Monday - Wednesday.. work all day, workout every evening, no socializing

Thursday-Saturday.. work or upskill majority of the day, optional workouts depending on time commitments/sports team I play with, socializing most evenings too (sometimes this can be a two birds one stone social thing.. like bring a friend to the gym - go to a business social event - meet like minded entrepreneurs or business partner for drinks - go on dates.

Sunday is game day, I play with my team in the morning/afternoon. Dad travels with me to all the games and I hang out with family then for the rest of the day. Drive back to the city late at night or early morning the next day. Have the week planned from Sunday night.

This plan has been working so far as it hits all my baselines from Monday to Wednesday. I have gotten in 3 big workouts, my business is being pushed forward. Some weeks I workout 6-7 times, others its 3/4. Some weeks I work 6-7 days.. others its only 4 or 5.

For context:

I'm 23, living in a city, run a property business and I'm single so I probably have a lot less commitments than someone older with a family. I'm also only 3.5 years into my business so I'm still in the grind phase.