To sum up, I am 24, in the middle of moving apartments that I painfully regret. a recent breakup, a family with values that doesnt resonate with me, and a career that for the last 2 years have been stagnant with a close call to being made redundant.
My family are religious. Super religious. I have grown to the ideology that this religion is my core belief. But I always knew it wasnt. I have continuously said that for a long time but I wanted to keep my mum happy, the one that I deeply care for, although this had changed when I started working at 18. This had completely altered and ruined my view of the "working life" or the sidewalk as I understand it now. I was in a "good job" with a "good pay" and was living at home playing games all day.
Overtime my job had completely ruined my mental. With colleagues continuously looking down on me and making me feel as I had always felt from almost everywhere else. An idiot.
I know that I'm not now, but when I grew up and its basically all I heard. I would believe that, and it would effect how I spoke to people. This led me to partying, smoking, getting drunk till i vomit. And spending days and nights playing online games to cope that Im not happy with my life.
the company itself was great in terms of progression in career...until it got bought out. And that's when it stagnated. I had realized that up to a certain point I wasnt progressing anymore. I was just stuck, doing the same thing, not doing anything exciting or fun. This made me think "is this really all there is to it? is this what I have to live through until im old?"
2021 is when I realized I wanted some type of change and control in a healthier stance. I was chubby and fat and spent the entirety of 2021 losing weight and i felt good that i was taking a positive direction in my life. but something I hadn't realized was that i was alone in the battle. And I continued for 9-10 months before I stagnated my weight and was slowly finding it less interesting when I had reached my goal and I couldnt build anymore muscle without dedicating time. I wanted to become fit, but bulking wasnt how I wanted to spend my time.
2022 was when I got with my ex, honestly those were my happiest times with her. It was fun and meaningful. But up until late last year did I understand her perspective of her needs when she wanted me to move in with her. We were long distance in different countries but it was easy to travel, though after 8 months together, she told me she wanted me to move to her in a year. As if I can wave a magic wand, move over and adapt as if there wasnt going to be any issues. Of course this needed time for me to be able to do this. this went on for another 6 months and in that time, I seen how she was struggling to support me in my lowest times. I realized the side of her that I loved was our honeymoon phase, and the reality of her was a blaring red flag. This had become a tipping point a few weeks ago when she messed up, and I messed up aswell not too long after. We had issues and a timescale to reach her goal with us and I realized she couldnt wait for it any longer. So I had to break it off as my mental couldnt handle all of my existing issues on top of issues with her. I wanted to move apartments so I can find somewhere cheaper, and I was also potentially about to be made redundant. And now the killer was breaking off my gf. I dont blame her though, I take accountability with how our relationship ended and understood why this couldnt work and how I also caused issues. Luckily we're still mutually friends as we get along really well. But it did made me question what Im even doing with my life.
Ahh the joys of post break up. that wasn't fun. I wanted to find meaning and motivation again. It made me think about life and made me understand that SO MANY issues can just be solved if I was rich. Why cant I? Whats actually stopping me. Im 24 with little responsibilities. As im typing this, im trying to get the moving sorted for an apartment that I dont even want. But I just gotta take it and make it work for me. Im away from parents that stops my mind from being invaded of the slow lane. And I want to live fast now. I want to feel like I can wake up and do whatever the hell I feel like. I did always want this lifestyle for myself. But now im determined to get there. I dont want to live a 9-5 wondering when the hell I can retire. I dont want to wake up on a time i dont like and work like I give a shit. I want to choose how i spend my life. And the first step is grinding to get that large dough to make it worthwhile. I want to become "that guy" that everyone looked down and is now living his best life. Travelling, driving nice cars, doing whatever the hell I want because my time is important to me. I dont want to waste it by doing dumb shit to deal with the stress of the sidewalk and slowlane. I want to grab that stress and chuck it straight into the bin and relax in a hotel in St Lucia overviewing the beautiful mountains (or volcanoes?)
the slow lane is failing me, and the sidewalk is just a scam to keep me inline from corporate bullshit. I want to live my life to the fullest and get to my goal of financial freedom. And I'm determined to make it there
My family are religious. Super religious. I have grown to the ideology that this religion is my core belief. But I always knew it wasnt. I have continuously said that for a long time but I wanted to keep my mum happy, the one that I deeply care for, although this had changed when I started working at 18. This had completely altered and ruined my view of the "working life" or the sidewalk as I understand it now. I was in a "good job" with a "good pay" and was living at home playing games all day.
Overtime my job had completely ruined my mental. With colleagues continuously looking down on me and making me feel as I had always felt from almost everywhere else. An idiot.
I know that I'm not now, but when I grew up and its basically all I heard. I would believe that, and it would effect how I spoke to people. This led me to partying, smoking, getting drunk till i vomit. And spending days and nights playing online games to cope that Im not happy with my life.
the company itself was great in terms of progression in career...until it got bought out. And that's when it stagnated. I had realized that up to a certain point I wasnt progressing anymore. I was just stuck, doing the same thing, not doing anything exciting or fun. This made me think "is this really all there is to it? is this what I have to live through until im old?"
2021 is when I realized I wanted some type of change and control in a healthier stance. I was chubby and fat and spent the entirety of 2021 losing weight and i felt good that i was taking a positive direction in my life. but something I hadn't realized was that i was alone in the battle. And I continued for 9-10 months before I stagnated my weight and was slowly finding it less interesting when I had reached my goal and I couldnt build anymore muscle without dedicating time. I wanted to become fit, but bulking wasnt how I wanted to spend my time.
2022 was when I got with my ex, honestly those were my happiest times with her. It was fun and meaningful. But up until late last year did I understand her perspective of her needs when she wanted me to move in with her. We were long distance in different countries but it was easy to travel, though after 8 months together, she told me she wanted me to move to her in a year. As if I can wave a magic wand, move over and adapt as if there wasnt going to be any issues. Of course this needed time for me to be able to do this. this went on for another 6 months and in that time, I seen how she was struggling to support me in my lowest times. I realized the side of her that I loved was our honeymoon phase, and the reality of her was a blaring red flag. This had become a tipping point a few weeks ago when she messed up, and I messed up aswell not too long after. We had issues and a timescale to reach her goal with us and I realized she couldnt wait for it any longer. So I had to break it off as my mental couldnt handle all of my existing issues on top of issues with her. I wanted to move apartments so I can find somewhere cheaper, and I was also potentially about to be made redundant. And now the killer was breaking off my gf. I dont blame her though, I take accountability with how our relationship ended and understood why this couldnt work and how I also caused issues. Luckily we're still mutually friends as we get along really well. But it did made me question what Im even doing with my life.
Ahh the joys of post break up. that wasn't fun. I wanted to find meaning and motivation again. It made me think about life and made me understand that SO MANY issues can just be solved if I was rich. Why cant I? Whats actually stopping me. Im 24 with little responsibilities. As im typing this, im trying to get the moving sorted for an apartment that I dont even want. But I just gotta take it and make it work for me. Im away from parents that stops my mind from being invaded of the slow lane. And I want to live fast now. I want to feel like I can wake up and do whatever the hell I feel like. I did always want this lifestyle for myself. But now im determined to get there. I dont want to live a 9-5 wondering when the hell I can retire. I dont want to wake up on a time i dont like and work like I give a shit. I want to choose how i spend my life. And the first step is grinding to get that large dough to make it worthwhile. I want to become "that guy" that everyone looked down and is now living his best life. Travelling, driving nice cars, doing whatever the hell I want because my time is important to me. I dont want to waste it by doing dumb shit to deal with the stress of the sidewalk and slowlane. I want to grab that stress and chuck it straight into the bin and relax in a hotel in St Lucia overviewing the beautiful mountains (or volcanoes?)
the slow lane is failing me, and the sidewalk is just a scam to keep me inline from corporate bullshit. I want to live my life to the fullest and get to my goal of financial freedom. And I'm determined to make it there
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