The Ego Is Your Friend

[heavy_industry]

@Pain
I agree with @Spenny that you will benefit from changing your worldview.

A loser is not defined by their circumstances, but rather by their actions.
Being (currently) broke doesn't make you a loser. You're a loser if you give up on life and start blaming other people for your problems.

With that in mind, the good news is that from this moment onwards you can decide to be a winner for the rest of your life.

Do the actions of a winner.
The results will follow.

 

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[Belesarius]

I would add to be patient. If you are not, you will spiral back into a self hate cycle because you don't see results immediately.

@Pain
I agree with @Spenny that you will benefit from changing your worldview.

A loser is not defined by their circumstances, but rather by their actions.
Being (currently) broke doesn't make you a loser. You're a loser if you give up on life and start blaming other people for your problems.

With that in mind, the good news is that from this moment onwards you can decide to be a winner for the rest of your life.

Do the actions of a winner.
The results will follow

 

[Black_Dragon43]

@Pain
I agree with @Spenny that you will benefit from changing your worldview.

A loser is not defined by their circumstances, but rather by their actions.
Being (currently) broke doesn't make you a loser. You're a loser if you give up on life and start blaming other people for your problems.

With that in mind, the good news is that from this moment onwards you can decide to be a winner for the rest of your life.

Do the actions of a winner.
The results will follow.

If you need help with this @Pain just buy, read and apply Tiny Habits. It's a behavioral design book that will help you change how you act, without having you change your thoughts or emotions.

 

[cornishpasty]

And you know why they tell you that? Because someone with no ego causes no problems… in other words, someone with no ego isn’t even a threat!

Great point. I was very competitive as a kid but lost that edge in my teens as I felt it was not 'chill' and 'cool' and 'one with the world' to want to beat people at things. Turns out humans are pre-wired to compete, it's literally nature. I've enjoyed finding that competitive streak in myself again over the past few years.

I think it was Dana White who essentially said that with the amount of general weakness and laziness in today's age, even if you're just a bit of a savage, you will dominate. There's nothing wrong with being ruthless, so long as it is carried out with purpose, rather than callousness.

 

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[Spenny]

@cornishpasty love the name man, you a greggs lover? My sweater im wearing in the pf pic is literally their merch

 

[cornishpasty]

@cornishpasty love the name man, you a greggs lover? My sweater im wearing in the pf pic is literally their merch
View attachment 48021

I'm not opposed to one, but I don't say that too loudly down in Cornwall, it's treated like sacrilege in these parts... Outrage over Greggs opening new bakery in the heart of Cornwall's capital

 

[Spenny]

I'm not opposed to one, but I don't say that too loudly down in Cornwall, it's treated like sacrilege in these parts... Outrage over Greggs opening new bakery in the heart of Cornwall's capital

Yes! Why the hell would you open a greggs when the pasties there are already top notch!

I'm based round the north, so it's a right of passage to love greggs

 

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[redshift]

Yes and no.

If they are defining "ego" as "ambition", then yeah, you don't want to follow that advice. You aren't doing anyone any good by just retiring into a beach somewhere. Step 1 -> Always Think Big.

You also don't want to be someone with "no ego". There's another word for that -> pushover. You want to transcend the Ego. Go above it. Not let it control you.

Here are some examples of Ego controlling you ->

1) Someone who doesn't have any skills or money but also doesn't want to get a job because they are "above it" and have "read MJ's book". <-- That's the ego talking.
-> Solution: Get a damn job and pick up some skills and a work ethic first.

2) Someone who is focused on "me me me" and just "wants to be the richest" without providing any real value to the world. <-- That's the ego talking.
-> Solution: Give the cat what it wants.

3) Someone who is too afraid too ship what they've built or go public with their work because they are too afraid of what others will say and being judged. <-- That's the ego talking.
-> Solution: Ship what you've built and get some honest feedback so you can improve.

4) Someone who spends their time arguing on internet forums and reddit about how they know best and why they are "right". <-- That's the ego talking.
-> Solution: Go out and execute, build something worth talking about. Show don't tell.

Excuse me while I go do just that!

You can probably follow the trail and come up with a bunch more examples yourself ...

But.. before I go..

In business you will be competing against people like those whom I’ve mentioned.

You are right about this. Ego is great when you are stuck in a competition. Be it sports, business, or anything else. But all the people you mentioned above were tycoons. In a league of their own. You definitely wouldn't want to be competing against them.

The real question to ask in business is this: Why are you stuck competing with someone in the first place?

This isn't sports, you can set your own rules entirely. As billionaire several times over Peter Thiel famously said, "Competition is for losers." Build something the world didn't know it needed instead. Zero -> One. Let the guy's with the big ego's come compete against you. They'll end up just competing with themselves instead, because that's just what they love to do. You'll be by yourself in a league of your own. Be the guy with the Big Vision instead. Then execute the crap out of it. This is what it means to transcend the ego.

You need to be ready. And you won’t get ready by meditating.

In Zen meditation, ego is defined as the "small mind". Where it's all about me,me,me and what I want. When you transcend it, its called "big mind". This is the visionary mind, the selfless one, where you are focused on moving the world forward.

From vision comes priorities. From priorities come actions. From action comes results. Simple as that. Everything else is just details. You don't have to be a dick to get there.

Wanna know who the biggest fan of zen meditation was? Practiced it regularly and went on several meditation retreats? Even took a trip to India to "go meditate"? Someone who was in to it so much you'd wonder how he got any work done?

-> Steve Jobs.

The guy was a visionary. So is Musk. They've both transcended their ego's, and weren't controlled by them. I agree, don't listen to the "gurus". Listen to the visionaries instead. The ones who actually did it. If you read their biographies you'll see what they were/are about. It's about the vision, the mission, making change, and thinking big. Not the small boy stuff which holds most people back (i.e - depending on how you define it - the ego).

 

[mikecarlooch]

Note I forgot to add. Here is something easy Change your name. You label yourself with pain for godsake. If you cant think of a postive one DM and we'll figure something out.

Agree. the name reminds me of a bunch of 17 year old kids faking depression listening to juice world and xxxtentacion all day.

 

[Guest-5ty5s4]

Yes and no.

If they are defining "ego" as "ambition", then yeah, you don't want to follow that advice. You aren't doing anyone any good by just retiring into a beach somewhere. Step 1 -> Always Think Big.

You also don't want to be someone with "no ego". There's another word for that -> pushover. You want to transcend the Ego. Go above it. Not let it control you.

Here are some examples of Ego controlling you ->

1) Someone who doesn't have any skills or money but also doesn't want to get a job because they are "above it" and have "read MJ's book". <-- That's the ego talking.
-> Solution: Get a damn job and pick up some skills and a work ethic first.

2) Someone who is focused on "me me me" and just "wants to be the richest" without providing any real value to the world. <-- That's the ego talking.
-> Solution: Give the cat what it wants.

3) Someone who is too afraid too ship what they've built or go public with their work because they are too afraid of what others will say and being judged. <-- That's the ego talking.
-> Solution: Ship what you've built and get some honest feedback so you can improve.

4) Someone who spends their time arguing on internet forums and reddit about how they know best and why they are "right". <-- That's the ego talking.
-> Solution: Go out and execute, build something worth talking about. Show don't tell.

Excuse me while I go do just that!

You can probably follow the trail and come up with a bunch more examples yourself ...

But.. before I go..



You are right about this. Ego is great when you are stuck in a competition. Be it sports, business, or anything else. But all the people you mentioned above were tycoons. In a league of their own. You definitely wouldn't want to be competing against them.

The real question to ask in business is this: Why are you stuck competing with someone in the first place?

This isn't sports, you can set your own rules entirely. As billionaire several times over Peter Thiel famously said, "Competition is for losers." Build something the world didn't know it needed instead. Zero -> One. Let the guy's with the big ego's come compete against you. They'll end up just competing with themselves instead, because that's just what they love to do. You'll be by yourself in a league of your own. Be the guy with the Big Vision instead. Then execute the crap out of it. This is what it means to transcend the ego.



In Zen meditation, ego is defined as the "small mind". Where it's all about me,me,me and what I want. When you transcend it, its called "big mind". This is the visionary mind, the selfless one, where you are focused on moving the world forward.

From vision comes priorities. From priorities come actions. From action comes results. Simple as that. Everything else is just details. You don't have to be a dick to get there.

Wanna know who the biggest fan of zen meditation was? Practiced it regularly and went on several meditation retreats? Even took a trip to India to "go meditate"? Someone who was in to it so much you'd wonder how he got any work done?

-> Steve Jobs.

The guy was a visionary. So is Musk. They've both transcended their ego's, and weren't controlled by them. I agree, don't listen to the "gurus". Listen to the visionaries instead. The ones who actually did it. If you read their biographies you'll see what they were/are about. It's about the vision, the mission, making change, and thinking big. Not the small boy stuff which holds most people back (i.e - depending on how you define it - the ego).

Thank you for cutting through the bullshit and highlighting what is really true. This is what the forum is supposed to be all about! This particular post itself is GOLD.

 

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[Skroob]

This is true, Steve Jobs was a fan of Zen and a practitioner. Always wondered how he reconciled that with being a ruthless bastard though…

Because he was young and brash and inexperienced when he was a ruthless bastard. As he got older and wiser, he wasn't such an a**hole anymore. For example: you won't find many early Apple people with a lot of nice things to say about Steve's personality. But talk to anyone who worked with him during his second run, and it's a different story.

 

[EmotionEngine]

I knew someone was gonna bring Steve into this…

Steve Jobs is a personal hero of mine, and also a well known a**hole. By many accounts, his time at Next helped mellow him, and his second tenure at Apple was a lot smoother sailing than the first. FWIW, his creative impact at Apple his second time around was far more important than the first go, which was far more driven by Woz’s innovation than anything else.

Personally, I hope to be able to emulate the creativity and the success without the a**hole part. Wish me luck.

As for how he died, far too soon… he died of treatable pancreatic cancer, which he chose not to actually treat until it was too late. Instead, he went with woo homeopathic nonsense that would be more at home in a Reddit thread. It’s an absolute shame. Think of the things he might have done right now.

Being right about some things doesn’t mean you’re right about everything. Something @Black_Dragon43 and I actually agree on: appeal to authority is a mistake. Form your own opinions.

Walter Isaacson's biography on Steve Jobs is fantastic if you haven't read it. (Also, written when he was alive and Isaacson visited at his home with early drafts.) He is a hero of mine in some respect as well. The guy was hard to deal with at times but he believed in people and what they were capable of. He pushed boundaries. There is another person like that today, like it or not, and it's Elon Musk.

 

[Kevin88660]

Because he was young and brash and inexperienced when he was a ruthless bastard. As he got older and wiser, he wasn't such an a**hole anymore. For example: you won't find many early Apple people with a lot of nice things to say about Steve's personality. But talk to anyone who worked with him during his second run, and it's a different story.

Maybe after climbing up the ranks he need not to be an a**hole anymore.

There are managers below him playing the slave drivers’ role.

You cannot be on one hand demanding product perfection and on the other hand trying not to piss anyone.

It is like when Elon Musk took over Twitter. Choose to be nice and watch the company go bankrupt, or telling everyone to get lost if they refuse to be hardcore.

It is easy to be a nice and popular guy when you are spending other people’s money to please.

 

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[Skroob]

Maybe after climbing up the ranks he need not to be an a**hole anymore.

There are managers below him playing the slave drivers’ role.

You cannot be on one hand demanding product perfection and on the other hand trying not to piss anyone.

It is like when Elon Musk took over Twitter. Choose to be nice and watch the company go bankrupt, or telling everyone to get lost if they refuse to be hardcore.

It is easy to be a nice and popular guy when you are spending other people’s money to please.

Let's be clear here. There is a difference between "trying not to piss anyone" off, and being an a**hole. Steve never had any problems pissing people off, he was never not a tough manager who demanded the best all the time. But he was awful when he was younger, and he changed as he got older. He still got the performance and the results he wanted; I'd argue he was far more successful at getting results in his second run than he ever was in his first.

 

[Supa]

What you want to do instead is strengthen the ego. The stronger your ego, the more you’ll feel that you deserve, and the hungrier you’ll be. Where do you think confidence comes from? From a weak ego? Certainly not.

I agree with what you say, though I do think having a big ego and being an a**hole do not need to co-exist together.

Someone can be confident as f*ck and be the kindest person. I mean, what about all those people who truly care about people and therefore create products that help them? Just look at what MJ did with his books and this forum.

If we separate a big ego from being a dick to others and treating them like shit, then f*ck yeah, I'm on board with making it as strong as possible. Otherwise I'd rather be a person with good morals and values who is successful - but not as successful as some big ego person may be - than otherwise.

Then there's the problem of definition of ego.

1. Everyone has a different definition of it.

Like, what the f*ck does ego even really mean?

If we define it as the concept of self, than strengthen that shit as much as possible. If one defines it in a similar way to entitlement or hubris and arrogance, than maybe one should reevaluate their views.

2. Some people are losers and others are winners

As for winners and losers... I'm not too big a fan of this concept. Not that I don't believe there are, in some ways, winners and losers in this world. But it's often used as a term to describe a human being. Not what they do or just within one specific category. It's often about the person him or herself.

And this is a f*cked up concept imo. As life is a lot more complex than just "black-and-white"-ing everyone in two broad categories of either being a winner or a loser. F*ck no. Someone may be an absolute winner when it comes to a specific sport, but totally suck and be a loser at many other things beside that.

Similar to that, someone may be a loser in pretty much everything to do with sports, but be a f*cking genius when it comes to business.

How would you describe such a person? Is he now a winner? I mean he's great at business, right? But isn't he also a loser, as he sucks at sport and can't get his a$$ up to get in shape? Maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe he is just a human being and really good in one area (a winner) while really bad in others (a loser) and mediocre in most besides those.

I know, I know... this forum is about business and in a business-context there definitely are winners and losers. Just wanted to emphasize that business is just one area of life, an important one, but not the only one and being a genius in it doesn't make you a winner across the board. Only one in this area.

 

[kommen]

I think people tend to confuse "ego" with pride. And I think there's a BIG difference between those two words.

 

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[kommen]

So basically don't be a nice guy, master the art of giving 0 F*cks, be the bad guy, egomaniacs have a higher chance of success in life, don't be like Nikola Tesla or Wozniack.

I Disagree. While I do agree on not being a "nice guy", I don't think intentionally being a "bad guy" would do any good either.

"People buy from you because they LIKE you" - Jeffrey Gitomer in his book "Little Red Book of Selling"

But hey, I might be wrong. Did it work for you though?

EDIT: I also think intentionally being a bad guy hinders you from listening to people's problems that you, an entrepreneur, can sell a solution to.

EDIT #2: Changed my opinion on being "nice".

 

[heavy_industry]

As for winners and losers... I'm not too big a fan of this concept. Not that I don't believe there are, in some ways, winners and losers in this world. But it's often used as a term to describe a human being. Not what they do or just within one specific category. It's often about the person him or herself.

And this is a f*cked up concept imo. As life is a lot more complex than just "black-and-white"-ing everyone in two broad categories of either being a winner or a loser. F*ck no. Someone may be an absolute winner when it comes to a specific sport, but totally suck and be a loser at many other things beside that.

Similar to that, someone may be a loser in pretty much everything to do with sports, but be a f*cking genius when it comes to business.

How would you describe such a person? Is he now a winner? I mean he's great at business, right? But isn't he also a loser, as he sucks at sport and can't get his a$$ up to get in shape? Maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe he is just a human being and really good in one area (a winner) while really bad in others (a loser) and mediocre in most besides those.

I know, I know... this forum is about business and in a business-context there definitely are winners and losers. Just wanted to emphasize that business is just one area of life, an important one, but not the only one and being a genius in it doesn't make you a winner across the board. Only one in this area.

• A winner is someone who takes charge of their life and aims up.
• A loser is someone who blames other people and aims down.

It has nothing to do with how your bank account looks like.

And being a winner/loser is not permanent state.
Is a choice that you make every single day. Either consciously or unconsciously.

 

[heavy_industry]

Or you're like me, and you're a winner because you alone fight 3-4 other winners at the same time every day (Anti, chosen, and Kak)... it's not that hard!

https://imgur.com/MGIa7

View: https://i.imgur.com/MGIa7.gif

I would like to use this opportunity to challenge @BizyDad to a staring contest over the forum. The first one who blinks loses.

No cheating please. Thank you.

 

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[Guest-5ty5s4]

I would like to use this opportunity to challenge @BizyDad to a staring contest over the forum. The first one who blinks loses.

No cheating please. Thank you.

3-way staring contest? Cross-eyed or bug-eyed, doesn't matter!