The question though, is what makes these successful people want to hang with less successful, but eager-to-improve people? It's a catch-22 situation because I've nothing to offer them until I become successful myself lol
For a minute, I'm going to flip this. What do you want from them? You're narrowly defining what you have to offer them, so perhaps you're narrowly defining what you want from them too?
Imagine you're at a 1-on-1 dinner with them. What are you hoping for? For them just sit there & tell you what to do? For them to just tell you how awesome their life is? (I mean, that would be them being positive.)
OF COURSE NOT - you want to be friends with these people.
You want interesting conversation (back-&-forth). You want shared connection & bonding over experiences & viewpoints. You want to be intellectually stimulated by each others differences. You want an environment where you can be comfortable being fully yourselves. You want to enjoy each other's company!
Here's the thing - pretty much all humans enjoy forming this kind of connection with humans they like - whether they are actively pursuing expanding their circle or not.
So is the only thing you have to offer your success?
Or are you an interesting conversationalist?
I have a friend who likes to find an interesting story in the papers that day, then uses it to network. Instead of asking what everyone does for a living, he asks if anyone saw that article about the latest advance in AI in the Times this morning? Produces interesting conversation even if nobody did.
Do you have anything in common with them?
This could be anything from moral/philosophical/political view points, to being able to chat at length about the prettiest sports cars. What about experiences? You don't have to bond over your Learjets or 6* hotel stays - what about your background? I'm gonna take a wild guess & assume that any successful entrepreneur probably didn't like school for some reason. Doesn't mean they didn't do well, but unless they were unconventionally schooled, they probably didn't always enjoy their (probably) unconventional mind being squeezed through a conventional system. This is often a good bonding point.
Do you have any interesting differences from them?
I'm (amongst other things) an actor. In a room full of actors, I'm just another one, but at an economics talk, this makes me more interesting than the average finance/think tank/whatnot in attendance. Even if it's just a hobby, if you've done something that's interesting, that they haven't, tell them! They might get an interesting conversation about it. Yes - them. You'll probably enjoy it too.
Will you make them feel comfortable being themselves?
I was friends with a very successful guy who was casually telling me about his new toy that he thought was super cool & stressed how it was *such* a bargain, so I asked how much it was. He hesitated for a moment - he knew I was much worse off than him - but he told me. I responded - honestly - with something like "wow, cool - that really was a bargain!" because for him it was! And his face brightened right up. He was safe to enjoy showing off about his new toy, without fear of judgment from me, just because it would be an imprudent thing for me to spend that money on. I was happy for him, so he got to be happy for him too without any worry.
Are you enjoyable company?
You may not have met your criteria of success yet, but are you precisely the kind of positive, big-thinking, go-getting, action-taking, non-toxic person you're seeking? I hope so, because they don't want to pollute their circle with negativity anymore than you do.
Great, so now you're friends with them, how's about more specific help. Why would they want to advise or mentor you?
Let's try an analogy. Say somebody has a problem to which you are selling a product which is a solution. How awesome is it when that person gives you their money for it?! How even more awesome is it when they leave a glowing testimonial about how it changed their life for the better?! How even more awesome is it when they tell everyone they know about it?!! Yeah, pretty awesome. That warm glowing feeling you have knowing you really improved someone's life? Yeah - you get that in addition to the money you made. F*cking win!
Now let's make the tremendous mental leap to when a friend (or forum member!) asks you for advice & you give them some. How awesome is it when they are thankful and appreciative? How even more awesome is it when they go away & implement what you suggested & then tell you about it so you know the effect you had?!
What about when you're so kind & generous that you offer to put them in touch with one of your contacts (i.e. lend your reputation - this comes with the possibility of tarnishing!) & they're both prompt & polite when dealing with your contact (thus protecting your borrowed reputation), & follow up with you to let you know what happened? Pretty awesome right? What about when they've been such a credit to your reputation that your contact also gets in touch to let you know & thank you for the valuable introduction? Even more awesomer!
I'm telling you, if you've ever even just written something helpful on this forum & had some people click like & it made you smile you know why people would want to help you.
If you've ever tried to be helpful on here & been roundly ignored you know what would make the experience disappointing.
The bigger the difference made, the more powerful it is. For example I met someone at summit who a read a book I'd suggested on the forum, taken the advice therein & completely -completely- changed his life. Whilst all the action taking credit goes to him, I was still slightly struck in awe that a small thing I'd done could have had such a ripple effect. It was like making your first single jaw-dropping dollar.
I discussed this with one of my 7-figure net worth friends (the newspaper article guy I mentioned above) and he told me how positively addictive making a difference is - improving people's lives is what it's all about. And he does a lot of it. Indeed all of my friends (both "successful" & "working-on-it") have been happy to offer me help & advice along the way. Know why? They care about me - they're my friends.
Be a good friend.
I'll leave you with the summary:
If you get given advice:
- Be grateful.
- F*cking do something with it. Be an action taker.
- Tell them about the action you took because of their advice.
One of the (to be fair many) highlights of the summit for me was when @Primeperiwinkle told me she'd been talking to some of the young men there about what talks they'd found most inspiring. They'd said Kak's talk had really given them direction & a very important why, and then my talk had told them how. This made so damn ecstatic, I was so pleased she told me! But you know who didn't think to tell me? The people who gave me the complement in the first place!
Always do the follow up - it's one of the most valuable forms of repayment.
Last edited: