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Surrounding yourself with positive, successful people

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Xeon

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I'm reading the Miracle Morning book.(surprisingly, MJ even wrote a testimonial in the book lol), and one of the things that is mentioned is that one of the causes of mediocrity is to be surrounded by toxic, negative people.

So, the thing is to be surrounded by positive people who're also more successful than myself, or people who have reached where I want to be.

The question though, is what makes these successful people want to hang with less successful, but eager-to-improve people? It's a catch-22 situation because I've nothing to offer them until I become successful myself lol
 

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SchenkFinancial

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This is not necessarily the paradox that you think it is.

History has shown that entrepreneurs who were still in their early stages and searched proactively for environments where successful people hang out, like seminars, managed to connect this way.

If you have some equity, you can nowadays even buy exclusive opportunities to meet high-level entrepreneurs and go on network trips with them.

Apparently, even Richard Branson offers a 40k trip to Necker Island, intended for charity donation purposes. Clearly a considerable sum for most people, but I just wanted to mention the possibilities.
 
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Martin.G

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I know some people that they offer his/her services to a successful people only to learn. For example Dan Lok always talk about that when he tells the story about his journey to be a copywriter.

Also, there are other example of people less famous that they start in similar way. For example, the other day I find that someone who has skills in graphic design offer his service free to a SEO, and because he learned a lot of working with him now he has his own projects.

On the other hand, if you have the focus, the desire to work on something, you are going to study, learn and connect with people that they are in that niche, so probably you're going to end up surrounding yourself with better people, because they are going to see something in you that worth the time.

I am not an expert on the subject, but my plan is to rid the toxic people first and use that time trying to do my best, then I think the things are going to fall in the right place.

One of my personal experiences is this forum. Because last year I put in my weekly goal to write 2 post every week offering some type of value. That helped me to connect with other user that give me valuable advices. Also, in the meantime, I can practice English, that is something that I try to improve every day.

At the end, the people see my effort and give some type of help. But first, I have to show mine. I cannot go and write a post asking how to create a business that worth millions, I have to put the work first and then things happens. It is like a hamster wheel, you make your best until some level, then ask for advice, then you learn until to some highest level and repeat.
 

peterb0yd

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I am not an expert on the subject, but my plan is to rid the toxic people first and use that time trying to do my best, then I think the things are going to fall in the right place.
:clap:::clap:::clap::

This is what I've started doing in the past few weeks.

I've spent the last few months hanging out with someone that kinda bothers me. I had just moved to a new place before quarantine, didn't know anyone, and had difficulty meeting new people. I thought it was better hanging out with him than being lonely.

I realized a few weeks ago, this is wrong. Hanging out with people that bother you prevents better people from showing up.

It was causing me to be lazy. By removing time spent with this person, I am more motivated to go out and meet new people and be more active online. I started a daily challenge to meet one new person every day while going out for walks. It's been working really well, it just takes discipline.

If you show the world that you're willing to put in the work to improve your financial situation and relationships, good things happen. Seek uncomfortable methods to improve and do them every day. The results compound.
 
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Mutant

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The question though, is what makes these successful people want to hang with less successful, but eager-to-improve people? It's a catch-22 situation because I've nothing to offer them until I become successful myself lol
For a minute, I'm going to flip this. What do you want from them? You're narrowly defining what you have to offer them, so perhaps you're narrowly defining what you want from them too?

Imagine you're at a 1-on-1 dinner with them. What are you hoping for? For them just sit there & tell you what to do? For them to just tell you how awesome their life is? (I mean, that would be them being positive.)

OF COURSE NOT - you want to be friends with these people.

You want interesting conversation (back-&-forth). You want shared connection & bonding over experiences & viewpoints. You want to be intellectually stimulated by each others differences. You want an environment where you can be comfortable being fully yourselves. You want to enjoy each other's company!

Here's the thing - pretty much all humans enjoy forming this kind of connection with humans they like - whether they are actively pursuing expanding their circle or not.

So is the only thing you have to offer your success?

Or are you an interesting conversationalist?

I have a friend who likes to find an interesting story in the papers that day, then uses it to network. Instead of asking what everyone does for a living, he asks if anyone saw that article about the latest advance in AI in the Times this morning? Produces interesting conversation even if nobody did.

Do you have anything in common with them?

This could be anything from moral/philosophical/political view points, to being able to chat at length about the prettiest sports cars. What about experiences? You don't have to bond over your Learjets or 6* hotel stays - what about your background? I'm gonna take a wild guess & assume that any successful entrepreneur probably didn't like school for some reason. Doesn't mean they didn't do well, but unless they were unconventionally schooled, they probably didn't always enjoy their (probably) unconventional mind being squeezed through a conventional system. This is often a good bonding point.

Do you have any interesting differences from them?

I'm (amongst other things) an actor. In a room full of actors, I'm just another one, but at an economics talk, this makes me more interesting than the average finance/think tank/whatnot in attendance. Even if it's just a hobby, if you've done something that's interesting, that they haven't, tell them! They might get an interesting conversation about it. Yes - them. You'll probably enjoy it too.

Will you make them feel comfortable being themselves?

I was friends with a very successful guy who was casually telling me about his new toy that he thought was super cool & stressed how it was *such* a bargain, so I asked how much it was. He hesitated for a moment - he knew I was much worse off than him - but he told me. I responded - honestly - with something like "wow, cool - that really was a bargain!" because for him it was! And his face brightened right up. He was safe to enjoy showing off about his new toy, without fear of judgment from me, just because it would be an imprudent thing for me to spend that money on. I was happy for him, so he got to be happy for him too without any worry.

Are you enjoyable company?

You may not have met your criteria of success yet, but are you precisely the kind of positive, big-thinking, go-getting, action-taking, non-toxic person you're seeking? I hope so, because they don't want to pollute their circle with negativity anymore than you do.


Great, so now you're friends with them, how's about more specific help. Why would they want to advise or mentor you?

Let's try an analogy. Say somebody has a problem to which you are selling a product which is a solution. How awesome is it when that person gives you their money for it?! How even more awesome is it when they leave a glowing testimonial about how it changed their life for the better?! How even more awesome is it when they tell everyone they know about it?!! Yeah, pretty awesome. That warm glowing feeling you have knowing you really improved someone's life? Yeah - you get that in addition to the money you made. f*cking win!

Now let's make the tremendous mental leap to when a friend (or forum member!) asks you for advice & you give them some. How awesome is it when they are thankful and appreciative? How even more awesome is it when they go away & implement what you suggested & then tell you about it so you know the effect you had?!

What about when you're so kind & generous that you offer to put them in touch with one of your contacts (i.e. lend your reputation - this comes with the possibility of tarnishing!) & they're both prompt & polite when dealing with your contact (thus protecting your borrowed reputation), & follow up with you to let you know what happened? Pretty awesome right? What about when they've been such a credit to your reputation that your contact also gets in touch to let you know & thank you for the valuable introduction? Even more awesomer!

I'm telling you, if you've ever even just written something helpful on this forum & had some people click like & it made you smile you know why people would want to help you.

If you've ever tried to be helpful on here & been roundly ignored you know what would make the experience disappointing.


The bigger the difference made, the more powerful it is. For example I met someone at summit who a read a book I'd suggested on the forum, taken the advice therein & completely -completely- changed his life. Whilst all the action taking credit goes to him, I was still slightly struck in awe that a small thing I'd done could have had such a ripple effect. It was like making your first single jaw-dropping dollar.

I discussed this with one of my 7-figure net worth friends (the newspaper article guy I mentioned above) and he told me how positively addictive making a difference is - improving people's lives is what it's all about. And he does a lot of it. Indeed all of my friends (both "successful" & "working-on-it") have been happy to offer me help & advice along the way. Know why? They care about me - they're my friends.
Be a good friend.

I'll leave you with the summary:

If you get given advice:

- Be grateful.
- f*cking do something with it. Be an action taker.
- Tell them about the action you took because of their advice.

One of the (to be fair many) highlights of the summit for me was when @Primeperiwinkle told me she'd been talking to some of the young men there about what talks they'd found most inspiring. They'd said Kak's talk had really given them direction & a very important why, and then my talk had told them how. This made so damn ecstatic, I was so pleased she told me! But you know who didn't think to tell me? The people who gave me the complement in the first place!

Always do the follow up - it's one of the most valuable forms of repayment.
 
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ZCP

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@Xeon i think you strongly underestimate the people that 'want to help others' ......

change your mindset. how CAN i? how CAN i create these connections and interactions?

it's like asking someone out. just go f*cking ask them out. you have no idea what THEY are thinking / need / want / will say .......
 

Lyinx

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For a minute, I'm going to flip this. What do you want from them? You're narrowly defining what you have to offer them, so perhaps you're narrowly defining what you want from them too?

Imagine you're at a 1-on-1 dinner with them. What are you hoping for? For them just sit there & tell you what to do? For them to just tell you how awesome their life is? (I mean, that would be them being positive.)

OF COURSE NOT - you want to be friends with these people.

You want interesting conversation (back-&-forth). You want shared connection & bonding over experiences & viewpoints. You want to be intellectually stimulated by each others differences. You want an environment where you can be comfortable being fully yourselves. You want to enjoy each other's company!

Here's the thing - pretty much all humans enjoy forming this kind of connection with humans they like - whether they are actively pursuing expanding their circle or not.

So is the only thing you have to offer your success?

Or are you an interesting conversationalist?

I have a friend who likes to find an interesting story in the papers that day, then uses it to network. Instead of asking what everyone does for a living, he asks if anyone saw that article about the latest advance in AI in the Times this morning? Produces interesting conversation even if nobody did.

Do you have anything in common with them?

This could be anything from moral/philosophical/political view points, to being able to chat at length about the prettiest sports cars. What about experiences? You don't have to bond over your Learjets or 6* hotel stays - what about your background? I'm gonna take a wild guess & assume that any successful entrepreneur probably didn't like school for some reason. Doesn't mean they didn't do well, but unless they were unconventionally schooled, they probably didn't always enjoy their (probably) unconventional mind being squeezed through a conventional system. This is often a good bonding point.

Do you have any interesting differences from them?

I'm (amongst other things) an actor. In a room full of actors, I'm just another one, but at an economics talk, this makes me more interesting than the average finance/think tank/whatnot in attendance. Even if it's just a hobby, if you've done something that's interesting, that they haven't, tell them! They might get an interesting conversation about it. Yes - them. You'll probably enjoy it too.

Will you make them feel comfortable being themselves?

I was friends with a very successful guy who was casually telling me about his new toy that he thought was super cool & stressed how it was *such* a bargain, so I asked how much it was. He hesitated for a moment - he knew I was much worse off than him - but he told me. I responded - honestly - with something like "wow, cool - that really was a bargain!" because for him it was! And his face brightened right up. He was safe to enjoy showing off about his new toy, without fear of judgment from me, just because it would be an imprudent thing for me to spend that money on. I was happy for him, so he got to be happy for him too without any worry.

Are you enjoyable company?

You may not have met your criteria of success yet, but are you precisely the kind of positive, big-thinking, go-getting, action-taking, non-toxic person you're seeking? I hope so, because they don't want to pollute their circle with negativity anymore than you do.


Great, so now you're friends with them, how's about more specific help. Why would they want to advise or mentor you?

Let's try an analogy. Say somebody has a problem to which you are selling a product which is a solution. How awesome is it when that person gives you their money for it?! How even more awesome is it when they leave a glowing testimonial about how it changed their life for the better?! How even more awesome is it when they tell everyone they know about it?!! Yeah, pretty awesome. That warm glowing feeling you have knowing you really improved someone's life? Yeah - you get that in addition to the money you made. F*cking win!

Now let's make the tremendous mental leap to when a friend (or forum member!) asks you for advice & you give them some. How awesome is it when they are thankful and appreciative? How even more awesome is it when they go away & implement what you suggested & then tell you about it so you know the effect you had?!

What about when you're so kind & generous that you offer to put them in touch with one of your contacts (i.e. lend your reputation - this comes with the possibility of tarnishing!) & they're both prompt & polite when dealing with your contact (thus protecting your borrowed reputation), & follow up with you to let you know what happened? Pretty awesome right? What about when they've been such a credit to your reputation that your contact also gets in touch to let you know & thank you for the valuable introduction? Even more awesomer!

I'm telling you, if you've ever even just written something helpful on this forum & had some people click like & it made you smile you know why people would want to help you.

If you've ever tried to be helpful on here & been roundly ignored you know what would make the experience disappointing.


The bigger the difference made, the more powerful it is. For example I met someone at summit who a read a book I'd suggested on the forum, taken the advice therein & completely -completely- changed his life. Whilst all the action taking credit goes to him, I was still slightly struck in awe that a small thing I'd done could have had such a ripple effect. It was like making your first single jaw-dropping dollar.

I discussed this with one of my 7-figure net worth friends (the newspaper article guy I mentioned above) and he told me how positively addictive making a difference is - improving people's lives is what it's all about. And he does a lot of it. Indeed all of my friends (both "successful" & "working-on-it") have been happy to offer me help & advice along the way. Know why? They care about me - they're my friends.
Be a good friend.

I'll leave you with the summary:

If you get given advice:

- Be grateful.
- F*cking do something with it. Be an action taker.
- Tell them about the action you took because of their advice.

One of the (to be fair many) highlights of the summit for me was when @Primeperiwinkle told me she'd been talking to some of the young men there about what talks they'd found most inspiring. They'd said Kak's talk had really given them direction & a very important why, and then my talk had told them how. This made so damn ecstatic, I was so pleased she told me! But you know who didn't think to tell me? The people who gave me the complement in the first place!

Always do the follow up - it's one of the most valuable forms of repayment.
Sounds pretty much deadon, I'll provide one more way of looking at it if you don't mind ...

Let's imagine that you've become successful, whatever you define as successful.

You know that you could push into new industries, and start new businesses, and most likely be successful..

But honestly, your probably late 40s at the earliest, possibly even into you 50s or 60s.. why would you go further? You might make a success in the new market before you fully retire, or you could spend some time off being partially retired now.

Your friends are getting fewer, you see them pass every year. You have less and less successful friends. What do you turn into? A lonely hermit?

If I'd be in that situation, I would be happy to make the acquaintance of a young person who is looking to start out, I'd gladly help them on their way with some advice.

Come to think of it, I already do that any chance that I get, and I'm not that old yet :)

I enjoy hanging out with people and helping them with ideas, and every once in a while I'll find an idea that would help me along with my current business, or an opportunity to collaborate with someone, or maybe an opportunity to sell to them (who know what will show up).

Helping people is a hobby of mine, I feed them ideas and love to see them take fruit in their lives and businesses and I love to hear back from them, their experiences and success or failures. This I enjoy.
 

Primeperiwinkle

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Have you ever discussed something and in the process of talking it out you came to realize something new that you had never thought of? It’s a human trait, this need to express ourselves and be validated when we can fully share our unformed, unproven ideas with others.

We all want to be recognized and appreciated by someone we admire.

How can you be a person that successful ppl admire? You’re saying you have nothing of worth, nothing that they could admire but you’re wrong. Successful people admire virtues like courage, tenacity, honesty, humility, and diligence. People might never like you but they will ALWAYS respect you for whichever virtues you refine.

If you want ppl to like you.. that’s easier. Like them first. Don’t need them or flatter them or kiss their a$$ every day.. just genuinely like them, for who they are.

The best way to make friends is to enjoy people. To love others.

When I meet someone I try very hard to look and to listen for something about them that I can take delight in.. whether they ever know it or not. (I can tell you what I loved about almost everyone I met at the Summit but some of the reasons would sound so weird to you.. because they’re MY reasons for thinking someone is cool or wonderful or interesting..) Connecting to people really comes down to that.

Just be a person who is working hard to genuinely like something about everyone you meet, have virtue, and be consistently grateful to others.

You’ll make friends everywhere you go. Really. But especially with the good successful ppl.. because they wouldn’t be where they are if they didn’t value those things too.
 
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Xeon

Xeon

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Hi all, I'm extremely grateful for all the replies here! I'll read and re-read them to slowly internalize them.

First of all, I should have clarified more clearly in my original post. It was written with a more leisurely setting in mind, not so much about business.

There's a fitness club I go to quite often, and the one thing I noticed is that folks there are generally positive and have good traits which I want to pick up and internalize into myself. Among them, there are folks with Masters degrees, doctors, lawyers, overachievers, high achievers.....the like. Tbh, this is the first time I've encountered people of such standings, and I admire their character traits (positive, never-say-die, always high energy, confident etc...). I'm in-awe of them, because pretty much all my life, the folks I hung with were mostly the toxic, sidewalkers type (not even slowlaners, mind you). And these positive folks, their energy is pretty contagious. I actually feel high after just being in the same room with them.

In comparison, I feel kinda small and sometimes wonder if I'm even "worthy" to be in the same room as them. I mean, I'm working hard to reach their level, but it'll take time. Side note though, most of them are very welcoming and friendly, but there's always this nagging self-doubt that pops up once in a while....
 

Kevin88660

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I'm reading the Miracle Morning book.(surprisingly, MJ even wrote a testimonial in the book lol), and one of the things that is mentioned is that one of the causes of mediocrity is to be surrounded by toxic, negative people.

So, the thing is to be surrounded by positive people who're also more successful than myself, or people who have reached where I want to be.

The question though, is what makes these successful people want to hang with less successful, but eager-to-improve people? It's a catch-22 situation because I've nothing to offer them until I become successful myself lol
You do not have to be with people who are already successful. You can be with people who want to learn and improve first.

Once you have accomplished something small, you have something to show and prove. Then you have a higher chance working with people who are already successful. Because highly successful people are being pitched daily, for their money or their time, they have a right to be skeptical.
 

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