She Hurt Me So Bad...I Cried Myself to Sleep

[Almantas]

The title of this thread is not a click-bait. It happened almost 3 years ago. My first love left me after 3 years in a relationship. I cried myself to sleep at least twice a week, for almost a year.

Why am I telling you this? There's a simple reason:

Most people blame their ex'es for hurting them. Thieves for breaking their window to steal a TV. Or a competitor doing unethical things to win business.

There's a little crumble of wisdom that is so obvious, but so often ignored:

All of the above-mentioned people didn't want to hurt you. Anger, desperation, frustration were just emotions triggered by your reaction to a situation. All of the above-mentioned people simply made choices that were supposed to make their lives better. All of the above-mentioned people simply made a choice to improve their life and you were just standing on their way.

Most people tell me how evil my ex was for dumping me. Relatives tell me that they're surprised that I didn't get insane, because of all the events that followed after she left me (long story)...but you know what? I am proud of her. I am proud that she made a choice to make her life a better place. And she made a right decision.

Don't feel angry about others. We're all together in the same game known as The Life.

 

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[Aaron T]

It all comes down to personal accountability. Even if it is not your fault for what happened, it is your fault for how you react to it.

Hard as it can be, I find it easier to forgive others and move on.

If you don't already you will have a better person for you in your stage in life. Your character here already shows so I know this is the case.

 

[Symphony]

It all comes down to personal accountability. Even if it is not your fault for what happened, it is your fault for how you react to it.

Hard as it can be, I find it easier to forgive others and move on.

If you don't already you will have a better person for you in your stage in life. Your character here already shows so I know this is the case.

I definitely love this statement. I greatly admire Tom Bilyeu, who has stated on a number of occassions that even if his wife was lying in her family home in london, at night and an asteroid came out of nowhere, struck her house and killed her- he would blame himself.

He would look at what he could have done differently no matter what.

As it turns out inthis case, there's an organization that he is AWARE of, that currently monitors space for near- Earth objects. He hasn't invested- nor does he plan to. He uses the example as just that- an example.

 

[AustinS28]

The most personal growth I've ever made in life followed the most painful experiences I've had.

Everyone has a choice. You can learn from the past or dwell on it. I've always improved myself to try and prevent past mistakes from happening again.

I've let pain motivate me to be a better person, businessman, all around guy etc.

After my last break up, I was free to attack goals I was putting off and I'm proud to say I've been accomplishing them one by one.

I also had time to reflect on what I want from my next relationship, what I want to bring to the table and also things I won't tolerate again.

 

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[RogueInnovation]

Nice use of english man!
Yeah I totally agree, don't blame people for following their own nature.

 

[Tedd]

The title of this thread is not a click-bait. It happened almost 3 years ago. My first love left me after 3 years in a relationship. I cried myself to sleep at least twice a week, for almost a year.

Why am I telling you this? There's a simple reason:

Most people blame their ex'es for hurting them. Thieves for breaking their window to steal a TV. Or a competitor doing unethical things to win business.

There's a little crumble of wisdom that is so obvious, but so often ignored:

All of the above-mentioned people didn't want to hurt you. Anger, desperation, frustration were just emotions triggered by your reaction to a situation. All of the above-mentioned people simply made choices that were supposed to make their lives better. All of the above-mentioned people simply made a choice to improve their life and you were just standing on their way.

Most people tell me how evil my ex was for dumping me. Relatives tell me that they're surprised that I didn't get insane, because of all the events that followed after she left me (long story)...but you know what? I am proud of her. I am proud that she made a choice to make her life a better place. And she made a right decision.

Don't feel angry about others. We're all together in the same game known as The Life.

Going through this right NOW - at this very moment - and I know HOW it feels. My wife and I are separating - but it's the good choice to make herself better - and for me too!

 

[MitchM]

I believe that something can be considered a good or moral choice when it is made with the benefit of yourself, your loved ones, and the world at large in mind. What is good for others is also good for you and I think that orienting yourself in this way is a noble endeavor.

Sure, we each must prioritize ourselves first in the sequence of self, family, community, and the world - but if someone has such tunnel vision that they do unnecessary harm to others while on their path, it is either malicious or ignorant. I would prefer to be neither.

 

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[Mattie]

I think I believe people do make the best choices for themselves. At the same time, I'm to familiar with it is a unique experience, every couple is different, and just like Entrepreneurship, a few things happen. Self-sabotage and Sabotaging others in the situation. Subconsciously, individuals don't always know they're choosing emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, financial, death. It is all about where you're at in the stages of growth and development. Whether you're in lower consciousness or higher consciousness, or even if you're in the middle transitioning between the two.

What I've learned is following their nature is a unique experience, how they even process information, navigate in the world, their perception, beliefs, and in my personal journey, I'm not afraid to say, those times where your ego dies, beliefs collapses, conditioning is even unlearned about the masculine/feminine, the roles we're "supposed" to follow, and who is the "Breadwinner", can be quite a challenge. Relationships itself is all about trial and error, grow, evolution, and transforming inside from the younger version to the mature version.

Following our animal mind (Nature), really needs to be disciplined. I mean whether it's relationships or entrepreneurship, the same rules apply. It's a financial investment, business investment, and I can see why having a partner who doesn't align with you're Entrepreneurship views, can be a liability and down fall. I suppose that wonderful divorce I had in 2007, kind of was more like a Bomb, and it only takes one time, to learn the hard way, it can be the most transforming experience of your life. I would say it was both of our bad choices, lack of knowledge, ignorance of higher consciousness, I have to say in 12 years I have been transformed in massive ways, and for some reason, in 2017, I see the bigger picture of it all, and know it was the best choice I ever made. While I've basically been through the harsh boot camp of life, as you can see it ended up in the Fast lane pursuing a different lifestyle. I'm in a different culture, and my life is literally completely different than it was.

I don't even perceive relationships, life, finances, education the same way. Sacrifice came with a high price, and I still live with making sacrifices, because at times it's the right choice. Bottom line, as a women, it's facing the fact that security, stability, safety, doesn't come from outside of myself. It comes from within. Now some men would disagree with this, but fortunately, every woman and man has a different journey. Life works out differently for everyone. And I believe the biggest problem we have in society is everyone fits in a one size fits all box.

Beliefs are usually why one feels victimized, how they're conditioned in society by many different avenues, and that box doesn't fit everyone. And when you hold on to some distorted belief, this is what causes the emotional and mental pain. And never feels pleasant to be boundary pushed in the psyche. While I know at times we choose to leave relationships, there are other times when others choose to boundary push. And I think sometimes we don't think how some individuals might not be strong enough and have issues psychologically if we force them to believe something, they're not ready to believe.

And when individuals are in lower-consciousness, or in the middle of the process, they may not see the bigger picture how it does help them become self-reliant, independent, and evolve them into perhaps a better individual in society or as an entrepreneur.

Relationships fail because people don't want to feel their emotions, deal with life, change their lifestyle, or habits. They want to hold on to old life style, but the longer they struggle, fight, and try to resist the longer it delays them from achieving their goals in life.

The other thing, two people are always waiting on the other person to change, evolve, grow, and take action. They get tired of waiting on the other, but forget their partner is waiting on them. I think this happens with the entrepreneurs sometimes. They're higher consciousness, know where they're going, focused, drive, and determined, while a partner, maybe still growing, not understand, and have the wrong perception of events, and end up leaving, because they don't understand life is long-term, not short-term gains, or short-term pleasure.

 

[StartToday]

Obviously I don't know the specifics of your case but usually both parties are to blame.

This is gonna sound cliché as f*ck but communication is the key to success. Maybe you could've done something to prevent her from feeling she was better off without you. Or perhaps she could've let you know all the aspects of the relationship that were letting her down, and hell, maybe she actually did that but you didn't take it with the seriousness it deserved.

In this context, you could blame her and/or yourself for letting the relationship reach the point of no return. But indeed, you can't blame her for wanting out after said point.

Sorry if I went off topic

Either way, you acquired valuable information from this relationship. There are many wonderful women out there waiting for men like you.

Hope you're no longer hurting from this relationship.

 

[bringitnow28329]

Monogamous relationships are for suckers... There are 7 billion people out there, probably more than half are women. Why would anyone ever settle for one women? If one dumps you just get another or have a stable of women to choose from and rotate through, so it doesn't matter when one dumps you.

 

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[Aaron T]

Monogamous relationships are for suckers... There are 7 billion people out there, probably more than half are women. Why would anyone ever settle for one women? If one dumps you just get another or have a stable of women to choose from and rotate through, so it doesn't matter when one dumps you.

I don't want to get political or anything because I understand your point.. but let me rewrite this for you:

Why would any single person stay in a toxic relationship when there are so many wonderful people out there to meet. 7 Billion of them! Maybe one of them is the right person for you. So don't get hung up if you get dumped. Go find that special someone!

 

[focusedlife]

This is good stuff.

Recently, I've been heavily into stoic philosophy and trying to not be emotionally engaged in the current political arena, as of late.

Stoics seem to have the whole how to live and endure even during the most extremem hardships dialed in.

Some of the readings I'm most fond of, fyi, are stuff like:

• The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
• The Obstacle Is The way (Holiday)
• Ego Is The Enemy (Holiday)
• Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss
• Start With No by Jim Camp

These help with perspective.

I'm pretty sure you can get some more mileage out of religious stuff, but I was looking for things that don't have (or, at least, attempt) a huge amount of bias and emotional charge in their teachings.

For that reason, I also might add the Buddhist teachings to this list.

All good stuff for giving perspective and helping to mitigate the VERY HUMAN emotional charge from a situation which is useful for moving forward and getting shit done.

Sorry you experienced what you went through, but glad to see your resolve taking shape.

Regards

Los

 

[luniac]

better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.
At least u felt such strong emotions about another human being.
I can't imagine crying over somebody close to me unless they literally died or something.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

Monogamous relationships are for suckers... There are 7 billion people out there, probably more than half are women. Why would anyone ever settle for one women? If one dumps you just get another or have a stable of women to choose from and rotate through, so it doesn't matter when one dumps you.

Why go through a bunch of women when you can build a life with one that you share compatibility, chemistry, and mutual attraction with?

A mistake I made for a long time (and still make occasionally) is assuming everyone wants what I want. That's just not the case, nor is it the case with everyone wanting what you want.

Some people want long-term monogamy.

Some people want multiple partners.

Some people don't want relationships at all.

All of those choices are OK...ya know?

The real problems begin when people don't own their choices through responsibility and accountability.

I believe that's where relationships go to shit, when people quit holding themselves accountable for and to themselves, and responsible to (not for) their partners.

This is gonna sound cliché as f*ck but communication is the key to success.

Out of all the BS scripted relationship advice this world spews out like a drunken loud-mouth, this is actually true. SO TRUE.

SO MANY people don't talk about what they need, want, or expect in relationships (been there, done that. My gosh have I done that), and that doesn't do either party any good.

I am proud of her. I am proud that she made a choice to make her life a better place.

Sure.

But...

You've made choices to put your life in a better place too, no?

So...make sure you're proud of yourself as well.

(and congrats on the INSIDERS's access!)

 

[Mattie]

Monogamous relationships are for suckers... There are 7 billion people out there, probably more than half are women. Why would anyone ever settle for one women? If one dumps you just get another or have a stable of women to choose from and rotate through, so it doesn't matter when one dumps you.

Sounds more for those who are like detached emotional relationships, versus emotional intimacy. Some love that detached relationship thing, you don't have to invest your emotions, thoughts, feelings, make no commitment, no investment, just use men and women for self-gratification, never mind it deals with their nervous system, causes emotional wounding, teaches rejection, abandonment, of both the masculine and feminine. And that's the whole point of the "Walking Marriage". Be careful what you wish for, a lot of feminists, have this idea why don't we do the same thing men do, and use them for the same reasons. Interesting why some of the Millennial feminine are aiming for this. I respect we're all kinds of different individuals with different perspectives. And I think you can even see this in personality types. Diversity makes the world go around. Doesn't always make it the easier, less complicated, dramatic, or harmless on the psychological level. I mean, I've been studying all the distortions through the centuries, and quite interesting how we got to this point in the masculine, feminine, anti-family generation. I was actually listening to this guy yesterday talking about how first we got rid of extended family, aunts, uncles, grand parents, and detached emotionally, than we said mom, dad, child was family, than we said get rid of mom and dad, and now there is just the child.

While there is a certain percentage of people who make it long-term in relationships, this is one of the huge issues up for debate for our future. Do we just all be independent and be detached emotionally, no longer bond with one another, and forget children? Do we make everyone sterile? The Harem of men and women, and what's the health risks, consequences of this idea? Physically (Nervous System), emotionally, mentally.

Dang...I think I hear many people saying they're done with relationships. I can see the point. Nothing like Generation X grew up. A world with no morals, ethics, no responsibility for actions, or consequences. And when you go back to the Savage Mentality, does that take care of crime, murder, domestic violence, anger, rage, jealousy, primal instincts. I don't think it does. When you're so detached emotionally, and disembodied, and distancing yourself from relating and bonding with people, you're going against the natural nature of the masculine and feminine. We're not dogs having puppies, cats having kittens and only survive on the animal lower mind. We're intelligent human beings with thoughts, beliefs, and operate quite differently than an animal, but in similar ways. I think this is what I get tired of hearing personally from men. I'm supposed to be an animal. Emotion is biological. Even if I shut off all my thoughts and beliefs, I'd still feel emotional pain in the nervous system, still have fight or flight, still that survival mechanism, like the animals would kick in. And I guess your theory would work if we weren't intelligent people had thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.

You do know sex causes the deepest emotional trauma in men and women? I would say that's probably why you feel the way you do about women.

I can load you up on all kinds of videos from different authors if you like on emotional and mental health and neurology.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqftT6e1gYA

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na2blnkRhAY&t=762s

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUL8HU-SSs8&t=2390s

 

[LPPC]

The title of this thread is not a click-bait. It happened almost 3 years ago. My first love left me after 3 years in a relationship. I cried myself to sleep at least twice a week, for almost a year.

Why am I telling you this? There's a simple reason:

Most people blame their ex'es for hurting them. Thieves for breaking their window to steal a TV. Or a competitor doing unethical things to win business.

There's a little crumble of wisdom that is so obvious, but so often ignored:

All of the above-mentioned people didn't want to hurt you. Anger, desperation, frustration were just emotions triggered by your reaction to a situation. All of the above-mentioned people simply made choices that were supposed to make their lives better. All of the above-mentioned people simply made a choice to improve their life and you were just standing on their way.

Most people tell me how evil my ex was for dumping me. Relatives tell me that they're surprised that I didn't get insane, because of all the events that followed after she left me (long story)...but you know what? I am proud of her. I am proud that she made a choice to make her life a better place. And she made a right decision.

Don't feel angry about others. We're all together in the same game known as The Life.

I like your level of consciousness.

I also think most people like to put the blame on the other, instead of also looking at their own behavior. For example in a break up most people are like: it was the other's fault, he/she is evil! So yeah, victim mentality is common. It takes true maturity to allow yourself to learn from the lessons that a break up can provide you. It can provide you many great lessons!

 

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[bringitnow28329]

Why go through a bunch of women when you can build a life with one that you share compatibility, chemistry, and mutual attraction with?

A mistake I made for a long time (and still make occasionally) is assuming everyone wants what I want. That's just not the case, nor is it the case with everyone wanting what you want.

Some people want long-term monogamy.

Some people want multiple partners.

Some people don't want relationships at all.

All of those choices are OK...ya know?

The real problems begin when people don't own their choices through responsibility and accountability.

I believe that's where relationships go to shit, when people quit holding themselves accountable for and to themselves, and responsible to (not for) their partners.

e you're proud of yourself as well.

(and congrats on the INSIDERS's access!)

-----------------------------------------------------


The script tells people monogamy is what they should do, either that or they are brainwashed by religion. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Most people can't think for themselves. They let their parents, friends and family influence them about what they actually should do, vs what they want to do deep down, and what makes financial sense.

 

[Marcek Wirzyk]

Awesome story and forum member responses!

P.S. Sorry, for stalking and commenting on your threads!

 

[Asta]

I hope you're a lot better now!

 

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