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INTRO Reflections from rock bottom.

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SolEvad

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Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Jan 2, 2018
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Canada
Hey everyone,

My name is Dave. I'm a 24 year old from the province of Quebec in Canada. I signed up yesterday but I wanted to be in a fresher state of mind before writing something so long and honest. I was pretty damn tired. This is going to be a post where I pretty much let all of it out on top of being an introduction. I had my FTE before/during new years and I'm still raw from the emotion of it. I feel the need to just have a deep reflection of my life with this post. Why do you ask? Well, to figure out where we're going we have to know where we're from right? Trying to change something is pointless if you don't know what lead to it.

I'm putting this here also as a way to keep myself accountable to the feelings I have right now. I never ever in my life want to have to deal with the kind of shit I'm dealing with right now. If reading this again doesn't invoke the current feelings I have in myself and pushes me further than nothing will and I can honestly tell my future self he's a lost cause. I hope those words alone will kick me in the a$$ when needed. I can't say for sure it won't ever happen again in my life but this needs to be my new definition of rock bottom.

It's hilarious to me how sometimes things just align. I suppose if there's a silver lining to where I'm at right now it would be just that. I'm currently in between jobs. Starting another one soon but that's besides the point as it doesn't help this situation in this present moment. Being between jobs is why this whole thing even got so bad and happened. Maybe I should be thankful? Or maybe somewhat like my brother I'll look back to this shitty moment as something that led to greater things. I'll get into what I mean by that later.

Anyhow, as I was saying. Being currently between jobs and tired of working the shitty jobs I've been working I was browsing youtube and stumbled upon MJ's interview with John Sonmez (was looking at how to learn to code) which lead me to spending some money on TMF . I don't think I've ever resonated with a book this much up until that point but I still hadn't reached the point a week ago where I am now where I can truly appreciate it. I instantly picked up Unscripted right after.

I plan on redoing thorough readings of both after this situation is better dealt with and I can focus on moving forward. I need to imprint all of it to memory where I don't have to refer back to the book after.


So what lead to this rambling awkward already long before it even started post you ask?

Like nearly ever year when I go home for the holidays I have this feeling of not belonging. As such I always try to stay for as short as possible. In this case I got fed up right before new years. For context, the drive to my hometown from where I currently live is about a 6 hour drive, 4 of which are in the middle of a forest with a small town smack in the middle. No cell reception in those 4 hour stretches unless really close to the middle town. Being further up north and higher elevation the whole place is frigid cold even when the weather is already frigid cold. Think -30 Celsius before wind chill.

Of course as fate would have it, my car broke down in the middle of the second 2 hour of forest stretch. I was stuck, on January 31st, on an already not that driven through road, late at night in -30 Celsius weather. I won't lie. I panicked. I did not have the winter clothing/blankets needed to get through a night in those conditions, much less go outside and walk in the frigid windy cold back to the small town which would have been ridiculous considering it was very close to 100 kilometers behind me at this point. The bright side is my car engine would still run enough for warmth but I didn't have much faith in it staying that warm in idle with how cold it was.

After about 30 minutes of just being in silence I just opened my backpack and put on a ton of layer of clothes to try to at least have that. Turned on my hazards hoping someone would come through and afterwards I just sat in silence and started to think as to how I ended up where I was at, from beginning to end. I'm going to go through this again on here as this is a moment I need to etch into my mind.


Family context or maybe how denying one's origins and roots might make you go slowly insane

I grew up in a family of entrepreneur. I don't know if that's why but maybe there's something there to be said about how it might be in my DNA and ignoring it could only lead to being unhappy. Maybe it's not the case at all and I'm just trying to fit this illusion with this story, of how I got to where I'm at. It's hard to say even with hindsight.

My dad was a general construction contractor. There's not much to say here in the whole what he did and what not. He went bankrupt when I was still too young to really remember. He had a stroke and lost everything as his business partners were quite literally incompetent. It's sad to say but where he is today is a perfect example of what to not be and I dread ever being in his place.

My mother owns a gift shop/ clothing store/ chocolate factory. It's changed so much and been all over the place over the years. It's hard to explain as it's evolved so much over the 20+ years they've been in business. I might go into more details later in this post. I'm really just laying this out as I go.

My brother... Well that's the interesting case. Or at least one that affects me much more I think. Before I go into that, I have to explain that I've most definitely compared myself to him in a very unhealthy way over the years. I of course have no one to blame but myself for this but I need to acknowledge it first. We have a big age gap, 11 years to be exact. I've had this obsession of comparing where I am in life compared to where he was at my age. I don't know why. Maybe it's because he's more of a father to me than my dad ever was and I respect him? Maybe I just see it as a very unhealthy competition? I can't say. This is one that still eludes me. All I know is that we're such different persons in every aspect that honestly doing so is hurting me much more than anything else. We're almost polar opposites.

Going into the specifics, my brother graduated a technical college for civil engineering straight out of high school. He worked his a$$ off and started a family really early. Then about 8 years ago his house burned down and he lost everything. All thanks to a cigarette. I still remember my mom waking me up in the dead of night saying my brother's house was on fire and asking me if I wanted to come with her. I was so groggy and it felt so surreal at the time that I thought I was dreaming. I just grumbled and went back to sleep. I woke up next morning and bam! Brother, pregnant girlfriend and his 2 kids are there. That was an interesting morning.

After that well. My brother had a ton of issues with rebuilding because of the city. Something about how his house wasn't "burned down" enough and since he'd demolished it, it was no longer grandfathered in (he lived in a rural road next to agricultural fields). All this despite the home being declared a total loss. He had hired a contractor to rebuild it since he had full insurance on it. The city halted the construction and threatened to demolish what had been rebuilt if they didn't stop. Contractor and brother lawyered up of course. There were politics involved between the mayor telling my brother to resume building even though he never said so on paper while the city's person responsible for that was trying to sabotage the mayor. It was a fun ride.

During this time my brother drank a lot as well to cope. I'm all too familiar with that now. He got a DUI and lost his license. His job as a civil eng tech at the time needed him to drive around the entire region where we lived or else he'd lose his job. I drove him around that entire summer even though I didn't have my full driver license yet. I'd pose as his "intern" on sites since I wasn't supposed to be there and didn't even have cards. I couldn't legally be there. There were a few close calls but we managed.

My brother eventually won considering he'd taken notes of everything and what not in true CYA fashion concerning the house rebuild. This in turn really impressed the contractor he had hired and he offered a partnership to my brother to grow their business in a Civil Engineering direction. My brother accepted of course.

The company was originally only doing general construction with some very basic civil engineering. They had about 20-30 employees and were in the low 7 digit gross per year. In 7 years, they turned into the biggest local "construction" company. They now do general/commercial/industrial construction, government civil engineering projects and damage restoration. The company now has 100+ employees, 60 of which are under my brother's supervision and run in the mid 8 digits gross per year.

A perfect example of a shitty moment turned into momentum is it not? I doubt my brother would have looked at you with a straight face if you told him 8 years ago that his house burning down would be the best thing that would happen in his life.


Well... Maybe I should start talking about myself now.

I thought starting at this point would be easy. Turns out it's really hard to form coherent enough thoughts to lay it all on this post.

I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere. Even going as far back as elementary school. I apparently was a really outgoing child, the complete opposite of what I became over the years. It's really crazy how lasting and how important the effects of not fitting in with anyone in school can change a person if it's true.

I've always had a crazy curiosity. Which lead to me always looking at things beyond my years? It's hard to explain. As a result I never really fit in with other kids and was considered an odd ball. The same is also true of family. Not so much my immediate family but it's definitely true with my extended one. Which is fairly big. I'd get all the "smart" labels and all those things which made it even worse. I got bullied over most things and even though I was nearly twice as big as most kids I didn't even have the spine to fight back. I still wonder why to this day. I think I was too busy trying to rationalize it.

I became addicted to video games. It was my escapism. It's grim but I can say with confidence that if I didn't have video games when I did I would have probably killed myself. This lasted all the way up until fairly recently but I'll get into more of that later.

It's really true what they say. With the whole labeling someone as "smart" means they become afraid of failure. I still feel it to this day. My work ethic has always been shit as a result. I just cruised through classes like nothing and never really had to work for it. Did the bare minimum and always ended up above average. Not like it means anything anyway but I think it's part of why things are this way now and again, I have to acknowledge it.

On the polar opposite, my best and only friend from those years struggled with everything. He had an insane work ethic though, just like my brother's. After a crazy bunch of turns and never giving up he's now studying to be a doctor which I would have never expected in a thousand years from him if someone had told me that. More comparing I know... It just feels important to acknowledge how important hard work is. For myself if anything.

Anyhow. My parent split before I was born. My dad never really cared for his family until before he had his stroke. I guess losing everything made him reconsider his priorities. I've always felt at odd with my dad because of that. I'll blame the history between him and my brother for that which makes it even more ironic now that my brother is the one who employs my dad. I always felt like I was his "shot" at redemption and it just rubbed me the wrong way. I can't recall the last time I ever said I love you to my dad. Just thinking about doing so makes me feel weird.

As a result, my brother was more of a father to me than my own father until I was about 6 years old. I don't have many memories but I do remember my brother carrying me with him anywhere he went when going to the nearest "snowmobile relays". I don't know if that's the right English word for it but basically a bar/stop close to big snowmobile trails. Not nearly as frequent as they used to be but there's still some kicking where I'm from. This is also how I met my only childhood friend I mentioned earlier.

My mom was always busy working on her business as a result. I don't recall seeing her much as a young kid honestly. I went to a babysitter on days off or for lunch on school days. I'd then stay there until my mom was done working and we'd go home. At which point she was too tired to really interact with me as a child so I'd just go and escape into my video games.

That escapism lasted all the way until I dropped out of high school. Yep. I dropped out. I never felt like I really belonged and was bored throughout. I hated how everyone was fit into one mold and the same results were expected. I dropped out to join the military but considering what made me drop school in the first place it's kind of a blessing that I chickened out of it in hindsight. I would have never fit the military life.

I don't know if that's a small bit of vindication but that moment felt that way for me. Years later I met the daughter of the one teacher I respected. We were in the same year and she told me she'd brought out how much of a loser I was to her dad which her dad answered with that I just didn't fit the mold of traditional schooling. I had to be driven by need or curiosity to learn. To be challenged. Else I just got bored. I was mind blown when she told me that. Which is probably why I remember it so clearly. I have a hard time figuring out if I'm just using that as a pretext to pat myself on the back but I feel that saying how I feel about it is important to acknowledge.


The last 8 years

After dropping out I learned of "adult school". It's essentially a school for adult that allows you to get your actual high school degree in a self paced way. As such I went back to do so. I cleared most of what was remaining in less than 6 months but the school still closed for summer. I didn't finish in time to get my degree and as such would have to wait a whole extra year to go to college like I wanted to do at that time. In hindsight, I didn't want to go but everyone told me I'd be a loser if I didn't get a college degree or end up breaking my back like my dad did. Feels familiar to anyone?

As such I caved in. Being impatient I went straight to college even though my high school degree wasn't complete. They have a thing where they let you in regardless if the amounts of credit you have left in your high school degree is very low so I got in that way. I moved an hour and a half away from home to go to college and my mom, being the saint that she is, supported me financially. I only finished my high school degree last year. This should be enough to say how college went.

I went into a "technical level" computer science degree. I had a shit work ethic and for the first time of my life actually had to work to get things done. I fell face first. The college workload + my remaining high school credits were too much and I was woefully prepared for that. I couldn't plan. I didn't know how to prioritize and it was my first time living on my own and having to actually take care of everything. I was a spoiled kid in that regard. I won't lie to myself. So I dropped out.

I spent a few months just playing video games to ignore my problems again. I then learned that there was a "certification". It's a bit weird to explain but think a college degree that carries about the same weight but is aimed at professionals or people switching careers. Carries the same weight as a regular college degree but is different in that it includes no general classes. 1 year, 30+ hours a week, an internship and then boom, you're a programmer analyst. If I was to compare it to anything, I'd say a bootcamp that's actually recognized with a lesser workload.

So there I went. I always had an easy time with computers having played video games and all that. I was the go to family guy to fix computers so I figured sticking with computers was a good move. I lasted 6 months and dropped out. I got depressed. I tried again and dropped out. This was also a private school so after a year, dropping out twice and a ton of debt... I had nothing to show for it.

In hindsight, it wasn't that I didn't like it. It was that feeling of structure again. My learning wasn't driven by need or curiosity. I went because people told me I should go. I didn't have a f*cking spine.

And so I kept trying in that way. I paid tribute to the definition of insanity. Over and over. I even moved to where I live currently trying to break that cycle and I still fell back into it. This post is a part of this attempt at moving forward. A deep reflection on why I ended up here and why your books resonated deeply with me MJ. Especially now, at this very moment.

I worked odd shitty jobs through the years as well when I wasn't doing those attempts. I worked in sales. I worked for my mom during the summer, doing sales/ making chocolate/ dealing with tourists ( I worked in the more touristic of the 3 locations). I worked in factories. Making steel cans, the one you use to drink soda or even pressurized aerosols. I made rubber. I made snowmobiles. Rubber is the one that stands out to me still as the worse job I've ever had and the one that turned me into an alcoholic. That job got so bad and my existential dread so high that I turned to alcohol on top of the video games to just last through it.

Those two addictions have left me where I am now. 15k in credit card debt to fuel them. 17k in student debt. No money in the bank and stuck between two jobs. It's a wonder I haven't went bankrupt yet. Or even missed a minimum payment... Of course, in true addict fashion, I've never told anyone this.
 

SolEvad

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Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Jan 2, 2018
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FTE and back to the present

And so here I was. Stuck for about 2 hours without a single person driving by at this point. In the middle of no where, with all these thoughts going through my head. Scared of freezing to death in the near future with thoughts going to some dark places. Wishing I'd have a drink to just numb it all in typical fashion. Too many regrets to count of course. All of a sudden though, in a pure stroke of luck, or something else maybe. I can't tell. A trucker comes by and sees me and my hazards on. Those bright high beams just shaking me from thoughts in my rear mirror. As soon as he passed me I just rushed outside and started waving hoping he'd seen me. He slowed down and stopped. Talk about luck. I know this sounds dramatic but I can't describe in words how happy I was to see someone at that point. It's only 2 hours but those 2 hours going over these thoughts while slowly freezing is not an experience I wish on anyone. I got to him and we talked for a bit, explained my situation. He drove me all the way through until we got cellphone signal and dropped me at a garage that dealt with towing for these parts. I honestly just gave him a hug and thanked him. I wish I'd asked for his phone number to thank him back later when and if I found a way to. I'll just have to treat this as pay it forward.

The rest of the story is pretty much me trying to find a way to pay for the towing and asking my mom for help. And then getting my car towed to where I live. It's sitting in a lot right now until tomorrow morning since all mechanics around were closed. New years and all.

I'll most likely have to sell the car just to pay for all of the costs. Honestly a good thing. I don't want to drive that car again after what happened. I'm just grateful that this lone trucker working overtime on new years happened to pass through. I'm tearing up thinking about it and writing this right now.

All of this made me think though. As you can clearly see from this post. What led me to this? Not listening to myself. Why didn't I listen to myself? Because I was afraid. Why was I afraid? Because I've never actually managed to finish anything to completion with my shit work ethic. Why have I never attempted to fix it? Because I was stuck escaping reality with video games and booze. Thinking I was trapped in this loop forever and made no attempt to fix it.

I understand how my father ended up where he is now. It's honestly the most frightening thought I've ever had. So scared to fail, again. Escaping with gambling. Going bankrupt and having my mom buy his house back just so he could pay his debts. Pay her rent on it.

I never understood how he got there. I always thought that would never happen to me, even though I was deluding myself with my escapism. But now I see it. I see it so clearly it hurts. It's so easy to get there and it's scary. His escape was gambling. I see every single step that got him there and I see how I was, still am unless I do something about it, heading in the same direction.

As soon as I got home I signed up on here. I posted in the two threads having read both books and then told myself I would write this as soon as I woke up. I was exhausted.


The future

Short term. I need to stabilize my financial situation. In a best case scenario, selling my car will have some leftover money I can use as emergency so this current situation doesn't arise again. If not, I'll have to come clean with my mom and tell her what's going on. I dread that situation as I dug myself into this hole and I want to pull myself out of it on my own. Maybe it's just pride and ego getting in the way of this honestly but this isn't her burden to bear, it's my own. I made this.

As of today, January 2nd 2018. I am sober. The next few weeks are going to be hell but it helps that I don't have any money to buy booze anyway.

My new job starts next Monday. I'm hoping my coming off alcohol won't hinder that too much but that's hopeful thinking. I'm going to have to bust through it.

I have to learn to play video games in moderation and not to escape. As such I'm done with them. I quit the same I do alcohol. I'm serious about this.


In honesty. I have no idea yet how to go about my fast lane journey. I wish I came on here with something to offer but that's not the case. I come on here for a fresh start, a realization of where I am now and the path I want to walk down. All I know is that I wish to provide value under my own terms. Terms where working your a$$ off eventually pays off. Where people get treated as people and not objects or numbers, regardless of their origin or history. Where what you do matters, not as in something is boring, but as it brings something to other people.

I come here with a fire that I've never had in me before to work towards something great.

I didn't make this post for pity. Even though honestly if I was reading a post like mine it's something I would feel the person is asking for.

I'm posting this to hold myself accountable. To the observer, myself, the one who's seen where my current path leads to. Who's acknowledged how miserable I am on this current path. The voice I've ignored my entire life.

I tend to turn this thread into a monthly update. On the first of every month I'll post an update on where I am now and what I've done in the month to change towards the path I want for my life.

If you've read this far, thank you.

I'm not a writer and English isn't my first language but this came from the bottom of my heart and soul. I've never been this honest with myself or anyone for that matter. This post is but the first of things I have to do for this new start. I've never written something so long before. So this accomplishes something already. I've spent about 4 hours doing this and it's a weird feeling to be done writing it.

Thanks,

Dave
 

MJ DeMarco

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Dave,

Incredible story. I can feel your anguish. Perhaps your break-down in the middle of the forest on a cold day is your true FTE (not a FTM). Sounds like your brother's fire was his FTE.

Based on what you've written and admitted, it sounds like you quit when the going gets tough. When you encounter work that is not enjoyable, you quit. When something is boring or uninspiring, you quit. This is a prescription for failure.

Independence and success is rarely paved in feel-good actions. It involves discipline, sacrifice, and a lot of thankless, trivial work.

There are days when I still do work I can't stand. In fact, just today I need to review some legal contracts which in my book, is on par with having a root canal. BUT I STILL DO IT. Why? Because doing the hard work is never easy.

I'm not a writer and English isn't my first language but this came from the bottom of my heart and soul.

No worries man, you write very well. Impressive actually.
 

Mattie

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Like nearly ever year when I go home for the holidays I have this feeling of not belonging

This is your first step. Leaders never belong anywhere. They lead the pack.
Events: Happen for one purpose to push forward to achieve your goals, mature, grow, and graduate to the next level of life. If you look at the Psychosocial Stages of Human Development and other models, you will see that through out life we all go through phases of growing up and maturing. Milestones.

While we go through these phases we might be kicking ad screaming the whole way, because by Human Nature, we resist change. We resist getting out of our comfort zones, want to hold on to security, want to hold on to stability, and in the situations you've been facing, you're being pushed to the limits to do something different than what you've ever done before.

Second Step: You stated fight or flight, fear, and natural primal survival mechanism flipping out, and it will bring you down into low arousal if you allow it too. The adrenaline will rush through your body, make you tired, depressed, slow you down if you dwell on all the events in the past, get you stuck, and frozen in fear, and you will not move and take action to create future you desire to achieve.

Start learning some psychology, strategy, and get on the book list in the forum and start reading those books besides the threads.

Accountability: Make a thread like other entrepreneurs in here. What are your goals for 2018, and every week write down what you've done to improve your situation no matter how great or small. What kind of actions have you taken. Others will give you feedback and sure you might not like hearing what they have to say, but listen anyway, take it into consideration, evaluate it, apply it if it resonates with you.

Third Step: Separate yourself from the family.
There is your family's issues and achievements. (This there own goals to meet and achieve. Not yours.) None of your business what there trying to achieve, where they fail, where they succeed. Leave it in there hands to drive where ever they like in life. And like all of us they have to learn the same thing.

There is your personal issues and achievements.
(This is individual goals to meet and achieve.) It is lesson burdensome and less of a struggle if you learn to focus and navigate your own life, and allow others to do the same.

This is breaking out of the pack, conditioning from family, cultural conditioning, and collapsing belief systems that no longer work in your life. False beliefs, self-limiting beliefs, what is your personal truth? What do you believe in personally? Why do you believe what you do? Where did the belief come from? Do you believe it leads to success?

Fourth Step: The forum is a good place to hang out around more successful and positive individuals. The same mindset, and who you hang around determines your success or failure. This pushes you to raise the bar and stretch your intellect, pushes to get out of your comfort zone, and breaks you out of the cycles of lower class thinking. As every class plays the game of life differently, with different rules, strategy, knowledge, insight, and wisdom. You can only go as far as they do.

Naturally we hang out in social groups as long as we're growing and becoming our full potential, and we move on to the next group, when we've out grown what they've taught and it no longer applies to our lives. This is very much like going through High School. You go from one grade to the next until you've reached the top level. If you play video games, same story, you move through different levels, face your obstacles, challenges, and move on to the next level.

By human nature we sometimes are resistant, and get stuck in the same level, until we move out of the chaos and confusion, drama, trauma, and see our way out of the events we face. Bottom line...when you face every fear, face every giant in your life, and know how to manage your stress, emotions, feelings, thoughts, and navigate, events won't have the same effect on you.

Fifth Step: Events will always be apart of life. There are multiple variables at different times which interrupt our lives. People will sabotage us, we will sabotage ourselves in the process because of emotional attachments, and have to learn to detach from the situation. Fear and Chaos and Confusion are always apart of the equation until you get some good foundation of psychology and strategy in your pocket and know thy self and human nature at its finest.

Sixth Step: Stay in Control of the Situation. Usually we crash, burn, spin around in circles, when we allow ourselves to give up, quit, and take the negative dive into beating ourselves up with negative criticism, battle with what other people say and do around us. The challenge of your life is to learn to not be effected by events, and other people in your environment, stay steady, stable, and build a strong foundation that lasts long-term versus short-term gains.

Seventh Step: Escapism is not showing up in life. Remember every time you want to escape into entertainment, substance abuse, alcohol, video games, gambling, and forms of addiction, you're sabotaging yourself and success. Remind yourself of this every time you rather gravitate toward these actions. If you do, don't be hard on yourself, but gradually train yourself to choose life and success by grabbing a book, video, or something that pertains to financial freedom. Show up in life for yourself and other individuals.
 
Last edited:

SolEvad

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Jan 2, 2018
9
26
24
Canada
Thanks for the answers. I honestly didn't expect people to go through the entire thing hahaha. Answering now since I got most of the car things dealt with.

Based on what you've written and admitted, it sounds like you quit when the going gets tough. When you encounter work that is not enjoyable, you quit. When something is boring or uninspiring, you quit. This is a prescription for failure.

Independence and success is rarely paved in feel-good actions. It involves discipline, sacrifice, and a lot of thankless, trivial work.

Yes. It's definitely a thing. I have to fix this now. I have to change my stubborn focus of enjoying whatever I'm currently working on to one of enjoying the fruits of my labors. Fun now pain later or pain now fun later as they say. Doing anything I start to completion this year is my main objective. Even if everything else fails just that alone would be a big victory in terms of personal growth. This of course means dropping my addictions since I said I will do it. Feeling the alcohol withdrawal already. I'll spare the details.

Second Step: You stated fight or flight, fear, and natural primal survival mechanism flipping out, and it will bring you down into low arousal if you allow it too. The adrenaline will rush through your body, make you tired, depressed, slow you down if you dwell on all the events in the past, get you stuck, and frozen in fear, and you will not move and take action to create future you desire to achieve.

Start learning some psychology, strategy, and get on the book list in the forum and start reading those books besides the threads.

Yeah I definitely have issues coping with the more basic instincts. I've made a lot of progress in that department over the years but I will definitely check that book list to see what I can read on there to get the most possible. If you've got any specific ones you'd like to recommend I'd be glad to hear them. Thanks for making me aware that list existed also. I'll look for it.

Accountability: Make a thread like other entrepreneurs in here. What are your goals for 2018, and every week write down what you've done to improve your situation no matter how great or small. What kind of actions have you taken. Others will give you feedback and sure you might not like hearing what they have to say, but listen anyway, take it into consideration, evaluate it, apply it if it resonates with you.

I was planning on using this thread to do monthly updates. I'll have to look around for those threads though. I'm still getting familiar with the forum layout.

As for actual objectives they're mostly of a personal nature now. Being quitting my addictions and getting out of debt. When it comes to entrepreneurial objectives I'm still too green to know what is realistic to aim for. My objective for now really is just to get anything going. The sooner I fail at some stuff the sooner I can learn. Have to thoroughly experience that school of hard knocks.

Sixth Step: Stay in Control of the Situation. Usually we crash, burn, spin around in circles, when we allow ourselves to give up, quit, and take the negative dive into beating ourselves up with negative criticism, battle with what other people say and do around us. The challenge of your life is to learn to not be effected by events, and other people in your environment, stay steady, stable, and build a strong foundation that lasts long-term versus short-term gains.

I'm definitely guilty of being over self-critical in a negative way. I feel like it would be a great strength if I could get rid of the negative aspect of it though. One of my biggest flaws from this is because I'm so over-critical of myself already I tend to be overly critical of others as well. I know this comes down to expectations though and that's something I've been working on a lot already. I just need to take the negativity out of the equation.

Seventh Step: Escapism is not showing up in life. Remember every time you want to escape into entertainment, substance abuse, alcohol, video games, gambling, and forms of addiction, you're sabotaging yourself and success. Remind yourself of this every time you rather gravitate toward these actions. If you do, don't be hard on yourself, but gradually train yourself to choose life and success by grabbing a book, video, or something that pertains to financial freedom. Show up in life for yourself and other individuals.

I'm painfully aware of this one considering where I am currently. Working on it. :)
 

scott.legendre

Bronze Contributor
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Aug 5, 2013
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Hey Dave, thanks for sharing your story. I have 2 thoughts that I can share with you from personal experience.

1. Did you get rid of the video games yet? Sounds like your #1 escape, must be eliminated. Don't sell it, even if you could use the money, because if a buyer doesn't show up you'll have an excuse to go back. Donate or toss.

2. Health. I didn't see mention of health, but generally when I see these stories I think of someone who does not take good care of themselves. When I was in the utter dumps, this was how i got myself out. The pain, discipline, and effort required to take care of my health carried over into everything I do now.
 

SolEvad

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1. Did you get rid of the video games yet? Sounds like your #1 escape, must be eliminated. Don't sell it, even if you could use the money, because if a buyer doesn't show up you'll have an excuse to go back. Donate or toss.

Video games aren't my main escapism anymore honestly. I've lost nearly all interest in them which is why alcohol became a much bigger problem in the first place. Also not really anything to sell considering all my games are on PC and bought digitally but I do get what you mean. I don't have any games installed on my computer at the current moment which is as close as this gets I suppose.

2. Health. I didn't see mention of health, but generally when I see these stories I think of someone who does not take good care of themselves. When I was in the utter dumps, this was how i got myself out. The pain, discipline, and effort required to take care of my health carried over into everything I do now.

Yeah. I'm not in good health for sure. I've been working on that since the beginning of December. I'm obese. I've lost about 30 pounds doing intermittent fasting and alternate day fasting on some days while eating a low carb diet. I wouldn't say keto or paleo since I'm doing it really loosely but I don't eat anything with added sugar or artificial sweeteners and try to limit my intake of processed foods as much as I can. That last one is a bit tricky currently considering my finances though.
 

SolEvad

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
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Jan 2, 2018
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Canada
I said I'd do monthly updates but haven't really done anything for this month besides actually posting and starting. Time to correct that by making a list now and updating the current situation as well.
This will count as my beginning of the year monthly update where I'll lay my objectives for the year out as well. I also subscribed to this forum which is my way of saying that I'm here for the long term. This is my personal commitment.

On the whole car topic. I seem to have gotten lucky in my lack of luck. Turns out the entire thing seems to have been caused by a bad relay. I highly doubt that but since they seem decided on that I'm going to sell them my car for full value offered and then they'll be the ones dealing with further problems if it's really not just that like I suspect. I've had this car long enough by now that I know it likes to be a pain. Always have to put with burst cooling because of how cold it gets in winter here. Every year without fail. It had a few other minor issues which will be taken from value but I'm fine with that. I am now utterly biased against american cars :p

I was offered 5k for it considering low mileage. Reason why I'm going through with the sale directly to dealership instead of selling it myself are as follow:
  • Current money situation makes me require money up front
  • Used market is saturated when it comes to model and year of my car where I live and goes for only about a thousand more
  • Don't have to deal with the person I sell to not paying
  • Don't have to deal with responsibility after sale
  • Don't have to go through professional cleaning before sale so less expenses up front
  • Less energy spent here means more energy spent towards objectives that matter right now
Of that 5000 sale I'm keeping 3000 for emergency fund (a bit more than 2 months of living expenses) and everything else is going to highest interest CC debt.

Job I'm starting this Monday requires commuting but it is doable by bus. It doesn't lengthen my commute by much either so this reinforces my decision to get rid of my car. I get 5000 back, save insurance, save yearly fees for plates but I'll still keep my driver's license. Those are roughly another 1500 a year that I save. More debt repayment incoming!

Currently looking for studio apartments close to new job. Found a decent one that is going for higher than my current place but it is all included. 185 more per month but within walking distance of both my job and the grocery store. If I take into account my current power bill and cars/bus expenses I already break even from those. This shorten my total overall commute by close to 2 hours which is time that I can use to work on making a business and learning in general. This decision just makes sense.

New job is unionized and comes with a bunch of perks and benefits. Specially towards insurance and big rebates on their own services (big canadian telecom). I'm expecting to save, at the very least, roughly 700$ a year off of this.

This pretty much closes the situation for my eventful beginning of the year.

Objectives for 2018

This list might change by February but if it does it'll be towards either being more realistic or by adding things. I'm going to make a list for the year as well as a list for the current month.

  • Stay sober.
  • Develop the work ethic I want and must have.
  • Get rid of ALL CC DEBT.
  • Use my current job to learn about possible domain problems that I can solve to grow a business. If current job doesn't allow that (very big company), find one that does.
  • Start a business that I can scale to 2000$/month (amount needed to sustain myself and still pay off debt) while respecting CENTS and bringing value.
  • Maintain my current weight lost progress and keep on the right path

Objectives for January 2018

  • Become an active member on this forum and slowly but surely start being able to contribute content that has value.
  • Get up early and work for at least 2 hours on personal things before work (pay myself first).
  • Come up with at least 3 problems that require solving each week
  • Flesh those ideas out as they come to reduce focus to only one come February
  • Learn as much as I can about said idea so it comes realistic to make it happen in February.
  • Get used to new job as it has about 2 months of training and requires me to do some self studying outside of work hours.

I think this is a good start. Thanks again to everyone who read my post or posted in here since then. :)
 

LeoistheSun

Silver Contributor
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Oct 3, 2017
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I sent you some rep.

Is freeing posting all that isn't it? Being completely vulnerable with strangers had it's benefits!

I've dealt with similar as you, some of us here have a pennant for vices (drugs, sex, rock n roll) and we feel we don't belong, even with our families. We feel as though we cannot be the person we were meant to be.

All funniness aside, you're in good company.

As soon as you move into a new environment (place) is the opportunity to cement new habits. Create new beliefs and cut the video games and alcohol and weed it you have that there.

Let
 

SolEvad

Contributor
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Jan 2, 2018
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Canada
Hey all!

Hope everyone on here has been doing well! I'm still around even though I haven't really been active on here yet. I don't think anyone on here would fault me for being out there and doing stuff though? Maybe? I'll assume you aren't. :p

I originally said this would be monthly updates but considering the last two weeks I've had a lot of time to think things further and come up with an actual plan that I think fits me more and where I currently am. I'm going to turn this into an update every two ish weeks instead. Why? It's easier to keep myself accountable that way and it also makes it easier to track exactly what I've done within a certain time frame. I feel like a month is too much of a gap when there's lots of different things happening. Also ensures that I stay on track more and if not makes me realize sooner as two weeks is shorter than a month. Sure there might some times where the updates will be "Same old, carry on" but this works best for my current circumstances.

First of all, time to readjust those goals!

Objectives for 2018
  • Stay sober.
  • Develop the work ethic I want and must have.
  • Get rid of ALL CC DEBT.
  • Learn the skills required to bring value. Goal for the year is to be able to get to that point where those skills are valuable enough to go full independent/freelance. Worst case scenario be at least in a position to start 2019 strong with those skills.
  • Maintain my current weight lost progress and keep on the right path
  • Become an active member on this forum and slowly but surely start being able to contribute content that has value.

Objectives for January/Febuary 2018

  • Get up early and work for at least 2 hours on personal things before work (pay myself first).
  • Set up myself for success for the rest of the year. (Dealing with apartment, moving, car, etc...)
  • Get used to new job as it has about 2 months of training and requires me to do some self studying outside of work hours. (This has been much easier than I thought it would be so far and has allowed me to have more time for other January objectives.)

First of all: I'm stretching the goals over to February as well. The reason why I'm doing this is going to be explained more in depth below but it's a lot more fitting time wise as to how it all fits with the "Set up myself for success for the rest of the year" objective. It doesn't change that I'll update anyway. Just going to be a reporting on current objectives more so than new ones most than likely.

Secondly: I'm toning down the business related objectives. Why do you ask? I've been thinking hard about it and am realizing that I fall short on the list of actual skills that I have. At least skills that translate to fast lane. As such I'm making the dive into self-learning programming and data science related fields. Why that route? As much as I hated learning programming in a college type environment I actually do enjoy learning how things tick as long as I'm doing it for reasons that are my own. It's also a topic that interests me which helps. This time this fits the bill. Going into more of a freelance role after, which is my goal, also allows for niching down even more. I don't know what that niche will be yet but I'll go with market needs, that I have no problem with. I could be wrong on this too but it does feel like a good way to get a good exposure to different things allowing for better ideas and implementations down the road.

  • Become an active member on this forum and slowly but surely start being able to contribute content that has value.
I've moved this to be a yearly objective instead. I need to work on what I can provide and it's going to be a much longer process than just a month. I'd rather not post much and post useful things than just spam the forum for no reason at all. I still drop by once a week to check up on things but as of right now, with how strapped for time I am (I need my proper sleep to function and not be an insufferable a$$ :p) I don't even have much time to read. Much less post. What I have read so far has been pretty great in terms of value. Shout out to @SinisterLex also. Your content has been pretty invaluable. Thanks very much for it. I'll work on being active in your freelance community as this happens as well.

As for the other objectives. I'm not talking about them because they're all on track. Wooo! :clap::


So what's actually been happening? Gimme the concrete stuff!

Work training has been a breeze. It really helps that the people I deal with there on an immediate level are all pretty relaxed and laid back. Office politics only seem to start at the management level. It helps that all team leads and managers started out at the bottom of the pole so they keep the politics more to themselves. Company only does in house hiring for those jobs. I've also scored a lot of points being up early. Makes showing up to work early a breeze. What I currently do, even if not working until 8:30 am, is show up around 7:30am. The place is mostly empty and I can use the lounge area to work on what I would work on at home regardless. It's scored me a lot of free points with person in charge of training as well as team leads as all of them are on salaried position and that's pretty much the time they show up at. I offered to help a few times as well if they ever needed anything. No one has taken me up on it but it's only been two weeks so I'm not bothered by it.

A lot of people and even myself in the past would have called that sucking up and maybe it is to some extent. I just know relating to family and the whole business owning that employees that do that are usually insanely valuable and much more likely to be relied upon. Even though my end goal isn't with the company I'm still working for them right now and intend to give my all there as well. Helps that I'm acing any test for training they throw at me right now. Anyway! All is going well on that front.

Decided to keep the car until I move to my new place. Reason being that the bus circuit to come back to my place after work is actually too swamped. I'm too far of walking distance to take the bus at the depot itself (comes from the local university) so I can't even get on by the time it gets to the stop I need to be at. Adds about one hour and a half of commute extra just because I have to wait for the first bus that's not full.

Moving will be during the first week-end of March! Woo! I closed in on a place in the same building as the studio I was interested in. Sadly the studio was too small for the price. It wouldn't have been too bad if it had some sort of outside storage but it just wasn't possible and the storing solutions within range were more expensive than just getting a bigger apartment strangely enough. It also wasn't available until later down the year. Work would have been trickier to deal with at that stage as well. Within 5 minute walking distance of work, street next to it. Every possible services needed on a daily basis are within walking distance and for everything else bus wouldn't be too much of a problem at that point. Or ordering online as well.

My moving in March means that January and February are mostly tied to getting those things reading hence my extended the current objectives to February. March will be more of a new start so waiting until then to drop new monthly objectives besides what I currently have makes more sense. There might not even be much to drop considering the current path taken. They will change if opportunity strikes though.

As for the learning part, I'm following this curriculum currently. p1xt-guides/data-science.md at master · P1xt/p1xt-guides · GitHub

I don't know enough about the "unknown unknowns" to proceed blindly into this so this is going to be my reference. I've been brushing up on mathematics mostly as of now. Waiting for the first class listed to start while doing so (this week). I have to keep reminding myself that good things take time.

Financially, a bit on a roller coaster right now. I can't thank my mom enough for the support she's been giving me. I've made clear how much I appreciated her help but I still feel guilty a bit since I haven't been completely honest with her about how come this mess is happening. She's not asking though so maybe that's her way of telling me it's irrelevant to her, I don't know. Regardless I don't feel deserving of all the help she's given me the past few weeks and it's eating at me a bit. My only hope with this entire thing is that I can repay her back in some way before it's too late. No one is getting any younger.

I think that pretty much sums up what's been happening so far. As always, thanks to anyone who's taking the time to read my ramblings and update. I can only hope to pay that back in time as well.

Thanks everyone,

Dave
 

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