Parenting Healthy Children in a Culture Rife with Mental Illness

[MoneyDoc]

Is it just me or does it seem like parenting is heading downhill after each decade?

I sometimes compare my childhood to those around me that are just growing up (nephews, nieces, second cousins) and I’m very worried as to how their futures might be. Who the hell let’s a 10 year old scroll on tik tok and snapchat for 5+ hours a day? Why does a 10 year old have a smartphone to begin with? How are we going to churn out brilliant surgeons, entrepreneurs, judges, teachers, when the parents are also glued to their phones 24/7. Obviously there are exceptions as I’m sure @Kak and @Antifragile are great young parents, but it’s just a scary trend I’m noticing around me.

Also, don’t even get me started on manners. Break something in someone else’s house? Good job kiddo! Here’s a chocolate! Throw a remote at someone else’s tv? Good job kiddo! Throw it again! Explanation for all this? “They’re just kids”.

 

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[Togata]

@MoneyDoc They give the child smartphones as it is the instant solution to bring them peace.

The child stays stimulated and put all his energy on his games until he fall asleep.

This is a quick manage child solution that every parent seems to opt to.

Having a child and raising a child are too different beast.

By raising a child, each has their standards.
There are some that just give them a phone a let them be happy that way, never plan a year ahead or 15 year ahead, just live the moment and solve problems as they come or even just try to solve them. tell them to get a job once their old enough and let them figure it out.

And there are some that goes beyond the field to ask themselves though questions. At the extent of questioning education and what path would be the best to the kids future, like @Kak and @Antifragile. Because they value time and they don't want their kid to repeat the same mistakes in order for them to choose the best path in this life.

To each their standards and way of taking ownership over raising their child.

 

[doster.zach]

@MoneyDoc They give the child smartphones as it is the instant solution to bring them peace.

The child stays stimulated and put all his energy on his games until he fall asleep.

This is a quick manage child solution that every parent seems to opt to.

Having a child and raising a child are too different beast.

By raising a child, each has their standards.
There are some that just give them a phone a let them be happy that way, never plan a year ahead or 15 year ahead, just live the moment and solve problems as they come or even just try to solve them. tell them to get a job once their old enough and let them figure it out.

And there are some that goes beyond the field to ask themselves though questions. At the extent of questioning education and what path would be the best to the kids future, like @Kak and @Antifragile. Because they value time and they don't want their kid to repeat the same mistakes in order for them to choose the best path in this life.

To each their standards and way of taking ownership over raising their child.

A quick fix on the surface.

But in reality its children raising children.

The parents want to do other dopamine triggering things and don't wanna be bothered.

 

[WillHurtDontCare]

Is it just me or does it seem like parenting is heading downhill after each decade?

I sometimes compare my childhood to those around me that are just growing up (nephews, nieces, second cousins) and I’m very worried as to how their futures might be. Who the hell let’s a 10 year old scroll on tik tok and snapchat for 5+ hours a day? Why does a 10 year old have a smartphone to begin with? How are we going to churn out brilliant surgeons, entrepreneurs, judges, teachers, when the parents are also glued to their phones 24/7. Obviously there are exceptions as I’m sure @Kak and @Antifragile are great young parents, but it’s just a scary trend I’m noticing around me.

Also, don’t even get me started on manners. Break something in someone else’s house? Good job kiddo! Here’s a chocolate! Throw a remote at someone else’s tv? Good job kiddo! Throw it again! Explanation for all this? “They’re just kids”.

Parents are definitely getting weaker leading to bratty kids, but a lot of that bad behavior is because of messed up diets. A lot of "normal" food has a bunch of crap in it (peanut butter usually has 5+ ingredients when the only thing that you need for peanut butter is F*cking peanuts), and that crap will turn good kids into bratty kids.

The tough part is that you have to give kids access to some of these things because they're everywhere, so you have to teach them moderation so that if they're at a friend's house and they can play with this stuff, then they won't go nuts. And eventually they'll buy this stuff as adults, so you're better off instilling good habits in them early.

TikTok is F*cking cancer though. I'm not sure what the solution is there - I think that you just need to convince your kids that TikTok is for morons and that they should have contempt for people who use it. Unless they use it to make money - then by all means go ahead.

 

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[Antifragile]

Is it just me or does it seem like parenting is heading downhill after each decade?

I sometimes compare my childhood to those around me that are just growing up (nephews, nieces, second cousins) and I’m very worried as to how their futures might be. Who the hell let’s a 10 year old scroll on tik tok and snapchat for 5+ hours a day? Why does a 10 year old have a smartphone to begin with? How are we going to churn out brilliant surgeons, entrepreneurs, judges, teachers, when the parents are also glued to their phones 24/7. Obviously there are exceptions as I’m sure @Kak and @Antifragile are great young parents, but it’s just a scary trend I’m noticing around me.

Also, don’t even get me started on manners. Break something in someone else’s house? Good job kiddo! Here’s a chocolate! Throw a remote at someone else’s tv? Good job kiddo! Throw it again! Explanation for all this? “They’re just kids”.

Appreciate the vote of confidence @MoneyDoc ! Unfortunately even people who think long and hard on how to raise children will screw up. It’s a bit of art and science with it.

Your examples are black and white. People who ignore their kids are not good parents.

My rule is: it’s the quality of time you spend on work and the quantity of time you spend with family.

 

[MattR82]

TikTok is F*cking cancer though. I'm not sure what the solution is there - I think that you just need to convince your kids that TikTok is for morons and that they should have contempt for people who use it. Unless they use it to make money - then by all means go ahead.

My sister doesn't allow my 14 year old niece or 11 yr old nephew have social media and they strangely don't complain about it. Take the playstation or YouTube away from my nephew though and it would be WW3.

When my niece was 11, she had a girlfriend who's mother had created an Instagram account for her and encouraged her to use it. Public profile... I was definitely proud to see my niece think that it was really weird.

 

[Aditya Gunjal]

Is it just me or does it seem like parenting is heading downhill after each decade?

I sometimes compare my childhood to those around me that are just growing up (nephews, nieces, second cousins) and I’m very worried as to how their futures might be. Who the hell let’s a 10 year old scroll on tik tok and snapchat for 5+ hours a day? Why does a 10 year old have a smartphone to begin with? How are we going to churn out brilliant surgeons, entrepreneurs, judges, teachers, when the parents are also glued to their phones 24/7. Obviously there are exceptions as I’m sure @Kak and @Antifragile are great young parents, but it’s just a scary trend I’m noticing around me.

Also, don’t even get me started on manners. Break something in someone else’s house? Good job kiddo! Here’s a chocolate! Throw a remote at someone else’s tv? Good job kiddo! Throw it again! Explanation for all this? “They’re just kids”.

Yeah and the same parents then wonder why offsprings of successful and rich people aslo become rich and successful. What they dont think is their parent's choices, choice of teaching something valueable to kid than just giving them smartphone for instant solution.
Instead of blaming school system for destroying children's curiosity and creativity parents themselves can give them the flint required to go on searching things they are interested in. Even in my household my brother and cousin need smartphone just to eat food, and when i argue with it they say what else can we do?. I am 18 years old and i haven't used ticktok or snapchat not in the abstract but i dont even have an account there. Not because u dont have an internet connection or smartphone but because things like these (passive feeding) decrease the timespan for which a normal person can focus on something or can be concentrated.
If possible can @Kak or @Antifragile give some tips on how they manage their kids regarding these types of things.
As GC said "children wanna read they gonna read, more important is to teach children to question everything they read".

 

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[heavy_industry]

Who the hell let’s a 10 year old scroll on tik tok and snapchat for 5+ hours a day?

The brain is hyper-plastic at age 10, so I'm sure this causes irreversible brain changes, if not actual brain damage.

I don't think it's ill intended. Parents are just ignorant and they don't understand the long term consequences of this.

Just like sugar given to kids caused the obesity and diabetes epidemic, dopamine rollercoaster apps will cause an ADD epidemic (if it's not already happening).

 

[PureA]

I agree with the phone/parenting stuff, shit is gonna be a nightmare for mental health etc in the coming years.

When I'm in the gym/anywhere I look around and all I see is zombies glued to their phone bouncing between apps pulling on the dopa-slot machine.

My thinking goes straight to the competitive edge you're going to have by taking care of your brain.

Replace the small internet box from hands, and replace it with a white powder/consumable drug... with the same outcomes. People would be going insane with outrage and it'd be labeled as the biggest threat to mankind that ever existed.

 

[Lex DeVille]

Today I reclaim the LIVINGROOM!!

 

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[Kak]

If possible can @Kak or @Antifragile give some tips on how they manage their kids regarding these types of things.

@MJ DeMarco

Any chance we turn this into its own thread?

@Aditya Gunjal
Here’s my initial thought on the topic. “Take the football and run with it” and just essentially come up with general tips, is probably not going to be as valuable. I’ve only been doing this Dad thing for 15 months and I could already write a book on what I’ve learned which ironically tells me that I haven’t learned anything.

I do however think this is a valuable discussion.

I think we should create an AMA, and then I’ll host a couple of the respected Dads like @Antifragile, and @GPM and if others emerge in the discussion for a 3-5 way episode of my radio show each of us giving our own answer to those posted questions.

We need like 15 good questions.

How does that sound?

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Thread extracted from CHAT thread.

 

[Kak]

Thread extracted from CHAT thread.

Thanks man.

I always love your titles when you extract threads.

 

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[Aditya Gunjal]

Appreciate the vote of confidence @MoneyDoc ! Unfortunately even people who think long and hard on how to raise children will screw up. It’s a bit of art and science with it.

Your examples are black and white. People who ignore their kids are not good parents.

My rule is: it’s the quality of time you spend on work and the quantity of time you spend with family.

How would you define the quality sir? What are your parameters for quality? Which things include and exclude from it.

 

[msufan]

Thanks man.

I always love your titles when you extract threads.

I always click on these extracted threads just due to the titles... that is truly a skill I/we all need to utilize and develop.

 

[Antifragile]

How would you define the quality sir? What are your parameters for quality? Which things include and exclude from it.

Quality means no time waste. The faster I make a $, the better. Quantity is the opposite, it’s not how fast I teach my kid to ride a bike, it’s how much time we spend together.

 

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[Fox]

Not sure if this is the main parenting thread (couldn't find any other links) but...

How do you deal with crying when they are a super young age?

My son is around a month old now and we are trying to drive to visit some friends around the city.
But when we get going sometimes he can't handle the car at all.

We are aiming to avoid the "just cry it out" approach.

Any advice on what you did with this type of situation, and also at what age did you adjust to a more "keep going" approach? So far, we have just been cancelled the trip each time.

 

[Antifragile]

@Fox

We chose not to go the “cry it out” route and it’s been great. Newborns cry for a handful of reasons only, you can cycle through them and kid stops:
1. Peed/pooped - clean up
2. Hungry
3. Scared (loud noises, falling, or being uncovered as they just came out of a very snug mommy’s tummy)

They also get cranky when tired and at 1 month old sleep a lot. It’s sleep/eat/poop/smile and sleep some more.

The only exception is at about 6-9 months old, I did some “sleep training” but it was still quite gentle. Leave the room for a 1-3 minutes and come back to calm kiddo down.

The issue I see with letting kids panic-cry is that we aren’t addressing their need. At this newborn age, they aren’t being “clever” with you, they need your help, not a heavy handed “training”. Later in life, I expect discipline to continue ramping up. For example, now I do time-outs for bad behaviour.

In short, I think you are doing the right thing cancelling your trips. It shouldn’t be about you, at this age its about your kid.

 

[Fox]

@Fox

We chose not to go the “cry it out” route and it’s been great. Newborns cry for a handful of reasons only, you can cycle through them and kid stops:
1. Peed/pooped - clean up
2. Hungry
3. Scared (loud noises, falling, or being uncovered as they just came out of a very snug mommy’s tummy)

They also get cranky when tired and at 1 month old sleep a lot. It’s sleep/eat/poop/smile and sleep some more.

The only exception is at about 6-9 months old, I did some “sleep training” but it was still quite gentle. Leave the room for a 1-3 minutes and come back to calm kiddo down.

The issue I see with letting kids panic-cry is that we aren’t addressing their need. At this newborn age, they aren’t being “clever” with you, they need your help, not a heavy handed “training”. Later in life, I expect discipline to continue ramping up. For example, now I do time-outs for bad behaviour.

In short, I think you are doing the right thing cancelling your trips. It shouldn’t be about you, at this age its about your kid.

Thanks for this.

Ya, we know this cycle well by now (cause we can't get out of it ha). Has a nap > wake up hungry > feed him > he poops > change nappy > he now wants to feed/nap to calm down > start again ha!

And ya agreed - we feel the same. Other parents are telling us to just let him cry and figure it out but to us that doesn't make sense when he is 5 weeks old.

So, I guess it is just riding out the next few weeks with whatever short trip and walks we can get in when he is settled?

The walks are a lot better cause we can just pick him up and then he is chill. It is just in the car this has been tricky.

 

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