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INTRO My Life Is a Mess -- And there's no "motivation"

Discussion in 'Forum Introductions (Who are you!?)' started by r6203, Sep 10, 2018.

  1. r6203
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    r6203 Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Hey!

    This is my 2nd intro... but it's the "real one."

    A few years ago, I created an intro thread, stating that I want to pursue a business and how driven I was to do something with my life. At that time, I did an apprenticeship and wanted to start my own (web design) business.

    Fast forward a few years (6!), my life is a mess and I'm the only one to blame.

    I'm still living at my parent's house (I'm 26) and need to borrow money from my dad regularly to pay insurance.

    When I spend time with other people, I always wear a mask pretending everything is ok -- when, in fact, I'm just lying to them.

    I spent the last 6 years studying copywriting -- and literally half of my life programming.
    I wanted to combine these two skills and offer businesses to redo their websites to get new clients.

    But I'm f*cking insecure.

    The thought of someone calling me for business just freaks me out because I think I don't have "enough" skills or I'm just lousy at doing business.

    So I did around 15 jobs on Upwork so I can deal with clients via text... and escape my fear of speaking to someone directly.
    But Upwork is so competitive that it's not possible to make a living.

    So most of the time I did... nothing.
    Sitting in my room, reading about programming, copywriting or persuasion.

    I mastered the art of action faking.

    I was quite comfortable doing nothing. I always knew, I was slipping into more and more trouble by doing nothing but I couldn't link enough pain to the fact that I don't have any income.

    Of course, I was worried when I could get e.g. a new haircut because I waited for my parents to give me $20 every once in a while.

    But all in all, I got so accustomed to not having any money that I only spent around $100 in the last 7 months. And so I had no "motivation" to earn money. It's ridiculous.

    Of course, I felt down once in a while. Sometimes f*cking down. But I always thought: "ok, that's it. That's how my life is."

    I was always the guy who played safe, who just had to take out his phone to call his parents when something bad was happening and who got out of most of the things by having his parents helping him.

    The only thing they couldn't offer me any help was something that happened last week...

    I was doing the #1 thing I do to escape my miserable life... dating a girl I "met" on Tinder. To make it short, she blew my mind. We met 3 times within 1 week... and unfortunately, she moved backed to her home country yesterday.

    And now I feel f*cking miserable because...
    she's away and...
    because I feel how everything around me is a mess. She distracted me so much that -- since she's away -- I'm in such a void to see how miserable my life is:
    How I don't have any options to do things I like. How I can't go and watch movies. How I can't buy new clothes... How I can't do things I want.

    I was always the guy who read about other people who had their life together and were working hard so they could say e.g.: "f*ck that, I'm going with her for a few weeks."
    Unfortunately (because of my choices), I'm not one of these guys. I've created my own "jail."

    Sure, we (she and me) don't really know each other, and the point isn't to move together with her (this would be stupid). But I think, spontaneously packing my things, driving 10 hours to someplace I don't even speak the language of and spending a few weeks there could have ended in a lot of good (and valuable) experiences for me.

    And this is were I feel, for the first time ever, that having no money really is a problem and boils down to not having any choices. It could have been such a nice time: Spending time in another country, working from there creating websites and getting more self confident along the way...

    I've never been away from my parents for more than 1 week and I had always thought, "I'm not the guy who wants to visit other countries or live somewhere far away."
    But I only thought that because of my insecurities, I think.

    As I'm so pissed of about my behavior over the last few years, I created a direct mail for a local business to offer them to redo their website. I throw in the letter this evening (because I can't afford stamps...)
    I attached a picture of it but chances are you can't read it (it's in German).

    P.S. I want to apologize to everyone who read my text because it's full of negativity.

    18-09-10 14-34-04 4867.jpg 18-09-10 14-34-15 4868.jpg
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
  2. Mazzolini
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    Mazzolini New Contributor

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    You know what needs to be done, stop looking for us to tell you it’s gonna be alright. Get your act together, stop looking for an out. You have one life and that’s it. Pick up that phone and talk to people because it betters Who you are. You can overcome your fears, it just takes persistent action. You will fail, but as long as you learn from it, it makes you a better person.

    Hit the gym, motivation comes from taking action.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
  3. jon.M
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    jon.M Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Nice Gary Halbert touch with the letter. I assume that's where you got it from.

    Anyways... you've spent the last 6 years studying copywriting and a whole lot more on programming and action-faking. What are you doing for a living and why can't you afford to get a haircut? You have no job at all?

    I might get some lashback for saying this, but it seems like you might be going for the freelancing/web design thing just because it's the safe option for you. Because it's so easy to sit in your room and in the end not even speak to anybody at all.

    Being in your comfort zone is what got you here. It's the reason you've never been away from your parents for more than a week. You would benefit from going out of it.

    I'd say you're in serious need of a big change. Only fools do the same thing over and over while expecting different results.

    Get out in the real world. Talk to people and open your mind up. Find a way to support yourself. Get a job. Give this direct-mail thing a try, but don't fall in love with the idea of sitting by a laptop and designing websites. Maybe it turns out it's not for you, and if you only cross the boundaries of your comfort zone, you'll find the market where you're truly able to provide massive value.

    There are tons of other business models that might fit your personality better.

    If you only need to spend $100 in six months in a developed country you're not a real adult. Someone's taking care of you. You need to grab life by the balls, grow up and do things that hurt a little.
     
  4. r6203
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    r6203 Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Thank you!

    You are TOTALLY right in everything you said!

    I don't have a job...

    This "freelancing" thing offered me excuses to sit in my room and doing nothing. That's spot on what you said there.

    To be honest, I hate doing websites and only did it in the past (on Upwork) to get a little bit of money. I don't know if I'd like it more if I had found a way to get more money per site (did $350 out of desperation and competition per website).

    Yes, I'm in serious trouble, like you said.

    Thank you, again, for your response.
     
  5. Andreas Thiel
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    Andreas Thiel Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Yeah, one part in UNSCRIPTED worries me:
    It is theorized that there are "fake f*ck This Events" and only a true one will "motivate" you enough to turn you life around.

    The book does not say if there is a way to force it. You seem to have a relatively high "pain tolerance".
    I have a very stong "WHY" that pulls me and there are many things that "ANNOY" me a lot and push me ... but those things combined do not seem to be enough to create the required force for change.

    Hopefully the dating story (or the related sentiment regarding your lack of options) is enough and qualifies as a f*ck This Event.
     
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  6. Get Right
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    Get Right Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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  7. Roz
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    Roz Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Apply for jobs.

    Get one.

    That will provide you money and opportunity to meet people.

    Maybe you can start from there.
     
  8. Victor Cezar
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    Victor Cezar Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Hey bro, I understand your side to be totally lost and afraid of what is ahead in the dark... But take this one, the world will not stop because you are suffering... people will not stop to tell you how poor you are...

    I congrats you for your courage to be open this situation for us and about the process of learning what you had learned in these past years, but now just go out and do something, doesn't matter if you have fear... now or never :)

    Btw, very good act about the letter!! this is what I am talking about.

    GG
     
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  9. maverick
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    maverick Unorthodox Nonconformist Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    [​IMG]
     
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  10. LeoistheSun
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    LeoistheSun Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    What may help is exercising. Go to the gym, then do work. Your more motivated after moving your body.
     
  11. Danny Sullivan
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    Danny Sullivan Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Hey @r6203,

    your story is somehow similar to my story. I had to quit my job in 2013 from a metabolic disorder which took until late 2017 to get my quality of life of back but is still affecting me even today. I also had to move back in with my parents, lost most of my friends and even my girlfriend of almost 14 years.

    But mate, this is not the end. You have to spent time doing other stuff, learning new things and open yourself up to the world. In this time i started working out again and made it a habit (3-4 times a week, every week, every year), i went from omnivore to vegetarian to vegan and educated myself on matters like nutrition, digestion, animal cruelty, how modern farming affects us and our world, postgrowth economies and related stuff, learned how to analyze publicly listed companies to build a portfolio for the "endgame" (a money system) and read MJ's books that ultimatively led to beeing able to see things from a producer and value provider standpoint which is invalueable.

    Would i have learned all this if i wasn't forced to quit my job back then? Maybe, but probably not because i was quite satisfied with my sidewalk life. In retrospect i'm really happy that i had a chance to learn all this and effectively become "a better version of myself" and am able to start over again. The world doesn't care where you come from - only you do!

    You're 26. Yes your situation sucks. But you're already down in a hole. Time to pick your stuff up and get out of it. More than 2/3rd of your life is still infront of you!

    What's really motivating for me is working out. Just putting everything in it and powering myself out feels like becoming a new person every damn time.
    If you don't want to go into a gym you can start with bodyweight training.
    Try to learn something new each day and set small daily goals to keep yourself spinning.

    If you want to, we can connect via PN and talk more detailed on a regular basis (and in german)! Don't give up!

    PS: Maybe this can help too Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment I can't recommend it enough!
     
  12. The Abundant Man
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    The Abundant Man Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    1. Get a job
    2. Go to the gym
    3. Eat meat, seafood, vegetables, nuts, seeds and oils.
    4. Dress stylish
    5. Read books
    6. Travel(Anywhere could be 2 feet from where you are)
    7. Talk to at least 3 random people a day
    8. Continue with your freelance thing
    9. Go meet women
     
  13. Danny Sullivan
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    Danny Sullivan Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    While this is general good advice, 1., 2., 6., 7., 8. and 9. could be troublesome because:

     
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  14. Jpeveryday
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    Jpeveryday New Contributor

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    I spent a lot of my 20s feeling like this. (Though I was out living on my own and working in corporate.) All I wanted to do was be an entrepreneur.

    It took me over a decade of lost time and heartache until I realized this simple truth... (And if you study cognitive behavioral therapy, the science confirms it.)

    Our feelings, our thoughts our beliefs our insecurities are all EXTREMELY fickle.

    We cannot think or feel our way into the doing part.

    We must ACT first.

    We must DO THE BEHAVIOR (whether we feel like it or not)...

    and not just once but continually do the behavior through exposure & experience

    Then and only then will our attitudes, feelings and beliefs shift.

    Do first. Do consistently until you're desensitized. And your reward will be that you'll feel differently, you'll believe different things and your attitude will shift.

    Entrepreneurship is not a solitary pursuit.

    I'm sorry, you can't think your way outta this one compadre.

    Please don't waste a decade like I did on this faulty logic.

    Like someone said upthread, throw yourself out of the nest.
     
  15. Danny Sullivan
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    Danny Sullivan Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Here Sir, have some +Rep.
     
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  16. Thoelt53
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    Thoelt53 Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    None of us can help you, only you can help yourself.

    With that being said, I believe you need a good dose of self reliance and discipline, through which you will build confidence.

    Go get a sh*t job. Stick with it for a MINIMUM of 6 months, preferably a year. Nothing else on this earth will light a fire under your a$$ like working a dead end sh*t job for some micromanaging dickhead.

    Stop taking money from Mom and Dad. Tell them you don’t want it (not that you’re ungrateful), and that they’re only hurting you by continuing to support you. Pay them rent. Pay your cellphone bill. Car insurance. Whatever other bills you have.

    Learn to how to budget your money from your job. Not having made any money means you’re in no position to start a business where you’re going to need to budget and control spending. You need to start with the basics.

    Go to the gym with a buddy. Every. Single. Day. Having structure in your life, like going to the gym and having a job, is going to hold you accountable and forge discipline. Not to mention the gym will help with confidence and stress, and obviously your overall health.

    No more not doing something because you don’t feel like it or you’re too scared.

    You HAVE to do the things that need to be done regardless of your feelings. Push past your comfort zone. This will build discipline, confidence and self reliance.

    Short of all this, expect nothing more than the status quo.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
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  17. ygtrhos
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    ygtrhos Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    This.

    I think dayjobs have a great effect of forging discipline and bringing structure into one’s life. It’s not the end, but it’s a preliminary stage.

    Go get a job, hit the gym and you’ll see your confidence developing.
     
  18. tiagosoares17.22
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    tiagosoares17.22 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Now it is time for you to start to do. STOP CONSUMING SO MUCH, AND START PRODUCING MORE.

    I made a video while ago talking about the reasons why people change, and how you can start too. It's simpler than you think.



    Be aware that this is a long and informative video. Still would recommend you to watch to see if you can get an insight, and then... start to apply!
     
  19. r6203
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    r6203 Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Thanks to everyone. You, guys, are amazing!

    Some people already pointed out what I found out as well the last few month/year. My lack of self-discipline.

    For that reason, I'm going to a boxing club 5 times a week since 1.5 years. I'm doing boxing for 10 years now but always had some weeks or month where I didn't go to training. I changed that to 5 times/week whether "I feel" like going or not. That definitely has a positive impact on my mood -- and it's the only thing I do regulary without hesitation.

    As for the lack of self-discipline business/job wise, I always struggled with not wanting something or having goals. I read a ton about setting goals, etc. but whatever I do, every "goal" I can come up with I think "meh, I don't want this bad enough". Part of because I'm accustomed to having such low standards I mentioned in my first post.

    Of course, it's ridiciulous to not wanting to lead a "normal" life (moving out, living on my own terms, etc.). I know it's wrong to not want to move out but I don't "feel" it. This is something I really struggle with. I think, jpeveryday, pointed this out really well. Thank you, sir!

    So a big problem is a lack of "structure" and self-discipline in my life.

    Thank all, again, for your great suggestions and posts.

    P.S. A client of mine emailed me just now and accepted my proposal to add a feature to his app for $510. Yay!
     
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  20. Jpeveryday
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    Wow thanks!!!

    **Tips fedora**
     
  21. The Abundant Man
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    The Abundant Man Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    I can't hold your hand for you...
     
  22. Thoelt53
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    Thoelt53 Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    You have no motivation or 'fire' because you're still heavily reliant on your parents. You don't 'feel' the want to move out because mom and dad pay your way. It's easy. You're on the path of least resistance.

    When everything is spoken and paid for, how could you possibly be hungry?

    Stop the breastfeeding and take responsibility for your own bills. You must have a cell phone. Do you have a car? Is it financed? Insured? Pick up the freaking tab.

    It sounds like your parents aren't pushing you whatsoever. Some people are fortunate to have parents that smack them on the a$$ and send them out the door to discover and conquer the world on their own. Some people are fortunate to have parents that don't provide, leaving them to provide for themselves. Others have to unlearn the suckling and throw themselves out the door and into the world.

    Until you're under the pressure of obligations, it's going to be nearly impossible to push beyond your comfort zone. Forget freelancing for now, get a job, take responsibility for your costs, and get uncomfortable.

    Imagine for a moment you start making some money, move out and are totally self reliant. You have $1,000 rent due each month, a $200 car payment, $100 auto insurance, a $100 cell phone bill, renter's insurance, groceries, internet connection, Netflix, credit cart payments, etc. You need new shoes, underwear, and winter is coming and you need a new jacket. Christmas is coming and you always wanted to get that gift for mom, or that gift for someone you love.

    In this scenario your back is against the wall. What do you do? It's either sink or swim. Do the f*cking work, or don't. Choose the latter and pay the repercussions.

    I'll guarantee you that you won't want to sink, you won't want to deal with the repercussions, and you won't want to give up what you worked hard to get.

    Instead you'll want more than to work for your bills.

    You'll want to help friends and family.

    You'll get hungry and want more than to live in a sh*tty apartment, cash-strapped and stagnant.

    You'll want freedom.

    Get uncomfortable and see what it does to your life.

    You'll be amazed.

    I was.
     
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  23. GoGetter24
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    One more a**hole for the block list. What have you accomplished, huh? You've been here since 2012. Got anywhere? Got anything to justify your tearing others down? This guy at least posted his evidence of action taking. You're a phoney.

    Enjoying that internet bravado? Satisfied with yourself?

    1. Upwork is nonsense for a German. Upwork is for cheap clients and 3rd world word-vomiters. That place is a depressing cesshole. Never visit that site again.
    2. You do need to get a job, and I think you've already come to that conclusion yourself. Find out and travel to the city with the highest paying jobs for the skills you have, get a job there, and leave home. Also, tell your parents to go f*ck themselves for mollycoddling you into this mess.
     
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  24. jasoncuellar123
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    jasoncuellar123 I’m probably awake. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Just wake up f*cking early.

    From 6am - 12pm, you better be focused on something.

    Take a lunch break, then do it again for another 4 hours.

    Go workout, eat healthy, develop relationships.

    But most importantly, develop a PROCESS.

    No process, no success.
     
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  25. Thoelt53
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    Lol.
     

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