The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success

My family is toxic, what to do?

Remove ads while supporting the Unscripted philosophy...become an INSIDER.

Mr4213

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 9, 2016
330
488
234
24
Recently I've provided as much value as I've been able to with this forum.

Today I would like to ask for some help myself.

I am living in an extremely toxic environment.

My entire family is toxic.

I accept responsibility and accountability for where and who I am in life today.

I made crappy decisions growing up and put myself in the situation of having to move back in with my family for now.

For that I accept responsibility and am making changes necessary to leave as soon as I am able to.

As it stands now though, I must endure some time here until I can move out.

I am extremely tough mentally and thus far have been able to avoid the mental strain that my family seeks to cause me on a daily basis.

In fact, the more successful I become they seem to target me more and more.

Just recently a family member of mine was high on drugs and almost killed me while I was on a jog (almost ran me over)

If I had not been paying attention and jumped out of the way, I would have been hit.

Not even 30 minutes later the same family member speeds past me again straight into a tree going about 50, I was the first responder on scene (was a medic in the military until I was honorably discharged)

The fact is I do not feel safe nor comfortable here and I have no where else to go for the moment.

I fill my time working to improve myself and learn new skills and also work at my job. But it's impossible to completely avoid them and the more I do avoid them, the more it seems to attract them to me in order to drag me down.

I'm drawing a loss as to what I should do to combat the situation.

It feels as if they try REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to drain my energy on a daily basis.
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

TheKingOfMadrid

Bronze Contributor
Dec 14, 2020
62
135
111
I once had a bad situation, somewhat similar I guess, I brought a car and lived from it for 6 months.

The problem with toxic relationships is they can begin defining how relationships function for you. You can lose the ability to form healthy relationships in the future due to the loss of trust and general PTSD of what sounds like incredibly traumatic experiences.

I don't think there is an answer other than leave ASAP in any form you can.

You can go down the route of praying/meditating it all away but this does little in the face of abusive/toxic relationships in relation to long term mental health.

Like wise you can 'keep improving yourself' and block out the noise but it's always going to be a drain.

Just visualize leaving, plan the minimal you need to execute it and do it. Heck even if it's teaching abroad in countries that are opening up like Vietnam it's better than that.
 

kelvinfernandezm

Some Profound Quote Goes Here
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Jan 26, 2016
631
1,234
381
28
Fort Worth, Texas
I once had a bad situation, somewhat similar I guess, I brought a car and lived from it for 6 months.

The problem with toxic relationships is they can begin defining how relationships function for you. You can lose the ability to form healthy relationships in the future due to the loss of trust and general PTSD of what sounds like incredibly traumatic experiences.

I don't think there is an answer other than leave ASAP in any form you can.

You can go down the route of praying/meditating it all away but this does little in the face of abusive/toxic relationships in relation to long term mental health.

Like wise you can 'keep improving yourself' and block out the noise but it's always going to be a drain.

Just visualize leaving, plan the minimal you need to execute it and do it. Heck even if it's teaching abroad in countries that are opening up like Vietnam it's better than that.
This may not be the wisest mindset but I treat relationships like business. If they're a net loss I cut them off and move on. Most people say not to burn bridges. I have no problem doing it with family or friends. Once they cross a line I cut down the bridge and let them go.

Get away from there. Get a loan or go to a homeless shelter. But don't hang around toxic people specially those you call family because they are more comfortable doing you harm because they know you. Like you just found out one of them is trying to kill you. You don't know what the others have in mind.
 

Mr4213

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 9, 2016
330
488
234
24
I once had a bad situation, somewhat similar I guess, I brought a car and lived from it for 6 months.

The problem with toxic relationships is they can begin defining how relationships function for you. You can lose the ability to form healthy relationships in the future due to the loss of trust and general PTSD of what sounds like incredibly traumatic experiences.

I don't think there is an answer other than leave ASAP in any form you can.

You can go down the route of praying/meditating it all away but this does little in the face of abusive/toxic relationships in relation to long term mental health.

Like wise you can 'keep improving yourself' and block out the noise but it's always going to be a drain.

Just visualize leaving, plan the minimal you need to execute it and do it. Heck even if it's teaching abroad in countries that are opening up like Vietnam it's better than that.


I once had a bad situation, somewhat similar I guess, I brought a car and lived from it for 6 months.

The problem with toxic relationships is they can begin defining how relationships function for you. You can lose the ability to form healthy relationships in the future due to the loss of trust and general PTSD of what sounds like incredibly traumatic experiences.

I don't think there is an answer other than leave ASAP in any form you can.

You can go down the route of praying/meditating it all away but this does little in the face of abusive/toxic relationships in relation to long term mental health.

Like wise you can 'keep improving yourself' and block out the noise but it's always going to be a drain.

Just visualize leaving, plan the minimal you need to execute it and do it. Heck even if it's teaching abroad in countries that are opening up like Vietnam it's better than that.

I appreciate the reply and I completely agree.

The relationships screwed up my development at a young age and caused a multitude of issues that I've only recently begun to understand and correct.

I'm no longer carrying the baggage in my life and have learned what healthy relationships look like.

But yes, I have to meditate A LOT just to make sure my head space is all good. Like you said it's a daily drain. It's insidious because it works a little at a time and after a while can completely knock you off course before you realize it.

I'm constantly on guard because I have to be or I risk being derailed.

It's exhausting and a big waste of my energy and thoughts.
 

Mr4213

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 9, 2016
330
488
234
24
This may not be the wisest mindset but I treat relationships like business. If they're a net loss I cut them off and move on. Most people say not to burn bridges. I have no problem doing it with family or friends. Once they cross a line I cut down the bridge and let them go.

Get away from there. Get a loan or go to a homeless shelter. But don't hang around toxic people specially those you call family because they are more comfortable doing you harm because they know you. Like you just found out one of them is trying to kill you. You don't know what the others have in mind.

Thank you for the response.

I agree with the mindset. If relationships arent making me better (and I'm not making the other person better) I'm completely willing to drop the whole thing.

However, admittedly in this situation it's difficult. My sibling is on a death path and I know at the current pace its only a matter of when not if. My sibling and I endured the same abuse when we were younger but I was able to fix myself and my sibling wasn't... it's hard to blame my sibling because I get it...but at the same time my sibling is a grown adult and will and should face the consequences for crappy decisions. Leave the past in the past and keep moving.

My father is hard to put a finger on...I cant tell if he's a narcissist or something or if he cares but just can't function properly due to mental issues or drug abuse in the past.

Literally 99% of the time when I talk to my father I have to assume he is lying/not gonna follow through, until I'm shown differently.

At this point I've concluded that it's a waste of time to figure out whether it's all intentional or unintentional because the outcome remains the same and my response should also be the same.

I also want to add that my family members at times have done things for me that have helped me a lot. Like my father is allowing me to live with him which I'm grateful for. He's bought me food and even helped pay some of my bills in the past when I was getting my s**** figured out. I don't want to act like my family has never done anything for me by any means.

This push and pull dynamic makes it even more complex though. Do they love me and are just mentally imbalanced? Or are they just completely narcissistic/sociopathic?

When my family helps me with something my instincts tell me that it's just a way of holding leverage/manipulating me. But it's virtually impossible for me to say with any accuracy and the last thing I'd want to do is make a decision to cut them completely from my life on a inaccurate assumption.

I'm just not sure how exactly to approach this emotionally. Should I completely remove all feelings for my family?
 

CrazyCrapCutter.

Don't worry, NOBODY CARES
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Apr 23, 2020
35
104
121
Taiwan
I'm just not sure how exactly to approach this emotionally. Should I completely remove all feelings for my family?
I get that it's hard to completely detach yourself from your family.

However, it's important to realize that you can't help anybody if you can't even help yourself.

Being financially dependent on your family simply makes you feel like dead weight at home and resent them for guilt-tripping you and holding you back.

That's how I'd felt for 3 years of studying a major my parents FORCED me to even though I hadn't even lived with them for the most part.

Whatever it takes, MOVE OUT ASAP.

When you can stand on your own two feet and have abundance, then you have the option of worrying about whether to come back and lift them up.


Become a man of VALUE first, then nobody can make you do anything or make you feel bad.

I just did a post a few days ago about parent issues that I've also just gone through. Though in a slightly different context, if you haven't read it yet, I hope it'll help and inspire you:

SO WHAT If Your Daddy Doesn't Believe In Your Dreams!?


Best of luck!
 

Kevin88660

Gold Contributor
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Feb 8, 2019
1,279
1,381
415
Singapore
Recently I've provided as much value as I've been able to with this forum.

Today I would like to ask for some help myself.

I am living in an extremely toxic environment.

My entire family is toxic.

I accept responsibility and accountability for where and who I am in life today.

I made crappy decisions growing up and put myself in the situation of having to move back in with my family for now.

For that I accept responsibility and am making changes necessary to leave as soon as I am able to.

As it stands now though, I must endure some time here until I can move out.

I am extremely tough mentally and thus far have been able to avoid the mental strain that my family seeks to cause me on a daily basis.

In fact, the more successful I become they seem to target me more and more.

Just recently a family member of mine was high on drugs and almost killed me while I was on a jog (almost ran me over)

If I had not been paying attention and jumped out of the way, I would have been hit.

Not even 30 minutes later the same family member speeds past me again straight into a tree going about 50, I was the first responder on scene (was a medic in the military until I was honorably discharged)

The fact is I do not feel safe nor comfortable here and I have no where else to go for the moment.

I fill my time working to improve myself and learn new skills and also work at my job. But it's impossible to completely avoid them and the more I do avoid them, the more it seems to attract them to me in order to drag me down.

I'm drawing a loss as to what I should do to combat the situation.

It feels as if they try REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to drain my energy on a daily basis.
See if this makes sense to you

1) Control your bank account
2) Control your own electronic device
3) Control your own passport
4) Accumulate Cash
5) Be out of home as much as possible, and just come back to sleep. Avoid contact time with them. A Laptop with latte in Starbucks or Macdonald for a whole day.

When you have enough cash you can grab your essentials to find another place to live. It is much more important to have a plan to earn the right of having the option to not live with them anytime.

There might be reasons that you have to live with them. For most people it is financial. For some it might be others. Removing money out of the problem asap is the most practical improvement to any situtaion- a financial freedom on a small scale.
 

NewManRising

Silver Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Oct 30, 2017
385
573
257
40
Medford, OR
Your situation and experience sound a lot like mine. I still struggle with the damage but there is some improvement. Things that worked for me was living on my own as soon as I was able. But I had to go back home or hop to a new place way too often. I learned I was neglecting basic needs like having a secure enough job, enough money, or taking the time to find a secure place. In other words, I would fail to build a strong foundation which is why I repeated the same mistakes.

I still struggle with this but I am aware of the causes. Also, focus on the big picture (long term goals) instead of short-term goals or quick satisfaction.

The other thing that helped me was attending groups. I joined a men's group in the community (similar to a 12 step program), but this one was different. We actually did things together. But I also went to Al-Anon and still go to it.

Fill your head with positive words and images. Read inspirational quotes, books, etc.

The main thing is getting away from the toxic environment. If you are unable to at the moment you will just have to endure it. Make some plans so that you can move out and be secure enough so you don't have to go back to that household or those people.

The problem with dysfunctional families is that everyone has a high dependency on one another. All finances and emotions are enmeshed. You have to untangle yourself from this. The family that remains tangled will use guilt to keep you attached or you may feel this on your own.

Anyway, you got your work cut out for you. It's a process. And it may never be that you fully heal from it.
 

Tourmaline

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jun 4, 2019
848
985
333
Texas
Accept them, learn from them the results of their actions.
 

Ivan M.

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
May 24, 2017
135
195
148
California
Hey here's an idea, why not move in with a good friend as a room mate temporarily or look for college students. I bet students are always looking for room mates. But before you do that, look for a job, any job just to get the HELL out of there. After that, then you can concentrate on what you want to do in business/entrepreneurship/inventions.

I can also share your pain on how dysfunctional families can really make a mess of your day/month/year/life.
 

MJ DeMarco

Administrator
Staff member
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jul 23, 2007
31,172
116,172
3,751
Fountain Hills, AZ
Toxic? Or Deadly?

If a family member is mentally ill and might kill you, you owe it to yourself to LEAVE. Go to a homeless shelter, bed with a friend, heck, live in your car. Toxicity is something you can deal with, but if someone wants to slit your throat while you sleep, that's a matter altogether.

Don't buy into the BS "blood is thicker than water" -- yea, but water can clean blood off the floor.
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

ZCP

Legendary Contributor
Staff member
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Oct 22, 2010
2,963
10,250
2,456
Woodstock, GA
You know what to do, do it.

Get out of there. Drop your limiting beliefs and find a safe home for your pursuits. Do it today. You owe no one any explanation.
 

LightHouse

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Aug 13, 2007
4,136
6,316
1,516
Northern VA
Yeah, it sounds like you have the answer as to how to solve. I don't know that you'll ever find the right validation or reference to fly, but let me ask you....

What's at stake if you don't make a move here?

You not only can't change others or anything that you aren't in control of, you also aren't responsible either. You don't owe anything to family just cause they are your family.

Not knowing you, no one will be able to get specific here. Believe in your ability to survive on your own. If you are posting on this forum, you come from a place where you aren't going to die of starvation or hypothermia. I'd take a shot at getting out of there and being on my own before I'd stay in a toxic environment like that. The pain of leaving will hurt a lot less than the pain of staying it sounds like.

Good luck my dude, we will look forward to your outcome update.
 

mon_fi

Silver Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Mar 3, 2020
539
998
327
Brussels
I would move. You can stay at a hostel for cheap, or volunteer at the hostel and stay for free.

What I did when it happened to me was to fly to the other side of Europe to stay in cheap hostels, waiting to fix my situation.
 

Johnny boy

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 9, 2017
913
4,282
987
24
Washington State
When my family says something stupid I call them out and say “that’s why you’re 50 and have nothing going for you lol” and then they shut up. No one in my family has started a real business, climbed mountains or traveled the world. When they bring up bullshit I remind them of how their life is going and they shut up.

you might say that I’m mean. Mean is trying to sabotage, talk down to, discourage and humiliate someone just living their life and following their dreams, I’m just giving their own energy back to them.

Do the same. Just stay quiet, respond with the truth if they are toxic, and let them get mad. That’s on them. If it “burns a bridge” that’s them not valuing the relationship. Pretty shitty thing for a family member to do. Again, it’s on them.
 

strongestform

New Contributor
Nov 23, 2020
1
3
11
Sorry you're going through this.

I'm in the same boat, working on my dreams at home with the folks.

For the most part, the only upside is that it's quiet. But every once in a while I'm bumping heads with my brother, who's also home, and has a new six figure/ year computer job he uses to rubs in everyone's faces.

While I don't face any physical threats like you do, that mental strain I totally get. But if it was a physical threat, I'd leave asap, before things escalate. Last thing you want is some sort of altercation or domestic violence incident on your hands.

I hope you find a better situation soon. I can't rest on my laurels either 'cause I gotta work my a$$ off too to get out of here, pronto.
 

Kak

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jan 23, 2011
6,758
29,533
4,554
But it's impossible to completely avoid them
No it isn't.

If I was a young 20 something looking to go out on my own, I would move to a developing country. The cost of living is a LOT less, your relative skillet is probably higher than average there, there is a LOT of business opportunity for smart people with less competition, and finally your taxes will be lower when you do seize it.

Throw a dart at a map, the world is full of developing countries. Their toxicity level is irrelevant if you make a decision like this.

My idea, just like a ton of the other solid ideas listed by others, proves your claim of "impossibility" wrong.
 
Last edited:

LiveEntrepreneur

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Aug 17, 2017
562
369
158
32
Australia
Sorry to hear your tough situation. I can imagine what it can be like you can't fully focus on yourself cause the shit you have going on around you. If I was in your position I would personally save up for a house deposit and they buy one once I have enough cash. This can take a few years and I imagine it might be hard in your position to do that.

Other option is to rent I guess but will be near impossible to save for a house deposit unless you have a good salary cause rent and bills will eat you alive. If you work on a side hustle that's another good option and something I'd do to get in a better position financially.

Another good option to do imo, is try to do all your work away from home and only go their to sleep and eat and stuff like that.

Good luck man, you got this.
 

ravenspear

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jul 25, 2016
177
358
188
Cutting off my toxic family completely was essential to my personal growth and levels of success. As someone already said, you have to become someone first before you can even concern yourself with others.
 

loop101

Gold Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Mar 3, 2013
967
1,660
493
Recently I've provided as much value as I've been able to with this forum.

Today I would like to ask for some help myself.

I am living in an extremely toxic environment.

My entire family is toxic.

I accept responsibility and accountability for where and who I am in life today.

I made crappy decisions growing up and put myself in the situation of having to move back in with my family for now.

For that I accept responsibility and am making changes necessary to leave as soon as I am able to.

As it stands now though, I must endure some time here until I can move out.

I am extremely tough mentally and thus far have been able to avoid the mental strain that my family seeks to cause me on a daily basis.

In fact, the more successful I become they seem to target me more and more.

Just recently a family member of mine was high on drugs and almost killed me while I was on a jog (almost ran me over)

If I had not been paying attention and jumped out of the way, I would have been hit.

Not even 30 minutes later the same family member speeds past me again straight into a tree going about 50, I was the first responder on scene (was a medic in the military until I was honorably discharged)

The fact is I do not feel safe nor comfortable here and I have no where else to go for the moment.

I fill my time working to improve myself and learn new skills and also work at my job. But it's impossible to completely avoid them and the more I do avoid them, the more it seems to attract them to me in order to drag me down.

I'm drawing a loss as to what I should do to combat the situation.

It feels as if they try REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to drain my energy on a daily basis.

If you were in the military, are there veteran programs you can use to help get a place to live?
 

j0elsuf

Contributor
Dec 15, 2020
63
67
100
The thing about family is that unless they are providing for you, they are no different than buddies.

I literally said this to my mom and stepdad a year or so. Said to my mom "you're always gonna be my mom, but there's no way I'm gonna drop everything just to support you unless I get something out of it too."

It's the same with my stepdad. I told him "look, you're pretty much one of my boys. I hope you understand that. So if you do me wrong or get at me or something, I won't think twice about kicking you out of my life."

Dealing with family is just like dealing with other important people in your life: Gotta be firm, polite, and direct. Gotta understand that unless they are providing stuff for you, you don't need them in your life.

And make your boundaries clear. Know what you can and cannot tolerate. For example, I don't tolerate any racist language even if it is used as a term of endearment or part of a joke. My uncle in Israel called my stepdad the N word and a few months after I told him that he was dead to me for calling my stepdad that.

And if any member of your family has abused you, they are dead to you. End of. That takes a little more effort but leaving an abusive family member will literally save your life.

To anyone in this community who has abusive family members, please promise me that you will do all you can to leave them.

Know your boundaries and learn to enjoy your own company.
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

Mr4213

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 9, 2016
330
488
234
24
Wow, I wasn't expecting so many replies. There's a lot here so I'll just reply with one big message.

I genuinely really appreciate everyone taking the time to provide advice. Very grateful for this community and for this forum.

My sibling developed a very nasty addiction to marijuana and xanax. When my sibling almost hit me with the truck it was obvious that xanax and marijuana were involved.

After I responded to the accident, the police showed up (I did not call them) and my sibling was arrested on DWI charges right in front of me. Truck was totalled and impounded.

My father made that sibling leave the property so for now that specific issue has been resolved which is good, but also unfortunate as I do care about that sibling..

I'm not sure if my sibling was trying to intentionally hurt me, however I know at the very minimum it's extremely toxic and not good for my overall growth. I haven't had any contact since that sibling has left.

I've worked incredibly hard to grow myself into who I am today and who I am going to be in the future. It's been about 45 days or so since my FTE and I've worked so so so hard to grow. I refuse to let anything come between that.

Despite all of the crappy events that transpire I am happy and love who I am. I love creating processes and I love being an entrepreneur. It is who I am.

For now, I have a little tiny room built on the back of the property all to myself. I started paying my dad rent to stay in there so I have my own space. I pay him $160 a month now. I now have my own key and can lock myself in at night so I feel much safer.

I avoid contact with everyone as much as possible and just focus on getting better.

The biggest factor keeping me from leaving (leaving soon that is) is that I work at a grocery store and I make $10.10 an hour. I have essentially nothing to my name so leaving right now would likely make it harder on myself than it needs to be.

I've been stacking what little I can away in savings. I want to build a solid foundation before I make any big moves.

I'm debating as to whether I should get an additional job to save more or whether I should start a side gig like a lawn mowing service in order to increase my rate of pay.

A second job would secure some stable income. But it would prevent me from starting a side service and potentially increasing my rate of pay.

I'm also thinking about teaching myself software development skills for a long term business solution. A second job would cut into my time and make this more difficult.

Anyways, I appreciate everyone taking the time to reply and once again I am grateful for this community as it is the only "place" I really have to go.
 

Mr4213

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 9, 2016
330
488
234
24
Wanted to update this thread.

Everything came to a head. Specifics aren't necessary.

I left that toxic place and drove and drove and drove.

Ended up in Los Angeles (from Texas)

Homeless in car. Have a few hundred to my name. Moving spots and sleeping in car every night.

I do want to add this. My family was gas lighting me trying to make me believe I was crazy. I legitimately did not feel safe and had no where to go. I am not advocating homelessness by any means.
 
Last edited:

Bekit

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Aug 13, 2018
840
3,940
863
Wanted to update this thread.

Everything came to a head. Specifics aren't necessary.

I left that toxic place and drove and drove and drove.

Ended up in Los Angeles (from Texas)

Homeless in car. Have a few hundred to my name. Moving spots and sleeping in car every night.

I do want to add this. My family was gas lighting me trying to make me believe I was crazy. I legitimately did not feel safe and had no where to go. I am not advocating homelessness by any means.
Wow.

First off, I'm glad you got out of there. I'm sorry your family was gaslighting you. That's no fun. Please take good care of yourself, especially your mental health.

Next: What's your plan? Why Los Angeles? That's the LAST place I would have chosen. It seems like it would be SO much easier to get sucked into permanent or longer-term homelessness there.

What are your skills? What kinds of jobs can you get?

Please get hired somewhere right away. That way, you can avoid running out of the few hundred you have at the moment. Do this. This is urgent.

If it's hard to get a job there, go somewhere where it's more likely that people in the community care more about each other. If you're able-bodied, go to a farming state and just offer yourself for work. Just by being an able-bodied, dependable person, you'll get hired. You'll also be in a community where the cost of living is less, so you'll get a place quicker. Those places can't find enough workers. Yeah, the winter is a slow season for agriculture, but there are places like dairies and egg farms and slaughterhouses where they operate year round. You don't have to do this forever, just long enough to get your feet under you and recover from the toxicity and make your plan for the next step.

Rooting for you! Keep us posted.
 

Mr4213

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 9, 2016
330
488
234
24
Wow.

First off, I'm glad you got out of there. I'm sorry your family was gaslighting you. That's no fun. Please take good care of yourself, especially your mental health.

Next: What's your plan? Why Los Angeles? That's the LAST place I would have chosen. It seems like it would be SO much easier to get sucked into permanent or longer-term homelessness there.

What are your skills? What kinds of jobs can you get?

Please get hired somewhere right away. That way, you can avoid running out of the few hundred you have at the moment. Do this. This is urgent.

If it's hard to get a job there, go somewhere where it's more likely that people in the community care more about each other. If you're able-bodied, go to a farming state and just offer yourself for work. Just by being an able-bodied, dependable person, you'll get hired. You'll also be in a community where the cost of living is less, so you'll get a place quicker. Those places can't find enough workers. Yeah, the winter is a slow season for agriculture, but there are places like dairies and egg farms and slaughterhouses where they operate year round. You don't have to do this forever, just long enough to get your feet under you and recover from the toxicity and make your plan for the next step.

Rooting for you! Keep us posted.
I appreciate the support.

None of this was planned. It was more of a sudden realization of just how bad the environment was that I was living in.

I just got in my car and left. I kept driving and driving until I ended up in Los Angeles. I didn't really pick this place, just ended up here.

I contacted some VA programs to try and get housing but that will take a few days to get traction. I also called a few places to seek employment. I'm also contacting churches to see if they can provide any assistance.

Not looking for money or anything. I just want a place to lay my head and a job so I can get on my feet. If I need to leave LA I will. I've got just under $300 last I checked.

My biggest fear is my car breaking down...that would be bad.

Also I was a medic in the Army so I have experience and certifications in the medical field.
 

Christopher104

Contributor
Oct 27, 2020
38
42
97
Update

Got in contact with a good friend. He's offering me a place to stay and a job.

Super thankful. On my way to Lubbock.
I'm glad you found a solution. was getting worried the more I read down.

As for your family, cut them off.

Anyone who put's another persons life in danger, especially if it's the same blood, doesn't deserve the privilege of your time.
 

ygtrhos

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Dec 27, 2016
132
172
154
31
Funny thing. I wanted to start a thread like this, then cam across your thread and found myself.

I would spare the thread.

Well, I owe a lot to my parents. They sent me to private high school, helped me a lot with language courses and my studies. They never pushed religion on me. They gave me shelter and food in good quality. I am all thankful for these material things.

But my father always has anger issues and has never ever apologised to me. Even once. I am 31 and I have never heard my dad saying "sorry" for once, even half-heartedly.

He treats his friends better than me and my mom. He can yell at us for any petty thing and not apologize or even discuss something that hurt us in a civilized manner. He starts getting angry.

I feel extremely humiliated. In fact, I always felt like this, that is why I was bullied in school for being a smart but emotionally disabled kid because of my parents' unfair treatment. I never had luck with girls. Because I never stood up for myself.

You cannot stand up against your parents, when you are 14, when they try to corner you for every petty thing you do not do their way because they hate their life. Your existence as a child depend on them, and if they abuse their power on you, if they make you their emotional sandbag to punch, you cannot stand up against that.

I cannot change past, but I can change the current moment. I went to my home country to spend Christmas with my parents. In the middle of this pandemic mess. And same thing happened.

Result: I changed my flight and returned back asap, I am continuing my life and my contact with my father is reduced to a practical zero. We have some inheritance and I borrowed him some money to renovate the flats, but that is the only subject I would talk with him.

Two days ago, he became 64. I didnt call. My mother has a similar stance. I cannot give less shit really. He is not going to keep my inner child as hostage every time he oversteps my boundaries.

Sitting down and saying "hey kid, the day back, I lost myself and hurt you, I am sorry" or at least "hey, I dont like this situation, lets sit down and discuss" is not that difficult to say.

So my recommendation is, just f*ck it. People need to behave and to have the comfort of a family, there is a responsibility you have to take on. If you did your part (which you did, as far as you say), just drop him, move out and stand on your two feet.

I cannot say enough, how much I feel grateful that I got out of that circus theater called my "parents' flat" around 10 years ago. I have a stupid dayjob, yes, but at least I am not dependent on his shelter and he cannot abuse me even further without paying any price.

Reading you guys' comments have strengthened me. Thank you very much.
 
Last edited:

Sponsored Offers

  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Fox Web School "Legend" Group Coaching Program 2020
Yeah, your youtube channel is incredible and all the videos I have seen so far are really great...
  • Sticky
FEATURED! Introducing... WEALTH EXPO$ED, A Short Story By MJ DeMarco
Finally! I just launched a short story on Kindle (FREE if you have Kindle Unlimited)! After...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE You Are One Call Away From Living Your Dream Life - LightHouse’s Accountability Program ⚡
I planned to make a separate post for this video but it is useful here as well for anyone...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Lex DeVille's - Advanced Freelance Udemy Courses!
Last promo of the year.. Get the training you need now or miss it. Promo Code: FINALHOUR...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Kill Bigger Incubator
UPDATED POST: Hey Guys! I wanted to give a quick update on what this program has become. In...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Grow Your Business With a Book (An Unorthodox Marketing Strategy That Built One of the Largest...
Are you looking for a new, lesser-known but potentially very lucrative source of leads to your...



Forum Sponsor

sponsor

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Monthly conference calls with doers
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top Bottom