Monogamy. The idea of loving only one woman all your life?

[MoneyHacker]

Intimacy is important sure but so Is status. I have lost status and no matter how intimate the relationship was they lose interest. When you have status, intimacy and connection is easier to get. I’d rather have status and importance over intimacy and connection as I’ll alwys have the power to CHOOSE if I want to proceed with the connection and intimacy. Having options is having power.

I’ve seen guys walking with girlfriends and when they see me walking towards them (I’m pretty jacked and good looking) I see them cling tightly to their girlfriends and their girlfriends see this neediness and let go of them and condescendingly put them down (patting them on the head or berating him). Happened to me at the gym today. Pretty pathetic. I’m sure they have a good connection but status is everything IMO in keeping a girl interested

You're trying not to understand.

You just assumed their actions "patting them on the head or berating him" is a bad thing and they will leave their boyfriends because of that. That is way too much assumption IMO.

 

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[MoneyHacker]

I don't understand why there is a right or wrong here.

If you love your girlfriend/wife/significant other and you want to stay with them till the day you die, then do exactly that.

If you and your partner mutually agree its okay to have sex with other people while you are together, then do that if you feel.

If you don't feel being with one person brings you the satisfaction you are seeking then don't be with that person.

Why overcomplicate things?

Feel yourself as to what makes you happy and then go with that.

I have a girlfriend currently and we've been together for 3 years.

I'm overall happy with her so I decide to stay with her - very simple.

Can we fight? Yes of course

Can I think other girls crossing my path are beautiful or cute? Yes of course

I just ask myself "Do the upsides outweigh the downsides of being with my girlfriend?"

And that answer is yes, so I live with the downsides.

Thats just life, nothing is perfect.

If we for any reason will stop enjoying each other and can't seem to fix it, then we will separate and I will have to feel again what I need in my life in terms of relationships.

I try not to overcomplicate it, even though emotions are not always that simple.

Yeah, it's just a choice, no right or wrong morally unless you break someone's heart. But a healthy relationship benefits more compared to let's say if you spend your whole time switching your girlfriends like a switch. It will cause lots of headache right?

 

[kkoasdfawfqwe2]

Yeah, it's just a choice, no right or wrong morally unless you break someone's heart. But a healthy relationship benefits more compared to let's say if you spend your whole time switching your girlfriends like a switch. It will cause lots of headache right?

Benefits more in terms of what?

Also thats assuming your relationship will always be "healthy", whatever that means.

My point is that I don't think you can draw such a direct line to what is the most optimal or best solution in general.

You have to find that out for yourself.

I have more headaches while having my girlfriend than when I didn't have one, but its a headache I'm willing to accept for many reasons.

 

[Tourmaline]

@cy- Well yes, in terms of what exactly.

If you want a family. If you want a legacy. Then monogamy is vastly superior to polygamy.

If you don't care about having a family, or are fine with a fragmented one, then polygamy is fine.

Actual monogamy is not serial monogamy, it is one woman for your entire life. Serial monogamy is a light form of polygamy, many women your entire life.

Of course if you spend a decade or more acting like a polygamist, you will find it immensely difficult to give up that way of life and commit and not cheat on your one woman when you decide to want a family.

 

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[Jadpapi]

It really depends on the person. So many highly successful people never got married or divorced..( Leonardo DiCaprio, and Elon musk)) I am personally happy when I am single , and have my own freedom.. matter fact it’s a win win situation for me( I get to have a lot of sex with no strings attached, more than when I am in relationship).. without headaches of relationships.. I have been with women that I thought I would never look at someone else beside them, because they were everything I want ( body, mind, looks) I get board eventually.. I am honest and know myself.. relationships is not for me, and I enjoy life this way.. my freedom , and be able to go anywhere anytime with out asking someone means a lot to me..I also enjoy traveling by myself..

 

[Jadpapi]

People who are married happier? I have been married twice, I am 33 years old now.. I am much happier single, and my married friends envy my freedom.. some of them enjoy the married life too. Again it depends on your personality.

 

[TuplerNova]

Benefits more in terms of what?

Well, you didn't read his post, did you?

 

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[Patrick Besong]

I married two women. wasn't that bigga me?

 

[Supercar]

The stuff that our parents, books and Hollywood tell us is just that.

A lifetime of monogamy is an extremely rare exception rather than a rule. That's a fact.

My best advice is to learn yourself, be truthful to yourself, be truthful to those you care about. Repeat. Only then you will have zero regrets.

 

[kkoasdfawfqwe2]

Well, you didn't read his post, did you?

"Yeah, it's just a choice, no right or wrong morally unless you break someone's heart. But a healthy relationship benefits more compared to let's say if you spend your whole time switching your girlfriends like a switch. It will cause lots of headache right?"

Where exactly do you see a mentioned benefit here?

 

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[Kevin88660]

@cy- Well yes, in terms of what exactly.

Actual monogamy is not serial monogamy, it is one woman for your entire life. Serial monogamy is a light form of polygamy, many women your entire life.

Depends on the duration of the relationship. Always changing partner after a few months of dating could be a red flag.

Rarely people marry their high school sweet heart. Usually i noticed if they married at late 20s it is usually the 2nd or third relationship. And I doubt you can say these people are practicing light polygamy. Just normal ordinary boys and girls serious in relationship.

 

[TuplerNova]

"Yeah, it's just a choice, no right or wrong morally unless you break someone's heart. But a healthy relationship benefits more compared to let's say if you spend your whole time switching your girlfriends like a switch. It will cause lots of headache right?"

Where exactly do you see a mentioned benefit here?

No, i meant the starting post on page one, not that.

 

[Tourmaline]

It really depends on the person. So many highly successful people never got married or divorced..( Leonardo DiCaprio, and Elon musk)) I am personally happy when I am single , and have my own freedom.. matter fact it’s a win win situation for me( I get to have a lot of sex with no strings attached, more than when I am in relationship).. without headaches of relationships.. I have been with women that I thought I would never look at someone else beside them, because they were everything I want ( body, mind, looks) I get board eventually.. I am honest and know myself.. relationships is not for me, and I enjoy life this way.. my freedom , and be able to go anywhere anytime with out asking someone means a lot to me..I also enjoy traveling by myself..

Do you want kids?

Depends on the duration of the relationship. Always changing partner after a few months of dating could be a red flag.

Rarely people marry their high school sweet heart. Usually i noticed if they married at late 20s it is usually the 2nd or third relationship. And I doubt you can say these people are practicing light polygamy. Just normal ordinary boys and girls serious in relationship.

I've seen a lot of people dating others in their 20s and then going back to their high school sweetheart/love/crush.

 

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[Brian Suh]

Do you want kids?



I've seen a lot of people dating others in their 20s and then going back to their high school sweetheart/love/crush.

People will believe what they want. If your a guy who’s developing himself and living an outstanding lifestyle your going to have a lot of options. Most people get married because it’s “the next thing to do”. This is what I mean by the fast lane mindset which so many of you guys ignored like little b1tches and resorted to my past 35 year old thread. It’s the mindset of never settling and realizing that you only have one life and you don’t. Need to follow rules

 

[Tourmaline]

People will believe what they want. If your a guy who’s developing himself and living an outstanding lifestyle your going to have a lot of options. Most people get married because it’s “the next thing to do”. This is what I mean by the fast lane mindset which so many of you guys ignored like little b1tches and resorted to my past 35 year old thread. It’s the mindset of never settling and realizing that you only have one life and you don’t. Need to follow rules

Or just...monogamy lends to more stable families and is good for raising kids for 20 years...

It's almost like there's sometimes wisdom in why a F*ck load of people do some things? Unless you'd like to present an argument that single parents raise children better...

 

[kkoasdfawfqwe2]

No, i meant the starting post on page one, not that.

Ah, then I understand.

Well my post was more oriented towards what I saw in this thread.

I felt from the recent posts that it became a lot about what the "right way" is.

I should have specified that, my bad.

 

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[Charnell]

I've seen a lot of people dating others in their 20s and then going back to their high school sweetheart/love/crush.

I'm at the age where I'm noticing this is starting to happen (late 20s). In a lot of cases, you look at what both party has been up to the last few years and can tell what's happening: guy has had absolutely 0 success with women (from monogamous relations or sleeping around) and girl is settling down with the safe choice after years of the party lifestyle.

It's almost like there's sometimes wisdom in why a F*ck load of people do some things?

Because they're scripted. Pretty funny argument considering the forum we're on.

 

[Tourmaline]

I'm at the age where I'm noticing this is starting to happen (late 20s). In a lot of cases, you look at what both party has been up to the last few years and can tell what's happening: guy has had absolutely 0 success with women (from monogamous relations or sleeping around) and girl is settling down with the safe choice after years of the party lifestyle.

Not necessarily at all. Typically one party had lots of relationships, the other had a few. However I've seen couples where both dated a lot of people before going back to each other too. I've actually not seen any case of people I know personally where the guy had 0 success, but I don't keep up with people like that too so.

Because they're scripted. Pretty funny argument considering the forum we're on.

Okay so then, present an argument that single parents raise children better.

You know what's also part of scripted existence? Being honest. Would you like to present an argument against honesty?

The idea that the script is 100% bullshit is utterly wrong. Parts of it are bullshit. Parts of it are the bedrock of success.

 

[ChrisV]

Okay so then, present an argument that single parents raise children better.

That argument isn't going to exist:

Children Raised Within Marriage Do Better | C&F

Does marriage lead to good or successful parenting, or are people with the traits of good parents more likely to marry?

www.childandfamilyblog.com

But marriage may not be the reason why.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/09/08/children-with-married-parents-are-better-off-but-marriage-isnt-the-reason-why/

People who get married are more responsible in almost every area of life, so those other benefits may be the ones that they're passing along to their children, as well as genetics. We don't know the extent to which the actual marriage is passing along benefits, but I'm gonna assume some. But children of married parents do better on almost every measure of life. Again, that doesn't necessarily mean that marriage causes a child's success but I certainly can't see it hurting.

The idea that the script is 100% bullshit is utterly wrong. Parts of it are bullshit. Parts of it are the bedrock of success.

Yep. Jordan Peterson basically says "tradition is something that's worked for thousands and thousands of years. Sometimes there's a better way, but throw it away at your own peril."

 

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[Tourmaline]

Yes it is less about marriage and far more about monogamy and the stability it provides the children, and what the mindset of people that prefer stable relationships also bring with them.

Probably the #1 thing a man needs for monogamy is high self control, even more so than excellent communication. And conscientiousness as you have studied so indepthly is then linked to soooo many other things for success as well as providing what a child requires.

 

[ChrisV]

Some of the people in this thread are reading far too much Red Pill subreddits.

 

[Charnell]

You know what's also part of scripted existence? Being honest. Would you like to present an argument against honesty?

White lies. If you have kids or plan to, are you going to keep up the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Santa charade?

Fake it til you make it. Starting a business and using we instead of I in your copy when you're a one man shop.

I don't think goofy @Brian Suh was responding to your kids comment and neither was I.

 

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[Tourmaline]

Some of the people in this thread are reading far too much Red Pill subreddits.

Yup...tons of TRP rhetoric being thrown around. I've thought about making a thread that dismantles TRP but idk if it's worth the effort.

White lies. If you have kids or plan to, are you going to keep up the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Santa charade?

Fake it til you make it. Starting a business and using we instead of I in your copy when you're a one man shop.

I don't think goofy @Brian Suh was responding to your kids comment and neither was I.

Pretty sure white lies are part of scripted existence

As is 'Fake it till you make it'!

 

[Charnell]

Pretty sure white lies are part of scripted existence

As is 'Fake it till you make it'!

You seem to know a lot about scripted existence, mind sharing a full list?

Yup...tons of TRP rhetoric being thrown around. I've thought about making a thread that dismantles TRP but idk if it's worth the effort.

Could be beneficial even if you change just one man.

 

[Tourmaline]

If you want to talk about anything, I'd rather you simply address what I said:

"Or just...monogamy lends to more stable families and is good for raising kids for 20 years... "


---

Although being a F*ckboi is part of scripted existence too isn't it. It's the focus of plenty of Pop...

Or will you try to put forth that hook up culture is not scripted? I will put forth that it's one of the cornerstones of how to be a hedonistic consumerist.

 

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[G-Man]

The Men's Room is why we can't have nice things on this forum.

 

[Jakeeck]

Well TRP exists for a reason. A lot of it is based on truth.

Most guys in here saying marriage is so great haven't been married for very long. Of course the first few years will be nice.

But what about the guys who are married 20-30 years? Well, they would have to be in their 50s for starters, which is a much different generation that didn't grow up with apps that bring you endless options 24/7 on a silver platter. Typically more religious as well. More family values instilled, etc.

Few make it to being married for 20-30 years, and of those who do, there's a good % of those people who are stuck in that marriage and want to get out but don't have other options (either based on their perception of reality or actual reality).

My sister just got out of a 12 year relationship (since she was 16). She said the love faded in these past 3 years, and imagine if she had gotten married in year 7 or 8 or something.

I think both sides of the argument have their merits and the side you fall on will be based on your own personal experiences.

It's super messy.

My view is that you find a partner, spend a lot of time with that person and get to know them, and your decision to have kid(s) together should be the "commitment" part of the relationship where you say "okay... I'm deciding to have children with you... this has to be a long-term thing now for the betterment of our children" -- instead of the "commitment" being some stupid overpriced ceremony and marriage documents.

Why can't people just be together without all the hoopla?

 

[Tourmaline]

TRP is a reaction to feminism but ends up in a shitty version of masculinism while still stuck in a feminist paradigm. It's weird really.

I'd be very curious about if your sister's ex husband stopped trying much the last 3+ years. In my view it's up to the man to keep the romance alive, first and foremost. Does she have kids?

Why can't people just be together without all the hoopla?

Because of social constructs.

 

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[Digamma]

My sister just got out of a 12 year relationship (since she was 16). She said the love faded in these past 3 years, and imagine if she had gotten married in year 7 or 8 or something.

You just reminded me -- anecdotally, a lot of relationships in my social circle turn ugly exactly at year 7. Some die immediately, some drag along, but the year 7 mark seems to be when it's emotionally over.

 

[Charnell]

"Or just...monogamy lends to more stable families and is good for raising kids for 20 years... "

That's not what I was addressing because I agree with that, and agree with monogamy. However I don't believe marriage is required to be in a committed long term relationship.

Or will you try to put forth that hook up culture is not scripted? I will put forth that it's one of the cornerstones of how to be a hedonistic consumerist.

Hedonism. The pursuit of more pleasure versus pain. We could argue both sides of this one.

From a hook up standpoint I probably don't have to go into detail because we all know what that's about.

But is there not any pleasure gained in being with someone you love? Waking up with them and going on adventures?

Shit, if you do what you want it's hedonistic, and I suppose then that's scripted, is it not?

FREE WILL ISN'T REAL