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GymBro

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Hi, can you guys tell me how I can make this sales script better:


I know your story. Every day, you struggle to get out of bed. When you go to the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror, you feel disappointed and almost angry. You struggle to fit your clothes. You eat an unhealthy breakfast that you are ashamed of. You go to your job and worry that your colleagues are judging you. You sit down at your desk for hours. You drive home, sit down in front of the TV with more junk food. Then you get into bed, and repeat, every day. It feels as if you’ll be stuck like this forever, fat, constantly sick, you struggle to even stand up, you are disrespected by the people that you are closest too.





I’ve got a quick question for you. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you weren’t fat? Come on, you know that’s what you want. That healthy life that everyone talks about. Where you can be seen in public without shame, you can be proud of yourself. You can be healthy again.





So… why hasn’t it happened to you yet? Come on, admit it. This isn’t the first time you’ve tried to lose weight. Is it? When is it your turn?





Hey, my name is Murdoch. And if you keep reading, you’re going to discover the secret to obliterating your fat…





Imagine yourself in the near future. Your heart is pounding out of your chest. You are running as if your life depends on it. You hear noises of people behind you and suddenly crack! You feel a sharp pain in your ankle.





Just a few hours before, you had signed up to a race. It made total sense. Right? You hear everyone online talking about how cardio is the best weight loss strategy. So you figured if you went for a long run you would eventually lose weight. So you get ready for the race by preparing a restrictive meal. You see some cookies, but you know that you will never be able to eat them again. If only you knew the real way to easily destroy your extra pounds. Then you go and run the race





Thats when you realise the problem you have here is that there is almost no way that you will be able to stick to a restrictive diet for months at a time. You also risk injuring yourself without proper instruction. This is when you decide that you HAVE to make a change.





So first you try getting a personal trainer. That didn’t work at all. Then you try a new diet. That worked a little better. And failure after failure you finally try a diet that lets you eat whatever you want.





And that’s when you realise that it wasn’t your fault! It’s because of the evil food and fitness industries. No wonder you were struggling!





For years, they had been telling you to go on a restrictive diet and do lots of cardio. And when you figure out that Isn’t true, you will finally break out of their chains and get the results you deserve.





Once you realise that you can lose weight without a restrictive diet or without unsafe exercises, that’s when you will start to see the weight on the scale go down really FAST!





You didn’t realise when you started that not only does this make weight loss easier than it’s ever been, but it also makes it safer, more effective, and just better in almost every way.





And that’s why I created ReShape Forever.





This took months to create, and cost me a LOT. But it was totally worth it.





It makes destroying those extra pounds so much easier!





What used to take me years I can now get done in months.





Burns fat while still eating “junk food” so you can eat what you love.





Makes exercise easy so you don’t have to worry about injuries.





Makes health simple, so you don’t have to worry about it again.





Now, while it would be impossible to show you ALL of the benefits of ReShape Forever, I want to show you some of the things that you’ll experience as soon as you’re on the inside.





Plus you’ll get:





Bonus #1: Access to ReShape Forever members map. Worth $100





Bonus #2: access pass to monthly lectures. Worth $200





Bonus #3: private online community for ongoing support and motivation. Worth $300





Bonus #4: basic habit tracker. Worth $75





Bonus #5: testosterone increasing checklist. Value: $75





Bonus #6: testosterone MAXIMISATION checklist. Value: $100





The total value of all this is $850


because a lot of the resources in this can not be found without years of research.





If all this did was let you walk without pain again, would it be worth it?





If all this did was make your wife love you again, would this be worth it?





If all this did was make your family and friends respect you again, would it be worth it?





I’m not going to charge you $850. I’m only going to charge you $199 to join and $99/month afterward.





I’m going to take on all the risk, and give you my unbeatable guarantee: if you finish the course and you have not lost 10 kilograms, it’s free until you hit that goal.





But you must act now because there are only 1000 spots currently available. And we could sell out fast.





Just imagine what life will be like when you are lean.





So click on the button below right now and you’ll be taken to a secure order form.





After you put in your info, you’ll be given a link, click on it and sign in with your Google email. Then you will get access to everything. Even if it’s 2 am!





For those who are already signing up, here’s what’s going to happen next.





You see, it doesn’t matter to us if you sign up right now or not.





I know it sounds kind of harsh, but I thank that you’ll agree that it’s true.





Remember you are getting:


Access to a revolutionary new weight loss course. And you are also getting:





Bonus #1: Access to ReShape Forever members map. Worth $100





Bonus #2: access pass to monthly lectures. Worth $200





Bonus #3: private online community for ongoing support and motivation. Worth $300





Bonus #4: basic habit tracker. Worth $75





Bonus #5: testosterone increasing checklist. Value: $75





Bonus #6: testosterone MAXIMISATION checklist. Value: $100
 
also, what other bonuses can I add?
 
I‘ll be completely honest. I didn’t read all of that. I don’t think your potential clients would either.

Make it significantly shorter.

Remind me what problem I have and tell me how you solve it as fast as possible.
 
Hi, can you guys tell me how I can make this sales script better:


I know your story. Every day, you struggle to get out of bed. When you go to the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror, you feel disappointed and almost angry. You struggle to fit your clothes. You eat an unhealthy breakfast that you are ashamed of. You go to your job and worry that your colleagues are judging you. You sit down at your desk for hours. You drive home, sit down in front of the TV with more junk food. Then you get into bed, and repeat, every day. It feels as if you’ll be stuck like this forever, fat, constantly sick, you struggle to even stand up, you are disrespected by the people that you are closest too.





I’ve got a quick question for you. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you weren’t fat? Come on, you know that’s what you want. That healthy life that everyone talks about. Where you can be seen in public without shame, you can be proud of yourself. You can be healthy again.





So… why hasn’t it happened to you yet? Come on, admit it. This isn’t the first time you’ve tried to lose weight. Is it? When is it your turn?





Hey, my name is Murdoch. And if you keep reading, you’re going to discover the secret to obliterating your fat…





Imagine yourself in the near future. Your heart is pounding out of your chest. You are running as if your life depends on it. You hear noises of people behind you and suddenly crack! You feel a sharp pain in your ankle.





Just a few hours before, you had signed up to a race. It made total sense. Right? You hear everyone online talking about how cardio is the best weight loss strategy. So you figured if you went for a long run you would eventually lose weight. So you get ready for the race by preparing a restrictive meal. You see some cookies, but you know that you will never be able to eat them again. If only you knew the real way to easily destroy your extra pounds. Then you go and run the race





Thats when you realise the problem you have here is that there is almost no way that you will be able to stick to a restrictive diet for months at a time. You also risk injuring yourself without proper instruction. This is when you decide that you HAVE to make a change.





So first you try getting a personal trainer. That didn’t work at all. Then you try a new diet. That worked a little better. And failure after failure you finally try a diet that lets you eat whatever you want.





And that’s when you realise that it wasn’t your fault! It’s because of the evil food and fitness industries. No wonder you were struggling!





For years, they had been telling you to go on a restrictive diet and do lots of cardio. And when you figure out that Isn’t true, you will finally break out of their chains and get the results you deserve.





Once you realise that you can lose weight without a restrictive diet or without unsafe exercises, that’s when you will start to see the weight on the scale go down really FAST!





You didn’t realise when you started that not only does this make weight loss easier than it’s ever been, but it also makes it safer, more effective, and just better in almost every way.





And that’s why I created ReShape Forever.





This took months to create, and cost me a LOT. But it was totally worth it.





It makes destroying those extra pounds so much easier!





What used to take me years I can now get done in months.





Burns fat while still eating “junk food” so you can eat what you love.





Makes exercise easy so you don’t have to worry about injuries.





Makes health simple, so you don’t have to worry about it again.





Now, while it would be impossible to show you ALL of the benefits of ReShape Forever, I want to show you some of the things that you’ll experience as soon as you’re on the inside.





Plus you’ll get:





Bonus #1: Access to ReShape Forever members map. Worth $100





Bonus #2: access pass to monthly lectures. Worth $200





Bonus #3: private online community for ongoing support and motivation. Worth $300





Bonus #4: basic habit tracker. Worth $75





Bonus #5: testosterone increasing checklist. Value: $75





Bonus #6: testosterone MAXIMISATION checklist. Value: $100





The total value of all this is $850


because a lot of the resources in this can not be found without years of research.





If all this did was let you walk without pain again, would it be worth it?





If all this did was make your wife love you again, would this be worth it?





If all this did was make your family and friends respect you again, would it be worth it?





I’m not going to charge you $850. I’m only going to charge you $199 to join and $99/month afterward.





I’m going to take on all the risk, and give you my unbeatable guarantee: if you finish the course and you have not lost 10 kilograms, it’s free until you hit that goal.





But you must act now because there are only 1000 spots currently available. And we could sell out fast.





Just imagine what life will be like when you are lean.





So click on the button below right now and you’ll be taken to a secure order form.





After you put in your info, you’ll be given a link, click on it and sign in with your Google email. Then you will get access to everything. Even if it’s 2 am!





For those who are already signing up, here’s what’s going to happen next.





You see, it doesn’t matter to us if you sign up right now or not.





I know it sounds kind of harsh, but I thank that you’ll agree that it’s true.





Remember you are getting:


Access to a revolutionary new weight loss course. And you are also getting:





Bonus #1: Access to ReShape Forever members map. Worth $100





Bonus #2: access pass to monthly lectures. Worth $200





Bonus #3: private online community for ongoing support and motivation. Worth $300





Bonus #4: basic habit tracker. Worth $75





Bonus #5: testosterone increasing checklist. Value: $75





Bonus #6: testosterone MAXIMISATION checklist. Value: $100
Seems heavily inspired by Russell Brunson lol.

You could perhaps make this into a video as this was too long and most guys have attention deficit.

Maybe put some of the bonuses as upsells.

Good Luck!
 
Seems heavily inspired by Russell Brunson lol.

You could perhaps make this into a video as this was too long and most guys have attention deficit.

Maybe put some of the bonuses as upsells.

Good Luck!
It is inspired by his star story solution framework. I used to have a yt channel and I was absolute sh*t on camera. That last tip is a good idea but I want to focus on 1 product for now because I don't have much experience. I think that that is a great idea for the future in 1-5 years time. I will learn how to do upsells in that time. Thanks for the support
 
I‘ll be completely honest. I didn’t read all of that. I don’t think your potential clients would either.

Make it significantly shorter.

Remind me what problem I have and tell me how you solve it as fast as possible.
My target audience is older guys. and because they don't really use social media, their attention spans are really good. But thanks for the advice. If this does not work then I might give your idea a go
 
It is inspired by his star story solution framework. I used to have a yt channel and I was absolute sh*t on camera. That last tip is a good idea but I want to focus on 1 product for now because I don't have much experience. I think that that is a great idea for the future in 1-5 years time. I will learn how to do upsells in that time. Thanks for the support
You could hire someone to make the video for you if you don't like it.

Upsells could significantly boost your ACV and cover for your ad spend and give you profits so learn it quick. I am sure there is a video or two out there.
 
You could hire someone to make the video for you if you don't like it.

Upsells could significantly boost your ACV and cover for your ad spend and give you profits so learn it quick. I am sure there is a video or two out there.
"You could hire someone to make the video for you if you don't like it." great idea! one problem though.
I'm broke af, can't afford it. I'm just a high school kid with a $20 net worth. I don't have access to my bank account. But I think that my parents will give it to me at the end of the year. When I get it, that is when I plan to lauch the business.
 
"You could hire someone to make the video for you if you don't like it." great idea! one problem though.
I'm broke af, can't afford it. I'm just a high school kid with a $20 net worth. I don't have access to my bank account. But I think that my parents will give it to me at the end of the year. When I get it, that is when I plan to lauch the business.
I'm sorry I sound like I'm "action faking" I'll try to take on what you say with upsells. I was planing on adding another bonus: "hundreds of easy exercises" But I was afraid that I would scare them of with the mention of exercises. I could make that an upsell instead.
 
You could hire someone to make the video for you if you don't like it.

Upsells could significantly boost your ACV and cover for your ad spend and give you profits so learn it quick. I am sure there is a video or two out there.
I've made a new version:



I know your story. Every day, you struggle to get out of bed. When you go to the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror, you feel disappointed and almost angry. You struggle to fit your clothes. You eat an unhealthy breakfast that you are ashamed of. You go to your job and worry that your colleagues are judging you. You sit down at your desk for hours. You drive home, sit down in front of the TV with more junk food. Then you get into bed, and repeat, every day. It feels as if you’ll be stuck like this forever, fat, constantly sick, you struggle to even stand up, you are disrespected by the people that you are closest too.





I’ve got a quick question for you. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you weren’t fat? Come on, you know that’s what you want. That healthy life that everyone talks about. Where you can be seen in public without shame, you can be proud of yourself. You can be healthy again.





So… why hasn’t it happened to you yet? Come on, admit it. This isn’t the first time you’ve tried to lose weight. Is it? When is it your turn?





Hey, my name is Murdoch. And if you keep reading, you’re going to discover the secret to obliterating your fat…





Imagine yourself in the near future. Your heart is pounding out of your chest. You are running as if your life depends on it. You hear noises of people behind you and suddenly crack! You feel a sharp pain in your ankle.





Just a few hours before, you had signed up to a race. It made total sense. Right? You hear everyone online talking about how cardio is the best weight loss strategy. So you figured if you went for a long run you would eventually lose weight. So you get ready for the race by preparing a restrictive meal. You see some cookies, but you know that you will never be able to eat them again. If only you knew the real way to easily destroy your extra pounds. Then you go and run the race





Thats when you realise the problem you have here is that there is almost no way that you will be able to stick to a restrictive diet for months at a time. You also risk injuring yourself without proper instruction. This is when you decide that you HAVE to make a change.





So first you try getting a personal trainer. That didn’t work at all. Then you try a new diet. That worked a little better. And failure after failure you finally try a diet that lets you eat whatever you want.





And that’s when you realise that it wasn’t your fault! It’s because of the evil food and fitness industries. No wonder you were struggling!





For years, they had been telling you to go on a restrictive diet and do lots of cardio. And when you figure out that Isn’t true, you will finally break out of their chains and get the results you deserve.





Once you realise that you can lose weight without a restrictive diet or without unsafe exercises, that’s when you will start to see the weight on the scale go down really FAST!





You didn’t realise when you started that not only does this make weight loss easier than it’s ever been, but it also makes it safer, more effective, and just better in almost every way.





And that’s why I created ReShape Forever.





This took months to create, and cost me a LOT. But it was totally worth it.





It makes destroying those extra pounds so much easier!





What used to take me years I can now get done in months.





Burns fat while still eating “junk food” so you can eat what you love.





Makes exercise easy so you don’t have to worry about injuries.





Makes health simple, so you don’t have to worry about it again.





Now, while it would be impossible to show you ALL of the benefits of ReShape Forever, I want to show you some of the things that you’ll experience as soon as you’re on the inside.





Plus you’ll get:





Bonus #1: Access to ReShape Forever members map. Value: $100


(Screenshot of map here) This map has a marker within a kilometre of where other members are located. So you can meet up and make great friends that can keep you accountable and that have the same goals as you.





Bonus #2: access pass to monthly lectures. Value: $200


(Screenshot of a lecture) Each month I will prepare a lecture about something to do with weight loss and health.





Bonus #3: private online community for ongoing support and motivation. Value: $300


(Screenshot)This is the community where you can talk to anyone on the same journey as you.





Bonus #4: basic habit tracker. Value: $75


(Screenshot) This is so that you can remember the fundamentals for weight loss.





Bonus #5: testosterone increasing checklist. Value: $75


(Screenshot) this is made for you to increase your testosterone. This makes weight loss MUCH easier.





Bonus #6: testosterone MAXIMISATION checklist. Value: $100


(Screenshot) For those who are SERIOUS about drastically improving their health while on this journey. This is a a MUST.





The total value of all this is $850 because a lot of the resources in this can not be found without YEARS of research.





If all this did was let you walk without pain again, would it be worth it?





If all this did was make your wife love you again, would this be worth it?





If all this did was make your family and friends respect you again, would it be worth it?





I’m not going to charge you $850. I’m only going to charge you $199 to join and $99 per month afterward.





I’m going to take on all the risk, and give you my unbeatable guarantee: if you finish the course and you have not lost 10 kilograms, it’s free until you hit that goal.





But you must act now because there are only 1000 spots currently available. And we could sell out fast.





Just imagine what life will be like when you are lean.





So click on the button below right now and you’ll be taken to a secure order form.





After you put in your info, you’ll be given a link, click on it and sign in with your Google email. Then you will get access to everything. Even if it’s 2 am!





For those who are already signing up, here’s what’s going to happen next.





You see, it doesn’t matter to us if you sign up right now or not. We’ll still be going about our daily business and hitting our financial goals with absolute certainty - wether you join or not. However, without our help, you’ll ALWAYS be working harder than you really need to. I know it sounds kind of harsh, but I think that you’ll agree that it’s true.





Remember you are getting:


Access to a revolutionary new weight loss course. And you are also getting:





Bonus #1: Access to ReShape Forever members map. Value: $100


(Screenshot of map here) This map has a marker within a kilometre of where other members are located. So you can meet up and make great friends that can keep you accountable and that have the same goals as you.





Bonus #2: access pass to monthly lectures. Value: $200


(Screenshot of a lecture) Each month I will prepare a lecture about something to do with weight loss and health.





Bonus #3: private online community for ongoing support and motivation. Value: $300


(Screenshot)This is the community where you can talk to anyone on the same journey as you.





Bonus #4: basic habit tracker. Value: $75


(Screenshot) This is so that you can remember the fundamentals for weight loss.





Bonus #5: testosterone increasing checklist. Value: $75


(Screenshot) this is made for you to increase your testosterone. This makes weight loss MUCH easier.





Bonus #6: testosterone MAXIMISATION checklist. Value: $100


(Screenshot) For those who are SERIOUS about drastically improving their health while on this journey. This is a a MUST.
 
"You could hire someone to make the video for you if you don't like it." great idea! one problem though.
I'm broke af, can't afford it. I'm just a high school kid with a $20 net worth. I don't have access to my bank account. But I think that my parents will give it to me at the end of the year. When I get it, that is when I plan to lauch the business.
Well I have heard people do lawnmowing, powerwashing and other jobs to try and raise money.

You should try odd jobs, freelancing or doing something to raise money.

Take a look at this thread ->
 
Last edited:
Well I have heard people do lawnmowing, powerwashing and other jobs to try and raise money.

You should try odd jobs, freelancing or doing something to raise money.

Take a look at this thread ->
I do stuff like dog walking and mowing lawns already. but the problem is that this is paper money. i need online money
 
I do stuff like dog walking and mowing lawns already. but the problem is that this is paper money. i need online money
my parents have not given me a bank account yet
 

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