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Today is the 1st day of the month.
And like everyone else I'm waiting for my salary to get paid this evening.
But each time, rather than feel relax, I feel suffocated, and angry, and embarrassed.
Why I should be ashamed when asking my employeer does he already send the pay or not? Why I should care is he bussy, badmood, or just enjoying holiday in Bali?
Why I feel embarrassed and ugly when I give my mom not enough money to feed? Why coming back home, with sensitive siblings that never been away from family? why I should just agree with everyone so we could teamwork?
So every first of month I'll be thinking. Why I should live? Is it all I am capable that very little money? Why I work so hard for before?
I cover up rent, mom's basic care, brother tuition with the so called "responsibility" when actually it's just like mortgage.
Why I fall so low that I always feel angry with everyone and everything and myself?
Ah ... So this is what called : dies at 25, buried at 70. And I'm just 24.
So I'm thinking let's do what I never do before.
Let me really really work really hard. Because I don't want to life like any people that I hate so much. I just want to change mylife.
And like everyone else I'm waiting for my salary to get paid this evening.
But each time, rather than feel relax, I feel suffocated, and angry, and embarrassed.
Why I should be ashamed when asking my employeer does he already send the pay or not? Why I should care is he bussy, badmood, or just enjoying holiday in Bali?
Why I feel embarrassed and ugly when I give my mom not enough money to feed? Why coming back home, with sensitive siblings that never been away from family? why I should just agree with everyone so we could teamwork?
So every first of month I'll be thinking. Why I should live? Is it all I am capable that very little money? Why I work so hard for before?
I cover up rent, mom's basic care, brother tuition with the so called "responsibility" when actually it's just like mortgage.
Why I fall so low that I always feel angry with everyone and everything and myself?
Ah ... So this is what called : dies at 25, buried at 70. And I'm just 24.
So I'm thinking let's do what I never do before.
Let me really really work really hard. Because I don't want to life like any people that I hate so much. I just want to change mylife.
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