Exercise and change your life... You're getting a message that you need change...
Well, I do exercise.
I know that I need to change my life in many aspects (business mostly), but that's the problem with depression - you either don't know what to change or how to change it, or you just don't have any power or motivation to do so.
It's like an internal voice saying "Imma F*ck up my life and you can't do shit about it, I don't even like you" or doing anything with a 30 kg weight tied up to your neck.
One of them worked amazingly well for a week and then quit working. One worked quite well, but gave me side effects that I still experience, 15 years later.
Whaaat?
May I ask what's the side effects exactly? And what was the drug? Or maybe you can write me a PM.
I mean, if the worst outcome was feeling like crap for a month or drugs simply not working, I would try them, because why not. But that's exactly what I'm afraid of. I've heard so many horror stories, eg. about Cymbalta, as in people experiencing totally horrible side effects for years or forever...
but then:
Even with my negative experience, I don't regret trying them. I'd advise you to try them,
How does the above relate to this? I mean, you write that you still have side effects after 15 freaking years, and then that even the ones that used to work suddenly lost their effect.
Why bother and risk your physical (and ironically, also mental) health?
I would not recommend that you just take drugs without also going to a therapist trained to help people with depression.
I would never ever think to even try drugs without trying therapy first. I have very bad experiences with the medical world, by the way, and unfortunately it's a rich experience.
I've been on therapy for more than a year now and it is indeed a tremendous help. The fact alone that you can show your darkest side to a professional and just talk to someone without feeling guilty about it is a big thing. But it goes way beyond that.
Even the sole discovery of how my parents and my family f*cked up my mind when I was a kid and teenager, how they mutilated my emotional world and my self esteem (now my self esteem is overly high and super low at the very same time, go figure). That was a hell of a trip and it made me learn A LOT about myself, my reactions, etc.
But I still haven't learned how to deal with my oceans of anxiety, especially in periods of life transition.
E.g now it feels like my business is sinking and in this state I'm in, when it's difficult to even get out of bed before 11 AM sometimes, fix myself a simple meal or stick to any kind of schedule - it's ten times harder to think about new business and what I could do ...and even less so to believe in myself or take important life decisions.
This is my ...6th? depressive episode and so I'm kind of used to the darkness and learned how to navigate in it, and as today I started feeling slightly better, I'm hoping to avoid drugs another time (have never used them so far).
The question is if it's worth it.
Maybe I would have been 10x happier and effective person on drugs?
But I don't know if the risk is worth it. Obviously, any psychiatrist will tell you not to worry and "take this chance that science gives us". Nobody will tell you about side effects 15 years after quitting a drug.
If a drug messes you up beyond repair, they won't really care. It's not like they will feed you or house you.