I'm trapped.

[desinaner]

Not sure how to go about explaining this to you guys.. so I am going to write exactly whats going on in the cranium.

Today is actually my 21st birthday, and despite having an awesome time last night (at midnight).. I'm sitting here pretty pissed off at the moment. Long story short: After trying to set something fun up with my friends and it not working out as far as tonight goes.. my dad, per usual, throws in the comment that it happened because I'm not a leader, or because I let my friends lead me. Of course, set me off.

Thoughts going through my head: "Well, if this comment is making me angry, can it be true? Does that mean you (me) believe him?" But its really the fact that it comes from my dad. "F" what anybody thinks of me, but when it comes to my dad, hearing things like that just kill me inside. I mean, yea, if you don't 'lean' on anybody, no body can hurt you, but it is my father for Christ's sake! Hearing things like that are just going to lower my damn self esteem. My brother moved out to escape his negativity (he owns his own business and is a member here).

It pisses me off mostly, though, because I feel I have my head on straight more so than the majority of kids my age. While my friends are constantly looking to go out and party, I have this want to set up my future. Yet, I am still the 'moron' being led by my moron friends. I know my father does actually wish the best for me, and can be hard on me and does not want me to read into those things he says, but I cannot help it. I feel that even I would be able to communicate to my kids in a better way to get them headed in the right direction. Ok I am done ranting about what I am feeling right now; I mainly wanted to ask this.

I have been thinking for sometime now how I want to move out and live on my own. However, I am without a doubt not 100% independent (I want to be though), and I have two more years in college to go through that my parents are helping with the tuition. I feel like I am trapped.. I love my family, but would love to separate and live my life the way I want to, and just see them. This means I have to go ahead and get a 'liability', though, and I cannot save as much money if I were living at home.

For those of you that are older with more life experience, should I just bite my lip, ignore what my dad may says (especially his "it takes money to make money rants"), and finish college while trying to set up my fastlane? Or look to save up additional cash and live away at college or elsewhere (Even if that's an extra 10k per year). I want to live on my own, but it does not seem to be going that way at the moment. UGH, I have to do something about this.

Sorry for the long rant. Thanks for reading. I did not know which forum to put this into, but figured real estate since that's what my focus should be if I don't feel like dealing with this anymore!

Mike

PS. On the bright side, I do have more motivation now to learn about real estate investing and other options to get out of this hell hole.

 

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[Runum]

Sorry to hear about your struggle Mike.

I didn't go to college right out of high school because I wanted my independence more. I work a crappy job 50 hours a week and shared an apartment with 2 other guys. It was fun times. I completed college when I was 43. My life choices were definitely not for a comfortable lifestyle. I was broke a whole bunch of times and stayed in some rat holes but I was independent.

You have to decide what you REALLY want and go for it. You will have to accept the trials that come with your decision. No one can tell you which course to take, but we can help you once you make your choice. You have to figure out your priorities and commit to your decision. Your trials will cause you to get down, you can have a pity party for about 30 seconds. Then you need to choose to do something about the trial.

Good luck with your decisions.

 

[swimkid]

Well, how toxic is your situation? Can you afford to pay rent? Can you get a part time job that works around classes that is enough to pay rent? Honestly, the only one who knows how bad your situation is, and how demotivating it is is you.

In my case, getting away from family drama was priority numero uno. Parents majorly toxic. Now I've been laid off, on unemployment and living with my sister for free, but she lives in the middle of nowhere. I'm trying to get some daytrading off the ground, but this will take at least a few more months, and I am still waiting to hear if they are even going to give me a trading account. Application pending. (Apparently they don't like giving accts to people with low income and low net worth, go figure)

I want to move back up to where I was originally from, but not sure which direction to take. I have some things I really want to be involved in there, unfortunately not paying ones. My grandparents just moved out of their townhouse into assisted living, and there is the potential to staying there for free for a few months before my aunt and uncle sell their house and move in. But, my mom is basically handling everything for my grandparents. My mom is crazy, my grandparents are senile stubborn and half crazy, and then add in my aunt and uncle... the drama is seeming less and less worth it for a few months of free rent.

At this point, with 4K in the bank, no money to pay rent, I honestly am considering either staying with a friend for cheap, or I have another friend who is in a similar situation, looking to move out and avoid family drama. No, I don't have $ for rent right now. But that might be the fire under my a$$ so to speak, to get me actually moving forward in a direction. At worst case scenario, I can get some totally dead end PT job for $10/hr and between that and unemployment and a roomate, barely make it while I still have time to get trading and some other things off the ground.

Does that necessarily sound like looking at the numbers and logic the best idea? Maybe not, but I weigh in the emotional and drama aspect heavily, cuz it's a major factor. I'm thinking more and more that working a crappy PT job for a few months with NO family drama, and still having time to work on my projects, and still having my independence, and giving me a little structure to my life (since I honestly don't function well with NOTHING "scheduled" to do, so having the PT job will prob actually make me more productive, even though I technically have less time) is sounding more and more like a better idea all the time.

Thanks for letting me ramble, I am still mulling this all over pretty heavily since I want to move back next month.

My point is... you have to decide what you can handle, and money is never the only issue. Money is usually in most scenarios, the least of your problems. There are a million ways to get money... so how important are the other factors?

 

[TemptingFate]

Not sure how to go about explaining this to you guys.. so I am going to write exactly whats going on in the cranium.

Today is actually my 21st birthday, and despite having an awesome time last night (at midnight).. I'm sitting here pretty pissed off at the moment. Long story short: After trying to set something fun up with my friends and it not working out as far as tonight goes.. my dad, per usual, throws in the comment that it happened because I'm not a leader, or because I let my friends lead me. Of course, set me off.

Thoughts going through my head: "Well, if this comment is making me angry, can it be true? Does that mean you (me) believe him?" But its really the fact that it comes from my dad. "F" what anybody thinks of me, but when it comes to my dad, hearing things like that just kill me inside. I mean, yea, if you don't 'lean' on anybody, no body can hurt you, but it is my father for Christ's sake! Hearing things like that are just going to lower my damn self esteem. My brother moved out to escape his negativity (he owns his own business and is a member here).

It pisses me off mostly, though, because I feel I have my head on straight more so than the majority of kids my age. While my friends are constantly looking to go out and party, I have this want to set up my future. Yet, I am still the 'moron' being led by my moron friends. I know my father does actually wish the best for me, and can be hard on me and does not want me to read into those things he says, but I cannot help it. I feel that even I would be able to communicate to my kids in a better way to get them headed in the right direction. Ok I am done ranting about what I am feeling right now; I mainly wanted to ask this.

I have been thinking for sometime now how I want to move out and live on my own. However, I am without a doubt not 100% independent (I want to be though), and I have two more years in college to go through that my parents are helping with the tuition. I feel like I am trapped.. I love my family, but would love to separate and live my life the way I want to, and just see them. This means I have to go ahead and get a 'liability', though, and I cannot save as much money if I were living at home.

For those of you that are older with more life experience, should I just bite my lip, ignore what my dad may says (especially his "it takes money to make money rants"), and finish college while trying to set up my fastlane? Or look to save up additional cash and live away at college or elsewhere (Even if that's an extra 10k per year). I want to live on my own, but it does not seem to be going that way at the moment. UGH, I have to do something about this.

Sorry for the long rant. Thanks for reading. I did not know which forum to put this into, but figured real estate since that's what my focus should be if I don't feel like dealing with this anymore!

Mike

PS. On the bright side, I do have more motivation now to learn about real estate investing and other options to get out of this hell hole.

While I am very new to this board and still have a lot to learn in aspects of business, I will comment on this cause I've dealt with it myself. In life you are ALWAYS going to have people who are going to try and knock you down, even though they may mean well. When I was younger whenever I heard a negative comment about me, I always used it as motivation. Look at your weak points and strive to make them stronger. One of mine is learning to shut up and just listen. One of my very good friends who is very successful told me a long time ago, that I needed to keep the time wasters at a distance and surround myself with people who were going in the same direction I wanted to go, or people that were already there. You have to move along with your plans and not let the comments affect you. Hope this helps

Oh and I would look into moving out and getting a room mate.

 

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[CEBenz]

My suggestion would be to try to have a mature talk with your father. Explain your point of view, at least where your friends are concerned.

Besides, world is full of flaky people. I tend to find new people to be around when people start flaking.

 

[sixslow]

Sorry to hear your struggle,
On the real though... Every kid thinks they're doing better than the majority. Just because they party and you don't doesn't mean they arent headed in the right direction. And yes every other kid wnats to move out of home as well. Welcome to maturity.

and p.s.

quit being a pussy

[video=youtube;gmV13eB0fa0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmV13eB0fa0&NR=1[/video]

 

[desinaner]

...Happy Easter!

Sorry to hear about your struggle Mike.

I didn't go to college right out of high school because I wanted my independence more. I work a crappy job 50 hours a week and shared an apartment with 2 other guys....

You have to decide what you REALLY want and go for it. You will have to accept the trials that come with your decision. No one can tell you which course to take, but we can help you once you make your choice. You have to figure out your priorities and commit to your decision. Your trials will cause you to get down, you can have a pity party for about 30 seconds. Then you need to choose to do something about the trial.

Thank you for your advice. I will consider roommates as that would make it easier for me as far as rent. I would have to finish college, though, so it would be tuition and rent (and phone bill.. and internet.. and etc. Yikes, not going to lie, my parents do hook it up!)

And yea, whatever decision I make I must see it through. Leaving and then having to come back would be the last thing I would want to do. I could see the grin on my dad's face already if that happened.

Well, how toxic is your situation? Can you afford to pay rent? Can you get a part time job that works around classes that is enough to pay rent? Honestly, the only one who knows how bad your situation is, and how demotivating it is is you.

In my case, getting away from family drama was priority numero uno. Parents majorly toxic. Now I've been laid off, on unemployment and living with my sister for free, but she lives in the middle of nowhere. I'm trying to get some daytrading off the ground, but this will take at least a few more months, and I am still waiting to hear if they are even going to give me a trading account. Application pending. (Apparently they don't like giving accts to people with low income and low net worth, go figure)

........No, I don't have $ for rent right now. But that might be the fire under my a$$ so to speak, to get me actually moving forward in a direction. At worst case scenario, I can get some totally dead end PT job for $10/hr and between that and unemployment and a roomate, barely make it while I still have time to get trading and some other things off the ground.

Does that necessarily sound like looking at the numbers and logic the best idea? Maybe not, but I weigh in the emotional and drama aspect heavily, cuz it's a major factor. I'm thinking more and more that working a crappy PT job for a few months with NO family drama, and still having time to work on my projects, and still having my independence, and giving me a little structure to my life (since I honestly don't function well with NOTHING "scheduled" to do, so having the PT job will prob actually make me more productive, even though I technically have less time) is sounding more and more like a better idea all the time.

Thanks for letting me ramble, I am still mulling this all over pretty heavily since I want to move back next month.

My point is... you have to decide what you can handle, and money is never the only issue. Money is usually in most scenarios, the least of your problems. There are a million ways to get money... so how important are the other factors?

How toxic?
Well, I paid for my first car that pretty much blew up, so my current car is in my dad's name. So thats me minus a car. I paid for my community college tuition, but my next two years of college (about 11k a year) I will have to pay them for as I go/in the future. So that is about 22k that I would have to deal with on my own. Plus, car insurance on a new car, phone bill, internet (unless it is included wherever I stay), gas (I pay for that already though). Aaaand, I live in NJ. Highest rent in like the nation, haha. (avg. 800?)

I can work more, but currently my job pays for my gas and basically my phone bill.. I pocket the little that's left. So I would have to probably get a new job or work insane hours. Now you can see why I feel trapped. I just sit here and deal with everything that pisses me off, but I bite my lip because I want to finish college and the security is nice. I don't know if the independence is worth losing all the help I get from my parents. I think it would definitely provide some serious structure to my life, like in your case.

Are you going to school? I hear ya with the fire under the butt thing, lol, because of all of this is making me want to get started that much more. And while I agree with your last statement in most cases, I do think money is an issue for me. Maybe it would make me that much more creative in ways to make money, who knows!

Best of luck to you.

In life you are ALWAYS going to have people who are going to try and knock you down, even though they may mean well. When I was younger whenever I heard a negative comment about me, I always used it as motivation. Look at your weak points and strive to make them stronger. One of mine is learning to shut up and just listen. One of my very good friends who is very successful told me a long time ago, that I needed to keep the time wasters at a distance and surround myself with people who were going in the same direction I wanted to go, or people that were already there. You have to move along with your plans and not let the comments affect you. Hope this helps

Oh and I would look into moving out and getting a room mate.

Thank you. Sound advice. In general, I am good at not letting others affect me. However, those other comments that slip in, I will definitely try to use them as a boost! Also, like you said, I am looking to make new friends. Ones that will not make it harder for me to reach my goals. I am definitely toying with the idea of getting a roommate. Or, perhaps I can save some cash, deal with it a little longer (at the start of my new college), and then live at college the rest. Would be good experience living on my own, instead of commuting.

My suggestion would be to try to have a mature talk with your father. Explain your point of view, at least where your friends are concerned.

Besides, world is full of flaky people. I tend to find new people to be around when people start flaking.

I did hint stuff to him the other day, but it is hard with him. He is 'never wrong' if you know what I mean. But yea, I need to start surrounding myself with different people.

Sorry to hear your struggle,
On the real though... Every kid thinks they're doing better than the majority. Just because they party and you don't doesn't mean they arent headed in the right direction. And yes every other kid wnats to move out of home as well. Welcome to maturity.

and p.s.

quit being a pussy

[video=youtube;gmV13eB0fa0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmV13eB0fa0&NR=1[/video]

When I first read your comment, I was going to thank you for the reality check. In certain ways, yea, I am sure you are right - Everyone thinks they are doing good enough. But... no. I know I have my head on better than others my age. I also have a strong education from being a good student while growing up. I also feel I have matured out of a lot of the things kids my age want to do. You know what though? I don't live my life by comparing myself to others. I just know I can do and be what I want.
While I may have seemed like a wimp in a couple sentences, I was merely opening up and saying exactly how I felt. I would love to see how you would do in my shoes..

 

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[Sparlin]

Don't worry about sixslow, you might have noticed he's been banned for lack of tact in this and other threads.

 

[Darkside]

I think you should grit your teeth and bear it for a couple of more years until you graduate. Because, with a degree you'll be able to make much more money which will enable you to get your own place. Once you reach that point, you'll be able to pursue you fastlane plans without depending on your parents or anyone else.

 

[mrhahn]

I would have to agree with Darkside.

If you can tune out your dad's negativity for a couple years, you can finish your degree while also focusing on your fastlane plans. It's good to be in a situation where you're not stressed about putting food on the table. When you do move out afterwards, at least you'll have the degree to fall back on if none of your current projects work out. Take advantage of your situation, I think it'll get you where you want to be quicker.

 

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[hatterasguy]

My 2 cents for what its worth, finish college. In the mean time STFU in regards to your parents since they are helping you out, and at this point pissing them off will only hurt you.

Work harder, take summer classes and try to finish college faster.

When you are out, get a job, move out, and pursue your business goals from their. Your success will prove them wrong more so than anything you can say at this point.

Just my 2 cents, for what its worth.

 

[own_ursituation]

Dare to be different man. Is your dad a leader? If not then don't listen. Don't take rich advice from broke people. It just doesn't make sense. You are never trapped. There is always more than one way out of every situation. Instead of letting it give you victim mentality use it as fuel to light a fire under your a$$ to succeed. Don't tell yourself you are trapped. That puts control of the situation in someone else’s hands which takes away your power to proactively respond. Instead take responsibility so you have response-ability (the ability to respond) and simply as yourself “how do I get to the next level”. It is your responsibility to get where you want to go and no one else’s. One bite at a time. You’ll get there. It’s nothing more than an obstacle and you won’t just overcome it, you’ll blow through it like an unstoppable wrecking ball. When you do, use that momentum to carry you even further. Rubbing success in anybody’s face is all the more fun after they said you couldn’t do something.

My parents did the same thing. They were trying to be parents, no fault to them. They just didn’t know any better and weren’t aware of my mental capacity. It wasn’t long before I turned 21, even before I graduated college, that I passed up their combined annual income. Today they come to me for all kinds of advice even though I’m barely 26 years old. Find a good mentor and latch on. My parents are not my mentors and haven’t been since I was 16 or 17. They just had nothing to offer beyond that age that would raise me to the level I wanted to be at. Neither went to college so I couldn’t get advice about post high school education from them. Hell my mom had a GED so I couldn’t even get high school advice from her. Bottom line is if you want it you’re going to have to go get it. The resources are out there. I found great mentors with bigger levels of success, learned from them, changed my environment and as a result I get to enjoy success and help others who were once in my position. You need anything you give me a shout. I’m building something designed specifically for people like us.

 

[Red]

Hey Mike-

I applaud you for putting something so personal out there. I've had strikingly similar experiences as you: For my 30th birthday get-together, I had no less than two dozen people (was really closer to 30) tell me they were coming and excited. Two showed up. Yeah. I was pretty devastated. And pissed. But it wasn't because I wasn't a leader, it was because I had chosen shitty "friends." (that realization didn't come overnight either...)

I would agree that you have a good head on your shoulders, as you're able to communicate what's going on in your head with your situation & you grasp the effects of what your father is saying to you. I don't care what anyone says it's different when it's family. When the people who are supposed to be there for unconditional support & love don't understand the power of their own words, it devastating. What sucks even more is that they probably grew up under the same verbally abusive onslaught but didn't have the personal insight to understand how it affected them & therefore will affect you. They simply continue the pattern.

For me, getting out from under an oppressive family environment was a top priority. It's (part of) why I moved to the other side of the country from my family. It's why I don't discuss business with them. It's why I love the people that comprise this forum!

There are always ways to make things happen (find roommates, bus pass/bike, different job, etc). If you want out, there's a way. If you decide to stay, there's a way. Each has it's benefits & it's drawbacks. Keep us posted on what you decide to do

 

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[healthstatus]

Dude,
He is your dad, filter the way he said it, and get to the core of what he is saying. Whether you live there or not he is going to make comments that cut you up, just filter. Don't give him more fodder by doing something else half thought out and half cocked. Next time he makes a crap remark, look him dead in the eye and say "Dad, I'm 21 and I'm doing what I think is best for me, and there will be times I need your advice, but this isn't one of them."

 

[desinaner]

First off.. Thank you guys for your input. I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I have been a member to many different forums, but this one has the best community by far; you guys are really helpful and positive thinkers.

I think you should grit your teeth and bear it for a couple of more years until you graduate. Because, with a degree you'll be able to make much more money which will enable you to get your own place. Once you reach that point, you'll be able to pursue you fastlane plans without depending on your parents or anyone else.

Despite me 'having enough' of butting heads with my dad, I agree with you. Even if being independent at this point would help me escape all of that and give me good life experience, I don't think it is worth the added pressure. I am not going to wait for that point that I live on my own to pursue my plans though (even though I am still working on getting a plan together, aha!), I see how important it is that I start now so I can live on my own sooner. Thanks for your input.

If you can tune out your dad's negativity for a couple years, you can finish your degree while also focusing on your fastlane plans. It's good to be in a situation where you're not stressed about putting food on the table. When you do move out afterwards, at least you'll have the degree to fall back on if none of your current projects work out. Take advantage of your situation, I think it'll get you where you want to be quicker.

"It's good to be in a situation where you're not stressed about putting food on the table." Yea, I am going to have to agree with this one. I am beginning to realize how good I have it now before I am out in the 'real world'. I got to get started right away!

My 2 cents for what its worth, finish college. In the mean time STFU in regards to your parents since they are helping you out, and at this point pissing them off will only hurt you.

Work harder, take summer classes and try to finish college faster.

When you are out, get a job, move out, and pursue your business goals from their. Your success will prove them wrong more so than anything you can say at this point.

Just my 2 cents, for what its worth.

Ha, trust me, it is hard to just stfu in regards to my parents! I'll try my best, though. And your right, success will prove them wrong! They're getting older, though. Ha I better get a move on it!

Dare to be different man. Is your dad a leader? If not then don't listen. Don't take rich advice from broke people. It just doesn't make sense. You are never trapped. There is always more than one way out of every situation. Instead of letting it give you victim mentality use it as fuel to light a fire under your a$$ to succeed. Don't tell yourself you are trapped. That puts control of the situation in someone else’s hands which takes away your power to proactively respond. Instead take responsibility so you have response-ability (the ability to respond) and simply as yourself “how do I get to the next level”. It is your responsibility to get where you want to go and no one else’s. One bite at a time. You’ll get there. It’s nothing more than an obstacle and you won’t just overcome it, you’ll blow through it like an unstoppable wrecking ball. When you do, use that momentum to carry you even further. Rubbing success in anybody’s face is all the more fun after they said you couldn’t do something.

My parents did the same thing. They were trying to be parents, no fault to them. They just didn’t know any better and weren’t aware of my mental capacity. It wasn’t long before I turned 21, even before I graduated college, that I passed up their combined annual income. Today they come to me for all kinds of advice even though I’m barely 26 years old. Find a good mentor and latch on. My parents are not my mentors and haven’t been since I was 16 or 17. They just had nothing to offer beyond that age that would raise me to the level I wanted to be at. Neither went to college so I couldn’t get advice about post high school education from them. Hell my mom had a GED so I couldn’t even get high school advice from her. Bottom line is if you want it you’re going to have to go get it. The resources are out there. I found great mentors with bigger levels of success, learned from them, changed my environment and as a result I get to enjoy success and help others who were once in my position. You need anything you give me a shout. I’m building something designed specifically for people like us.

Thanks for helping me get my head straight. Your post was the most motivating to me, thats for sure! My parents did not go to college as well, but they definitely have a lot more life experience than most adults I have spoken to. That's the only thing they have on me though haha! Congratulations on your achievements, I have to do the same. I think a mentor is a great idea. Even though my brother hasn't 'made it' yet, he seems to be helping me get on the right track for now. Thank you!

Hey Mike-

I applaud you for putting something so personal out there. I've had strikingly similar experiences as you: For my 30th birthday get-together, I had no less than two dozen people (was really closer to 30) tell me they were coming and excited. Two showed up. Yeah. I was pretty devastated. And pissed. But it wasn't because I wasn't a leader, it was because I had chosen shitty "friends." (that realization didn't come overnight either...)

I would agree that you have a good head on your shoulders, as you're able to communicate what's going on in your head with your situation & you grasp the effects of what your father is saying to you. I don't care what anyone says it's different when it's family. When the people who are supposed to be there for unconditional support & love don't understand the power of their own words, it devastating. What sucks even more is that they probably grew up under the same verbally abusive onslaught but didn't have the personal insight to understand how it affected them & therefore will affect you. They simply continue the pattern.

For me, getting out from under an oppressive family environment was a top priority. It's (part of) why I moved to the other side of the country from my family. It's why I don't discuss business with them. It's why I love the people that comprise this forum!

There are always ways to make things happen (find roommates, bus pass/bike, different job, etc). If you want out, there's a way. If you decide to stay, there's a way. Each has it's benefits & it's drawbacks. Keep us posted on what you decide to do

I am sorry to hear about your 30th birthday. I forgave my one friend, others said they weren't into gambling so didn't want to go to the casinos in Atlantic City. I guess they are kind of shitty aren't they? Even if I wasn't into something, I would go just because its my friends 21st!

And thanks. Yea, it most definitely is different from family. My father definitely doesn't realize the power of his words. He's doing a number on my sister from time to time. I think his father was the same way. I won't continue this pattern!

I plan to stay for now, because I don't think the risks that come from moving out are worth the reward. Like you said, there's always a way! I have to get on my way to financial freedom so I can live a new/different life. Thanks for your help!

Dude,
He is your dad, filter the way he said it, and get to the core of what he is saying. Whether you live there or not he is going to make comments that cut you up, just filter. Don't give him more fodder by doing something else half thought out and half cocked. Next time he makes a crap remark, look him dead in the eye and say "Dad, I'm 21 and I'm doing what I think is best for me, and there will be times I need your advice, but this isn't one of them."

While sometimes I can filter, other comments seem like they 'can't' be filtered. It seems like he wants to piss me off to somehow motivate me to change certain things. I don't always operate like that, but I hear what you're saying. As far as the last comment goes, I have tried that. I will try again and be more serious, but my parents have a way with blackmailing. "As long as you live under this roof you will follow our rules. Don't like it? Move out." kind of attitude. Which is understandable, and they do give my siblings and I freedom, but if I want to do whatever I want (for example: Not going to college), it's bye bye to me hah! Thanks for your input, I will keep it in mind!


Thanks again guys.

 

[Guest3722A]

desinaner, if you stay in your situation for a while, use it to build your tolerances to higher levels. Use it to teach yourself how to strengthen your ability to endure uncomfortable situations for extended periods of time.

 

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[Guest3722A]

and I am still waiting to hear if they are even going to give me a trading account. Application pending. (Apparently they don't like giving accts to people with low income and low net worth, go figure)

Where have you applied? What are you interested in trading? Your desire to get an account open shouldn't have roadblocks that are completely inhibiting with your situation. Trust when I say that there is a way.

 

[yveskleinsky]

Hi Mike,

Well...it sounds like you aren't trapped, but seems to me you have lots of options:

1. You can stay and try to steer clear and ignore your dad, and have them pay your bills.
2. You can stay and pretend like nothing happened--and not talk things out with him, and have them pay your bills.
3. You can stay and try and talk things out with your dad, and have them pay your bills.
4. You can move out and see if they will still pay your bills (or part of your bills).
5. You can move out and pay your own bills.

You had mentioned earlier that your dad is known for his negative behavior and you referred to your home life as a "hell hole". If this is truly the case, then I would vote that you get out of there sooner than later. Frankly, there is more at stake here than room and board--there is the cost of your mental health. You are 21. Odds are you can apply for financial aid and get some pell grants and other tuition assistance to help pay for college.
...Part of maturity (as you are finding) is realizing that your parents are people too--and like the rest of us, they have their strengths, weaknesses and limitations. It sounds as though you know your dad's limitations (he's negative and not supportive). Expect him to stay this way--until he decides he wants to change (which may never happen). Your frustration is due to you not embracing this truth. You want him to act like how you think a dad should act--warm, supportive, caring and nurturing. This is (unfortunately) not who you have for a father. Once you realize that he will periodically attack you like he did, you will stop being surprised when he does, and you will think to yourself, "of course dad said something like that" and you will move on with your day not even being phased by his comments--because you accept him for who he is. It's kinda like having a porcupine as a pet--but really wanting a rabbit, and being upset every time the porcupine sticks you with its quills, and holding it against the porcupine for not being fluffy and cuddly. Odds are the porcupine won't change into a rabbit, so you need to reframe your expectations of the porcupine.

If you need positive support (and we all do), then I highly recommend staying here on this forum, as well as maybe finding a local mentor who can take you under his wing.

On a side note, I moved out when I was 17, and bought my first home at 20. I had roommates paying the bills and I lived for free. I also put myself through college--and have the student loans to prove it. ...So there are ways to move out and make it work. ...I also know many people who simply moved out into an apartment and took out student loans and paid their way through college.

At the end of the day, you need to do what's right for you--whatever that may be, even if it will make your life a little harder in the short term.

 

[DeletedUser2]

Sorry to hear about your struggle Mike.
you can have a pity party for about 30 seconds.

Good luck with your decisions.

yep thats all you get.

 

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[swimkid]

Where have you applied? What are you interested in trading? Your desire to get an account open shouldn't have roadblocks that are completely inhibiting with your situation. Trust when I say that there is a way.

It was approved, I'm going to trade S&P futures... the way just got alot easier.

/derail thread