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OFF-TOPIC How to instill hard-working values in my kids

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levijean

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I have spent 15 years grinding to get to the point where my business is essentially on auto-pilot. Will possibly net 7 figures this year. But I now probably appear idle and/or unemployed. My wife & I are at home most of the time; my kids have no idea how most families have to grind to survive. They are getting to middle-school age now and need to learn the value of hard work & perseverance. But I did my time, I dont want to hustle anymore.
 

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You get them working hard on something unpleasant and keep their attitudes about it positive.

Our brains move towards positive experiences and move away from negative ones.

Force your kids to do something they hate while they have the mindset of hating it and it reinforces their brain's decisions that avoiding that situation in the future is best.

Force your kids to do something they hate but get their mindsets in a positive place (play music, laugh, talk about the benefits, enjoying time together, have them bring a friend, etc, etc...) and they'll reinforce a positive association of hard work in their brain.

Get them brainstorming "how do we make this shitty task fun?" or "what will get from this work?" and hopefully that attitude and line of thinking sticks.

Look at working out - everyone hates working out at first because it's hard, you get sore, injuries happen, you feel embarrassed, you're behind others who have done it for years, it feels awkward, you have no time for it, takes forever to see results, and on and on. But with the attitude of sticking with it to get the result and seeing results slowly, you power through the negative and focus on the positive until the brain starts craving the exercise as a positive and even "necessary" experience to come back to.
 

Stash

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I believe there is a strong necessity to build this character in your children. It's part of an education project I've been pursuing. The problem I see is exactly what you're explaining. You've "earned" the right to a relaxing life but your kids haven't. However, they will inherit your habits more so than they will inherit what you tell them to do. I think it's more important to keep your habits and daily activities positive and productive and include your family in those activities.

I know families that their kids stay up with them until 3-4am watching TV. I feel like it's a rude awakening ready to happen. The parents may have earned that schedule, but the children haven't. (beyond the circadian rhythm argument.)

We are all better when we pursue a worthwhile goal that we can actually achieve in bite size pieces. Whether a millionaire and no need to work or an adolescent. We need goals and vision to achieve meaning and success. And that vision doesn't need to be "make millions" instead it should be providing value to millions while still maintaining the CENTS philosophy.
 

sparechange

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Congrats on your success so far hopefully you can get the 1m soon!

I'd suggest you make some targets or goals with your kids, but please do not force it, the last thing you wanna do is be a party pooper, and become one of ''those parents''

What do they like? Isn't the playstation 5 coming out soon or xbox 5000? Maybe a new bicycle, toy, gadget...whatever your kids like. Show them how to earn some material object, let's say the Playstation 5 costs $500, teach them about operating some mini business (like a lemonade stand or raking leaves in the neighborhood) And go through the process of selling say 500 cups of lemonade for a dollar or raking X amount of yards. Get them to make some money and maybe offer to ''invest'' in their business with capital (supplying cups and all that)

And if you wanna make a joke out of it, teach them about taxes and business licenses, and take away all of their profits for operating without one while putting them in timeout confiscating every possession they have :rofl: (ok maybe don't do that LOL)
 
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Rabby

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I have spent 15 years grinding to get to the point where my business is essentially on auto-pilot. Will possibly net 7 figures this year. But I now probably appear idle and/or unemployed. My wife & I are at home most of the time; my kids have no idea how most families have to grind to survive. They are getting to middle-school age now and need to learn the value of hard work & perseverance. But I did my time, I dont want to hustle anymore.

I'm in a similar position. First of all teach them habits. If they understand that rewards come from consistent, smart effort over a period of time, that's good.

Don't just make them do things, convince them it's in their best interest. I started that with my daughter as soon as she was old enough to talk. She reminds me of things even I've forgotten.

Don't shy away from talk about hard things like economics, cause and effect, consequences, etc.

This is huge: help them cultivate control over their emotions. That will do so many things. It will keep them from spending all their money when they get it. It will sustain them when they have to do things that aren't fun. It will keep them out of debt, and keep them working on goals. It will help them in negotiations, in the workplace (including if they work for someone before starting their enterprise), with employees, with customers.
 

Bekit

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But I did my time, I dont want to hustle anymore.
Design a situation where the burden is on them to do the hustling.

Do you buy their clothes?
Do you buy their electronics?
Do you buy the other things they want?

Once I got to the age where I could babysit, my parents bought me one pair of tennis shoes and one pair of dress shoes either whenever I outgrew them or when they wore out.

Everything else was up to me to purchase.

Devise a reasonable path for them to earn the money for the stuff they want.

(I mean, you wouldn't want them to turn to selling drugs or something to earn their money.)

Do it in a loving, constructive atmosphere, where you seek to keep them motivated and encouraged. Kind of like a football coach.
 

df1992

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I heard about (cannot remember where but it stuck with me), whereby a persons son asked for £1,000 for something.

Instead of giving the son the £1,000, the dad set him a challenge. He would loan him the £1,000, which he could then use to try and make the £1,000 through some sort of business.

He said it was the best £1,000 he'd ever spent as it sparked something in the son to become curious and to earn his money by using the loan as an investment into ideas. I'm a long way having kids but I love this concept of productively challenging your kids to be curious.
 

Kevin88660

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I have spent 15 years grinding to get to the point where my business is essentially on auto-pilot. Will possibly net 7 figures this year. But I now probably appear idle and/or unemployed. My wife & I are at home most of the time; my kids have no idea how most families have to grind to survive. They are getting to middle-school age now and need to learn the value of hard work & perseverance. But I did my time, I dont want to hustle anymore.
I am not sure what the school is doing. If the school is already pushing them hard that is good.

When I was in middle school, it is a norm for the teacher to deliver the test result openly in class, they will start from the first to the last. Honor the kids who did well and shame the people who ranked bottom. It is a zero sum game. Some kids will always rank bottom.

That was 15-20 years ago. I do not think the system allows such things now, given that there is greater emphasis on “protecting self-esteem”.
 

sparechange

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MJ DeMarco

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Make them value the dollar by making them earn their keep. Too many kids associate money with gifts, grift, or redistribution... the old GoFundMe mentality. Oh you want a new iPhone? Then earn it -- I need the lawn mowed, the shelves organized, and workshop cleaned.

I heard about (cannot remember where but it stuck with me), whereby a persons son asked for £1,000 for something.

Instead of giving the son the £1,000, the dad set him a challenge. He would loan him the £1,000, which he could then use to try and make the £1,000 through some sort of business.

He said it was the best £1,000 he'd ever spent as it sparked something in the son to become curious and to earn his money by using the loan as an investment into ideas. I'm a long way having kids but I love this concept of productively challenging your kids to be curious.

Interesting idea.

A great way to begin associating money with value, whether earned in a business, or a job.
 

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ryandoak

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I have spent 15 years grinding to get to the point where my business is essentially on auto-pilot. Will possibly net 7 figures this year. But I now probably appear idle and/or unemployed. My wife & I are at home most of the time; my kids have no idea how most families have to grind to survive. They are getting to middle-school age now and need to learn the value of hard work & perseverance. But I did my time, I dont want to hustle anymore.
You should build a shed in your back yard and have them live in it. Have them dig holes to shit in, and live off of cans of uncooked beans and rice.

Do the bare minimum needed to help them. Seriously, like just barely enough to not get indicted for child abuse/neglect.
 

Flint

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@levijean

As a father of a 10 year old boy, I recommend Jocko Willink's Way of the Warrior Kid books. It's a series of stories for children that introduce many important fastlane lessons in a captivating way. They're told from the point of view of a little boy who is pushed by his Navy SEAL uncle to become a better version of himself. In the second book, there's quite a bit about value of money, work ethic and doing the work to achieve your goals (new bike).

I read the books with my son and we had a lot to chat about afterwards. Not only that, I've also implemented the routines from Way of the Warrior Kid and now after 2 years I see the consistent effort has paid off. My son is more confident, independent, self-aware, fit and active, understands the amount of work required to build new skills and good habits, thinks of business ideas and how to earn his own money. This is still in a childish realm, but the confidence boost alone was worth the work.

One important thing I'd add is it's important to have the whole family on the same page. You won't teach your kids your value system if they can get something from your wife or grandparents the easier way. Mixed signals and the path of least resistance will become their teacher.

Warrior Kid Podcast - Making money as a kid (starts at 12:07):
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulUVJfVOy5s&t=727s
 
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Kevin88660

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I think asking your kid to join a sports/game and develop the strong will to win is very very important.

Once the bar is set high since young it is very hard to drop the bar. Those people who are almost pathologically competitive-the kid who cried badly because he/she was second best, are ok average far more likely to win life. It is pretty obvious from my observation.
 

mon_fi

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Explain them how money works, get them to read books, never give them "for nothing in exchange", get them to have a student job asap, send them to do volunteering abroad in countries where people live in terrible conditions.
 

Ing

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who of you really grewd up kids?
Some of the advices will work, some not.
Kids allways do, what you do. you will have to do what you want them to do.
you will have to tell them about dour husteling 15 years over and over again.
They will want to achive the same you did and when you help them they willsucceed.
Or life chooses a total different way for them.

Live as you want them to live. They WILL copy you.
 

Mutant

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Recently came across the Tuttle Twins series of books by Connor Boyack. Haven't had a proper look at them myself, but the idea of teaching about freedom & economics & whatnot through kids stories is an interesting one. Just looked up & the one entitled The Tuttle Twins and Their Spectacular Show Business is about kids becoming entrepreneurs, but the whole series seems worth a peruse.
 

BizyDad

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who of you really grewd up kids?
Some of the advices will work, some not.
Kids allways do, what you do. you will have to do what you want them to do.
you will have to tell them about dour husteling 15 years over and over again.
They will want to achive the same you did and when you help them they willsucceed.
Or life chooses a total different way for them.

Live as you want them to live. They WILL copy you.

I agree with this. You can follow all the good advice on here, but if you take the approach of "do as I say, not as I do", you may be heading for trouble down the road.

That said, not all hustle is money hustle. You don't want/need to work hard for cash anymore? That's cool. Let them see you set other goals for yourself, and achieve them. Set a fitness goal. Redo your yard or build a deck. Decide to work on an art project. Set a goal to read x books in a year. You get the idea.

One thing that inspired the hustle in me, even though I grew up in a middle class household, was seeing what my family in other countries lived like. Can you expose your kids to how other people live?

Lastly, while everyone has great sounding ideas, try and get advice from people who've actually been there. It's the same in business. Don't take the advice of the guy who started last week, find the successful person and take advice from them.

As reference, mine are 7 & 4, and while they are both unbelievable little kids (so far so good), what do I really know about raising middle school kids?

Hope this helps...
 

Ing

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Btw, the kids will respect you for the 15 years and try to copy that, too.
And you will hustle to help them.
And you willhave a great time doing that with them tbe mext decades!
 

Walter Hay

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As a child rather than pay the tram fare to school I would walk for miles to save up the money so that I could buy anything beyond the small amount of food my mother could put on the table, and the second hand clothes she could barely afford to buy for me to wear.

That taught me valuable lessons about earning my way in life.

Thanks to my business success, by the time we had children to bring up we were living on a small acreage in a district where neighbors' children were driven to school in a Rolls Royce.

I was determined that my children would learn that money had to be earned. As soon as they could do anything useful I "employed" them in my businesses and paid them a small amount. Once they started a job attaching labels they knew it had to be finished if they wanted to be paid.

Other tasks involved cleaning the factory and laboratory, and their boss ( me) was very fussy, so clean meant CLEAN.

They were never given an allowance, but they were never short of money, because they found worthwhile tasks and just got in and did them knowing that without asking for money it would be paid to them if they did a good job.

Now they are all adults and their work ethic shines! In community situations they readily volunteer their services and contribute financially when they see a need.

Our relationship was undoubtedly greatly enhanced by working with me, and we are very close.

Walter
 
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Stash

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As a child rather than pay the tram fare to school I would walk for miles to save up the money so that I could buy anything beyond the small amount of food my mother could put on the table, and the second hand clothes she could barely afford to buy for me to wear.

That taught me valuable lessons about earning my way in life.

Thanks to my business success, by the time we had children to bring up we were living on a small acreage in a district where neighbors' children were driven to school in a Rolls Royce.

I was determined that my children would learn that money had to be earned. As soon as they could do anything useful I "employed" them in my businesses and paid them a small amount. Once they started a job attaching labels they knew it had to be finished if they wanted to be paid.

Other tasks involved cleaning the factory and laboratory, and their boss ( me) was very fussy, so clean meant CLEAN.

They were never given an allowance, but they were never short of money, because they found worthwhile tasks and just got in and did them knowing that without asking for money it would be paid to them if they did a good job.

Now they are all adults and their work ethic shines! In community situations they readily volunteer their services and contribute financially when they see a need.

Our relationship was undoubtedly greatly enhanced by working with me, and we are very close.

Walter
Hey Walter that sounds like a good plan.

What ages did you start this and do you have some examples of what they did at various ages as they grew up to earn income? Like what is a worthwhile task that your children would do and pay them accordingly at each age group?

Thanks.
 

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Walter Hay

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Hey Walter that sounds like a good plan.

What ages did you start this and do you have some examples of what they did at various ages as they grew up to earn income? Like what is a worthwhile task that your children would do and pay them accordingly at each age group?

Thanks.
My wife and I are old school, so their education began when they were toddlers, before they knew what money was. They were required to put away their toys after playing with them, usually at the end of the day.

The reward was praise and often we would play their favorite game with them or read their favorite book.

By the time they were about 4 they were given small tasks to perform around the house and garden, including feeding the animals. They received small coins for performing these tasks, and so they came to recognize money as desirable but still with little appreciation of its value.

Operating a business from home gave us opportunity to allocate small roles for them, one of the most common was attaching labels to small chemical packages, and placing them in cartons.

When a direct mailing campaign was under way, they folded letters and stuffed envelopes. I explained that when people got these letters they would buy some of our products and send us money, so the connection began to develop.

As the business grew, our factory building on our acreage property needed constant tidying and sweeping, with various scrap items going to appropriate bins. This was when they began volunteering to do little jobs. I made it clear when paying them that it was because they offered, not just because they did the work.

Having young children present in a chemical factory presented risks so they had to be educated in those risks, and before long the older ones became OH&S officers protecting their younger siblings. They did that out of love, but nevertheless received a reward.

As a side note, they learned a lot about business. I even set up a small "office" in a safe location and equipped it with an old telephone handset. A 3 year old would sometimes pick up the phone, answering an imaginary call, imitating my procedure!

One pleaded to wear a chemist's lab coat so my wife shortened one for him and he became the proud chief chemist for the day. That was his reward.

They observed trucks coming and going, dockets being signed, invoices being attached to some smaller items etc., so business became second nature to them.

Walter
P.S. I had one raw material that was commonly used as a food ingredient, so I gave them some to taste, saying that this was the only one they could ever put in their mouth. It tasted vile, and I never had to worry about them dipping fingers in anything I was mixing.
 

Joseph1986

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You first have to move out of the mindset of wanting your child to be successful. That mindset can lead to you putting pressure on yourself which, in turn, can put pressure on your child. Think more along the lines of “what can I teach my child.” Then, you have to realize that you will make mistakes because you are not perfect. And if you want your child to work hard and succeed, the best thing you can do is show your child that making mistakes is OK.
 

Walter Hay

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You first have to move out of the mindset of wanting your child to be successful. That mindset can lead to you putting pressure on yourself which, in turn, can put pressure on your child. Think more along the lines of “what can I teach my child.” Then, you have to realize that you will make mistakes because you are not perfect. And if you want your child to work hard and succeed, the best thing you can do is show your child that making mistakes is OK.
Many people make the mistake of pushing their children to be what they could not be. It's called vicarious pleasure.

The problem is that very often the children resent the sacrifices that they have had to make to achieve what meant everything to their parent but in retrospect they see that it was not for their benefit. They realize that they were just puppets.

Your point about making mistakes being OK is excellent. Mistakes can be some of the most valuable experiences in our lives. I told my children that I was not perfect and would sometimes make mistakes. I never punished them for mistakes or accidents. I know they appreciated that.

Walter
 

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Make sure they have strong, meaningful relationships with people who work hard, people they respect and admire, love and want to emulate. Point out, about once a year, that those people are diligent hardworkers and imply that THAT is one of the greatest gifts given to any person.

That’s it.
 

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