How to Deal With Anxiety? Causing Avoidance of Important Tasks (Losing $$$$$)

[PureA]

How do you guys deal with anxiety?

I've meditated everyday for 10 years, my sleep, diet, and exercise is all dialed.

My pattern is this:
Important task (can be as small as sending an email) > anxiety > massive avoidance of the task > more anxiety around task > more avoidance.

I know how insane this sounds, but I've literally put off sending an email for 6 months before that was costing me $100+ a day until I sent it.

This isn't a thread for me to cry about my problems. I'm sure at least a few of us must share similar issues.

What are your favorite strategies to mitigate anxiety (and stop this money-sucking loop)?

 

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[RobinVL]

First of all, you've sent that email in the end. You could have not sent it at all..

I recognize your situation but for me this was many years ago. I think anxiety is just something you should accept, not try to push away. By doing the things you just did AKA sending that email (for me calling was the worst), you grow and learn to live with it and handle it.

I think a healthy lifestyle like you describe is a great basis but the growth in this area comes from taking action and learning from it. I know that sounds way easier than it is for you, but I think that is the case for more people than you would think.

What always helped (and still does) for me is thinking 'F*ck it, what's the worst that could happen' and then doing it right away.

By the way, I was in therapy for this for quite a while some years ago. If you really think this is something that gets in the way of your enjoyment of life, I would get some professional help. That helped me a lot actually.

Good luck!

 

[AnasHarn]

I found these interesting recourses for self help from Australian Health Gouv Website, If they dont work for my anxiety I'll go check with a specialist, however, for now they gave me pretty good tools to deal with mine :

CCI - Self Help Resources for Mental Health Problems

Self-help resources for common mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, sleep problems, and perfectionism. Includes workbooks made up of modules, brief information sheets, and worksheets that you may wish to use, or that your therapist may help you with. Materials...

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au

 

[Johnny boy]

therapists hate him for knowing this one simple trick!


call people pussies for saying anything about anxiety and it'll help you since you'll associate yourself with mental strength and any time something comes up in life you'll automatically handle it like a man.

all you have to do is just get back to work.

Saying "I have anxiety" is just procrastination. "Dealing" with it, is just procrastination. "Seeking help" is just procrastination.

It's crazy to think about the thousands of different things people have invented magically in their minds to allow them to NOT do the work that needs to be done.

90% of the average man's daily actions and especially their words are just a giant coping mechanism for not wanted to do what they know needs to be done.

One of my greatest assets is my ability to just forget about stuff. I don't hold on to anything. I'm too busy taking care of new, pressing issues to be thinking about any stuff that just happened. There's probably been a lot of demoralizing, negative things that have happened to me that a normal person would have to 'deal' with, but I have zero problems. I don't even remember it. If I'm nervous about something, I just do it anyways.

You deal with stuff by just doing what needs to be done. It's the same as if someone asked you, "how do you deal with getting a drop of water on your head?" You would say "what the F*ck are you talking about?" because it's not something to 'deal' with anyways. It's a non-issue. You hardly even notice it. You get on with your day. That's how you deal with stuff.

 

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[woken]

Agree in part with Johnny, but it’s not all rainbows and sunshine of not giving a F*ck.

Especially in the beginning, or if you have panic attacks. It’s hard to put behind you something that is bothering you constantly.

We tend to think more often about past times when we felt better. Times when we didn’t know about something that can bother us. Times when everything seemed easier. When we could just be.

Instead of lingering in the past we should focus on laying the foundation for a better future self. This is your new normal. That’s how you operate. The quicker you accept it the better you’ll be.

Have a routine and stick to it. Wake up at the same hour every day. Exercise for 30 mins daily. Eat regularly and have snacks in between( avoiding hypoglycaemia)
Take cold showers daily and find your calm when in there. It will help you a lot.
Most symptoms are from hyperventilation so learn to breathe properly.

Anxiety is like a friend that comes to your house at the wrong time. Treat it like such. They can stay, surely. But they won’t get your attention, since you’re busy doing whatever you do.

It’s all a process. Naturally, some days will be worse than others. Look at the big picture and see the progress.


Back to work.

 

[realcoolguy]

It's not taboo to steal from other books is it?

It sounds a bit stupid, but making not sending the email more uncomfortable than sending it is the solution.

I've seen some legit crazy solutions all the way to writing a contract with someone that states if I don't do X by Y date I will pay John Doe $Z dollars. Most are a little tamer. If you can have someone keep you accountable that you check in with, it can lead to more accountability and less shirking of duties.

You can also look at making the reward after you send the mail bigger. That $100 for 6 months was $18k. Would have been cheaper to offer yourself a $9k reward/vacation/toy for completing the task.

Just keep making the stick that will hit you bigger or that carrot that will reward you sweeter until you can just do it.

 

[Beebop27]

Fear/ anxiety is the pre-requisite for every adventure and new growth

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

You deal with stuff by just doing what needs to be done.

The problem with anxiety is that "what needs to be done" isn't clear. That's precisely the problem, these feelings generated by your limbic brain hijack your rational brain and it's not easy to think clearly. So "what needs to be done" is unclear. For example, say you're afraid of driving because you fear you'll run someone over. What needs to be done? Drive carefully? But what if you still run someone over?

Until you actually explore the underlying beliefs (assumptions) behind your negative thoughts, you'll not be able to come to terms with it. For example, in the above case, here are some assumptions of your negative thoughts of running someone over, even accidentally:
• I must be in control of everything so that no bad accident can happen to me, otherwise life is unbearable and awful
• If something bad were to happen to me, even if it's not my fault, then it is awful and horrible
• I CANNOT tolerate any risk, and I must always think about the risk because it's always there

And so on. Now these are all underlying false beliefs, or assumptions, that are NOT present in your fear or your thinking directly. But they give power to the negative thoughts. Until you can pull those negative assumptions out of the limbic system, make them conscious, and start questioning them and replacing them with more realistic beliefs and assumptions, you'll have a hard time of "doing what needs to be done", because you won't even know what needs to be done.

 

[Johnny boy]

The problem with anxiety is that "what needs to be done" isn't clear. That's precisely the problem, these feelings generated by your limbic brain hijack your rational brain and it's not easy to think clearly. So "what needs to be done" is unclear. For example, say you're afraid of driving because you fear you'll run someone over. What needs to be done? Drive carefully? But what if you still run someone over?

Until you actually explore the underlying beliefs (assumptions) behind your negative thoughts, you'll not be able to come to terms with it. For example, in the above case, here are some assumptions of your negative thoughts of running someone over, even accidentally:
• I must be in control of everything so that no bad accident can happen to me, otherwise life is unbearable and awful
• If something bad were to happen to me, even if it's not my fault, then it is awful and horrible
• I CANNOT tolerate any risk, and I must always think about the risk because it's always there

And so on. Now these are all underlying false beliefs, or assumptions, that are NOT present in your fear or your thinking directly. But they give power to the negative thoughts. Until you can pull those negative assumptions out of the limbic system, make them conscious, and start questioning them and replacing them with more realistic beliefs and assumptions, you'll have a hard time of "doing what needs to be done", because you won't even know what needs to be done.

on a scale of 1-10 how much would you say anxiety affects your life

 

[Black_Dragon43]

on a scale of 1-10 how much would you say anxiety affects your life

With 10 being most affected? I’d put it at a 1 or maybe at the most 2 now. I still have anxiety sometimes but I waste very little time with it and it doesnt really stop me from doing things. But back 10 years ago, that was easily a 9 or 10 lol.

Have you ever struggled with anxiety?

 

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[Johnny boy]

With 10 being most affected? I’d put it at a 1 or maybe at the most 2 now. I still have anxiety sometimes but I waste very little time with it and it doesnt really stop me from doing things. But back 10 years ago, that was easily a 9 or 10 lol.

Have you ever struggled with anxiety?

0

 

[Black_Dragon43]

0

That’s good, it’s probably just the way you’re wired. Not every brain interprets the world the same way. For me, for example, it took a lot of work to get there. You just have that naturally. Imo, it’s a huge advantage.

So you know what the state is like of not having anxiety, but it’s hard for you to understand why someone who experiences anxiety is unable to get there just based off describing the state. For you, it’s just natural to deal with stuff by doing what needs to be done. Someone with anxiety though needs a path that will take them to that state where it is easy to deal with stuff by doing what needs to be done.

 

[Johnny boy]

That’s good, it’s probably just the way you’re wired. Not every brain interprets the world the same way. For me, for example, it took a lot of work to get there. You just have that naturally. Imo, it’s a huge advantage.

So you know what the state is like of not having anxiety, but it’s hard for you to understand why someone who experiences anxiety is unable to get there just based off describing the state. For you, it’s just natural to deal with stuff by doing what needs to be done. Someone with anxiety though needs a path that will take them to that state where it is easy to deal with stuff by doing what needs to be done.

no it's just not being a pussy

 

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[Itizn]

^ This guy is one of my fav posters on here

 

[Black_Dragon43]

no it's just not being a pussy

Meaning? What is a non-pussy and how do you become one?

Again, if you naturally are a non-pussy, you don’t need to do anything - it’s your natural state. But if naturally you are a pussy, then you’ve got to change, which isn’t as simple as just deciding.

I get a feeling that you look at this concept of being a pussy in a moral way - it’s bad to be a pussy. Sure, it may be bad, so what? Does being a pussy being bad suddenly make you into a non-pussy if you are a pussy?

I wish I could have conquered my anxiety by just deciding to do it, but unfortunately that’s not how it works. It took me many years of research and trial and error and facing scary situations to master it, and I’m a lot stronger because of it today. I’m not saying that it must take years for someone suffering from anxiety - no, the transformation, using the correct techniques, can be much faster.

But, if as you claim you’ve never struggled with anxiety, you cannot understand these things. You’re simply wired differently. That’s all well and good for you, but not everyone is the same. The OP here obviously struggles with anxiety - he needs help to overcome it. Just telling him “don’t be a pussy” won’t help him figure out how to stop being one. What’s the technique or process he needs to go through to stop being one? That’s what he needs to hear.

 

[heavy_industry]

I've meditated everyday for 10 years, my sleep, diet, and exercise is all dialed.

If sleep diet and exercise are actually on point and you're not having some strange auto-immune reaction from any food, the anxiety could be 100% psychological.

And in this case, the only way out is through. Start confronting the things you're afraid of. Conquer the unknown step by step.

And remember that one of the biggest risks in life is not taking enough risks.
The clock is ticking for all of us and life is running out This should be your biggest anxiety. Use this to push yourself forward and realize that the worst thing that can happen is you not taking enough action to achieve a life worth living.

 

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[woken]

Meaning? What is a non-pussy and how do you become one?

Again, if you naturally are a non-pussy, you don’t need to do anything - it’s your natural state. But if naturally you are a pussy, then you’ve got to change, which isn’t as simple as just deciding.

I get a feeling that you look at this concept of being a pussy in a moral way - it’s bad to be a pussy. Sure, it may be bad, so what? Does being a pussy being bad suddenly make you into a non-pussy if you are a pussy?

I wish I could have conquered my anxiety by just deciding to do it, but unfortunately that’s not how it works. It took me many years of research and trial and error and facing scary situations to master it, and I’m a lot stronger because of it today. I’m not saying that it must take years for someone suffering from anxiety - no, the transformation, using the correct techniques, can be much faster.

But, if as you claim you’ve never struggled with anxiety, you cannot understand these things. You’re simply wired differently. That’s all well and good for you, but not everyone is the same. The OP here obviously struggles with anxiety - he needs help to overcome it. Just telling him “don’t be a pussy” won’t help him figure out how to stop being one. What’s the technique or process he needs to go through to stop being one? That’s what he needs to hear.

Ignorance is a bliss. You’ve both been here long enough to know each other’s attitudes.

Johnny, we wish you never have to deal with it. What @Black_Dragon43 is explaining is not the same anxiety you have when you ask a girl out for the first time or when you’re dealing with the first guy who didn’t like the way you cut his grass. That you can fix by not being a pussy.

I know how set on your pimp mindset you are so let’s leave it at that. Not all people are naturally empathetic but it helps,as a leader, understanding what others are going through.

Back to pimpin’

 

[SteveO]

therapists hate him for knowing this one simple trick!


call people pussies for saying anything about anxiety and it'll help you since you'll associate yourself with mental strength and any time something comes up in life you'll automatically handle it like a man.

all you have to do is just get back to work.

Saying "I have anxiety" is just procrastination. "Dealing" with it, is just procrastination. "Seeking help" is just procrastination.

It's crazy to think about the thousands of different things people have invented magically in their minds to allow them to NOT do the work that needs to be done.

90% of the average man's daily actions and especially their words are just a giant coping mechanism for not wanted to do what they know needs to be done.

One of my greatest assets is my ability to just forget about stuff. I don't hold on to anything. I'm too busy taking care of new, pressing issues to be thinking about any stuff that just happened. There's probably been a lot of demoralizing, negative things that have happened to me that a normal person would have to 'deal' with, but I have zero problems. I don't even remember it. If I'm nervous about something, I just do it anyways.

You deal with stuff by just doing what needs to be done. It's the same as if someone asked you, "how do you deal with getting a drop of water on your head?" You would say "what the F*ck are you talking about?" because it's not something to 'deal' with anyways. It's a non-issue. You hardly even notice it. You get on with your day. That's how you deal with stuff.

Holy shit dude! Don't beat around the bush.

 

[SteveO]

Sounds to me like you could benefit from self acceptance. Basically realizing that you are perfect in every way.

This begins with loving yourself. I don't mean in a narcissistic way.

Many of us tend to stress out over little things. We worry about other people's reactions or what they might think of us.

Emotions are important but we need to be able to let them go. Feel them to their fullest. Pay attention to what it is. Then release it completely.

We tend to complicate our lives and worry about trivial things.

 

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[iivalky]

How do you guys deal with anxiety?

I've meditated everyday for 10 years, my sleep, diet, and exercise is all dialed.

My pattern is this:
Important task (can be as small as sending an email) > anxiety > massive avoidance of the task > more anxiety around task > more avoidance.

I know how insane this sounds, but I've literally put off sending an email for 6 months before that was costing me $100+ a day until I sent it.

This isn't a thread for me to cry about my problems. I'm sure at least a few of us must share similar issues.

What are your favorite strategies to mitigate anxiety (and stop this money-sucking loop)?

I can relate to this. I have put off things of importance due to fear, or even sometimes laziness. But putting off an important task isn't going to fix it, it'll just make the situation worse. When faced with a problem in the future, just do it, you'll thank yourself after.

 

[starttoday123]

What's worked for me before is I've booked a coaching session with a coach who has a book-able schedule link and then I took the action after the session and was held accountable

 

[fridge]

I read a good thread a few months ago on Reddit for dealing with anxiety. The base premise is giving your anxiety/negative feelings a name and then addressing them essentially like their a little kid that has no room to be controlling your actions.

For example, lets say you're doing public speaking which is a naturally anxiety inducing event for most people. In this case your minds in hyperdrive overreacting because our brains detect a threat when there really isn't one. So you can label those anxious thoughts with a name like a person, for example, "Okay Tony, you're not being helpful or logical here - I'm going to do this no matter what." Sounds kind of silly but try it a few times. You'll learn to recognize what that "anxious" feeling is a lot quicker, give it a label, address it and move on from it. A lot of these anxiety responses we experience is just our brain trying to keep us safe, but we've evolved quick and don't need them anymore.

 

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[WillHurtDontCare]

Meaning? What is a non-pussy and how do you become one?

Again, if you naturally are a non-pussy, you don’t need to do anything - it’s your natural state. But if naturally you are a pussy, then you’ve got to change, which isn’t as simple as just deciding.

I get a feeling that you look at this concept of being a pussy in a moral way - it’s bad to be a pussy. Sure, it may be bad, so what? Does being a pussy being bad suddenly make you into a non-pussy if you are a pussy?

I wish I could have conquered my anxiety by just deciding to do it, but unfortunately that’s not how it works. It took me many years of research and trial and error and facing scary situations to master it, and I’m a lot stronger because of it today. I’m not saying that it must take years for someone suffering from anxiety - no, the transformation, using the correct techniques, can be much faster.

But, if as you claim you’ve never struggled with anxiety, you cannot understand these things. You’re simply wired differently. That’s all well and good for you, but not everyone is the same. The OP here obviously struggles with anxiety - he needs help to overcome it. Just telling him “don’t be a pussy” won’t help him figure out how to stop being one. What’s the technique or process he needs to go through to stop being one? That’s what he needs to hear.

Most of the thoughts & emotions that float through your head, my head, and everyone else's heads are worthless garbage that should be completely ignored.

Most "mental illnesses" exist because people spend so much time thinking about them that they become real.

"don't be a pussy" = do what you want to do regardless of how you feel about it.

Do something enough and your feelings catch up to justifying it.

 

[Jummy]

Understanding anxiety can be key in fighting against it, others have said some amazing stuff that if I was OP I would take note of

A key factor in anxiety is the lack of control
But here’s the nasty part of anxiety,
You’ve never had control in the first place, all you’ve had was anxiety.

It’s become a safety net to overthink and over analyze and risk assess, it’s fear. Yet it’s useless because you have NO CONTROL what so ever, focus on the very few things you can control.

For example, I would get anxiety if I needed to stand up for my self or say what’s really on my mind, I was so afraid and wanted to have control over whether that person would like me or hate me.

There’s nothing you can do besides be true to your self, maybe it may help to navigate those thoughts with a mental health professional, it’s can be scary to make sense of your self, it can be scary to admit that maybe you are a bit selfish, or a dick, or even a pussy, and that’s totally fine.
Accept it and you’ll be surprised how little it actually matters in the end, it’s all extremely paradoxical in that sense.

 

[AnonGuest63k2]

therapists hate him for knowing this one simple trick!


call people pussies for saying anything about anxiety and it'll help you since you'll associate yourself with mental strength and any time something comes up in life you'll automatically handle it like a man.

all you have to do is just get back to work.

Saying "I have anxiety" is just procrastination. "Dealing" with it, is just procrastination. "Seeking help" is just procrastination.

It's crazy to think about the thousands of different things people have invented magically in their minds to allow them to NOT do the work that needs to be done.

90% of the average man's daily actions and especially their words are just a giant coping mechanism for not wanted to do what they know needs to be done.

One of my greatest assets is my ability to just forget about stuff. I don't hold on to anything. I'm too busy taking care of new, pressing issues to be thinking about any stuff that just happened. There's probably been a lot of demoralizing, negative things that have happened to me that a normal person would have to 'deal' with, but I have zero problems. I don't even remember it. If I'm nervous about something, I just do it anyways.

You deal with stuff by just doing what needs to be done. It's the same as if someone asked you, "how do you deal with getting a drop of water on your head?" You would say "what the F*ck are you talking about?" because it's not something to 'deal' with anyways. It's a non-issue. You hardly even notice it. You get on with your day. That's how you deal with stuff.

Thanks to you, Joni can’t tell you how many posts you’ve given me. I hope I won’t be a pussy and quit my job (after studying at the university I work) and will try to do this

 

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[The-J]

Kinda wanna make a thread about this. But I learned a few things:

Winners (defined as: those who make a habit of succeeding at the things they do) have a positive attitude about certain things and a negative attitude about others.

Positive attitude just means you lean into it. Negative attitude means you move away from it. This is regardless of how you actually FEEL.

Using Johnny's pussy analogy, if you have a negative attitude toward being considered a pussy, then no matter how you feel, you'd avoid pussy behavior. If you're scared, you'd think "well, I feel scared, I feel anxiety, but pussies succumb to this and I'm not a pussy, therefore I must do it, anxiety be damned!"

Then after doing it, you'll feel good about yourself. "I proved I'm not a pussy. Now onto the next thing"

Feeling scared doesn't make you a pussy."Having anxiety" doesn't make you a pussy. Refusing to do the thing makes you a pussy. Why? Because success doesn't care how you feel. Success cares about what gets done.

There are highly successful people with crippling anxiety. Weirdly enough, it's their anxiety that drives them toward success. How could that be? (Answer this for yourself)

 

[Jrjohnny]

I recently started using a tactic someone had shared in a previous thread, basically just saying F*ck off to every worst case anxiety thought.

If it’s a business or just a big decision, I’ll sleep on it, think about it, write down the pros and cons of each decision, etc

“What if someone copies this? You have to make it more difficult! Even if it means wasting time for months-“ “F*ck off”

“What if thi-“ “F*ck off”
“What if tha-“ “F*ck off”
“What if bla-“ “F*ck off”

(Thanks to whoever suggested that, it’s been helping me out a ton)

 

[AnonGuest63k2]

Kinda wanna make a thread about this. But I learned a few things:

Winners (defined as: those who make a habit of succeeding at the things they do) have a positive attitude about certain things and a negative attitude about others.

Positive attitude just means you lean into it. Negative attitude means you move away from it. This is regardless of how you actually FEEL.

Using Johnny's pussy analogy, if you have a negative attitude toward being considered a pussy, then no matter how you feel, you'd avoid pussy behavior. If you're scared, you'd think "well, I feel scared, I feel anxiety, but pussies succumb to this and I'm not a pussy, therefore I must do it, anxiety be damned!"

Then after doing it, you'll feel good about yourself. "I proved I'm not a pussy. Now onto the next thing"

Feeling scared doesn't make you a pussy."Having anxiety" doesn't make you a pussy. Refusing to do the thing makes you a pussy. Why? Because success doesn't care how you feel. Success cares about what gets done.

There are highly successful people with crippling anxiety. Weirdly enough, it's their anxiety that drives them toward success. How could that be? (Answer this for yourself)

I understand what you mean, but in my case, work after school doesn't make much sense, if you look at it on a large scale, I can do piecework (what to help around the house, wash windows and so on, I'm not sure about cleaning roofs, but I'll study it to make sure for sure), which will help me to create initial capital faster or will help me to restore it faster in my experiments on earnings, where everything will depend only on me (business).

 

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[Paul David]

Great thread.

I don't remember having much anxiety in my life during my 20's and early 30's. It was only when I had a few negative experiences did anxiety and stress start creeping in. To be honest what I went through (almost losing family home) etc would have made most people feel that way.

In my experience the problem is that you're spending too much time thinking about the problem. Somebody else wrote this on another of my posts a while back (about enjoying the business building process when you're struggling) and I think it applies here also. He said something like "You only know you're not enjoying the process when you stop and think about it" in other words you're spending too much time thinking about it instead of doing it.

The brain can only concentrate on one thing at a time, you need to get to a point where the task just gets done anyway like a robot would regardless of how you feel.