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Pro-Tip: Ignore your Slowlane Parents

Anything related to matters of the mind

Solais

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So I got off the phone about 20 minutes ago...

My dad went through these following points over ~45 minutes:

  • Compared what I was doing with "gambling in Las Vegas"
  • Talked about how going back to school -> software engineering job is much better. Cuz you know, there isn't a tech bubble or anything, tech companies don't discriminate against anyone over the age of 45, and commutes in tech hubs like the Bay Area/Seattle don't soak up 2 hours of your time staring at another car's bumper sticker.
  • Listed a few random examples of "people who worked at startups" who succeeded "because Wall Street gave them a shitload of cash"
  • Thinks a business only takes "a few" months to gain traction (I'm actually hoping for this, but not banking on it to win)

And he wonders why I don't call him more often.

While he was saying all this, I'm thankful I have enough scars from my (admittedly short) 27-28 years on planet Earth, as I stated in my Introduction thread.

The #1 lesson is you CANNOT believe what others tell you. "He said, she said" is a bunch of hooey, and can lead you down horrible paths.

Even if it's from your own parents. (Especially if it's from your own parents since you are more likely to "trust" them)

You can only observe what others have done and verify with your own two eyes. Then your job is to make meaningful (accurate) deductions.

(And even then, remain skeptical, since appearances can be deceiving.)

Anyway, he actually had the opposite effect; I'm more confident now in my ability to succeed...so maybe I should be thanking him? Consequences matter more than intent.
 
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Roz

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The reason why most of the parents preach Slowlane lessons is that, they probably don't know there is a better path called FASTLANE, yet.

Honestly, most of us would still be working hard on our slowlane career, planning to retire at 65, if we hadn't read THE book and THE forum (Thank you, MJ DeMarco).

No parent want their kid to face hardship in their lives and stumble for a living. That's why they want us to get a job which in their eyes is 'safe'.

They have been taught by the society for very looong time that 'job' is a safe way to reach 'financial freedom'. It is a little difficult to tell them that it isn't.

Once they see with their own eyes, the results we are producing through our fastlane ventures, then they start to believe (sucks but true).

Best wishes for your fastlane venture.
 
Last edited:

Crexty

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Agreed.

My parents think that because I own a business but I'm not wealthy *yet* , that automatically deems me as a failure and means I should quit.

Pretty sure there are about 20 other people in my family / friends that have told me this.

Seems like in the public, the general misconception is that when you own a business, you're automatically wealthy. They never heard about the time spent grinding.

Shit, most people see entrepreneurship as sandy white beaches in Mexico , luxurious cars and big mansions.

Edit: I do agree you should respect your dad. One day your father won't be here like many have already said. He only wants the best for you and may not fully understand what you're doing or believe in the "FastLane".
 
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Last edited:

GoGetter24

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Think yourself lucky. Your parents sound like absolute geniuses compared to mine. At least they recommended building a valuable skill.

They weren't as far off as you think.

Yes, it's gambling to some extent. Read the biographies of successful businessmen and it's amazing how much some of them they risked and how close they got to wipe out. The error is that Las Vegas has a mild negative expected return, so you slowly lose all your money; whereas business has a positive expected return, but 90% of the profits will go to 10% of the pockets.

The examples of shit tons of cash is currently correct. Financiers are currently desperate to invest in anyone big enough to take a serious chunk of cash.

Focusing on a marketable skill is wiser than starting some pie in the sky affiliate blog or whatever. And I'm sure you've got some inclining by now what your aptitudes are so you can focus on building the right skill. If you've already got one, have got sufficient capital to tide you through a year's runway, and are knowledgeable in the demand-finding and fulfilling process, you're set to give it a go. Otherwise, your dad was 80% right (and dad's are normally brain dead idiots, so think yourself lucky).
 

Shepherd

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As a dad, I'm currently trying to get my 18 year old son off his butt and out into the workforce. I don't have a "slowlane" mentality, but I want him to have a skillset and experience before he even thinks about a business (which I don't know that he will). I reached out to someone in our network about getting him a decent paying job, which he will probably get if he just gets a tad bit motivated. I understand he has to live his own life, but rarely is the life worth living a free ride.

My point, @Solais, is that parents are in a very tough spot when it comes to encouragement vs. reality. If you're out on your own without any financial dependence on your parents, you're already on your way. Try to see the most charitable interpretation of their concerns and realize it's a good thing you have people in the world who care about you. Try to pull out any wisdom from what your dad says and leave the rest. Good luck!
 

MJ DeMarco

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You can only observe what others have done and verify with your own two eyes. Then your job is to make meaningful (accurate) deductions.

Are my parents happy?
Are they living a dream?
Do they have the life I aspire to have?

If so, then yea, take their advice with a more critical eye than normal.

Yet, you also have to determine what is meaningful wisdom (by virtue of experience and being older) and what is Scripted BS.
 
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Solais

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Are my parents happy?
Are they living a dream?
Do they have the life I aspire to have?

If so, then yea, take their advice with a more critical eye than normal.

Yet, you also have to determine what is meaningful wisdom (by virtue of experience and being older) and what is Scripted BS.

It's hard to tell. My parents are a strange mix between Slowlane/Fastlane.

Here's a quick summary of their working lives:

90's: "Decent" tech jobs (or as decent as jobs can be) in Silicon Valley.
2000: Mom laid off as a result of the dot com bubble, dad keeps his job and survives the brutal layoffs.
2002: Mom gets her real estate license and does appraisal work.
2003: Real estate starts to take off as economy recovers.
2007: Mom banks over $300K/year as "self-employed." (Better than a job but worse than a business system that works for you)
2010: Prices start to bottom in Silicon Valley and my parents pick up houses for fire-sale valuations. They rent out the houses. (First signs of Fastlane)
2016: Parents officially pass 1 mil/year thanks to Silicon Valley's absurd housing inflation + half a million a year doing real estate + several hundred thousand in passive income from rent/property management.

They might be what you call a "Slowlane" success story that morphed into a semi-Fastlane system. They discovered real estate as a Fastlane almost by accident.

Honestly, if my mom wasn't phenomenally good at doing real estate (which allowed them to save up going into the housing crash), my parents would be your typical example of the Slowlane slog. 90% sure of it.

As a dad, I'm currently trying to get my 18 year old son off his butt and out into the workforce. I don't have a "slowlane" mentality, but I want him to have a skillset and experience before he even thinks about a business (which I don't know that he will). I reached out to someone in our network about getting him a decent paying job, which he will probably get if he just gets a tad bit motivated. I understand he has to live his own life, but rarely is the life worth living a free ride.

My point, @Solais, is that parents are in a very tough spot when it comes to encouragement vs. reality. If you're out on your own without any financial dependence on your parents, you're already on your way. Try to see the most charitable interpretation of their concerns and realize it's a good thing you have people in the world who care about you. Try to pull out any wisdom from what your dad says and leave the rest. Good luck!

It's hard. When I was 18-19, I always dreamed of "freedom" (the kind almost everyone here wants), but didn't know how to get it. I was always demoralized/unmotivated because I assumed my destiny was to sit in a cubicle for 8-10 hrs/day for 5 days/week until the age of 65.

I started to take a turn at the age of 25, but I was ensconced in idiotic schemes like "Dropshipping," "Blogging," etc. I had the sense to stop after a couple months when I finally realized how saturated those fields were, business isn't about "your passion," etc.

That's pretty much how I ended up here...(I read TMF over a year ago, among 15 or so other books since then)
 
Last edited:

Kak

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So I got off the phone about 20 minutes ago...

My dad went through these following points over ~45 minutes:

  • Compared what I was doing with "gambling in Las Vegas"
  • Talked about how going back to school -> software engineering job is much better. Cuz you know, there isn't a tech bubble or anything, tech companies don't discriminate against anyone over the age of 45, and commutes in tech hubs like the Bay Area/Seattle don't soak up 2 hours of your time staring at another car's bumper sticker.
  • Listed a few random examples of "people who worked at startups" who succeeded "because Wall Street gave them a sh*tload of cash"
  • Thinks a business only takes "a few" months to gain traction (I'm actually hoping for this, but not banking on it to win)

And he wonders why I don't call him more often.

While he was saying all this, I'm thankful I have enough scars from my (admittedly short) 27-28 years on planet Earth, as I stated in my Introduction thread.

The #1 lesson is you CANNOT believe what others tell you. "He said, she said" is a bunch of hooey, and can lead you down horrible paths.

Even if it's from your own parents. (Especially if it's from your own parents since you are more likely to "trust" them)

You can only observe what others have done and verify with your own two eyes. Then your job is to make meaningful (accurate) deductions.

(And even then, remain skeptical, since appearances can be deceiving.)

Anyway, he actually had the opposite effect; I'm more confident now in my ability to succeed...so maybe I should be thanking him? Consequences matter more than intent.

Respect your dad, yet do what you need to do. One day he won’t be here and you’ll wish you could pick up the phone and call him.

He means well and for all we know your idea might totally suck and he might be right.
 

Bryan James

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Bruce Lee once said something along the lines of "keep what is useful and discard what is not". You can love your parents (and learn from them) and still also forge your own path of fastlane success that they may not agree with. Im 27-28 also and I believe I understand where you're coming from.
 
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ZF Lee

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Slowlane or not, we have got to take note that our parents managed to fight their way to get up on a higher totem financially and emotionally, since WW2 or the Cold War era.

Yes, they did use methods and strategies that are obsolete for us now, such as dependence on jobs. But they used them.

My own parents came from quite the dismal background.

My country was just a few decades into independence from the British.

90% of the populace didn't even have a degree. Maybe even fewer had high school education.

My mother had around 20 brothers and sisters altogether! They were pretty poor....for breakfast, maybe they just had porridge and ONE beaten up egg thrown into it. If they had fish, everyone shared one measly piece. And it ain't salmon, BTW. Most likely salted.

She used to live in an old rickety wooden house, where spiders would crawl in from the window and bite your toes!

My father lived almost just as spartan. Lived on soup that was pretty much salted water and instant noodles all his student life.

I've listened to their tales of their younger days, and I can't figure out how the F*ck they managed to survive until today. Both of them now have their own income sources and although not super-rich, they have sufficient finances.

Probably they didn't have luxuries to look at to envy until they got too depressed to live, so I guess in that case, ignorance is bliss.
 

Solais

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Bruce Lee once said something along the lines of "keep what is useful and discard what is not". You can love your parents (and learn from them) and still also forge your own path of fastlane success that they may not agree with. Im 27-28 also and I believe I understand where you're coming from.

You sound like someone who's in a similar situation, with stories to share.

We shall speak again...
 

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