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What if your Parents keep you Down?

Discussion in 'General Mindset, Motivation, Beliefs' started by alan3wilson, Jul 15, 2017.

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  1. alan3wilson
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    alan3wilson Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane

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    For young guys like me :

    I'm still a college student and what do you think guys if parents keep you down when you get entrepreneurs ideas?

    Is it better to keep your goals for your self and don't say nothing to your parents?
     
  2. cutthroughstatic
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    cutthroughstatic I Buy Cars Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Why do you need to verbalize anything to your parents? They will be naturally skeptical of anything that isn't slowlane, if they themselves are slowlane. That's fine and understandable. People have different mindsets, and people are usually pretty stuck in their mindset.

    Take action and pursue what you know to be important. Prove people wrong with your actions. I know this is easier said than done... but you don't need to work on your business ideas with a bunch of noise. Just hammer them out on your own and let your actions speak for you.

    This forum is a great resource for encouragement and motivation to keep pushing forward. Use it!
     
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  3. MrSterlock
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    MrSterlock Act. Then Adapt. Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Just don't even bother telling them if they aren't supportive. I'm not telling you to disconnect from your parents - just that it is unnecessary and detrimental to let their criticism and negativity in if they are slowlane.
     
  4. Argue
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    Argue Silver Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    This is what I live by:

    3 Things to Keep Private
     
  5. ambrosinibello
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    I've been well in my way to this but its something I seriously need to work on. I blurt out way to quickly to my mom what my next goals are. Literally she is never suprised by anything I accomplished because I already said I was gonna do 10x that. I know unconsciously I just want approval and encouragement from my mom, but I am not looking in the right place.
     
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  6. Argue
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    Argue Silver Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Nah you have to prove everyone wrong. Keep working, keep hustling. The road will be tough, you'll feel like you won't have support but you have to believe in the process. Keep practicing doing you.
     
  7. SteveO
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    SteveO Legendary Contributor FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Sounds like you are still very tied to your parents and need their approval. You are your own person.
     
  8. coreyvf
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    coreyvf Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER

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    I get where a lot of the replies are coming from but the thing is: how much are your parents supporting you? Do you live with them? Are they paying your tuition? Have they bought you a car?

    If you can answer no to all those questions, then you have no obligation to listen to them. Otherwise, it's really hard to make a case. The less dependent you can be of them, the more risks you can take, and the less you'll seek their approval.

    In general, you probably shouldn't be presenting business ideas to your parents unless you want them to invest or something. Otherwise, why even volunteer that kind information to them?
     
  9. BusinessBen
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    BusinessBen Bronze Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    I am wondering this also. All my parents tell me everyday is to get a job. I see their reasoning but at the same time it's frustrating when they say they support me and my business and yet their actions don't say the same. They compare me to my friends and say "Look how successful they are!" When really all they have is a menial minimum wage jobs. One has a 15$ an hour job and that's considered success at my age. Starting a business is seen as a hobby.

    If you really care about what they have to say, then get a job, go to college and start your business after. But I know that's not what you want to hear.

    Otherwise just do it. They can choose to support you or not. Just remember their decision. If they don't support you then prove them wrong.

    It's probably better to just keep it to yourself though. It's sounds like you're already out of the house so don't worry about your parents. It might be different if you were still living with them.

    Bottomline, you'll never please your parents so don't try. Just do your own thing.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2017
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  10. ambrosinibello
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    I agree. You have to trust yourself and only do what you deem worthy. One of my mantras is "I have the answers to all my questions". Basically the only person that can guide where your life goes is yourself, others adjust to that.

    I remember when my mom's idea of success was work at Longhorns steakhouse while I finish my degree.
    Got it, quit because I hated it.
    Got a job at a fancy restaurant as a server, money was great. Quit, I hated it
    Now got an apprenticeship gig/internship with a CEO of a tech company doing digital marketing/analytics while working on my business. I self-taught myself all those skills by taking courses and putting into practice. Now my mother would never dare bring up working at a low rate restaurant and says she "always supported" me. Regardless if she believes this, what matters is you go for what you WANT and MAKE it happen.

    The difference between a deadbeat bum and a hustler is the bum quits his restaurant job, hates it and spends his days slumped , smoking weed watching tv. The hustler grinds, learns a new skill, MAKES something. He doesn't just quit to quit, he quits to follow what he believes will be the most rewarding.
     
  11. minivanman
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    An eagle that never leaves the nest is a turkey, leave the nest and don't become a turkey. As long as you are in the nest, your parents hold your puppet strings if they choose to. If you've left the nest and don't depend on your parents for any type of support, they aren't keeping you down, YOU are keeping yourself down while using your parents as an excuse.
     
  12. Lionhearted
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    I tell my daughter this when she worries about what other people think ,"No one has more power over your life than you do. Never give the power away." I also tell her to take OWNERSHIP for everything in her life. You own your life whether you know it or not. You can decide not to own it but that is still YOUR decision and yours alone. Really your parents can't keep you down, only YOU can keep you down because you OWN your life. You are in the drivers seat of your life, own the journey. Another thing that truly owning your life will do is it will stop you from blaming other people for where you are in your life. I wish my parents would have taught me this MOST valuable lesson when I was young but you have to be ready to accept the truth before you can absorb it. All the best.
     
  13. Gigi Rodgers
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    I basically agree with everyone's comment.
    You don't have to tell your parents jack. You don't have to show them your bank accounts.
    Keep it on the low.
    If anyone asks, "So what you been up to lately?", give the most STANDARD & VANILLA answer ever which is, "Nothin' much. Studying and doing a lot of reading. You"?

    Boom! Done.

    Be careful who you share your ideas with, because not everyone will have constructive criticism that will propel you forward.
    ESPECIALLY your friends. That can be a real slippery slope.
    So again, like R. Kelly said, "keep it on the downlow".

    But when no one's paying attention - between classes, early morning, after class you're building up your foundation of your business.
    You're doing the hard work.
    You're makin' bank.
    And then after a certain amount of clients under your belt, and your profits are much more than your expenses, and it has been consistent growth over the past year of you getting your first client or selling your product - THEN...you can share with the world everything you have accomplished.

    You can come out of the shadows.
    And then bask in answering question they will ask, "How did you do that"?

    Bwahahahahahaha!!! Bask! BASK I SAY!!!!!
     
  14. Iammelissamoore
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    I used to feel like this when I first stepped out on my venture and was in that phase where I 'felt' I needed the approval of my parents, surely, I love them dearly, but had to overstand that they are living their lives, making their mistakes; but one thing that genuinely stood out to me was when my dad retired from his Govt job.

    The 1 thing that stood out to me with his retirement - He gave 40 years of his life loyally to the Govt (began at 20, retired square at 60), paid his income taxes with every salary, and when my dad got his retirement cheque, the govt, like clockwork, taxed that gratuity heavily.

    Though my dad is retired now, he still has to work to take care of his expenses, he's not doing an 8 - 4 job, but what he is doing now is mandatory for his own care, things are a lot tighter now, because he's working with a lot less money.

    I love my dad dearly, but, I do not intend to follow in the same footsteps as he did where building wealth is concerned.

    I do what I have to to advance in business, because I intend to retire young and free from the worry of monetary survival.

    My dad wished I kept my "secure" job instead of going into "risk-taking" business, but honestly, I rather take the risk now and have 'security' (freedom) later, than have security now and take risks just to survive later! This requires me to do what I know I must in building a proper fastlane business, inclusive of shutting out slowlane noise from loved ones.
     
  15. MetalGear
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    There are a couple of reasons why people fight back and lose their shit if you tell them that you are an entrepreneur:
    1. They want to keep you in their box with whatever label they prescribed to you - the box where you will only suffocate
    2. There is no such thing as a safe job anymore, just read about automation, artificial intelligence, and global competition
    3. Co-workers will stab you in the eye for a $3,000 dollar raise, not a great environment to be in
    4. They are jealous that you are bold enough to attempt something they never did
    5. Go read Unscripted by @MJ DeMarco
     
  16. alan3wilson
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    alan3wilson Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane

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    I know, maybe, I need to work more on my mindset . And yes my parents (unfortunately), are in slowlane, they still believe you need to study and get a job in a good company lol (they live in the past world).

    Sometimes they depress me when they talk with their BS poor mindset
     
  17. SteveO
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    We are not better than those who think differently than us. Your parents have a valid life and lifestyle. You are just different. Once you get past some of this thought, you could focus on what is more important to you!

    I am not a "book smart" person. I do believe that there is value in education as a tool though. That education can come in many forms...

    Many people that live the unscripted lifestyle will face larger obstacles and more difficulties than those that go the scripted route.
     
  18. MJ DeMarco
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    Admin Post
    @alan3wilson -- you going to answer?

    I'm guessing they're paying everything for you. If so, they ain't keeping you down, but they do OWN you.
     
  19. alan3wilson
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    I still live with them and yes they help me only for college taxes. I know they make the rules.

    Then when I need some extra money I do some gigs or sell used items on craiglist/ebay.
     
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  20. Luke Phillips
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    Dude! I can relate to this SO MUCH!

    Getting your parents approval can be an amazing feeling, especially when it's something you want to do. I believe your parents definitely want what's best for you, but they fear what they don't understand.

    It can be hard to shake slowlane or even sidewalk doctrine, especially if that's the road that was taught to them.

    Not to just repeat what everyone here has said, but only you can control your life. They can give as much advice as they like, but ultimately only you can pull the trigger and execute. Also, you're the one that has to live with the consequences of the choices you make.

    If you haven't already, MJ's decision making tools in MFL can really help, I know it did for me!

    In my experience, If you want something bad enough, you kind of just have to go for it. The clearer you can define it the better. Make a practical plan as to how your going to do it or reverse engineer it.

    Find others who have succeeded in what it is you want to do and replicate that. You don't always have to reinvent the wheel.

    As far as your parents go, if they can't get behind you, then maybe the less they know the better. Keep yourself in the right frame of mind, and your results will speak for themselves. They may not like what you do, but that way they can at least respect it.
    I hope this helps!
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2017
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  21. JordanK
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    Sometimes your parents know you better than yourself.

    Last summer at exactly around this time I was an 18 year old debating whether to go to college or not. I wanted to do my own entrepreneurial thing from home first and then while traveling when I would be making some decent money. However ultimately with some pressure from my parents I decided to go and study what I liked 'Software Development' in another city.

    One of the BEST decisions I have ever made. I got out of the house, moved away and became so much more independent. I made friends with people from different walks of life some of whom share my entrepreneurial tenancies. I went on trips and had great fun. I learned how to program and to design websites. I learned how to use maximize my spare time and learned even more than the syllabus required and how to effectively write copy.

    I turned all this into a web design side hustle early into the New Year. Fast forward to May and when I finished up my exams I decided that I much preferred the copywriting aspect when finishing off websites and branched into this completely. It has been the first *major* business success in my life and now I even have plans to move into real estate. I failed countless times in the past and I never hear the end of them stories from my mum especially. Her predictions on how she knew it would be failure from the very beginning and tried to warn me etc...

    Sometimes you just have to listen to what your parents say and then try to make the best judgement for yourself. I listened to my mum about college and it worked out in my favor but I have been ignoring her from about March till three weeks ago about going out and getting a job. Everyday having to listen to the same stories about other people my age working hard while your sitting at home during the day on the computer "being lazy". Well I'm happy I ignored her as I'm now pulling in more than anyone else working a fully time job my age is and I don't have to wake to an alarm clock (Benefits of time zones when primarily working with American clients and living in Ireland).

    I wouldn't say she is converted to my way of thinking but maybe it scares her to think that in the next couple of months I could be making more than her even while in college. I find that people older than myself have a weird way of thinking that young people should struggle early in life like they did. Anything that deviates from this script is an attack on what they believe. My dad however is self-employed and has read a lot of entrepreneurial books so he takes a neutral stance in all of this which is very helpful. I can imagine it would be quite difficult if both your parents were pushing an agenda.

    I hope you can pull some value pieces of information from my post and maybe it'll inspire you to keep doing what your doing. I know I nearly gave up on a number of occasions but people on here reminded me to look at the bigger picture and to look at my age. We can afford to make some mistakes and it isn't disastrous.. we still have time..
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2017
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  22. policebaton
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    Really stinks man... a lot of us have been in that same situation. My parents flipped when I dropped out of a top tier nursing school with 2 semesters left and a great job lined up. Don't bash them though, do your best to maintain a healthy relationship with them. They are looking out for your best interests, but don't exactly understand all of this and you should never expect them to so don't get into big heated arguments trying to prove yourself. Agree to disagree at one point.

    Through entrepreneurship and business you will be tested many many times by the universe, this is merely the first of several coming your way if you choose that path. So be ready.

    Later you will have your friends testing you on weekends trying to get you to go out and drink at the same bars, with the same drinks, with the same people, having the same conversations.

    Not even touching on how many times you will test yourself.

    The more times you pass these tests and push to get positive results, the more confident and closer to the dream you will be. There's a reason why not everyone gets to live the good life man.

    If you're still in their house and under their jurisdiction they have some amount of control over you, so you may have to compromise. Once you are able to go out and get a job if you need to and do your hustle on the nights and weekends until it takes over.
     
  23. Shortypants
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    Depends on your parents so it's impossible to give any meaningful advice here.

    Verstuurd vanaf mijn ALE-L21 met Tapatalk
     
  24. Christopher777
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    If you don't want to keep it that way, better get moving and begin right now. Focus on things you can control.
     
  25. JAJT
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    Only you can give permission them permission to control you.

    You can deny that permission at any point, provided you are willing to accept the results as an adult. This may include accepting the loss of all forms of support they currently offer.

    You aren't being physically restrained. You can deny them their power over you at any time. You just need to be willing to accept the possible cost of becoming a self-sustaining adult.
     
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