How do you behave when finally rich? (but your friends aren't)

[Vigilante]

My wife and I were talking about this the other day. The best way to live is in an unremarkable fashion so that people like you for who you are vs. what you have. Live casually. Give generously.

If you meet me on the beach on that day, it's less important for you to know where I came from or what my bank account balance is. I don't care where you came from, or what your bank account balance is. We can share the same waves, the same sand, and the same day.

And that... is where you will find me a few years from now.

 

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[Kak]

You become like the people you spend the most time with. Choose only extraordinary people.

I live by this.

 

[AmyQ]

My husband and I are in a very different financial situation that most of our family and old friends.

The first thing from your post - trying to talk people into different thinking - is the first thing that changed for us. There is a great saying: "People don't want to hear a sermon, they want to see a sermon." We quit giving out free and unsolicited advice. Not because we ceased to care, but because we value our ideas and time too much to waste them on people who aren't actively interested.

As far as keeping your friends, I think a lot of it has to do with boundaries. I have never bailed a friend out who needed money. I see that as robbing them of an opportunity to learn from natural consequences. I have sent anonymous financial gifts to people who were in need and struck by misfortune, such as a medical accident. The anonymous part is key because being seen as the bank of AmyQ would not help my friendships.

I have also done things like paid for friends airfare and meals to come and visit. I handled this by telling them frankly that they would need to budget for: souvenirs, and that everything else would be my treat. Money can't be weird for you if you want to make lots of it and keep it. You have to be able to talk about what you are willing to do and not do financially. Finally, I don't invite my friends with less money to do things they can't afford to do unless I am offering to foot the bill upfront.

Family has been harder. I do have some poor relatives who have made comments that I am too good for them, or think I am better than they are. While it is true that I haven't responded when they reached out to me, it is also true that they didn't reach out to me until they thought I was in a position to help them financially.

Really, my relationships haven't changed as my financial situation has. The people I was close to and made a priority to spend time with are still people I am close to and make a priority to spend time with. Also, I have made some great new friends along the way, and some of them have much more money than we do. They extend me the same courtesy of not inviting me to do things out of my means unless they are offering to pay. When I get advice from them, it is always requested, and I always pick up the dinner tab to show my appreciation.

 

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[InMotion]

Worry about that when you are rich!!!

Overall most people are jealous creatures IMO, they secretly would rather see you fail, you will lose "friends" just because of that but they never were really your friends anyway.

There are several reasons why rich people tend to hang with other rich people.

 

[GlobalWealth]

It has very little to do with the zeros in your bank balance.

It has everything to do with how you grow personally to achieve the wealth you have acquired.

As Kak said, surround yourself with exceptional people. If you aren't already exceptional, you will likely become so. At a minimum you will grow personally from the associations.

As you grow personally, you change. You acquire more knowledge, experience and connections.

You will most likely outgrow your current friend circle. Maybe some of them grow with you, but some will certainly stay within their own comfort zone.

You needn't alienate them, but most likely they will alienate themselves from you because they can no longer relate to you.

Plus you will have grown your sphere of influence and acquired new friends who are at your level (not financially necessarily, but at your level of life experiences, intellect, and attitude).

Your friend group will inevitably evolve. If you fight this evolution, you are fighting your own growth. You are struggling to stay in that same old rut of mediocrity.

Again, this really has very little to do with your financial well being, but only your growth from experiences, intellect and attitude.

Look at it another way. Are you still friends with your 1st grade buddies? Maybe, but that is likely because you chose similar paths and have grown together.

But those 30 or so students from 1st grade likely aren't in your friend circle anymore because each of you have grown in different ways. As you should.

Just because you are 20, 30, or 40 doesn't mean you cannot continue to grow personally, and thus you will eventually outgrow you current friend circle just as you have outgrown your 1st grade classmates.

 

[TheBlackLion]

A wise man once told me that money is nothing but a magnifier. If you are nice to begin with, you'll tend to be nicer. If you are obnoxious, you'll probably go full-blown a**hole.

 

[Runum]

One thing I have learned from those more successful is to listen and observe.

When you have more wealth, yeah it's more money, but it's more than that. You also have more resources and a different view of the world.

Those that want to know will ask. Those that want help will ask. Those that want to learn will ask. They may not come right out and ask but their language and body language will let you know that they are open to your resources and help.

The worst one can do is force yourself on someone that is not open and didn't ask.

Think about it. You do know about you and your needs but you may not really know their situation and they don't need you to butt in.

So, being self assured but not arrogant and treat people with kindness and understanding. Willing to help but not willing to be a push over.

 

[DeletedUser9]

A certain amount of wealth will cause people around you to change, some change more than other.

Certain friends will resent you for having money, freedom and time while their stuck doing whatever job they are doing.

Mark Cuban said the hardest thing about getting rich is telling your family and friends that your bank balance doesn't define who you are, one of friends asked him for 250,000$ and he gave it to him and never saw the money or his "friend" again.

People will start to look at what you have as opposed to WHAT YOU'VE DONE to get the wealth you deserved.

I always say share the experience......... not the money

If you were rich enough you could pay for the entire skydive holiday with all your friends, don't start handing people cash, paying peoples rent and never loan money, just give it away if you have to.

Never let anyone use you as a financial crutch it never works out in the end.

 

[DeletedUser2]

Depends

First, making money becomes a process

In that process, the people you are around change you gain some you lose some. Vig says it well. When you are in the beach that's who you are. No bank balance needed.

Runum has a good point


AmyQ says don't invite people where they can't afford to go, or just foot the bill.
Bottom line. You are still you. Be a GOOD you

Be that you and you won't be alone. Unless you want to be.

Z

 

[Nadia]

Very thought provocative thread.

I have made money. Lost it all. And made it again. There are different types of people I have found. By default, a very famous internet marketer that I know personally told me that by default, people dropped out of her life because they found her too "obsessed" with working. I always say "good riddance".

From personal experience, I ditched my "best friend" of 8 years last month. Does that sound cold? Probably. The reason ? Oh. Well, she decided to have a child at 23, blame the world that her marriage hasn't worked out, do absolutely effing nothing with her life, moan, whinge and complain that she's bitterly poor and has family problems (we all do, newsflash) and blame, blame, blame the world for it. She DRAINED my life force energy to a point, I resented speaking to her because she was clingy, annoying and needy. My phone still blows up with her nonsense. I simply ignore it.

So that's an extreme. But as you start to acquire wealth, you WILL change. I don't know which idiot keeps telling people "you will stay the same".

YOU WON'T.

Money changes your station in life. I have made 5 figures a month and I have been flat broke where I didn't know where I was going to live fromwhen my company went bust , and let me be the first to tell you HOW different my choices have been in behaviour, attitude, outlook, clothing, food, dining and life experience. Whilst broke made me the woman I am today because it taught me self sufficiency and reliance, also money emotion control---I chose the rich life.

I haven't changed character wise however, a single bit. I am still caring, genuine, kind and very loving and no amount of money will reverse or switch that. When you acquire money, you WILL leave a LOT of people behind not because you're an inconsiderate selfish bitch/bastard who has forgotten where they came from (I HATE that phrase, it keeps you broke and locked towing the line), but because they don't understand your paradigm shift anymore.

As I ascend higher to my calling, I expect MORE current folk to drop out of my life and WONDERFUL new people to join me! I am excited for all the fabulously amazing people I am going to meet

So, to answer your question in a nutshell. There are VERY few friends who will stay the course without seething with envy, rage and jealousy for getting the results that you put in the hard work for, and they didn't.

 

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[mimedia]

I respect slowlaners. But I don't really hang out with people who don't share my aspirations and have a poor mindset. I seek growth oriented people and people who seek freedom. It sucks to have sidewalk/slowlane friend who don't understand you. F*ck the naysayers, you don't need them in your life, it's just wasted energy.

I don't think its necessarily a slowlane vs fastlane divide. Its more a internal vs. external locus of control divide.

People with an external locus of control tend to blame all the bad stuff that happens to them on "luck", and also attribute good stuff that happens to other people to "luck". This tends to breed failure/mediocrity in their own lives, and jealousy/resentment when looking at successful people. Most sidewalkers fall under this category, and so do some slowlaners.

On the other hand, people with an internal locus of control tend to believe that you play the cards you are dealt, and that you are largely in control of your own destiny. People with an internal locus of control tend to take responsibility for their failures, and feel inspired when observing the success of others. Most fastlaners fall under this category, but there are also "slowlaners" who fall under this category as well.

All of my friends are so-called slowlaners, but they're also hardworking, ambitious professionals. When they talk about the successful people they interact with everyday, its never with jealousy and envy, but with respect and admiration.

 

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[SteveO]

There is no real difference. We have a very large social group that we do a lot of things with. We went to the casino last night for crab legs and some gaming. We know this group through softball.

Money rarely comes up in conversation. Nobody from this group of about 15 has ever asked for money or treated us differently than anyone else in the group.

Our family is a bit different. We get asked for money on occasion and handle it on a case-by-case basis. Not an issue though.

Why do you need to take people with you when you travel? Is that important? If so, then work that out one trip at a time.

I don't really see anything different. Why would you lose people that you have activities in common with? Money should not be a reason unless you make it one.

I don't think our friends look up to us because we have money. I certainly don't look down at them. We should not have a reason to look down on ANYBODY! I know this statement is controversial but it is how I feel.

 

[Magik]

You become like the people you spend the most time with. Choose only extraordinary people.

I live by this.

Exactly. They can only help you go higher. What the herd doesn't understand is that you have to be rich internally before you can be rich externally. The one's who get lucky and get the money first usually lose it.

I have very few friends, simply because I can't relate to anyone. You are my friends, even though I have met none of you, because you understand. I can't even put into words how my mindset has changed over the last 6 months, the result of hanging out here and paying attention. It's an education you can't get in a classroom or at the bar with your friends. But, it's also an education you have to live and back it up with action.

I have a general rule I live by: look at what the herd is doing, then go the other direction. In the opposite direction you will find the outliers, the one's you should be listening to and modeling yourself after.

The point? Hang out with the outliers and the mavericks, the one's doing something different than the herd, and... AIM SKY HIGH, there's no reason not to.

 

[xhcsurge]

Here's a question I've had in my mind from the day I started considering 'the good life' as possible:

Obviously, not every entrepreneur has friends and family who think alike. Many of us have spent evenings at the bar trying to talk people out of their jobs. Most of the times, however, this just doesn't work, and they stick with what they believe. So we continue pursuing our goals alone.

But then: Let's say you make it. You reach your target, sell your company and you're finally a millionaire. This must sure have a huge impact on the relationship you have with your friends. So then how do you behave? Do you try to keep your wealth secret ("Yeah I just sold the company for a couple thousand dollars"), or do you share your wealth with them in any way? I, for example, would love to go sky diving in Dubai and bring my friends along. Do you try to help them start a business as well? Do you just dump them, or do they dump you? Do you find new friends who are wealthy?

Having a lot of money must be awesome, but not having any friends (except maybe a spouse) to share the good times with must suck...

I'm curious to find out how you all handle this (or how you would, if you made it big one day)!

 

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[OzGrinder]

It's definitely been an issue. When your friends know you could buy their homes in cash while they're struggling and living week to week chained to mountains of debt. Then the walking on egg shells when talking to them ie. not mentioning your trip around Europe you just got back from, or the cool new toy you just bought etc. as not to give the impression that you're bragging (you're not, you're just making conversation).

Then there's the fact that you have to hold your tongue every time they go off on a rant about how the government should be paying them more welfare on top of their salary from the jobs they hate when they're already raking in baby bonus, tax breaks, gov hand-outs etc. because they popped out a bunch of kids to early that they couldn't afford to support.

Eventually these 'friendships' break down. If on the other hand they're the sort that don't get jealous or envious and realise what you have is due to hard work and sacrifice, are happy and comfortable with their own financial position, and don't have that 'the world owes me a living' mentality, and your not shamelessly flaunting what you have either, then it can work.

Having a lot of money must be awesome, but not having any friends (except maybe a spouse) to share the good times with must suck...

Actually, it's pretty good. More time for me and my partner and our interests, and our families. There are still plenty of people I'd class as 'friends' of some degree, although I lost a few close ones. Doesn't stop them from coming to me with their 'million dollar ideas' though. Provided I'm willing to front the cash, expertise, workload and sign a non-disclosure because their idea is so valuable that's all they need to bring to the table, even if I haven't spoken to them in 6 months...

 

[GuestUser8117]

I respect slowlaners. But I don't really hang out with people who don't share my aspirations and have a poor mindset. I seek growth oriented people and people who seek freedom. It sucks to have sidewalk/slowlane friend who don't understand you. F*ck the naysayers, you don't need them in your life, it's just wasted energy.

 

[1PercentStreet]

I've made and lost it several times.
I behaved like myself, the people around me never changed either. They just really showed who they were.
When the going is good, everyone loves you. When it's tough, you'll know who loves you.
Be careful and associate with like minded people.

 

[exige]

The best way to live is in an unremarkable fashion so that people like you for who you are vs. what you have. Live casually. Give generously.

This. Just keep it quiet.... quiet money... I've been up, and down. One lesson I learned when I was up was that you don't need or want unwanted attention. Got to the point where I would hide the car and avoid answering questions like what I did last weekend. Keep your money in the bank and just be yourself.

 

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[jon.a]

Don't talk about money for the sake of talking about money.

 

[GuestUser8117]

You become like the people you spend the most time with. Choose only extraordinary people.

I live by this.

Very true. I'm writing this in my note book. I behave almost exactly as my best friend. Same for me, he behaves like me my vocabulary is very similar. I think I'll need to cut a friend out of my life. Negative influence and he thinks he will get rich by buying lottery tickets.

 

[1PercentStreet]

Love it!

I wont apologize for being rich. I honestly do not care what most people think of me.

I kind of have a disdain for normality.

NEVER be sorry for who you are.

Disregard haters, acquire authenticity.

 

[Steve37]

Why would money change your relationship with friends? Money doesn't change how you act and who you are, it just gives you more freedom. Will you gravitate towards more like minded people? Yes, but doesn't mean you need to get rid of old friends.

 

[Kak]

Very true. I'm writing this in my note book. I behave almost exactly as my best friend. Same for me, he behaves like me my vocabulary is very similar. I think I'll need to cut a friend out of my life. Negative influence and he thinks he will get rich by buying lottery tickets.

You know what to do.

I would rather be alone than hanging out with someone that will have a negative subconscious influence on me.

 

[campbellronald7]

It’s better to be casual no need to show the world that you have your pockets full. Even after being rich never forget where have you come from and always try to help the needy because you were in their position at some point of life. Don’t be greedy for more always be satisfied with what you have and what you dint had .Spend wisely and Invest for better future by starting an income source.

 

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[smarty]

But then: Let's say you make it. You reach your target, sell your company and you're finally a millionaire. This must sure have a huge impact on the relationship you have with your friends. So then how do you behave?

This question is like a mental diarrhea. First step: get rich. Second step: figure out how to behave after that.

 

[jazb]

Exactly. They can only help you go higher. What the herd doesn't understand is that you have to be rich internally before you can be rich externally. The one's who get lucky and get the money first usually lose it.

I have very few friends, simply because I can't relate to anyone. You are my friends, even though I have met none of you, because you understand. I can't even put into words how my mindset has changed over the last 6 months, the result of hanging out here and paying attention. It's an education you can't get in a classroom or at the bar with your friends. But, it's also an education you have to live and back it up with action.

I have a general rule I live by: look at what the herd is doing, then go the other direction. In the opposite direction you will find the outliers, the one's you should be listening to and modeling yourself after.

The point? Hang out with the outliers and the mavericks, the one's doing something different than the herd, and... AIM SKY HIGH, there's no reason not to.

This is precisely why I made a massive skype group chat.

Company is everything. i've seen the smartest, happiest kids with a fantastic upbringing turn to drugs simply because they got in with the wrong crowd. likewise I have seen kids with terrible upbringing and average intelligence do very well for themselves, simply because they stuck with the right group of people.

They say you are the average of your 5 closest friends. I say network on here and become good friends with other fastlaners. You will see a great change in your mindset over time.

 

[Formless]

has forgotten where they came from (I HATE that phrase, it keeps you broke and locked towing the line)

+1

I always say that 'don't forget where you came from' is what losers say to others to maintain company.

 

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[liquidglass]

It has very little to do with the zeros in your bank balance.

It has everything to do with how you grow personally to achieve the wealth you have acquired.

I love your point here. This is something Brian Tracy speaks about extensively. It's about the journey and who you become along the way that is the most important. As money magnifies who you become then it will magnify who you have become along your journey.

Most people will say that you "don't care" or "you're too good for them" usually this occurs when they see an opportunity to get money from you and you refuse or don't offer like they believe you should. These same people will also never ask for advice on how to reach a higher status in life. They don't want something that requires work from them, they expect the world (aka you) to give them what you have because you have more than they do.

As Zig Ziglar says the best way to help poor people, is not to become one of them.

You do behave differently when you've achieved what you or others believe is a 'wealthy' status, not because you don't need them anymore. In truth you may not want them to be an influence in your life (they don't get this, thus their position in life). But you act differently as a direct result of seeing the world from a different perspective. On the journey I mentioned above you raise yourself above the mediocrity financially and mentally. It doesn't mean you see yourself as better than anyone, you simply have a more refined perspective, which leads you to value your time and guard your mind against the petty drama that others may enjoy being involved in.


When I started down my path it was met with negativity from my parents (I have a Masters, I should find a "good job") the negativity of course was the direct result of my excitement that I openly shared along with the lofty goals I (mistakenly) openly shared at the time. It challenged their world perspective to the point that they could only throw up a brick wall rather than attempt to relate. When I started seeing success and coming into a better financial position I also (mistakenly) shared this openly with family. Suddenly the negativity disappeared and greed took it's place. All of this is a direct result of my not knowing any better than to share it all and expect them to be just as excited for me. To correct this and to remove negative influences from my life I have cut off all communication with people like this. Save for the occasional holiday card. They added no value to my life and the only value I could add to theirs (from their perspective) was financial.

note: this is what leads people to say "you're too good for them" or "you've forgotten where you came from." (I didn't forget but I don't want to be there anymore and I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again)

When you become a dollar sign to people that's when it's time to cut ties and move on. Plain and simple.

So when you've achieved wealth you do behave differently. You don't define yourself by your bank account and you don't allow others to either by not sharing goals, dreams, account balance with them. You can respect them, love them, care for them but you must separate this from your finances.

 

[LibertyForMe]

This is a great question and one that I have thought about myself. Will money change me or will I still be the same me but with money?

 

[CommonCents]

You will find out who your real friends are, and you will end up having some new friends.

 

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