The Entrepreneur Forum | Financial Freedom | Starting a Business | Motivation | Money | Success

Welcome to the only entrepreneur forum dedicated to building life-changing wealth.

Build a Fastlane business. Earn real financial freedom. Join free.

Join over 80,000 entrepreneurs who have rejected the paradigm of mediocrity and said "NO!" to underpaid jobs, ascetic frugality, and suffocating savings rituals— learn how to build a Fastlane business that pays both freedom and lifestyle affluence.

Free registration at the forum removes this block.

How do i improve my communication skills?

Koen_88

Contributor
Read Rat-Race Escape!
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
110%
Jun 6, 2017
63
69
Netherlands
Neuro-Linguistic Programming or Natural Language processing
In the context of (improving) communication, Neuro-Linguistic Programming could be useful. How computers process language in large sets of data isn't going to help your own interpersonal communication I'd say.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Jon L

Platinum Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
272%
Aug 22, 2015
1,649
4,489
Bellevue, WA
To each his own.

If I am the employer you had better give a f+ck what i think or I won't write the checks for you anymore. Your choice. It's OK to have that attitude sometimes. But some times in life require a different tack. Sometimes you need to be an artist not a steamroller.
Note that the comment was 'giving TOO MANY f*cks.' I wholeheartedly agree with not caring too much. The devil is in the details though.

Too few f*cks given:
  • You don't care what the other person says or does
  • You don't have a giving attitude
  • You're in it just for yourself
  • You don't care about the effect you have on other people

Too many f*cks given:
  • You're afraid of disagreeing
  • You don't know how you feel or think about a topic
  • You care too much about the other person's position and not enough about your own
  • You're focused on how you're coming across and get way too worked up when you say what you think is the wrong thing

When you give just the right amount of f*cks, you can say things like:
  • I still don't understand. Can you say that again? (What part aren't you understanding because I've repeated myself three times now.) Sorry. This part makes sense, but I don't understand how this other part fits into things because of this this and this.
  • (responding to a boss who has cussed you out) I can understand why you're upset, and I want to work through this with you, but do not talk to me like that.
    • Boss is an a$$ and will probably fire you, but you shouldn't give a f*ck about him or that in this situation.
  • I kinda flubbed what I just said. What I meant was ...
  • How can I help?
  • What I think I hear you saying is ...
  • Something doesn't feel right about ___. (What is it specifically?) I have no idea right now, but we need to think on this a bit. I think it has something to do with this over here. Can we talk though this is more detail?
  • The following happened to me last year:
    • I'd asked a stupid question about some accounting thing that I already knew the answer to. If you know even a little bit about accounting, its equivalent to asking, 'is ice made of water?'
    • Client: (pausing a bit) Jon, I don't know how else to say this, but that's just the way that works.
    • Me: Wow, yeah, that was a stupid question. I promise there's a smart question somewhere in there though. Let me see if I can get to it. (I eventually did and it was a productive discussion)
    • This one still does sting my ego a bit. I wish I could remember what my actual question was.

So ... how do you figure out what the right amount of f*cks are for a given situation? Like everyone else said above, Practice with a goal in mind. In a job, your goal should be to further the mission of the company. If you're making stupid mistakes in your effort to accomplish that goal, you're on the right track.
 

Koen_88

Contributor
Read Rat-Race Escape!
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
110%
Jun 6, 2017
63
69
Netherlands
Note that the comment was 'giving TOO MANY f*cks.' I wholeheartedly agree with not caring too much. The devil is in the details though.

Did you read Mark Manson's books by any chance?
 

Runum

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
101%
Aug 8, 2007
6,221
6,298
DFW, Texas
Note that the comment was 'giving TOO MANY f*cks.' I wholeheartedly agree with not caring too much. The devil is in the details though.

Too few f*cks given:
  • You don't care what the other person says or does
  • You don't have a giving attitude
  • You're in it just for yourself
  • You don't care about the effect you have on other people

Too many f*cks given:
  • You're afraid of disagreeing
  • You don't know how you feel or think about a topic
  • You care too much about the other person's position and not enough about your own
  • You're focused on how you're coming across and get way too worked up when you say what you think is the wrong thing

When you give just the right amount of f*cks, you can say things like:
  • I still don't understand. Can you say that again? (What part aren't you understanding because I've repeated myself three times now.) Sorry. This part makes sense, but I don't understand how this other part fits into things because of this this and this.
  • (responding to a boss who has cussed you out) I can understand why you're upset, and I want to work through this with you, but do not talk to me like that.
    • Boss is an a$$ and will probably fire you, but you shouldn't give a f*ck about him or that in this situation.
  • I kinda flubbed what I just said. What I meant was ...
  • How can I help?
  • What I think I hear you saying is ...
  • Something doesn't feel right about ___. (What is it specifically?) I have no idea right now, but we need to think on this a bit. I think it has something to do with this over here. Can we talk though this is more detail?
  • The following happened to me last year:
    • I'd asked a stupid question about some accounting thing that I already knew the answer to. If you know even a little bit about accounting, its equivalent to asking, 'is ice made of water?'
    • Client: (pausing a bit) Jon, I don't know how else to say this, but that's just the way that works.
    • Me: Wow, yeah, that was a stupid question. I promise there's a smart question somewhere in there though. Let me see if I can get to it. (I eventually did and it was a productive discussion)
    • This one still does sting my ego a bit. I wish I could remember what my actual question was.

So ... how do you figure out what the right amount of f*cks are for a given situation? Like everyone else said above, Practice with a goal in mind. In a job, your goal should be to further the mission of the company. If you're making stupid mistakes in your effort to accomplish that goal, you're on the right track.

I agree with there being a balance. You sure better know when to play that card though. Most 18 year old's I know are too literal to know when to hold them and when to fold them. They will read "you give too many f*cks" and then become an a**hole, then wonder what is wrong with everyone else.

Your attitude and your mouth better be able to cash the checks you are writing, or they will call you unemployed or out of business.

As an employer, I have had both virtual and face to face, I am fair and I appreciate hard work and honesty. I am not one to put up with a smart a$$ for very long. Your work has to show first, then I can give a little on the attitude. I have never had anyone quit and I only have fired one VA, he thought his sh*t didn't stink and tried to do a shake down on me. I cut him loose and he was back a couple of months later asking for his job back.

I was a young, overconfident, a**hole buck at one time too. Been there done that and learned better. That arrogant attitude will keep you from learning things you need to learn because your attitude says you know it all anyway.

I do agree with most that has been said, there needs to be a balance and you need to practice where the boundaries are. I also say you need self awareness to know when you are pushing too hard and you need to back off. And I say that when you are the one asking for the job you are not in much of a bargaining position. If you are the one showing me what you can do for my business then you may be the one I hire. You have to have the confidence to present well but not the cockiness that drives people away.

@daftypunk how is the internship search going?
 

Jon L

Platinum Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
272%
Aug 22, 2015
1,649
4,489
Bellevue, WA
I agree with there being a balance. You sure better know when to play that card though. Most 18 year old's I know are too literal to know when to hold them and when to fold them. They will read "you give too many f*cks" and then become an a**hole, then wonder what is wrong with everyone else.

Your attitude and your mouth better be able to cash the checks you are writing, or they will call you unemployed or out of business.

As an employer, I have had both virtual and face to face, I am fair and I appreciate hard work and honesty. I am not one to put up with a smart a$$ for very long. Your work has to show first, then I can give a little on the attitude. I have never had anyone quit and I only have fired one VA, he thought his sh*t didn't stink and tried to do a shake down on me. I cut him loose and he was back a couple of months later asking for his job back.

I was a young, overconfident, a**hole buck at one time too. Been there done that and learned better. That arrogant attitude will keep you from learning things you need to learn because your attitude says you know it all anyway.

I do agree with most that has been said, there needs to be a balance and you need to practice where the boundaries are. I also say you need self awareness to know when you are pushing too hard and you need to back off. And I say that when you are the one asking for the job you are not in much of a bargaining position. If you are the one showing me what you can do for my business then you may be the one I hire. You have to have the confidence to present well but not the cockiness that drives people away.

@daftypunk how is the internship search going?
It is definitely a balancing act, and you have to be really self-aware. Self-awareness only comes from a lot of trial and error, humility, feedback, etc.

I need money as much as an employer or client needs work done. There are pleeenty of clients and employers out there. Even in today's day and age. If a client or employer cussed me out, I would give them one opportunity to apologize, and then that would be it. I know my value. If they don't, I'm gonna move along.

I disagree about employees being in a one-down bargaining position. Its all in the value you provide. If a ditch digger shows up on time, is kind, generous, helpful, digs good ditches, helps the rest of the ditch diggers be a better team, that person is an asset to my team, and I'm lucking to have them. They could find a job ANYWHERE. If I cussed them out, I'd be an idiot and deserving of whatever they decided an appropriate response was.

Now, if they were an a$$-hat, that changes their relative power, but that's not because they're an employee, its because they're a jerk. Jerk employers tend to not attract the best employees, either.
 

Devampre

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
119%
Jan 6, 2016
251
298
29
Canada
I too wish I had said things different or been a tad more strategic in my many approaches to communicate and sell.

Don't try to change too much about yourself, but play to your strengths. Also, don't sweat the small stuff. If I over-analyze my own speech and behaviour I feel like I sometimes sound like Elon Musk with Asbergers (and not in an overly intelligent sound way either... if that makes sense :rofl:.)

I have never met anyone that doesn't run into luls, stutters, um/uhs, and so on whilst communicating with one or more people. And I know that I too fumble around once in a while whilst trying to convey certain things. Especially when trying to think of easier ways to describe something fairly technical to people that aren't exactly familiar with the relevant jargon.

tl;dr Don't sweat it too much, but consider reading books on communication and psychology to help you better formulate strategies whilst trying to sell or influence people (Hint: Being able to adapt is a fairly big component of this.)

Best of luck
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Aryan 7835

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
25%
Dec 30, 2020
4
1
So if you want to happily communicate, there's one thing we all know about that's "awkward silence" If we can remove that we can fix 3 problems in our communications:-

1. Prospect judge us as shy if we are not getting them talkin
2. They thinking that we have to end conversation and say bye
3. short conversation which leads nowhere

Solution : If you can just not stop speaking and get into that silence then the other person knows that you are keeping this conversation going so they feel like it's their turn to do the same.
 

WJK

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
256%
Oct 9, 2017
3,115
7,961
Alaska
So if you want to happily communicate, there's one thing we all know about that's "awkward silence" If we can remove that we can fix 3 problems in our communications:-

1. Prospect judge us as shy if we are not getting them talkin
2. They thinking that we have to end conversation and say bye
3. short conversation which leads nowhere

Solution : If you can just not stop speaking and get into that silence then the other person knows that you are keeping this conversation going so they feel like it's their turn to do the same.
I use pauses to direct the conversation. I call them "pregnant pauses". I use them normally when I have asked a question that the other party needs to answer or think about. If these pauses are done right, they can draw the other person into the conversation rather than putting them off.

The biggest problem for most people is talking too much -- rather than not talking enough. Or they are thinking about their answer rather than listening. It's all about the other person. The real key to a good conversation is to listen. Then to ask leading questions that carry on the thoughts or give that thought a new direction. Asking them the right question can completely change how they think about things -- no arguing needed.

You want the other person to feel that you understood them. You want them to walk away feeling good about you and what they said to you. Creating that moment is an art.
 

Stevio

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
83%
Dec 8, 2015
6
5
I would only want to work in a business that is aligned with my values. I ask myself: do I really want to work here? If I’m at an interview, i’m always searching to see if it’s a fit/win-win for both sides. Sometimes this flips the script, like they are trying to convince you.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

WJK

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
256%
Oct 9, 2017
3,115
7,961
Alaska
I would only want to work in a business that is aligned with my values. I ask myself: do I really want to work here? If I’m at an interview, i’m always searching to see if it’s a fit/win-win for both sides. Sometimes this flips the script, like they are trying to convince you.
I agree. Why would you want to spend your precious time working at something that conflicts with your values -- unless they can teach you something that you need for your future -- or put you into the perfect setting with the right people for your next move... Life is a trade-off. I've swallowed some bitter pills over the years to take that next step. BUT, you're right. There's usually a better alternative around the corner if you look hard enough. And being miserable is usually non-productive and self-destructive. I’ve fired a lot of clients!
 

Post New Topic

Please SEARCH before posting.
Please select the BEST category.

Post new topic

Guest post submissions offered HERE.

Latest Posts

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top