how do I become emotionally and mentally strong

[Silverhawk851]

It's all in the mind. And that's more than enough reason. Esp if you realize, life is short, and at age 30 you only have 50 years left to live at max. Why waste it doing nothing? Why not see how far you can go in those remaining years? Max every moment?

Read Psycho Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, and 177 Mental Toughness Secrets by Steven Siebold

Then get a job doing Door-to-door sales if you can. You won't be afraid of rejection after about 2,000 Nos, and give absolutely zero F*cks after about 10,000.

 

[GuestUser112]

This advice works for men. Testosterone is a big factor.

1. Decide your going to take an ice cold shower for 10 straight minutes and last till the end.
2. Run until you puke
3. Get in a fistfight. Lose or win, doesn't matter.
4. Dress real nice, and look at yourself in the mirror and say "Damn Barry, you are one handsome motherfcker!" (sorry about the language)
5. Buy some drywall or a watermelon and bash it to pieces with your fists or a bat or something.
6. Have sex, and be the BOSS. But like a good boss.
7. Drive fast with music blasting and the windows down.
8. Practice a sexy wink and go make a bank teller blush.
9. Go somewhere secluded and let out the manliest roar you can. Do it again. And one more time.

I've done all of the above at least once before, and I have confidence out the yin-yang.

Basically whats happening to you right now is that your brain is puking all of its memories your lack of confidence in previous situations. Today, your brain remembers that yesterday, you weren't confident. So then it feels like it isn't confident, which makes you feel like you aren't confident, which keeps you locked in your basement. It's a snowball effect and you need to get that bitch rolling in the opposite direction. When your brain automatically says "no" in that small voice, you have to manually engage and yell 'F*ck YEAH'. You gotta make yourself believe it. You want confidence, you gotta get the testosterone and adrenaline flowing. Then you can polish that into something smoother and more suave. But you gotta start with the RAW material, if you catch my drift.

Thanks man. This post has got the ole testosterone factory a-tinglin. I feel like punching a bear in the face right now.

Edit: I haven't done this before, but I have a feeling if you print a picture of a bear and punch it in the face, your confidence might go up.

 

[Mr.B]

Grab a water bottle and go for a walk.

It doesn't matter where, just get out in the world.

Don't listen to music. Don't fiddle with your phone. Just walk.

Walk until you think you can't walk any further, then turn around and walk home again.

Do this every day.

It will change you and you'll be amazed at what can happen when you are out in the world.

All the best @chip2000

 

[davedev]

I'm can't pinpoint when it began but I have become a mentally weak person racked with self doubt and low confidence. So much so, it keeps me up at night and has pretty much affected all areas of my life.

In my teens I never had these feelings aside from the usual teenage confidence issues. I am now 29 and what people might consider a basement dweller (I only leave the house to go to work).

I don't think I am emotionally equipped to handle the process required to becoming an entrepreneur. And to be honest do I want to do it for the right reasons? Is being deeply disappointed with what I've become and wanting to make up for the years I've been a hermit reason enough?

Two words.

Small Wins.

You have to have experiences to 'hang your hat on'. A man must have achievements, things accomplished, stuff on the list crossed out and marked 'DONE'.

Flip things on craigslist. Visit estate sales and specialize in a small niche of vintage item; buy and resell on ebay. Make a $10 dollar profit. Start as small as you need to.

Why take comfort in small wins?

Well you know you won't be there forever. You know you are on the path of growth, therefore you aren't embarrassed to look ridiculous at the beginning. You know you are capable of more.

As Hal Elrod talked about in the miracle morning. You don't have to say OH all the successful guys woke up at 5:00am, so STARTING TOMORROW, I set the alarm for 5am! No excuses!

No

You wake up at 8:00am? Next morning, wake up at 7:30am. Small win.

If you're overweight?

Don't grab the latest diet book, load the fridge with fad diet foods, and have a detailed gym plan created and synced in Google Calendar, Evernote, and Wunderlist.

Just walk into a gym and lift shit -- break a sweat. Small win.

Why are these small wins important?

They build momentum.

Momentum defeats procrastination. Momentum stops self-pity in it's tracks. Momentum allows for refinement.

Momentum is what you want out of life. Remember that.

Once the tires are rolling, correct course.

 

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[icey502]

OP, that is a really interesting question.

A friend of mine once said to me - "When you feel like shit, that is because you are being fertilized for growth". The great part is that you have recognized that something in yourself is restricting you, and you want to change it.

I went through something similar. Short version - very dark period in life. Lost everything, and nearly myself too.

I'll share some things I learned from some people that helped me on my own journey...I have found that emotional strength is slightly different from mental strength. Emotional strength has to do with dealing with the intensity of your own emotions, and dealing with their manic-producing effects on your life. It is connected to your own internal dialogue, and the way your upbringing, genetics, and experiences have shaped your world view, and influenced your own reactions to things that happen to you. Mental strength seems to be more related to how you concentrate your energy, how you use your time, and how to focus on one damned thing at a time

The good news is that you already have the raw materials you need to build strength in these areas, you just need to find some tools that work, and practice, practice, practice. This is a life skill no different from training for sports or playing music. Speaking from my own exploration of it, some of the really key areas are:

• Forgiving yourself for your past (much easier said than done) - some people will have to re-visit pissed off former friends, write letters that they never mail, and so forth. Therapy might help.
  
• Establishing and respecting your own emotional boundaries - also a hard one, it means learning your own triggers, possibly enunciating those to people around you, and sometimes acting to change your situation if you are around people that are not respecting your boundaries.
• Throw your chains off - eliminate all spiritual or mental drag - go through your closet and toss anything you have not worn for a year. Put some distance between yourself and friends (or possibly family...) that bring negative behaviors into your life. If you have problems with money, start carrying $1000 around with you and don't spend it (disclaimer, these are just examples, I don't want you getting mugged....)
  
• Working to reduce or eliminate negative self-talk - I find that if you start to speak more kindly, you will also begin to think more kindly, both of yourself and others. Simple word substitution can be very effective here - instead of saying to yourself, "so-and-so is stupid", say "so-and-so is unskilled", or "so-and-so needs help". This is based on a Buddhist concept called "right speech". Google it. This simple practice helped me kick a pattern of depression in my own life. I cannot overstate how powerful it is.
  
• Meditation - as earlier posters have suggested, when you learn how to do it, meditation can and will change your life. It has the effect of reducing the power of the incessant emotional torrent of mental processing that nearly everyone has - with practice, you can turn down that mental volume and truly focus enough to open doors in your life, that you might not have even noticed were there. I highly recommend it, and there are many techniques and tools out there to help you learn it. Just try some until you find something that resonates with you. In my case, I needed a structured introduction to meditation, so perhaps something like that would work for you.

In regards to being an entrepreneur or not, it seems to me that you are judging yourself harshly. Life is a learning experience. You're not less of a person either way. The key lies, I think, in learning to love/respect yourself (see the above points), then in turn, learning to extend the same to the world. Even if you are the world's best entrepreneur, and you make a zillion dollars, or you build a large organization....you would find yourself still waking up in the morning struggling with the same demons, only differentiated by eating better food in a nicer house. My point is, as much as the end game might be considered the goal, there is something to be said for learning to enjoy the journey - it's ok to do it at your own pace.

 

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[chip2000]

I'm can't pinpoint when it began but I have become a mentally weak person racked with self doubt and low confidence. So much so, it keeps me up at night and has pretty much affected all areas of my life.

In my teens I never had these feelings aside from the usual teenage confidence issues. I am now 29 and what people might consider a basement dweller (I only leave the house to go to work).

I don't think I am emotionally equipped to handle the process required to becoming an entrepreneur. And to be honest do I want to do it for the right reasons? Is being deeply disappointed with what I've become and wanting to make up for the years I've been a hermit reason enough?

There probably isn't an easy fix much like there isn't an easy path to riches but would appreciate any advice.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

 

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[socaldude]

Meditation helps.

It helped me a lot.

Steve Jobs talks about how meditating changed his life, i'm trying to find the article.

 

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[Luffy]

Start watching comedy, you're too stifled and resisting isn't going to help, get in touch with who you are.
You need to relax and go back to how you were as a kid, I'm sure you didn't have today's issue's.

 

[AndrewNC]

PM me. I used to be in your shoes and have something that can help

 

[smarty]

PM me. I used to be in your shoes and have something that can help

I'm curious what is it?

There probably isn't an easy fix much like there isn't an easy path to riches but would appreciate any advice.

Read this book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, in my view most confidence issues have the roots in childhood and bad or missing parenting.
Maditation and other routines can be useless if you don't understand the source of your feelings.

With ruthless action, this is possible:

so...



If you had the understanding and courage to post this, you have the courage to take more action.

Is being deeply disappointed with what I've become and wanting to make up for the years I've been a hermit reason enough?

Guilt doesn't help. Guilt is an excuse to feel victimized so don't believe these type of thoughts.
Start from where you are and build yourself up. Do a little bit of what would make your old self uncomfortable.
It will be uncomfortable but it will be OKAY as long as you stay alive!

 

[Mattie]

I don't think I am emotionally equipped to handle the process required to becoming an entrepreneur

Sure you're emotionally equipped! Trust me there's nothing you can't overcome in life. Mental is strengthening your mind. Getting rid of the negative thoughts from toxic people in your life. As I've told some of the people I've already helped, write down all the negative things people to say to you that are significant in your life. Write down the ones that you tell yourself. And look at those thoughts. Are they truth about you? No they're not!

It's been suggested by others beliefs that this is the person you are, and what you suggest to yourself who you are. Conditioned by society, religion, education, or what every groups you belong too. Evaluate those messages they give you. Do you resonate with them. Do you own them, or do they belong to someone else.

So now after you've evaluate their thoughts and your thoughts just take the piece of paper and wad it up in a ball and crinkle it up and throw it in the trash can. Now like the rest of us, go unlearn all that b.s. and learn something new about yourself and create a better reality.

Emotions are another entity. Emotions are real and valid in your experience just as much as your thoughts. But the biggest thing to understand is, your thoughts, emotions, and feelings are just here for the moment and temporary. Ask yourself this question? Do you remember every thought, emotion, and feeling you've ever had your whole life? Probably not! We remember certain triggered events time to time.

Find healthy ways to strip the emotions away like sports, writing a journal, painting, drawing, or creating music. There are tons of things to create out of different mediums and genres. No your feelings and emotions and separate yours from someone else's.

That should get you started, but it's just learning about yourself, letting go of a lot of crap, and releasing the negatives. Replacing it with more uplifting, positive things, and learning success strategies, mindfulness, mental toughness. You just may feel you're the only one in the world there, but frankly there are thousands in the same place.

 

[Mattie]

Meditation helps.

I do agree as well meditation is a major key, there are many different types of meditations.

 

[Luffy]

I do agree as well meditation is a major key, there are many different types of meditations.

I did Bio-energetics by Elliott Hulse, it was amazing.

 

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[Even Steven]

I think that you have to come to the realization that your feelings are lying to you. A big problem for people in general is that we think our feelings are always based in reality when many times they are not. Sometimes I get this creeping, generic sense of dread, like something bad is going to happen or the events of my life are suddenly going to take a turn for the worse. I don't know where that comes from, but I've learned by now that there's no truth to it unless I make it true by letting the fear paralyze me.

Here's the truth:
You are capable of doing what you want. You just are. That's not motivational speech. It's just the truth. Many people who had more mental and emotional struggles than you have gone on to do great things, and many more will after you. They have no more innate ability than you. You have to acknowledge that, and then take a step to change things.

I have a friend who is by nature very anti-social. He described himself as a hermit. At around 30 years old, he decided to fix the different areas of his life. He started reading books on how to fix his finances and how talk to women (I know that sounds funny, but seeing the confidence with which he interacts with women now is striking compared to how he used to be). You really can do better. You just have to realize that those doubts and fears are unfounded.

 

[GuestUser112]

Don't talk shit about your parents on the internet. From about the age of 16 onward I'd say people are responsible for their own choices. I personally take responsibility for every choice made after the age of 12 because I remember making the wrong choices and my environment wasn't to blame.

 

[DeletedUser19]

Thanks for the book recommendation. It seems that it came at the right time in my life. I actually knew about this book and wanted to read it. But I discarded it for no reason.

I've improved my mindset and my self-esteem tremendously for the last few weeks, and I think this is the only thing missing so I can release my full potential - resolving the issues (present, but especially past) with my parents and healing my inner child.

Read this book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, in my view most confidence issues have the roots in childhood and bad or missing parenting.

 

[tycoon7]

Sign up for martial arts/kick boxing.
Sparkings were great to build up confidense, will power and character. Overcoming the fear of the opponent standing in other side of the ring. Everyday life seems much easier after that.

 

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[Luffy]

Read this book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, in my view most confidence issues have the roots in childhood and bad or missing parenting.

I feel like you're spot on for some reason, added to my list.

 

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[AndrewNC]

I'm curious what is it?

Mindset training that helps people get a new outlook on life, open up the box, and then see that there was never a box after all

That + some jedi mind tricks

 

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[Salem]

177 Mental Toughness Secrets by Steven Siebold

Great book. I think Steve Siebold can help you a lot on acquiring more confidence

 

[DeletedUser19]

Is there a free pdf version of it on internet? I'd rather not have a physical copy of that.

kindle?

Most of us were pirates at some point in our lives, but if you want to buy the book, you can buy the kindle version

 

[smarty]

All self-limitation is in the mind.
All self-prison is in the mind.
All freedom is in the mind.

All truth is in the mind. However truth not necesarily is real. Truth and Fact mean different things.

Truth = something you accept as real. It can be variable.

Fact = that is absolute reality. It is fixed and real.

A HOAX can be accepted as truth, and is truth for those who fall for it.

What HOAX do you believe about yourself?

Example:

Truth: "I am weak"
Fact: "You may have been feeling weak in the past, then you acted weak for a long time, then you became conditioned to believe you are weak and now you feel extremely uncomfortable to begin acting otherwise."

Give up the thought "I can't do that" if you feel it is a comforting lie to yourself.

Ask yourself WHY can't you do it and then CHALLENGE every answer that you come up with until you have a bare-bone answer that can't be challenged further.

Is it that you PHYSICALLY CAN'T do it? Or is it because physically you DON'T want to do it?

If it is the later, it's your job and obligation to yourself and to others to become who you really want to be.

P.S.: I learned & realized a lot of things about myself while posting this

 

[Mattie]

This was just from my experience : We can end up driving ourselves into that dark place by staring to the past and regretting multiple things. And we get stuck there and beating ourselves up over things we couldn't control by what part others played. We can get stuck in the things we wish we had done, and that our life was different. The past is gone, and really it's just and illusion at this moment. A memory and imprint of the past.

Never allow your past to define you. If I had, I wouldn't be in the Fast lane now trying to create a dream that others said was impossible. I'll be the first to tell you that this world isn't fair, I've taken more hits by people. The thing is the past doesn't matter. It's what you do today that matters. The whole future is a slate wiped clean. I just took one emotion, one feeling, one thought pattern and worked on it until I broke it, and than move on to the next and the next. One goal at a time. Even if it was small.

And the thing is when I started writing, it was one poem at a time, and at the end of the first year, I learned I could write ten poems a day, articles, and got better and better. And had not clue I'd be here now. You can overcome it!

 

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[P3HSB]

This advice works for men. Testosterone is a big factor.

1. Decide your going to take an ice cold shower for 10 straight minutes and last till the end.

Brain was feeling disengaged today, so I decided to try the ice cold shower. I put the water on max cold setting. Survived it and came out feeling like a boss!

Good looking out @DreamCreator

 

[Mattie]

I've never personally done bio-energetics, but I'm familiar with different energy techniques from Russia and Eastern philosophies etc. Lots of different techniques therapists use. Just depends on what works for the individual and good to know all the techniques and what is available is more valuable. Which is why I spent four years learning a lot of stuff even after college. For someone like me, that's just a life long upgrading on ways to help people.

I have noticed though some people are just to way gone emotionally and mentally they can't come back. And I think that is what I'm trying to understand why some people can and others can't. But I suppose the P.T.S.D. in some cases where trauma was so severe it's just a safety mechanism to withdraw into that place and not be responsible for anything in life. But those are very severe cases I'm talking about. And why I chose to get out of Mental Health.

 

[Mattie]

Sign up for martial arts/kick boxing.
Sparkings were great to build up confidense, will power and character. Overcoming the fear of the opponent standing in other side of the ring.

Forgive me for saying it, but toxic people are opponents every day! lol The instill fear, so I'm not sure how this works in your case. But I'll be signing up for some martial arts at some point this year, but I have no fear. lol

 

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[marklov]

I did Bio-energetics by Elliott Hulse, it was amazing.

You really follow that quack?
He has some solid info on strength training but that bio energy and breath into your balls stuff is a bit exaggerated.

 

[Durete]

I did Bio-energetics by Elliott Hulse, it was amazing.

His "Bio energetics" is nothing more than some yoga
Better to go to the source than and start practicing Yoga itself.

 

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[Luffy]

You really follow that quack?
He has some solid info on strength training but that bio energy and breath into your balls stuff is a bit exaggerated.

Experience don't lie, it worked for me but it might not work for you. I felt really present, grounded and 10 times more confident, so much I got scared of myself at first. Also it's more than just yoga, he has his own unique twist to it. Try it yourself, what more can I say?

 

[Journey2Million$]

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