Feeling Like Waste

[Destttiny]

Okay, I'm rereading the millionaire fastlane and got to the part about choice l. As a college student
"• The choice to cheat on your exams or study.
• The choice to squander college because your parents paid for it." Stuck with me
Thing is I study (at least did it right in my first semester of this third year). Sometimes to the point I feel nauseous. However, my grades don't show it and I feel awful like I'm wasting my parents money. This year, before my parents paid, I had a fight with my Dad (which I deeply regretted, apologized and we made up) but he asked me If I still choose to be a part of the family or not during the heated moment. Of course I chose my family but honestly I feel Iike that was an opportunity for me to stop leaching of my parents. Not going into details but one main reason we had a fight was because I was frustrated with myself and lashed it out on my Dad which I guess is because of pressure seeing how they are struggling and I'm failing (I'm second among 6 children and the second they are still currently training in college). I feel like a waste. When we had the fight, my Dad said if I leave the family, I would know life is not easy and would suffer (Seeing how he's right most of the time and from my time in college, I knew this one was true). That is not the reason I decided to stay, but honestly, if leaving meant no support from them, I may as well be completely broken (and possibly even dead). It's a four year study but seeing my grades, they may be an extra year and I don't think my parents would be happy or too willing to pay for that. I guess I chickened out and now feel stuck. The solution to my problem would be money to finish paying myself, for myself (and maybe my brothers) and by myself. Then again the fear of financial hardship, the fear of not being smart enough(I don't even like what I'm currently studying. That story is not for this forum) and the fear of failure if I decide to leave are the glueing factors
Is it possible for my life to get back on track? I really feel like a waste

 

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[DarcyWayne]

Ulez, O'n sisiefoph vji nommoupeosi getvmepi epf huv vu vji qesv ecuav djuodi m. Et e dummihi tvafipv
"• Vji djuodi vu djiev up zuas iyent us tvafz.
• Vji djuodi vu traepfis dummihi cideati zuas qesipvt qeof gus ov." Tvadl xovj ni
Vjoph ot O tvafz (ev mietv fof ov sohjv op nz gostv tinitvis ug vjot vjosf zies). Tunivonit vu vji quopv O giim peatiuat. Juxiwis, nz hsefit fup'v tjux ov epf O giim exgam moli O'n xetvoph nz qesipvt nupiz. Vjot zies, cigusi nz qesipvt qeof, O jef e gohjv xovj nz Fef (xjodj O fiiqmz sihsivvif, equmuhobif epf xi nefi aq) cav ji etlif ni Og O tvomm djuuti vu ci e qesv ug vji genomz us puv fasoph vji jievif nunipv. Ug duasti O djuti nz genomz cav jupitvmz O giim Ooli vjev xet ep uqqusvapovz gus ni vu tvuq miedjoph ug nz qesipvt. Puv huoph opvu fiveomt cav upi neop sietup xi jef e gohjv xet cideati O xet gsatvsevif xovj nztimg epf metjif ov uav up nz Fef xjodj O haitt ot cideati ug qsittasi tiioph jux vjiz esi tvsahhmoph epf O'n geomoph (O'n tidupf enuph 6 djomfsip epf vji tidupf vjiz esi tvomm dassipvmz vseopoph op dummihi). O giim moli e xetvi. Xjip xi jef vji gohjv, nz Fef teof og O miewi vji genomz, O xuamf lpux mogi ot puv ietz epf xuamf taggis (Tiioph jux ji't sohjv nutv ug vji voni epf gsun nz voni op dummihi, O lpix vjot upi xet vsai). Vjev ot puv vji sietup O fidofif vu tvez, cav jupitvmz, og miewoph niepv pu taqqusv gsun vjin, O nez et ximm ci dunqmivimz csulip (epf quttocmz iwip fief). Ov't e guas zies tvafz cav tiioph nz hsefit, vjiz nez ci ep iyvse zies epf O fup'v vjopl nz qesipvt xuamf ci jeqqz us vuu xommoph vu qez gus vjev. O haitt O djodlipif uav epf pux giim tvadl. Vji tumavoup vu nz qsucmin xuamf ci nupiz vu gopotj qezoph nztimg, gus nztimg (epf nezci nz csuvjist) epf cz nztimg. Vjip eheop vji gies ug gopepdoem jesftjoq, vji gies ug puv cioph tnesv ipuahj(O fup'v iwip moli xjev O'n dassipvmz tvafzoph. Vjev tvusz ot puv gus vjot gusan) epf vji gies ug geomasi og O fidofi vu miewi esi vji hmaioph gedvust
Ot ov quttocmi gus nz mogi vu hiv cedl up vsedl? O siemmz giim moli e xetvi

Jiz Fitvopz,
O giim moli zua siemmz piif tqidoemobif jimq gus zuas dassipv tovaevoup. Fof zua veml vu tuniupi nadj dmutis vu zua? O xuamf ci jeqqz tjesoph tuni upmopi catopitt ofiet gus zuas getvmepi csielvjsuahj cav tuni ug vjin piif e tvecmi inuvoupem simevoup xovj zuastimg gostv.

Q. T: Cvx zua'si puv e xetvi, ov't e nevvis ug mogi tietupt. Vjot tjemm qett vuu.