Feedback on landing page

[GlowStickGuy]

Hey hope everyone is doing great!

I am trying to start making some money with a side business where I interview people. The demographic I'm after is more of the older generation. These people likely do not have any decent footage of themselves which leads me to believe there is a market for "Old people who want to be remembered" and that this might be accomplished with a sort of video documentary service.

I'm having trouble trying to get anyone to contact me so I was hoping you could give me some advice on my landing page: Record Your Legacy – Document Your Story. There are fake testimonials on the page that I would replace with actual testimonials once I am actually able to get more interviews.

I am currently driving traffic using Facebook ads. Unfortunately I haven't had anyone contact me with the 74 "Link Clicks" I have received. Facebook ads are targeted for the Boise area for people ages 35+. This range gives much older people as well as middle aged parents who want to get some footage of their own parents.

The one interview I do have I was able to get from a Craigslist ad (written below). I have been advertising this as a free service for a while now without much luck either (Around 3-4 inquiries but they never message back after my first response)

Here are a couple of things I'm thinking might be wrong:

1. Market isn't there - Might just be a bad idea in general
2. Poor video advertisement - Either confusing and doesn't get the point of the service across or just not enticing enough.
3. Landing page - Might seem too fake/sketchy/unprofessional. Average length of session is around 45 seconds but people aren't pulling the trigger on the "Contact" button. Might not be targeted enough. Bounce rate around 70% (not sure how useful this number is as there is only one other page "Contact")


Thanks in advance!




Craigslist ad:

Hi, I'm Michael and I'm a videographer.

I want to capture who you are, your life adventures, and your words of wisdom. Everyone has something to share and I want to capture it on film for you.

Once I capture this video I will edit it and send you a digital copy. This way you can share it with family, friends, or even watch it in a couple years to remind yourself of where you were and how far you have come. I like to think of it as a digital time capsule

This is great for all ages and it could mean the world to someone you love. Sending this video to someone will let them always remember you for who you were.

I will drive to your place of residency so we can film somewhere you are comfortable with. I will ask "interview like" questions where you can really shine and tell your story.

This is all free. However, I will have you to sign a release form that allows me to post the recorded video onto my webpage.

Contact me if you are interested or have any questions!

 

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[Kybalion]

Hey!

Looks like an interesting concept - I think there's something to it. Now about the page.

I like the fact that you're starting with an emotional benefit (never be forgotten)...

Before we dive in deeper, here's a quick note to provide some context for my following advice:

I would need to see the Facebook ads you're using to give you a more precise rundown because not all the clicks are the same.

For example - I could run an ad and say "Kybalion is the worst copywriter in the world - click here to look at this jackass" vs. an ad that would say ''Kybalion 10x'd my coaching business - click here to see how''. Both would get me traffic, but one would drive visitors who want to look at how ridiculous I am, and the other one would drive qualified leads.

So, keep in mind that I don't have the full context to give you exact advice. With that being said here's what you can do to improve this page:

1. While the headline is catchy it doesn't give me the full story. When I read it I don't get the exact idea of what you're selling. Are you selling cameras? Is there a contest where I have to record myself and send you a recording of myself? Do I have to do the recording and you'll offer editing services?

There are a ton of things the headline could mean. Of course, there's a big chance your Facebook ads elaborate on that, however it's better to be mind-numbingly clear and repetitive rather than creative, but vague.

2. Insert a call-to-action button in the top section of the page. And make it more visible, the current one is too hard to find. If the prospect lands with the intention to get your product, and is already sold on the concept, why make him scroll through all that copy?

3. Turn the ''What we do'' section into "What you get''. This is where you focus on the main pain-points/desires of your audience. Right now the feature you're addressing is ''you get to share your story''. But why do I want to share my story? I obviously don't want to share it just for sharing's sake.

Here are some ideas:

- I might want to give impart knowledge on my offsprings because I love them, and more importantly I want them to love me.

- I am afraid of death, so your offer may help me create an illusion of living forever in the memories of my loved ones.

- I want to feel important, like the dudes on TV, who give interviews. I want to increase my status, so your offer might help me stand out.

Obviously, you need to communicate they'll get these things, but don't be overt about it (bad example: ''Hey, old fu*ks - stay alive forever, make your kids listen for once, and let's make your friends think you're badass'')

Reverse this if you're targeting the grandchildren/children!!!

4. Include a section about you with a picture and a heartwarming story, which makes them feel like you understand them. (Quick idea: get a picture with you and your grandfather and write up how much it means for you to help others like him share their stories.) Right now nobody trusts you. After all, this interview is quite intimate and they have to like you and trust you.

5. Just took a look at the testimonials. Looks like you're targeting grandchildren/children. That's smart. But the messaging doesn't match up with the headline. The headline seems to address the people who're going to be interviewed, and testimonials address people who want to surprise their grandparents/parents.

I would recommend testing both audiences - BUT not at the same time. Create a separate page for each one and test everything. Something tells me it might be easier to convince kids to give this as a gift, rather than old people to share their stories AND pay you. My grandma is 81 and she's on Facebook, but she might be an outlier, so I think you've got a better chance with targeting younger people.

6. Include how it works section for obvious reasons.

7. Here's the structure you can follow:

- Headline
- What you'll get
- Interview example
- How it works
- Testimonials
- About me
- Guarantee

That's it. There are a bunch of other things, you can tweak, but the ones above are the ''needle-movers''.

Hope this helps!

 

[GlowStickGuy]

Hey!

Looks like an interesting concept - I think there's something to it. Now about the page.

I like the fact that you're starting with an emotional benefit (never be forgotten)...

Before we dive in deeper, here's a quick note to provide some context for my following advice:

I would need to see the Facebook ads you're using to give you a more precise rundown because not all the clicks are the same.

For example - I could run an ad and say "Kybalion is the worst copywriter in the world - click here to look at this jackass" vs. an ad that would say ''Kybalion 10x'd my coaching business - click here to see how''. Both would get me traffic, but one would drive visitors who want to look at how ridiculous I am, and the other one would drive qualified leads.

So, keep in mind that I don't have the full context to give you exact advice. With that being said here's what you can do to improve this page:

1. While the headline is catchy it doesn't give me the full story. When I read it I don't get the exact idea of what you're selling. Are you selling cameras? Is there a contest where I have to record myself and send you a recording of myself? Do I have to do the recording and you'll offer editing services?

There are a ton of things the headline could mean. Of course, there's a big chance your Facebook ads elaborate on that, however it's better to be mind-numbingly clear and repetitive rather than creative, but vague.

2. Insert a call-to-action button in the top section of the page. And make it more visible, the current one is too hard to find. If the prospect lands with the intention to get your product, and is already sold on the concept, why make him scroll through all that copy?

3. Turn the ''What we do'' section into "What you get''. This is where you focus on the main pain-points/desires of your audience. Right now the feature you're addressing is ''you get to share your story''. But why do I want to share my story? I obviously don't want to share it just for sharing's sake.

Here are some ideas:

- I might want to give impart knowledge on my offsprings because I love them, and more importantly I want them to love me.

- I am afraid of death, so your offer may help me create an illusion of living forever in the memories of my loved ones.

- I want to feel important, like the dudes on TV, who give interviews. I want to increase my status, so your offer might help me stand out.

Obviously, you need to communicate they'll get these things, but don't be overt about it (bad example: ''Hey, old fu*ks - stay alive forever, make your kids listen for once, and let's make your friends think you're badass'')

Reverse this if you're targeting the grandchildren/children!!!

4. Include a section about you with a picture and a heartwarming story, which makes them feel like you understand them. (Quick idea: get a picture with you and your grandfather and write up how much it means for you to help others like him share their stories.) Right now nobody trusts you. After all, this interview is quite intimate and they have to like you and trust you.

5. Just took a look at the testimonials. Looks like you're targeting grandchildren/children. That's smart. But the messaging doesn't match up with the headline. The headline seems to address the people who're going to be interviewed, and testimonials address people who want to surprise their grandparents/parents.

I would recommend testing both audiences - BUT not at the same time. Create a separate page for each one and test everything. Something tells me it might be easier to convince kids to give this as a gift, rather than old people to share their stories AND pay you. My grandma is 81 and she's on Facebook, but she might be an outlier, so I think you've got a better chance with targeting younger people.

6. Include how it works section for obvious reasons.

7. Here's the structure you can follow:

- Headline
- What you'll get
- Interview example
- How it works
- Testimonials
- About me
- Guarantee

That's it. There are a bunch of other things, you can tweak, but the ones above are the ''needle-movers''.

Hope this helps!

Awesome advice. I'll take the ads down for now and tweak it. After I'll re-test to see if my bounce rate goes down.

I think you're right that the demographics I'm looking for are most likely the children/grandchildren. Guess I should be more specific about exactly what I'm offering too haha.

Thanks again!