Dumbest businesses you've ever tried.

[Flatlander]

I tried to sell SMC stuff once. Not even my mom would buy anything.

I used to import hermit crabs a long time ago. Do you know how many crabs you have to sell to pay the rent? Too many, trust me!

My parakeet farm failed miserably but I enjoyed raising them.

I wanted to have a traveling monkey show but I only had one monkey and he had no interest in learning tricks. In retrospect that was doomed from the start. lol wtf???

I tried to start a business transferring 8mm and Super 8 movies to DVD but I sidetracked myself and killed it before it could really start. Long story short, thousands of dollars in ads, one sale for $40, sigh.

Countless dumb websites.

On the bright side, I have all of that stuff out of my system and I'm on track now. Too bad it took so long.

So what dumb businesses have you tried?

 

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[FDJustin]

I was selling pop... Or was it lemonade? Grapejuice? Some kind of generic beverage as a kid. I didn't plan out the price very well. The first price I wrote down was too low, so I scratched it out and put a new one. I figured it was too high, so I scratched it out and put a new one. I should have used a new piece of cardboard, but I didn't have any.

Predictibly now, but not so then, people saw the changing prices and were offended by it. Because of the very low price they could see, they figured they were getting 'ripped off', because others got it for less.
When in reality, no sales were made in the first place. Once offended, the customers wouldn't believe that of course, anger is a fire that draws on anything it can to be justified.

You might not consider paper delivery a business, but really... You solicit new customers, deliver a product, collect payments, and deal with all aspects of customer satisfaction. It's like the worlds shittiest franchise.
The route I took over was doomed on two ends. The first one being that people were used to a highschool kid delivering the paper. That meant the previous delivery girl was home nearly an hour before I was, and she lived a few blocks closer to the route. She was also a faster walker. Then there was a high enough percentage of deadbeat customers I was too soft to fire, who would either not answer the door when I came to collect- Or say "Oh, I'll pay you next time!" then when next time comes around they either say that again, or "I paid you last time!"

I joined an MLM network, made my first sale by having someone buy a rediculously expensive domain name from some shady site that didn't give any instruction on what to do with it... And I didn't get credited for it.

I only made that sale because I promised to pay it back when my overly complicated upline/downline voodoo dance paid off. But the burn really just forced me to stop ignoring what I already knew: No one's going to buy this garbage that has no special properties, for twice or more the cost of getting it else where, no matter how many times they see the flimsy promise of how 'Quality' it is, UNLESS they are joining the MLM scam.

 

[Flatlander]

You might not consider paper delivery a business, but really... You solicit new customers, deliver a product, collect payments, and deal with all aspects of customer satisfaction. It's like the worlds shittiest franchise.
The route I took over was doomed on two ends. The first one being that people were used to a highschool kid delivering the paper. That meant the previous delivery girl was home nearly an hour before I was, and she lived a few blocks closer to the route. She was also a faster walker. Then there was a high enough percentage of deadbeat customers I was too soft to fire, who would either not answer the door when I came to collect- Or say "Oh, I'll pay you next time!" then when next time comes around they either say that again, or "I paid you last time!"

I've often wondered how newspapers get away with abusing kids like that. What a scam. Why should some little kid be on the hook for his deadbeat customers?

 

[DeletedUser394]

When I was around 8 my mother used to take me shopping with her a lot. Whenever we would go to Walmart I would remove (okay steal) the little plastic tabs that go onto the hangers of clothing that tell you what size they were.

After months and months of collecting them, I had thousands of them at home. I wanted to melt them down and sell bulk plastic. Why I thought anyone would want to buy a solid block of plastic, I will never know.

I never ended up melting it down, because I couldn't figure out how to generate a temperature high enough.

That's about as dumb and naive a business idea as I've ever had.

 

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[Flatlander]

That's pretty funny, Ryan.

 

[FDJustin]

I've often wondered how newspapers get away with abusing kids like that. What a scam. Why should some little kid be on the hook for his deadbeat customers?

Hmm... I half agree. On the other hand, when I was (11?) there was no great and mighty internet to teach me about business. At least not in my house, and school didn't allot much, if any access to it. My family, friends of family, etc. Were employees at best. I didn't even know you could find books on business at the library. So it turns out, the worlds shittiest franchise was probably my best bet for learning the finer details of customer interaction, as well as how much work can be involved in selling, and running a business.

What they should do, but don't (or don't here at least) is give some simple training on what to do with the deadbeats. You're basically left to your own devices.

Although when we went door to door selling cans of mixed nuts for exorbitant prices, abusing our 'How do you say no to children?' factor, I did get to try out - and ignore my first sales script. "Dear sir or madam, I'm here on behalf of blah blah blah, I would like to ask if you would be interested in purchasing any blah blah blah, part of the proceeds will go to some organization you have no affiliation with. If you feel enough pressure from your implied social duties and too much guilt to not get ripped off by a child, each can is only $6!"

I ditched it and went with a far more sincere, "Hello, I'm Justin. I'm selling cans of mixed nuts for The Recorder- it's a charity thing." 'Oh, really.. Uhm, how much?' "They're $6 each." 'Wow, that's kind of a lot. I can get them for half that at Zellers.' "Yeah, I know what you mean. This is more like a donation with a prize." 'That makes sense. Well... I'll take one.'

 

[Bowden]

When I was around 6 or 7 we used to have a book fair at my elementary school. I signed up for a subscription package of R.L. Stine Goosebumps books (a club) for around $6 and an additional monthly fee when the following months club package arrived. After 3 or so months they quit sending them because my parents refused to pay for it after countless bills came. The next book fair I came up with the brilliant idea to sign up again with my own book fair money. I paid the first months bill by sending CASH to them and I got sent about 5-6 more packages after that.

So during the summer I had a ton of Goosebumps books, Goosebumps memorabilia, etc and would place them all along the top of our fence. I lived in a crappy part of town out in the country so I never had a sale. I ended up with a ton of Goosebumps books which I didn't even read, I just liked the covers . :smug2:

 

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[FDJustin]

So during the summer I had a ton of Goosebumps books, Goosebumps memorabilia, etc and would place them all along the top of our fence. I lived in a crappy part of town out in the country so I never had a sale.

That's pretty adorable. Location, location, location, eh?

 

[TaxGuy]

I used to import hermit crabs a long time ago. Do you know how many crabs you have to sell to pay the rent? Too many, trust me!

Makes me think of this "genius" business idea:

YouTube - Dumb and Dumber - I Got Worms

EDIT- I couldn't embed, so I had to post a link. BTW I was part of a mastermind group where someone was actually making money doing worm farms

My parakeet farm failed miserably but I enjoyed raising them.

[video=youtube;ULUiV_tj1DI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULUiV_tj1DI[/video]

Countless dumb websites.

This makes me realize that my dumbest business decisions of the past were all the "failure to launch", however, a lot of the opportunities I was presented and even considered I'm glad I never did such as Vector Marketing(aka Cutco), Quixtar, College Works Painters, buying a Cold Stone Franchise and any of the ten zillion "start your own internet business in a box" scams.

In fact all the businesses I have done turned profits, just none of them were long-term or stable enough such as my very first venture selling Beanie Babies on AOL Classifieds when I was 12... 15yrs ago!

 

[Flatlander]

This makes me realize that my dumbest business decisions of the past were all the "failure to launch", however, a lot of the opportunities I was presented and even considered I'm glad I never did such as Vector Marketing(aka Cutco), Quixtar, College Works Painters, buying a Cold Stone Franchise and any of the ten zillion "start your own internet business in a box" scams.

A guy I used to work with bugged me for months to join Quixtar. Finally I had to give him a fake phone number then hope I never saw him again. Luckily I never did.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

I tried to sell SMC stuff once. Not even my mom would buy anything.

I used to import hermit crabs a long time ago. Do you know how many crabs you have to sell to pay the rent? Too many, trust me!

My parakeet farm failed miserably but I enjoyed raising them.

I wanted to have a traveling monkey show but I only had one monkey and he had no interest in learning tricks. In retrospect that was doomed from the start. lol wtf???

I tried to start a business transferring 8mm and Super 8 movies to DVD but I sidetracked myself and killed it before it could really start. Long story short, thousands of dollars in ads, one sale for $40, sigh.

Countless dumb websites.

On the bright side, I have all of that stuff out of my system and I'm on track now. Too bad it took so long.

So what dumb businesses have you tried?

Take heart, your resume of failure sounds like mine. One of my dumb businesses was trying to sell gold in gyms (Don't Ask) ... and then the other I tried "doing what I loved" (relating to automotive audio) and well, that failed in a few months.

 

[NHS]

I did an online automotive video magazine. didn't work so well. I think I could have made it work had I approached it a little differently but not going back to that.

Bought a ton of stuff from a large cosmetic company to sell at flea markets. I don't want to say it failed but I do not like flea markets. But it has pulled in 500-1000 each time I go. SO not really failure but not my idea of fun at all.

 

[David]

I remember when I was about 7 years old, rollerblades were in trend but my ones had so many scratches on them (caused by sharing with my younger siblings) that I broke into tears. My cousin suggested that I buy black nail polish to get rid of the marks (as they were black).

As nail polish was out of our budget back then, we bought some ice cream sticks and used pen ink, glue, glitter to decorated them. We knocked on 10 different houses (3 of them had no one home) around the area, but no one person would buy our decorated sticks.

We were roughly the same age the time and the area was considerer 'poor/lower class'.

To think about it now -- it's hilarious.

 

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[NoMoneyDown]

When I was around 8 I had this fantastic idea of making home-made pinball machines. Well, not really pinball, but more like those ball dropping game machines. Made my first one and charged family members 5 cents for three balls. My mom gave me a dime for two tries out of pity.

 

[1mancrew]

When I was in school I had a job selling newspaper subscriptions over the phone. They gave us a printout each night of phone numbers with no names, a script, and desk with a phone. Needless to say it was not easy selling 2 in 4 hours much less the 10 they required to keep the job.

Guess that is where one of the places I learned to cold call without fear.

 

[livebig]

Oh man, I've had some dumb business ideas.

Let's see....

I joined a coupon clipping MLM firm that "SOLD" coupons. I never really was sure how it works, but it had a crazy tacky videotape in the kit that came with it. Sort of like the "extreme couponing" that people take part in today.

I did envelope stuffing chain letters. LOL

Countless, countless stupid websites. (They're so cheap. It's easy to go online a "buy a business". Doesn't matter if you haven't completely thought the business out! It's all about taking action!)

I bought high-end designer clothing "Wholesale" and sold them on eBay. (i.e. sell them for whatever I could get)

And DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY the absolutely dumbest business I've ever tried was Herbalife (weight loss supplement). I'm 6 foot tall maybe 130 pounds. The LAST thing I need to do is to lose weight! I even tried it. Once. Just made me crap my brains out. LOL

 

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[valuegiver]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but what's the point of talking about the dumbest businesses you have ever tried? Your time should be spent on productive things. Idle chatter leads only to poverty.

 

[DeletedUser394]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but what's the point of talking about the dumbest businesses you have ever tried? Your time should be spent on productive things. Idle chatter leads only to poverty.

It's a fun thread to laugh at past mistakes that we've made. What's your problem.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

MLM... need I say more?

... oh! And also I was going to start a window washing business with a friend because he had talked to the owner of a large (VERY LARGE) building in Chicago that needed a cheaper contract for window cleaning. This all kind of fell apart when we realized 2 of us couldn't handle that job, and it's one of the most dangerous jobs in the world... hahaha

 

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[GlobalWealth]

I started a tree service business when I was 19. I would prune trees and/or take them down. The day I nearly cut my index finger off with a chainsaw was the day I realized this did not have good long term implications.

On the plus side, I have a really cool scar on my left hand and chicks dig scars...

 

[1mancrew]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but what's the point of talking about the dumbest businesses you have ever tried? Your time should be spent on productive things. Idle chatter leads only to poverty.

You never know what good or bad idea you may get from someone eles. Don't have a closed mind to something like this, it may cost you money.
What if you were going to try and sell crabs...

 

[madison]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but what's the point of talking about the dumbest businesses you have ever tried? Your time should be spent on productive things. Idle chatter leads only to poverty.

People can learn from others mistakes, so they don't end up making the same ones.

 

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[TaxGuy]

And also I was going to start a window washing business with a friend because he had talked to the owner of a large (VERY LARGE) building in Chicago that needed a cheaper contract for window cleaning. This all kind of fell apart when we realized 2 of us couldn't handle that job, and it's one of the most dangerous jobs in the world... hahaha

I take it this was either the Hancock Building or the Willis Tower(aka Sears Tower)?

I used to work across the street from the second one and saw the window washers at our building from time to time and despite all the safety equipment they had, I'd never do that!

Speaking of MLM, I just thought of another one, it was the subject of one of my first posts back in '08 after I went to the b.s. "Learning Annex Seminar" which was a weekend event of MLM upsell galore. Some of the ideas seemed viable like investing in tax lien foreclosures, especially after the salesman stated "I'm not gonna lie, it takes money to make money in this business" and "patience is a virtue" however when the seminar ended and he was asking for $3000 on the spot for his $50 worth of information in a pretty little package I knew to run for the hills. In fact the hook for that seminar was "Win a free iPhone" and instead of drawing names out of a hat/box, the "contest" was who had the oldest penny in the room, someone had one from 1951 or something, which made me think of finding the oldest penny at home and coming back next year to throw a wrench in that rigged contest

 

[Jozi]

I wish I tried a dumb business, but unfortunately i never tried any businesses which I think is really dumb! Hopefully I will have my dumb businesses to post here in the future lol.

 

[Excalibur]

The few that I can think of at the moment are 900 numbers for psychics and dating. Pay 99 dollars and get a couple numbers, then advertise them. Never made anything with those.

Did MLM with Excel Telecommunications. Learned that I absolutely hate trying to sell people on a phone service.

Did a chain letter or two.

Thought about doing SMC several times, but couldn't get past the supposed profits/price points on what looked to be absolute junk.

 

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[Flatlander]

I wish I tried a dumb business, but unfortunately i never tried any businesses which I think is really dumb! Hopefully I will have my dumb businesses to post here in the future lol.

Yeah, get moving! Better to try a bunch of dumb stuff than to try nothing at all.

 

[Flatlander]

The few that I can think of at the moment are 900 numbers for psychics and dating. Pay 99 dollars and get a couple numbers, then advertise them. Never made anything with those.

I almost tried that too. Fortunately I didn't have enough money so I couldn't.

 

[Capital Life]

I know that I had a lot of ideas when I was a kid ( <12 ) and can't really remember them all. I know I collected Metals (aluminum and copper) from anywhere I could. That didn't work because I was nice and knew my cousin and uncle turned that stuff in. So when I would get a few pounds, I gave it to them... you know... since they were going to the yard anyways.

I grew up in metal housing so I had a lot of neighbors and most of them had some kind of pine tree in or near there yard. So I decided to picked up pine cones for a penny a piece. I had one paying customer and a few not so paying customers. I thought that it was a great gig because the ice cream man came around about every 2 days. I would always have the cash for a .... ~BUGS BUNNY~ ....

 

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[TaxGuy]

The few that I can think of at the moment are 900 numbers for psychics and dating. Pay 99 dollars and get a couple numbers, then advertise them. Never made anything with those.

I used to work with the guy who revolutionized that business. Needless to say he's made a fortune off of "grey area" businesses, however, his son is more of a Fastlaner who earns about $3m/yr off of hosting/payment processing for adult sites.

Did MLM with Excel Telecommunications. Learned that I absolutely hate trying to sell people on a phone service.

My dad tried that, among a few other similar businesses that were sold to him by a couple of used car salesmen from TN including NSA water filters and a vending business.

Thought about doing SMC several times, but couldn't get past the supposed profits/price points on what looked to be absolute junk.

My mom did something similar- it's called garage sales and flea markets

In fact it took about 5 seconds of watching the SMC commercial for me to go "who would buy that junk?" and even worse "who thinks they could actually make money selling that crap?"