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Deep seated fear of self progress because I feel like I’m marked.

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This post was written in less than 5 hours, because I just want to get it all out. I will add & edit this initial post as long as I can. I am writing this on a iPhone with intermittent touch input.

I posted under People and Relationships because this is about my relationship with the world, and where I stand.

If you delete this thread, you are no better than those I speak about.

I have a deep seated fear that, because I yearn to help get initiatives rolling that will truly make the world a better place, fear that I am marked for “adjustment” by subsurface clandestine operatives.

I can envision my file (metaphorically and on a screen inside a dimly-lit subterranean office) that intelligence agencies have on me; and feel that if I “do too much” I’ll be “adjusted”. I fully believe “The Adjustment Bureau” exists and is actively being used to “adjust” people like me, in subtle ways, using a combination of gradual and sudden methods, mostly in non-physical ways (think energetic manipulation of physical space-time using technologies so advanced we can’t tell it’s a result of technology). I feel like I am 2-12 checkboxes away from being knocked down by them in some way.

Sometimes I mentally chart the rise of the surveillance & deep state, and think my chance to help humanity in significant ways has passed because they have a infrastructure waiting in the wings to co-opt or take out a person like me, co-opt in a way that would hijack my chakras and core of my being so it wouldn’t feel like I was being forced or extorted to carry out the darks agendas.
I sometimes think that If I just had TMF in 2011-2013, I could be far enough along with unscription that I could afford resilience from the low-level forces (their primitive subversion methods we know about), and take basic measures to do my work in total privacy, so I could actually have a fighting chance to get it out into the world before they had a chance to suppress it.

I fear that It’s too late for me at my beginning stage; because of how the elite are stepping up the pressure on us with the lievirus plandemic.
Dont get me wrong, the virus is real, the numbers are not.

I fear that already, my possessions are being cataloged and combed through by nanotechnology, which I believe was reserved only for high-level “threats” before 2018. Now I feel they can do it to everyone that poses even a far future potential threat. They is so they can have another angle to use against me if they need it, because if you are an enemy wouldn’t you want multiple layers to use against your adversary?

I don’t fear death, I fear the loss my potential via further damage or death of my physical body and brain, because I only have one copy of that data in a very delicate & perishable format.

likewise, I fear having my digital life & legacy destroyed, and wish there were more and better systems to manage and maintain more data for longer intervals at lower costs. Since I don’t and can’t trust cloud storage, I’m making archives and then making lots of copies on blu-rays.

I fear, just because they can, being kidnapped and ending up in a black site. All because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. This has happened before to people.

I am an electronic musician, with works in the same league as Max Cooper, Naked Flames and Boards of Canada. I fear that they’re suppressing legendary electronic musicians in the non-physical way I described above. They killed John Lennon (non-electronic musician), they killed Bob Marley (non-electronic musician), and I believe they took out Avicci (electronic musician)

I fear that we’ll lose our chance forever if we don’t start deciding to take steps to reclaim our liberties.

In high school, one of the teachers aides has worked in the CIA, his name is Paul and my name is Paul. I feel that like me, his early life was spent deeply philosophizing, and thinking about how the earth & systems on it really work, and why exactly things are the way they are. I feel he was contacted, and given a choice of a) join the CIA and be an asset for us b) dont join and find yourself crippled or dead in some way if you speak to another soul about this. He is on the spectrum and so am I, but I do everything in my power to live and develop beyond that. It’s something I may have (I believe most mental disorders have a lot to do with energy blocks and intent deficiencies).
In high school, one of the teachers aides has worked in the CIA, his name is Paul and my name is Paul. I feel that like me, his early life was spent deeply philosophizing, and thinking about how the earth & systems on it really work, and why exactly things are the way they are. I feel he was contacted, and given a choice of a) join the CIA and be an asset for us b) dont join and find yourself crippled or dead in some way if you speak to another soul about this. I think they mindfucked him enough to choose option A, in a way that gave an illusion of free choice. He is on the spectrum and so am I, but I do everything in my power to live and develop beyond that. It’s something I may have (I believe most mental disorders have a lot to do with energy blocks and intent deficiencies).
I hold myself to high honor, I feel that with the same free will I am writing this post in, I would kill myself before submitting to carrying out darkness.

I fear that the Fastlane forum will get nuked or censored because we are such high-level thinkers, and the existence of threads like this here. Please, if you remotely have the means, go to archivebox.io and grab a full snapshot of FLF, and burn multiple copies on discs.

I sometimes feel like Winston in Oceania, knowing what’s wrong and walking through life demoralized. This is why they put so much priority on co-opting, monitoring, intercepting and preventing our communications over the internet. It’s extremely difficult to free yourself if you don’t know that being free is a possibility. This is exactly why information is the first thing and the highest priority of any entity who wants control over others.

What do they want to suppress? What area do I yearn to to help humanity in? The applied ideas & understanding of physics that leads to the development and implementation of systems that resonate and amplify our version of electricity, enabling every human on earth to live their best life and break dependence on brute force and electron shunting just to live a mediocre life.

I don’t have a romance, and there isn’t the Love I need in my environment. All I need is deep intimacy with another male. If we’re going under the waves I at least want to snuggle someone as the ship sinks.

Ultimately, the cabal wants negative energy, and to get it they do everything in their power to perpetuate and expand the pain and suffering on our planet. I think this is the real reason our population is so high, 7 billion transceivers with potential to transmit pain and suffering. This is why our work as Fastlane entrepreneurs is the best thing to ever happen to humanity. This is why MJ DeMarco is a hero, he could have just kept the Fastlane idea to himself but he decided to share it with the world.

the only way they can suppress MJ DeMarco is to blanket the entire planet in nanotech capable of removing ink & imprint from recorded media, so that books become spine-bound blank paper. If you can do that, you can destroy every other form of physical media without needing to physically take it or destroy the medium it’s recorded on.

Because ultimately, their dream is to fully demoralize and degrade our souls while generating an abundant stream of negative energy for them to thrive on. Make us worthless, good for nothing, exposed and humiliated. A well-implemented Orwellian infrastructure goes a long way towards them having their sick, twisted, perverted dream. Erasing everything about our culture and heritage (or as close to everything as they are capable of) goes a long way to this as well. Everything they do is about breaking as many people as possible, this is why they want a monopoly on pedophillia because it destroys innocence and is quantifiably the worst thing you can do to a person.

Take a look at this, I’m don’t want you to debate or discuss this here in this thread or anywhere on FLF, I believe this to be a deep-level truth (based on what I know about geology and history, “geologic time” may be much, much faster than we think, and there would have to be some big, undiscovered scientifically provable phenomenon for biodiversity, species divergence, evolution rates to run much faster. Remember, this is just the “Sanitized” version. I believe this is where all the Pole Shift theories originate from.

The most accurate sources of truth I’ve found are Chris Duane’s Sons of Liberty Academy, Looking Within Myself, and MJ DeMarco’s Unscripted .

It looks like the cabals dream is less cryptic than it looks. They got this slow burn false flag going that is the coronavirus, feeling confident that they’re going to release C0VlD-21 next year. I feel like the “21” in Agenda 21 is the year they want to start their transition zone in earnest, and 2030 is the year they want to have their dream world order. So I feel like 2021-2030 is their transition zone.

Let’s talk about possible “subliminal” mani . Maybe this is possible inside of the transceiver frequency range of 5G implementation, it’s much more likely being broadcasted on sub 20 hertz radio spectrum or sound using real life Clarke tech. I think this is the real reason we as a species haven’t done meaningful pushback against this darkness, because there’s a broadcast of suggestions & noise that are directly received by the subconscious mind at the frequency the subconscious mind operates at. I’ve done no research into this, not even a web search to see if anybody else is speculating on this. So treat this idea as a theory of a conspiracy. Imagine high-power, low-frequency transmission(s) carrying dark messages and screwiness, that is then received by our subconscious mind. Even if there are no messages, the tones and textures being broadcasted prevent us from using those channels of conscious radio spectrum. This is likely why our society is so “bit-crushed” because we only have a few free channels to transceive our vibes on, out of dozens that are being stomped over by dark forces.

The active element of this is the “subliminal” suggestions, which right now feels like it’s pushing the left-side ‘arguments’ of the “left vs right” paradigm illusion. Messages of faux intellectualism, which include the patently false ‘____ privilege’ narrative; “I” statements, all to reinforce in your subconscious to live the script, that screwiness is ok and normal, and deception is to be expected.

Alongside this; counsciousness-spectrum transmission tech could also be used to hijack the interfaces to our energetic body (our chakras are our physical transceivers powering our energetic aura and our way to access the non-physical part of the universe. We live in the bottom 10% of the cosmic bandplan). This doesn’t stop us but makes it harder to tune into higher states.

Guess what, they won’t win. At least not to the global extent they have been dreaming of. The 100th monkey effect is real, and we’re getting close to the 51st monkey.
Guess what, they won’t win. At least not to the global extent they have been dreaming of. The 100th monkey effect is real, and we’re getting close to the 51st monkey.

truthseeking is best described in levels at an angle that is adaptive to the society you live in.
Level 1 is where you see the truth about capitalism and see socialism for what it is, you don’t know the truth about how the monetary system functions, you believe in politics and don’t realize the iceberg.
Level 2 is when you discover the truth about the fractional reserve Ponzi scheme were in and other truths at this caliber, most people stay here, you see the tips of the icebergs.
Level 3 is where you read and discover there’s more iceberg under the surface of the ocean.
Level 4 you’re snorkeling next to the iceberg and looking down. This is the point where people either double down or get scared.
...
I feel like I’m a level 10 or 20 truthseeker.

I don’t follow 99% of the truth movement, because most propagates the hope / fear loop. Where the follower, at a low level of understanding and self development; alternates between fearing things you can’t control or have a meaningful impact on the outcome, and hoping for things you can’t control. The “Trump plays 4/5d chess” idea is an example of hoping for something you can’t control or meaningfully impact the outcome of. Even it that wasn’t, it’s another low-level deception to defuse the truth movement.
Btw, national politics in the United States and most other counties is an illusion of power. First off no matter which president is selected, the debt and death continues, without pause or slowdown. Secondly, the real issues are never up for debate. All they can do is change the flavor & spice ratios of oppression. Real change has to come from the opposite counsciousness (e.g.: you can’t solve debt with more debt). We are the source of power. Once enough of us decide on an individual level that I am going to disempower evil & darkness to the best of my ability, in small, subtle ways then we can hit 51% of humanity sooner.

To make this post, I had to stop caring about my life, accepting the possibility of being irreparably injured or killed in the next month or years.

I simply and rightfully fear shadow government.

Remember, if I ever disappear from the internet for more than 6 months, it will be a result from me being suppressed and oppressed.
 
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MHP368

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So what you are experiencing is a paranoid perhaps grandiose thought disorder.

Looks like some pretty run of the mill themes, technology and government surveillance - so that tells me your a westerner (hunter gatherer societies rarely have paranoid delusions and for some reason cultures that are less "independant" minded like japan the themes and archetypes seen in the delusion are different ie not 3 letter agency centered)

So if you have a diagnosis of perhaps schizoaffective disorder? schizophrenia? then you probably need a med adjustment . I sort of skimmed your post here but none of it seems directly intent based in terms of harming yourself or others so perhaps that could be done outpatient.

however if you have not been diagnosed I would definitely have myself committed (unless you we're just on a real mean hallucinogenic bender typing this and just went down a weird matrix themed style rabbit hole), obviously you wont because you have a fixed delusion and the logic of what i'm typing won't have any effect but, thought i'd mention it.

On a positive note, you are clearly able to type all of that out and it was a bit derailed but overall the topic stayed consistent. So thats a good sign.

I'm a little bit concerned that a post as recent as october didn't seem to have this delusional flavor to it, Dignium, are you by chance a male in his early or mid twenties? , have you been abusing amphetamines at all?
 

ravenspear

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You are focused far too much on other people, you need to refocus on yourself more. Your thought process is completely disempowering.
 

WestCoast

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@MHP368, you deserve a medal, and it's so unexpected on the web anymore. I have nothing to add to this... but WOW. Such a precise, yet compassionate, yet unemotional response trying to help someone.
Amazing that you took the time to type that out.


@Dignium - I have zero idea what you're going through at all, but we heard you.
I have zero medial background (and I'm sure it's the last thing you'd want to hear) but it definitely seems the next step is for you to talk to a medical professional you trust - to get the help you need.

I hope you get whatever the right care and treatment is for you to get your life back on track.
Regardless, thank you for sharing your story.
 

Rabby

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Here are a few things that will help with this.

First, stop reading all news and anything about conspiracy, politics, social media rants, or whatever. Focus on what you can control, period. Do you control the CIA? Politics? Elections? No you do not. So don't worry about them.

Second, walk outside, preferably with trees. You won't believe how much this will help until you do it a few times. The things you're worried about are not bothering trees, moss, or badgers whatsoever... why is that?

Third, learn where the barriers you're fighting against actually are. I'll admit, there are people and processes in the world that will try to hold you back, or try to hold anyone else back. But really, they are not very effective. The real oppressor is in our minds.

Right now you feel like the CIA or some other organization is holding you back. Is that true? Or is the interpretive part of your mind creating an explanation for internal fears that are stopping you? We have a very strong instinct not to step out of line; and that instinct fights with our desire to do more, and to accomplish new things. The part that holds you back is strong... probably stronger the closer you get to accomplishing something new and better. That tension, the desire to move forward and the paralyzing holding-back, is interpreted by the creative part of you, and you can believe that an external force, an adversary, a dark thing in the shadows, is literally moving against you. What you really have is a strong inhibition, a natural instinct to collect information about fears and threats, and too much information. Ditch the information and focus inside yourself. You may find that all that's stopping you is yourself, and there's nothing better than actually understanding that. It means you can move forward without fear.

Believe that, or don't believe it. It's free advice from a stranger, so who knows what it's worth? Good luck.
 

Simon Angel

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@MHP368 and @Rabby said it well. I only want to add just one thing.

Last year I had a bunch of stuff going on with my mind, very similar to what you're describing. In short, I thought my life was like The Truman Show and They Live (1988) along with one of my seemingly englightened friends. We thought everyone around us was an agent of the Matrix creators who were sent to keep a close watch on us and attempt to steer us away from our true paths. At one point we realized we're probably mildly schizophrenic and decided to put this past us. We only ever joke about it from time to time because we've accepted it as something that might be true, but it also may not be. I still constantly notice myself doing OCD rituals, engaging in "magical thinking" and the like. But I always remind myself I could be full of shit and that my brain may be malfunctioning a little. I've also had seemingly "prophetic visions" that I was Zer, the Pharaoh of Egypt of the Second Dynasty in my past life. I could be or I could not be. If it's of any real importance, I trust that life will reveal this to me with time and apart from remembering the experience from time to time and sharing it with my friends for fun, I don't really go down the rabbit hole in trying to figure it out anymore.

You see, the problem with rationalizing everything is that you can rationalize everything. My advice would be that you should accept you're an abstract thinker, accept that you MAY be right but that you MAY also be completely delusional. Just set some boundaries for your mind. Stop taking your deep intro and retrospections for 100% truth. Stop looking down on your friends and family who are "blind sheep" and "brainwashed by the system" and learn to live a little.

And just like @Rabby said, I'd prioritize spending time in nature, taking ice cold showers and turning off your computer and phone for a while. Also, if you haven't been sexually active in a while and haven't masturbated either, this can significantly increase psychotic thinking. Been there, done that. Also, adopting Stoicism as philosophy would probably serve you well, too. It's all about focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you cannot.
 
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Please do whatever you can do to make sure this post doesn't get suppressed out of our consciousness. Copy and paste, screenshot, save as PDF or use web archiving software.

I have been introspective and using what I think is logic & observation, believe the Cabal on our planet want to create Triality. We live in duality, and were supposedly heading away from duality to higher vibrations, and connecting to the greater conscious web. Duality is the spectrum between light and darkness, Triality adds Screwyness.

Everything the cabal does is about stifling clarity and creating chaos out of order, steerable chaos they then steer as a means to an end to get their order out of chaos. Of course this goes beyond money & breaking children, its about control over as much energy as possible that makes up the physical universe we live inside of. I believe they ultimately manipulate conscious and etheric energy in a bid to become an artificial Prime Creator, so the spider can create dimensional soul traps by way of creating new universes or hijacking existing ones. (Prime Creator, the actual entity that birthed our universe from 20+ dimensions up, not an interpretation as in deitys).

I have been going inside and have been exploring my inner world, and seeing how much of my outer world is a reflection of my inner world. As I question everything to the point of questioning everything I am aware of, and taking everything said in this thread into consideration, I still have a ways to go.
 
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Simon Angel

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Please do whatever you can do to make sure this post doesn't get suppressed out of our consciousness. Copy and paste, screenshot, save as PDF or use web archiving software.

I have been introspective and using what I think is logic & observation, believe the Cabal on our planet want to create Triality. We live in duality, and were supposedly heading away from duality to higher vibrations, and connecting to the greater conscious web. Duality is the spectrum between light and darkness, Triality adds Screwyness.

Everything the cabal does is about stifling clarity and creating chaos out of order, steerable chaos they then steer as a means to an end to get their order out of chaos. Of course this goes beyond money & breaking children, its about control over as much energy as possible that makes up the physical universe we live inside of. I believe they ultimately manipulate conscious and etheric energy in a bid to become an artificial Prime Creator, so the spider can create dimensional soul traps by way of creating new universes or hijacking existing ones. (Prime Creator, the actual entity that birthed our universe from 20+ dimensions up, not an interpretation as in deitys).

I have been going inside and have been exploring my inner world, and seeing how much of my outer world is a reflection of my inner world. As I question everything to the point of questioning everything I am aware of, and taking everything said in this thread into consideration, I still have a ways to go.

Well, that sounds a bit better. As long as you aren't 100% convinced of anything, I'd say you're good to go.

Trust me on this, though - the stuff you're talking about is nothing new.

Yeah, old jews and other secret political cliques are pulling the strings. We all know that.

And yet, nobody gives a flying f*ck about you, the individual. You're just part of the system, a social security number.

Instead of bending and twisting your mind in every possible way, try using that abundance of mental energy to get something done for yourself and your future.
 
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CruxisKnight

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So what you are experiencing is a paranoid perhaps grandiose thought disorder.

Looks like some pretty run of the mill themes, technology and government surveillance - so that tells me your a westerner (hunter gatherer societies rarely have paranoid delusions and for some reason cultures that are less "independant" minded like japan the themes and archetypes seen in the delusion are different ie not 3 letter agency centered)

So if you have a diagnosis of perhaps schizoaffective disorder? schizophrenia? then you probably need a med adjustment . I sort of skimmed your post here but none of it seems directly intent based in terms of harming yourself or others so perhaps that could be done outpatient.

however if you have not been diagnosed I would definitely have myself committed (unless you we're just on a real mean hallucinogenic bender typing this and just went down a weird matrix themed style rabbit hole), obviously you wont because you have a fixed delusion and the logic of what i'm typing won't have any effect but, thought i'd mention it.

On a positive note, you are clearly able to type all of that out and it was a bit derailed but overall the topic stayed consistent. So thats a good sign.

I'm a little bit concerned that a post as recent as october didn't seem to have this delusional flavor to it, Dignium, are you by chance a male in his early or mid twenties? , have you been abusing amphetamines at all?
This is what I was going to say. I worked in a psych ward as a mental health nurse and what you said fits very closely with what I experienced and what OP said above
 

Ivex

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Unfortunately or fortunately depending on perspective, the world is far more boring than that. Sometimes people who are atheist in nature have to imagine grand conspiracies because it fulfils the role of there being something "more" to this world. Something a little unknown, out of reach from us.

To not believe in God and to not believe in conspiracies or myths or legends is incredibly difficult mentally because it makes life seem all so very trivial and random and no doubt these thoughts will be made so much worse for those struggling with mental health issues.

Honestly, if you want to get your life on track. Forget the other and focus on the self. And maybe seek out some therapy to help you on that journey.
 

Simon Angel

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THESE are the type of motherfuckers I get applying for lawn care positions for my company. I swear to god. :rofl:

Being borderline schizophrenic is hardly humorous.

Losing your grip on reality is one of the scariest experiences you could have.
 

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