Dealing with regret?

[DeletedUser394]

For most of the day I can avoid it, but at night the feeling/memories become somewhat overwhelming.

It's mostly just me remembering the times I had, and all the times I took for granted, and that I lost.. which is depressing.

New city. My friends and most of my family are 2400 miles away.

Can't go back although I would in a second if I was able.

With regards to dealing with regrets: Thoughts? Suggestions? Much appreciated.

 

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[Sparlin]

Ryan,

Regret is a powerful emotion and one that can haunt you your entire life. In terms of the Fastlane, it is nothing but a brake. Trust me when I say I understand regret and second guessing actions. The thing is, and the lesson I am still learning, is that you cannot rewrite the past.

Now you are faced with these choices:

1.) Go back to what is familiar and comfortable and hope it hasn't changed to much.

2.) Stay where you are, dwelling on the past and hindering your future.

3.) Recognize where you are right now, where you want to be, and what you have to do to get there.


Regret hits everyone at some point in their life. The measure of a man is how he adapts to change and if he can benefit from it. Those that can't adapt find themselves dreaming about ghosts from the past while missing out on life as it happens. Don't close your eyes so tightly dreaming about the past that you miss what's going on around you.

You'll see your friends again. For now, go out and make some new ones. The advantage you have is that you get to be selective with whom you surround your self with. Find those friends who will build you up and help you with your goals instead of stopping you from doing them.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

I was in a similar experience when I lived in Chicago.

It was rough being away from everything I knew. I sure wasn't outgoing. Had a tough time meeting anyone besides psychotic martial artists like myself. Didn't like my entire environment. Was depressed all the time. But I grew so much. I now call all those painful experiences exactly what they were: "growing pains".

Now I know what you're thinking "yeah that's nice Kung Fu guy, but how's that help any of this shit"

Trust me, I felt it too. Regret is what happens when you violate your own rules. Guilt is somewhat the same way. What rule in your life are you "violating" right now?" For example the rule many people have "Family comes first". It is a belief, but it is a governing belief that could be considered a rule.

If your rule is "Family comes first" and you move away from everyone, the rule is violated, and gives you a feeling of guilt, then regret, and finally resentment.

But who is in charge of your rules? Who creates them? You do. You can change them at any time. The easiest way is to write down the rules you currently have. Having trouble? Answer a few questions with several answers:

"To be successful I have to...."

"To be happy I have to..."

"To be fulfilled I have to..."

This is just another way to look at your beliefs and see what is really going on. Remember, the driving force in our life is our beliefs. Write down the answers to those questions and re-read them, you'll be surprised at what can change when you look at it with a fresh pair of eyes.

Good luck brother, chin up

 

[DeletedUser394]

I'd have absolutely no problem with living out here if I was healthy. It's just hard being away from everything familiar and then being hit with a serious disease to top it all off, and not having that support system when you need it most.

When I say "I can't go back." It's not in the figurative sense. I literally can't go back, because health coverage is on a province to province basis, and it would take 3 months from today in order to switch coverage back to my home province. (I don't even have coverage in alberta.. Still waiting for them to approve it so that I can get more tests for a proper diagnosis)

I can't afford to wait that long before treatment, and I definitely could not afford the hundreds of thousands of dollars that it would cost without the insurance coverage.

I'm essentially the equivalent of a 60 year old man on his death bed who looks back on his life and regrets everything he took for granted... except I'm 18. That's some f*cked up crap.

As for the answer to those 3 questions, I have a very simple answer that applies to all.

I want;

-To be healthy.
-Enough money to be able to do whatever I want, however I want, whenever I want, for whatever reasons I choose.
-Great friends, who are my friends for reasons other than money.
-The support of my family.
-A loving girlfriend.

That's pretty much it.

 

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[Sparlin]

I'm sorry Ryan, I forgot about your health issues. That does change the dynamic some. As for your insurance coverage, are you at a place where you will get the best treatment? I have no answer about how to pay for it, but my line of thinking is.... "Where do I need to go to get the best treatment?" Once you decide that, then work on how to finance it.

The point being that even if it cost 1 million dollars, you want to be where the treatment has the best chance of success. I can't tell you how to raise the money or how to circumvent the Canadian system. For all I know, you are in the best place for treatment. I'm just saying to think of other options rather than just resigning to the norm.

The next question is can any of your family or friends come to you? If not permanently, what about on a short term basis? Even a visit for a few weeks might help to lift your spirit some.

I'm going to break forum policy just a little for this last piece of advice. You are going through an ordeal that would overwhelm anyone. Consider finding a church to get involved in. I'm not sure how they are in Canada, but here there are several that are geared for young adults. You might find a support system with them to serve as substitute for the one you left behind.

 

[DeletedUser394]

I'd probably have to move to Germany or the US.

Healthcare is adequate here. I remember reading a study where they found that Canada has one of the highest cure rates in the world.

Yeah, I can't imagine that they wouldn't visit me. I'm sure they will.

 

[FDJustin]

Fantastic Voyage: Nanobots Can Turn Off Cancer Cells | Gadgets, Science & Technology I happened across this when being very distracted by all the pretty things and adrenalin pumping action that site gives me. Like spray on glass. SPRAY ON GLASS! Can you imagine the potential such a marvelous thing would have?!

Ahem. There is a link within that article, it's the bolded underlined text. I don't know where searching for this will lead you, I haven't dug into it. But good luck.

 

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[DeletedUser394]

Fantastic Voyage: Nanobots Can Turn Off Cancer Cells | Gadgets, Science & Technology I happened across this when being very distracted by all the pretty things and adrenalin pumping action that site gives me. Like spray on glass. SPRAY ON GLASS! Can you imagine the potential such a marvelous thing would have?!

Ahem. There is a link within that article, it's the bolded underlined text. I don't know where searching for this will lead you, I haven't dug into it. But good luck.

Science is awesome.

The only thing that has ever advanced human understanding and health.