Could you please critique my copy so I can learn the trade? Will do writing in return

[Elemental]

Hey folks,

Would it be OK to post some copy I’ve written on here to get some criticism on it so I can improve? I’ve only just started and am trying to apply what I’ve learned. I’ve made up some fictitious products and have written sales pages for them. Because I don’t know whether what I am writing is good or not, it’d be super helpful to get some opinions from people who have some experience.

I would really appreciate your time, and if you would be so kind as to help me out with this, I'd be happy to do whatever I can to help in return. I would be happy to write some copy for you if you didn't have the time to do it yourself or write some content/blog posts.

Thanks a lot and have a good day!

 

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[AllenCrawley]

Hey folks,

Would it be OK to post some copy I’ve written on here to get some criticism on it so I can improve? I’ve only just started and am trying to apply what I’ve learned. I’ve made up some fictitious products and have written sales pages for them. Because I don’t know whether what I am writing is good or not, it’d be super helpful to get some opinions from people who have some experience.

I would really appreciate your time, and if you would be so kind as to help me out with this, I'd be happy to do whatever I can to help in return. I would be happy to write some copy for you if you didn't have the time to do it yourself or write some content/blog posts.

Thanks a lot and have a good day!

Sure! Let us see what you got.

 

[Elemental]

Sure! Let us see what you got.

Hey Allen, thanks for your response!

I will post up three sales letters I have written today by 6PM GMT(I'm in the UK).

They're short, 2-3 pages.

I would love to have some feedback on whether they're OK and how I could improve my skills.

Thanks again.

 

[Elemental]

Sure! Let us see what you got.

In response to my message above, here is my copy for a product that doesn't exist.

DRAFT#2

If you could tell me how to improve this, that would be great. This is the first time I've written any copy so can you tell me if it's good or not? Obviously it's early days so I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. Thanks.

 

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[GMSI7D]

In response to my message above, here is my copy for a product that doesn't exist.

DRAFT#2

If you could tell me how to improve this, that would be great. This is the first time I've written any copy so can you tell me if it's good or not? Obviously it's early days so I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. Thanks.

i have back pain so my judment is somewhat biaised because i want to buy your stuff immediately !!

i think your ad is good enough for people like me who are really looking for a solution.

this is these people you want to reach anyway, not people with good health

sure, there may be some points to improve in your ad but it is good enough for people who have money to spend

if i lived in the US and had the money, i would order your stuff right now

 

[Elemental]

i have back pain so my judment is somewhat biaised because i want to buy your stuff immediately !!

i think your ad is good enough for people like me who are really looking for a solution.

this is these people you want to reach anyway, not people with good health

sure, there may be some points to improve in your ad but it is good enough for people who have money to spend

if i lived in the US and had the money, i would order your stuff right now

Thanks very much for your post!

I would like to say, Robin McKenzie's book, Treat Your Own Back, is wonderful and actually helped me eliminate my own personal chronic back pain after almost a decade of running the gamut. It was almost surreal for me to go through the experience of recovering from my pain, because I had a slipped disc and the restoration which occurred for me was almost as if my back was better than ever. The book itself is cheaply available and can be found online.

 

[GMSI7D]

Thanks very much for your post!

I would like to say, Robin McKenzie's book, Treat Your Own Back, is wonderful and actually helped me eliminate my own personal chronic back pain after almost a decade of running the gamut. It was almost surreal for me to go through the experience of recovering from my pain, because I had a slipped disc and the restoration which occurred for me was almost as if my back was better than ever. The book itself is cheaply available and can be found online.

ok i will look for this book.

good point : you tell your story and the joy of relief.

what you wrote is excellent : " it was surreal for me ... .. than ever"

because when pain is there, we are willing to do a lot of things to get rid of it

 

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[Elemental]

Hello again people.

I have been diligently working on my copy and have now written two sales letters, with a third on the way today.

I've been reading the forums for 30 minutes a day and have studied a few basic copywriting texts I have read are highly recommended.

The next step in my journey is getting some copywriting gigs. Tomorrow I will start looking for freelance work. After that, once I have some experience I want to lang a copywriting job so I can make the solid money to move out of my parents place and get on in my life. The ultimate goal is to run a copy-writing business but I'm taking it one step at a time, I need solid income first and my parents are kindly helping me out til I'm on my feet...

Any advice on getting freelance work is appreciated.

Thanks.

 

[AllenCrawley]

Hello again people.

I have been diligently working on my copy and have now written two sales letters, with a third on the way today.

I've been reading the forums for 30 minutes a day and have studied a few basic copywriting texts I have read are highly recommended.

The next step in my journey is getting some copywriting gigs. Tomorrow I will start looking for freelance work. After that, once I have some experience I want to lang a copywriting job so I can make the solid money to move out of my parents place and get on in my life. The ultimate goal is to run a copy-writing business but I'm taking it one step at a time, I need solid income first and my parents are kindly helping me out til I'm on my feet...

Any advice on getting freelance work is appreciated.

Thanks.

Read everything here written by @SinisterLex. Find his thread about deleting his up work account. It's a goldmine if you're going the freelance route. (He also knows copywriting. I've hired him to write some copy for me.)

 

[Lex DeVille]

In response to my message above, here is my copy for a product that doesn't exist.

DRAFT#2

If you could tell me how to improve this, that would be great. This is the first time I've written any copy so can you tell me if it's good or not? Obviously it's early days so I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. Thanks.

I like the copy. Is this for an email ad?

The headline could be a bit stronger. For instance, instead of starting with "Putting up with," you could dig into the pain right from the start by swapping in "Suffering from."

Not that big of a deal unless you want to be a rockstar copywriter

Otherwise I think it's good enough to get interest from those suffering from back pain.

Definitely swing by my Upwork thread if you want to get started with freelancing. I just deleted my account and started from scratch at the beginning of the year. Now it's a full-time income and I'm outsourcing copy to other freelancers.

 

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[GMSI7D]

Any advice on getting freelance work is appreciated.

Thanks.

very simple advice : get into the mind of the best copywriters

appropriate their way of thinking

surround yourself with their material .

this is like chess. Grand Masters have a specific way to look at things and to solve the game.

they didn't grab a chessboard one day while saying " i am a beginner but i am good enough , let's go play some games "


no, they spent years studying the games of the best players : their way of thinking