So here's what's been going on with me for the past few weeks.
To say that my mental state is breaking down would be an understatement. I've gone completely insane. I feel completely broken down at this point. I'm fiddling around with the idea of just ending everything, just like my cousin did a few years ago. The only thing stopping me is that I don't want cause my family anymore turmoil. Still, I've just about given up on trying to pick myself up.
The first thing I feel when I wake up and the last thing I feel when I go to sleep is a tense, burning anxious feeling in my stomach. I hate it, and I find that I'm enjoying nothing. Throughout the day, I'm tortured by constant anxiety, and fearing things that have never, and will never happen. I know these thoughts are completely irrational, but still I can't get them out of my head. I can't focus on anything because these mental patterns are tearing me apart every second that I'm awake. It's making me reclusive, as I find myself staying inside and avoiding any and all human interaction as much as possible. I sleep a lot because that's the only time I feel any type of peace.
I quickly notice anything negative. I feel like I have every reason to be terrified of everything. Things on the news, things and things I read online only give me more reason to be a nervous wreck.
This isn't exactly something new to me though. I was diagnosed with Tourette's when I was very young, and recently I found out that this isn't an uncommon symptom. I remember having obsessive intrusive thoughts since I was as young as 10. Now I'm 22, and it's hit me so hard that I'm completely consumed by it all day. I've probably lost about ten pounds within the past couple of days from not eating, and I don't have the energy to exercise. I feel like I should try and mediate to clear my head, but I'm afraid to face the thoughts in my mind head on.
About two months ago, I quit drinking alcohol. For a few years I would drink every day. That's how I would deal with my stress and anxiety. But after one night when I managed to give myself alcohol poisoning, and after barely making it home and being unable to eat solid food for two days, I finally had enough. I'm not going back to that ever. I've read that after quitting drinking, it's common to feel much more intense depression and anxiety because it was suppressed before. So maybe this is the consequence of self-medicating myself for all those years.
I'm not sure how I'm gonna make it through this. I'm quite certain I need to seek professional help though. I don't want to take any medication as I don't think it's healthy. But at the same time, I just can't go on like this anymore.
To say that my mental state is breaking down would be an understatement. I've gone completely insane. I feel completely broken down at this point. I'm fiddling around with the idea of just ending everything, just like my cousin did a few years ago. The only thing stopping me is that I don't want cause my family anymore turmoil. Still, I've just about given up on trying to pick myself up.
The first thing I feel when I wake up and the last thing I feel when I go to sleep is a tense, burning anxious feeling in my stomach. I hate it, and I find that I'm enjoying nothing. Throughout the day, I'm tortured by constant anxiety, and fearing things that have never, and will never happen. I know these thoughts are completely irrational, but still I can't get them out of my head. I can't focus on anything because these mental patterns are tearing me apart every second that I'm awake. It's making me reclusive, as I find myself staying inside and avoiding any and all human interaction as much as possible. I sleep a lot because that's the only time I feel any type of peace.
I quickly notice anything negative. I feel like I have every reason to be terrified of everything. Things on the news, things and things I read online only give me more reason to be a nervous wreck.
This isn't exactly something new to me though. I was diagnosed with Tourette's when I was very young, and recently I found out that this isn't an uncommon symptom. I remember having obsessive intrusive thoughts since I was as young as 10. Now I'm 22, and it's hit me so hard that I'm completely consumed by it all day. I've probably lost about ten pounds within the past couple of days from not eating, and I don't have the energy to exercise. I feel like I should try and mediate to clear my head, but I'm afraid to face the thoughts in my mind head on.
About two months ago, I quit drinking alcohol. For a few years I would drink every day. That's how I would deal with my stress and anxiety. But after one night when I managed to give myself alcohol poisoning, and after barely making it home and being unable to eat solid food for two days, I finally had enough. I'm not going back to that ever. I've read that after quitting drinking, it's common to feel much more intense depression and anxiety because it was suppressed before. So maybe this is the consequence of self-medicating myself for all those years.
I'm not sure how I'm gonna make it through this. I'm quite certain I need to seek professional help though. I don't want to take any medication as I don't think it's healthy. But at the same time, I just can't go on like this anymore.
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