Moving in with partner anxiety

[bibbysoka]

I'm in a tough spot right now and could really use some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and we have planned living together for a year. Her lease is expiring at the end of April, and our plan was to get a one bedroom apartment right now. Last year, we had planned to move in together, but I backed out at the last minute because I was worried about leaving my family and my cat behind. I'm still feeling attached to them, especially seeing my parents and pet aging, and not sure if I'm ready for such a big step. I realize I’m also in my comfort zone but I just think it’s a huge step.

I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating. I love my family and have been able to save a lot after college living here, and the thought of leaving them behind and watching them age just depresses me. However, my girlfriend needs a place to live, and I don't want to let her down. I promised her that we would live together, but now that it's actually happening, I'm feeling really emotional and conflicted.

Family won't let me bring my cat with me when I move in with my girlfriend either. It's really upsetting because I keep looking around at my house thinking this is the “final” time I’ll ever live here again.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. I was crying this morning looking at my room for the last time. feeling like I don’t know what to do. This is a weak moment for me right now.


TL;DR:

• My girlfriend and I have been talking about living together for a year, and her lease is expiring in three weeks.
• I'm feeling conflicted about it
• Last year, I backed out of moving in with my girlfriend at the last minute for the same reason.
• I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating.

 

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[originalMJT]

I'm in a tough spot right now and could really use some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and we have planned living together for a year. Her lease is expiring at the end of April, and our plan was to get a one bedroom apartment right now. Last year, we had planned to move in together, but I backed out at the last minute because I was worried about leaving my family and my cat behind. I'm still feeling attached to them, especially seeing my parents and pet aging, and not sure if I'm ready for such a big step. I realize I’m also in my comfort zone but I just think it’s a huge step.

I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating. I love my family and have been able to save a lot after college living here, and the thought of leaving them behind and watching them age just depresses me. However, my girlfriend needs a place to live, and I don't want to let her down. I promised her that we would live together, but now that it's actually happening, I'm feeling really emotional and conflicted.

Family won't let me bring my cat with me when I move in with my girlfriend either. It's really upsetting because I keep looking around at my house thinking this is the “final” time I’ll ever live here again.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. I was crying this morning looking at my room for the last time. feeling like I don’t know what to do. This is a weak moment for me right now.


TL;DR:

• My girlfriend and I have been talking about living together for a year, and her lease is expiring in three weeks.
• I'm feeling conflicted about it
• Last year, I backed out of moving in with my girlfriend at the last minute for the same reason.
• I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating.

Grow a pair of ball and grow the F*ck up. You are 25 not 5

 

[wyattnorton]

I'm in a tough spot right now and could really use some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and we have planned living together for a year. Her lease is expiring at the end of April, and our plan was to get a one bedroom apartment right now. Last year, we had planned to move in together, but I backed out at the last minute because I was worried about leaving my family and my cat behind. I'm still feeling attached to them, especially seeing my parents and pet aging, and not sure if I'm ready for such a big step. I realize I’m also in my comfort zone but I just think it’s a huge step.

I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating. I love my family and have been able to save a lot after college living here, and the thought of leaving them behind and watching them age just depresses me. However, my girlfriend needs a place to live, and I don't want to let her down. I promised her that we would live together, but now that it's actually happening, I'm feeling really emotional and conflicted.

Family won't let me bring my cat with me when I move in with my girlfriend either. It's really upsetting because I keep looking around at my house thinking this is the “final” time I’ll ever live here again.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. I was crying this morning looking at my room for the last time. feeling like I don’t know what to do. This is a weak moment for me right now.


TL;DR:

• My girlfriend and I have been talking about living together for a year, and her lease is expiring in three weeks.
• I'm feeling conflicted about it
• Last year, I backed out of moving in with my girlfriend at the last minute for the same reason.
• I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating.

How about you move into your own place? Without your girl.

 

[Guest931Xfjyx]

What does this have to do with the fastlane at all? Get a diary.

 

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[Lex DeVille]

God damn it. Another whining pussy.

 

[Kevin88660]

I'm in a tough spot right now and could really use some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and we have planned living together for a year. Her lease is expiring at the end of April, and our plan was to get a one bedroom apartment right now. Last year, we had planned to move in together, but I backed out at the last minute because I was worried about leaving my family and my cat behind. I'm still feeling attached to them, especially seeing my parents and pet aging, and not sure if I'm ready for such a big step. I realize I’m also in my comfort zone but I just think it’s a huge step.

I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating. I love my family and have been able to save a lot after college living here, and the thought of leaving them behind and watching them age just depresses me. However, my girlfriend needs a place to live, and I don't want to let her down. I promised her that we would live together, but now that it's actually happening, I'm feeling really emotional and conflicted.

Family won't let me bring my cat with me when I move in with my girlfriend either. It's really upsetting because I keep looking around at my house thinking this is the “final” time I’ll ever live here again.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. I was crying this morning looking at my room for the last time. feeling like I don’t know what to do. This is a weak moment for me right now.


TL;DR:

• My girlfriend and I have been talking about living together for a year, and her lease is expiring in three weeks.
• I'm feeling conflicted about it
• Last year, I backed out of moving in with my girlfriend at the last minute for the same reason.
• I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating.

It makes no sense to live together to pay for extra rental unless you are planning to get married and have kids.

If you are not planning to commit, it is better to say bye bye early and not waste her time. Women cannot wait for men to commit without a timeline.

 

[Devilery]

You're 25 and have been with her for years, unless that's deep in your culture/upbringing/whatever, it seems odd that you'd rather continue to live with your parents. Of course, there's a learning curve when moving in with a partner but you better face it at 25 not 30+

 

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[heavy_industry]

What is happening with the comments LOL

For a second I thought this was posted in the men's locker room section.



@bibbysoka I totally understand how you're feeling.
The house in which you are living (and your environment in general) has a massive impact on your mind.

I was crying this morning looking at my room for the last time.

For me this would be a clear sign that you should not do this.

Always trust your instinct.
You already know the answer.

Each and every time I decided to go against my gut feeling I was wrong.

As a side note, I would not recommend moving in with your GF unless you plan on marrying her in the next 12 months.

@Johnny boy already had to kick his GF out so he can focus on building his business.

 

[James Klymus]

Having no context, And knowing nothing about you, Your girl, Your goals, or your life, I'll give you the following advice based on MY view of the world.

It seems like you struggle with indecisiveness a bit. I think if you make a logical decision and stick to it, It will be the right decision.

Don't move in with your girl unless you are certain you'll marry her or be committed to her. It sounds like you're the opposite of certain right now, So perhaps moving in together isn't the best idea. In your situation, I would move by my self and have her come over.

As for moving out, You should consider doing it if you can afford it. If not, figure out a way to make enough money to be independent. Find somewhere in a good area that you can afford. Better to be with family and safe, Rather than in a bad neighborhood and independent. It's a good feeling knowing you can survive on your own, Even if you are with your family or roommates at the moment.

I'll leave you with this video. It's long, and not exciting, But i think Duane is a wise man with some good advice.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQUZJRsl2b8&ab_channel=DryCreekWranglerSchool

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I pulled this from today's GoalSumo.com ... looks like it could be relevant for you.



Are these choices aligned with who you want to be?
Are they moving you toward happiness, or away?

 

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[heavy_industry]

I pulled this from today's GoalSumo.com

One of the best quotes I've read, and exactly what I needed to hear right now.

Thanks for the share MJ!

 

[bibbysoka]

Thank you @MJ DeMarco @heavy_industry @James Klymus

I think the anxiety of this big decision just threw me into a panic. I need to man up and follow through with my goals.

Years ago on this same forum I had asked advice with the same girl and I’m proud of my growth since being here.

I think the pressure of her lease expiring in a few weeks is what also gives me anxiety because i need to act quickly to get a place.

My parents are Muslim, I am not religious. They don’t approve of me moving out until I’m 27 as they want me to save even more for a house first instead of paying rent.

I’ve got $42k saved from living my simple routine of gym/work, spending time with my dad who’s almost 70 is also valuable to me and even though animals are dumb to some, I got attached to my dumb cat for simply spending all day every day with me.

I want to make this move now and face all the fears that I have I just wish I didn’t get so depressed thinking about leaving the house I grew up in (I lived on my own from 18-23)

 

[James Klymus]

My parents are Muslim, I am not religious. They don’t approve of me moving out until I’m 27 as they want me to save even more for a house first instead of paying rent.

The cultural differences have always been interesting to me. In a lot of the world, People don't move out until they're married. In their late 20's and 30's. And a lot of times there will be 3 generations living in one house.

In America and other western nations you're called a pussy, And your manhood is questioned for living with family in your 20's lol. Neither is wrong, But the difference is interesting.

 

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[bibbysoka]

The cultural differences have always been interesting to me. In a lot of the world, People don't move out until they're married. In their late 20's and 30's. And a lot of times there will be 3 generations living in one house.

In America and other western nations you're called a pussy, And your manhood is questioned for living with family in your 20's lol. Neither is wrong, But the difference is interesting.

Definitely, I learned to take it in a positive way if someone calls me pussy. They might not realize how different cultures are and how we’re taught out whole lives that college/house/marriage are kind of our “goals” as a culture.

But the shitty part: I feel sad leaving early, disappointing my family, hut my girlfriend will be happy. I want to move out for myself, make myself an independent man. But it makes me realize how comfortable I am from my parents success and wishes.

 

[Guest-5ty5s4]

Don't worry about the haters, it makes sense where you're coming from, especially with the cultural differences. Are you even allowed to take debt? That makes it harder.

I went through something similar with my girlfriend (now fiance) because I wanted to be totally independent and focused on my business. I liked living alone in my own house, but we had been together for a few years. Ended up getting engaged and moving in together - WAY better than driving to see each other all the time, saves so much time and we are both happier.

Only you know the right answer. I would ask you this, from a personal standpoint, not a business standpoint - which decision do you think makes you more of a man?

It is totally normal to feel sad leaving your childhood home (unless you have bad memories of the place). You can still return and visit all the time, I'm sure.

 

[Lex DeVille]

Y'all act like culture makes a difference in the context of this forum where the founder literally wrote the book on breaking free from societal scripts.

I keep forgetting the forum transitioned into a support group for people with anxiety and cat depression.

 

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[Spenny]

What is happening with the comments LOL

Thank you for saying this, people are on edge from some of the recent stuff thats been posted.

 

[bibbysoka]

Y'all act like culture makes a difference in the context of this forum where the founder literally wrote the book on breaking free from societal scripts.

I keep forgetting the forum transitioned into a support group for people with anxiety and cat depression.

Y'all act like culture makes a difference in the context of this forum where the founder literally wrote the book on breaking free from societal scripts.

I keep forgetting the forum transitioned into a support group for people with anxiety and cat depression.

Not asking for sympathy I’m just asking for advice. You’re hundred percent right, I don’t want to feel any more depression or anxiety. I want to break out of this feeling I have…this section of the forum is about Mindset by the way, but I understand you would rather have your reading experience be different. I need to combat these feelings.

Appreciate your response though calling me a pussy for trying to get help when I have nobody else to ask. This community inspires me and it’s why I asked here.

 

[Johnny boy]

Grow a pair of ball and grow the F*ck up. You are 25 not 5

HAHAHAHAHA beat me to it

 

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[Lex DeVille]

Not asking for sympathy I’m just asking for advice. You’re hundred percent right, I don’t want to feel any more depression or anxiety. I want to break out of this feeling I have…this section of the forum is about Mindset by the way, but I understand you would rather have your reading experience be different. I need to combat these feelings.

Either (culture, anxiety, depression, "your" cat, fear, this forum, etc.) makes your choices for you (and therefore you have no choice) so it doesn't matter what advice you get or...

If you do have a choice, then you decide what you want, and you choose actions that bring you closer to that.

If you have a choice, then who cares if you have depression? You make your choice, and do the thing. You can still do the thing while experiencing depression. That's a choice too.

Appreciate your response though calling me a pussy for trying to get help when I have nobody else to ask. This community inspires me and it’s why I asked here.

Being a pussy IS a mindset. It's also a choice.

 

[Antifragile]

Y'all act like culture makes a difference in the context of this forum where the founder literally wrote the book on breaking free from societal scripts.

I keep forgetting the forum transitioned into a support group for people with anxiety and cat depression.

Bingo. Bullseye post.

The book is literally called Unscripted .

 

[biophase]

What's interesting to me is that you already moved out once. So that is very different than you growing up and leaving at 25 for the first time. How come you could do it at 18 and now have issues doing it at 25?

How far away are you moving? It's not like you'll never see your parents or the house again or the cat. You can visit and have dinner 1, 2, 3, 4x a week. Until your gf gets annoyed at that.

Does your anxiety stem from moving in with your GF or moving away from your parents. What is the real cause? I feel like it's from moving in with your GF. I think most people would be excited about this part as an evolution in the relationship. Who's idea was it? Yours or hers?

 

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[Antifragile]

I'm in a tough spot right now and could really use some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and we have planned living together for a year. Her lease is expiring at the end of April, and our plan was to get a one bedroom apartment right now. Last year, we had planned to move in together, but I backed out at the last minute because I was worried about leaving my family and my cat behind. I'm still feeling attached to them, especially seeing my parents and pet aging, and not sure if I'm ready for such a big step. I realize I’m also in my comfort zone but I just think it’s a huge step.

I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating. I love my family and have been able to save a lot after college living here, and the thought of leaving them behind and watching them age just depresses me. However, my girlfriend needs a place to live, and I don't want to let her down. I promised her that we would live together, but now that it's actually happening, I'm feeling really emotional and conflicted.

Family won't let me bring my cat with me when I move in with my girlfriend either. It's really upsetting because I keep looking around at my house thinking this is the “final” time I’ll ever live here again.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. I was crying this morning looking at my room for the last time. feeling like I don’t know what to do. This is a weak moment for me right now.


TL;DR:

• My girlfriend and I have been talking about living together for a year, and her lease is expiring in three weeks.
• I'm feeling conflicted about it
• Last year, I backed out of moving in with my girlfriend at the last minute for the same reason.
• I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating.

Nobody can tell you what to do.

In your gut you know what to do. Do that. Trust your gut. And remember, decisions don’t have to be permanent. Even if you make a mistake. So what?


Edit:
I say this to make you realize that your stress is self created. And that means it can go away entirely once you realize what it is.

If you move out. You can go back to see your parents x-times a week.

If you stay, it can be “manly” to take care of your aging parent.

It doesn’t matter. Just don’t follow dogma. Script. Idealism that doesn’t fit YOU. you need to be YOU. let the rest of the world be THEM.

 

[Guest-5ty5s4]

Y'all act like culture makes a difference in the context of this forum where the founder literally wrote the book on breaking free from societal scripts.

I keep forgetting the forum transitioned into a support group for people with anxiety and cat depression.

You're right, but OP is Muslim, and it's not really the forums job to tell him to convert religions or become atheist.

Yes, he should grow up, but if part of his religion is not borrowing money or using debt, or eating a certain diet, that is the part that is cultural... I'm not super big on sticking to old beliefs but if you actually have a religion, I'm gonna respect it...

 

[Lex DeVille]

You're right, but OP is Muslim, and it's not really the forums job to tell him to convert religions or become atheist.

Yes, he should grow up, but if part of his religion is not borrowing money or using debt, or eating a certain diet, that is the part that is cultural... I'm not super big on sticking to old beliefs but if you actually have a religion, I'm gonna respect it...

My parents are Muslim, I am not religious.

 

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[Guest-5ty5s4]

Ok, my mistake. Sheesh. Sorry for trying to help someone.

 

[Antifragile]

Sorry for trying to help someone.

No you are not. Don't lie to me.

 

[Matt Sun]

My guess is that you do not intend to marry her and start a family, that makes the whole living together pointless, hence your anxiety. Otherwise you would be super excited about the happiness your parents will have when seeing their grandchildren.

 

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[jeffkelly78]

I'm in a tough spot right now and could really use some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and we have planned living together for a year. Her lease is expiring at the end of April, and our plan was to get a one bedroom apartment right now. Last year, we had planned to move in together, but I backed out at the last minute because I was worried about leaving my family and my cat behind. I'm still feeling attached to them, especially seeing my parents and pet aging, and not sure if I'm ready for such a big step. I realize I’m also in my comfort zone but I just think it’s a huge step.

I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating. I love my family and have been able to save a lot after college living here, and the thought of leaving them behind and watching them age just depresses me. However, my girlfriend needs a place to live, and I don't want to let her down. I promised her that we would live together, but now that it's actually happening, I'm feeling really emotional and conflicted.

Family won't let me bring my cat with me when I move in with my girlfriend either. It's really upsetting because I keep looking around at my house thinking this is the “final” time I’ll ever live here again.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. I was crying this morning looking at my room for the last time. feeling like I don’t know what to do. This is a weak moment for me right now.


TL;DR:

• My girlfriend and I have been talking about living together for a year, and her lease is expiring in three weeks.
• I'm feeling conflicted about it
• Last year, I backed out of moving in with my girlfriend at the last minute for the same reason.
• I'm 25 years old and moved in with my family a few years ago after graduating.

No disrespect, but grow up. Be a man. You can always go back and visit your parents and cat.

A good partner and woman is very tough to come by. You're at the age where it is easier, but as you get older these opportunities become less and less - and they will not always be there. Especially if you let her down when she needs you most.

Move in with her...

 

[heavy_industry]

Wait until your parents get distracted, grab the cat and put it in your backpack, then leave.

Problem solved.

You and the cat will live happily ever after.