THIS is why you are STUCK.

[leono]

I don't know... I always thought the philosophy of Be --> Do --> Have to be slightly off. How can I BE a nonsmoker when I DO the actions of a smoker? Wouldn't it be Do --> Be --> Have?

DO the actions to BEcome the person to HAVE the experience.

You know, somthing along the lines of what Aristotle said: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." And my interpretation of habits is that they are simply actions we repeatedly do over time.

Or am I off base here?

 

[SteveO]

I know it's taboo around here to disagree with you, cuz this is your playground, but...

This is the playground for all of us. You are allowed to disagree with anyone. The reason for the forums is to discuss.

 

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[Yoda]

Just throwing a new perspective into this already excellent thread...

What if Have was removed? What if we assumed there was nothing you could Have permanently? You either become, or you don't. You're wealthy, or not. You're an entrepreneur, or not. You're an athlete, or a slouch. You're a father, or a deadbeat. You're a philanthropist, or you're not.

Which is going to get you to your final destination... Do or Be?

 

[Catalyst]

This post is spot on and should be required reading.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

The next step here I think, is asking, how do we be?

I LOVE this question. And, I'm looking forward to hearing how other people answer it!

For me, it starts with living in the moment. This helps me become aware of myself and my values.... both the good and the bad. It also helps me become aware of the person I want to be... Clearing out the baggage of the past and worry (or dreams) of the future.

It is connecting with the deep values that you hold... maybe they have been passed down to you through family, maybe it is from experience, maybe it is from what ever religion you are... but it is tapping into what you believe to be "the meaning."

It is also coming to understand that I AM NOT A VICTIM. I am where I am because of the choices I've made.
And.... I have the power to make different choices in the future.

Really looking forward to hearing how other's answer this one!

Rep + to you, RogueInnovation

 

[SteveO]

but I've actually never met a Marine in my life

I was a marine. I enlisted in 1975 after getting kicked out of a couple of high schools. My dad signed for me to go in at the age of 17.

Many of the people that were in there were fresh out of Vietnam. Moral was low and those of us just coming in seemed to be resented. I got kicked out of school for fighting and that continued in the marines. You had no choice but to defend yourself in there. The best defense was offense. Even if you got your a$$ kicked you had better take it like a man.

I refuse to be told what to do. This gave me a lot of trouble. I ended up getting a bad conduct discharge. I could not stand the people in charge! They were irrational and sadistic.

 

[SteveO]

One more thing. I was sick with a bad case of bronchitis for more than two of the three months of boot camp. I would barely sleep at night because of the violent coughing. People around me could not sleep. I made requests to go to sick bay but was refused. "For a cough?" followed by laughter.

I had to go through all the war games out in the cold and rain while sick. I had to go through the tear gas chambers while sick. I came out of the chamber with my face and shirt drenched in blood. But I knew not to complain.

Yes, they toughened up this 17 year old.

 

[Vigilante]

@MJ DeMarco 80+ likes on OP. Requesting gold status.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

80+ likes on OP. Requesting gold status.

Funny, I was going to mark it GOLD about 10 minutes after it was posted. At that point, it was just a few likes and comments-- kinda wanted to see if it resonated with the forum or not -- that fact is, it wouldn't have mattered as I would have marked it GOLD with 10 likes vs 80. Happy that the forum saw value in it.

 

[Mike Kavanagh]

Mike, you've got my interest peaked with this one. Would you mind expanding a bit on a few of these?

What do they do to your attire that causes the mindset shift? For sleeping, do they have you sleep more hours or less and what time? What do they change about your thought patterns how do they do it?

I feel like a self-help book can be written on this stuff. Everyone knows the military is very effective at shaping people up.

For attire it's hard to explain. I'd say dress down in basketball shorts and a tee shirt one day or clothes you'd paint in. Don't put anything else on. Record what you did.

Then the day after that, get up and dress extremely well right away. Make sure you look super crisp. Get a haircut if you need to. Record what you did that day.

Simple changes like that can cause major differences in attitude.
The military took kids(18), mostly from low-income areas, gave them a skin-tight haircut, custom-tailored uniforms and some shiny shoes.

Imagine me going from a long haired skater who's shoes were always torn up and holes in my jeans and shirts to prim and proper.

If it wasn't for ROTC I'd be in jail with the crowd I hung with.
(Disclaimer: I didn't get to go full military, health-issues, would of been a lieutenant after boot-camp but wasn't allowed to go on)

Sleep is a different thing.
Go a day or two with out sleeping. You'll go through a range of emotions. Angry, bored, delirious.
In boot-camp some day's you'll wake up at 3 am and go for a 3 mile run. Other days you could be up at 5am - 7am.
You'll never know when need to get up. Nothing like a seven mile loaded hike at 5am. Also if you don't go to bed at 9pm you'll, according to Murphey's Law, will absolutely hate life the next morning.

In the Marine corp crucible, you are supposedly only able to get 3 hours of sleep for a whole week. It's a live combat simulation.

As for thought patterns a number of changes happen. They teach you how to kill. How to survive intense life-or-death situations. How to talk to superiors. Hell it even taught me how not to be shy around women.
All while screaming in your face.

They use to be allowed to get physical with you. Not anymore though.

This supposedly still happens in the Russian army

They want you to be there for your peers when shit hits the fan.

The best way to observe this is go to your local mall food court and watch for groups of teenage boys chasing girls and acting stupid. Now imagine that you teach them how to fight, shoot, survive and be civil in public. That is what boot-camp is like.

But that is being fueled by an environment of 17-24 year old boys. While the end goal isn't always the same the main goal is. To serve our countries needs.

I'm sure there are other people here who could describe this better than me.

 

[Mike Kavanagh]

Has anyone ever met a Marine? Cocky bastards, right?

My current boss is a former Force Recon Marine corp officer. I don't know if this is true but I respect everything that man says even if I don't agree with it.
He's a cocky bastard though. He wont even let me flirt around at work but he sure as hell gets to.

I also have to say soldiers don't have the right mindset always when they come out. Many suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. Become alcoholics and substance abuse. Yes their mindset changes, but not necessarily a positive one.

I also know the price they pay mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I dated a marine once too, and when he got out it wasn't a positive experience. So yes they do get brain washed to be fighting machines.

Well they aren't trained for civilian life. Most of the people I know who went in are lifers. PTSD can be caused by many things. Mostly shooting someone or being shot at causes.

If you don't feel anything for killing someone, you are a psychopath. Plain and simple.
The crack sound that flys overhead when someone is shooting your way is enough noise to make you poop yourself.

Seen the movie Full Metal Jacket about the Vietnam war? Everything in that movie is accurate.

I work with a lot of former military and spooks. They all have some great stories about things but you can see that they mentally detach from the guy in the story.

One guy use to have nightmares about "relocating" villages. Another speaks of the horrors of the "enemy" using children as soldiers.

This shit still goes on to this day. If that doesn't piss you off or make you feel bad then you are not accepting reality.

Like our Drill Instructor said, "Once your out in the civilian world you'll hate life. People out there are lazy, narcissistic and carefree. You'll see when you get out. If you get out."

To be honest he was right.

 

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[SteveO]

I am truly fn sorry for what you went through.

No need to be sorry. I signed up for that shit. I did come out of that feeling like nothing would ever be able to break me though.

I got a little carried away with these last couple of posts. I understood the points that you were trying to make. It just set off some triggers.

 

[SteveO]

Were you officer or enlisted? Did you ever visit the pit in San Diego?

Our drill instructors once ordered us into the rifle locker room which was no more than a large closet with metal rifle racks inside. They packed 80 of us stacked four deep and locked the door. Some of us were up against the racks. People started panicking and flailing around. I don't know how long we were in there but I could barely breath when they let us out. Most of us were drenched in sweat. There was blood and slobber.

The drill instructors laughed.

Another time they exercised us until we could not move. They took one recruit and did not make him exercise at all. He stood and watched us. The entire time the instructors laid the blame for our misery on this one private. Then they walked into their private office and told us to have at him. A large part of the group jumped him with the intent of causing bodily injury. The drill instructors came back out and punished us for another couple of hours for being disloyal F*cks.

The "pit". We only went there a couple of times but it was pure misery. The drill instructors laughed and joked on the way about what a fun time we were going to have. We did bends and thrusts for what seemed to be an eternity in a large powdery dust bowl. Once we were all covered in sweat, they made us lay down face first and wiggle like worms. They would randomly step on our heads and grind our face in the dust.

Once we were done with this, they led us to the outside wash area where we stripped our clothes off. Still covered in sweat we stood outside for over an hour in 40 degree weather while we took turns washing our clothes in cold water.

They would line us up at attention randomly make fast movements at us. If we reacted they would hit us. They called it self defense if our hands came above our waist.

This is just a few samples of many.

Fighting was prohibited but they would always wait for the fight to finish before administering punishment.

I still have a lump on my jaw from a drill instructor cold-cocking me while I was not ready for it.

 

[Chazmania]

Although it seems like a slippery concept, I think Be - Do - Have is correct.

Use fitness as an example:

You don't live a fit healthy life by doing the workout on your P90x dvds or whatever.

You get, and stay fit & healthy longterm by understanding the fundamentals of weight training, cardio work, effects of macro-nutrients on the body, and how to adjust your training to your unique situation (injuries, age, flexibility, too fat, too skinny, etc). And of course by deciding to nourish your body and train consistently - forever.

You have to be the person that is willing to absorb that information and commit to the actions (workouts, cardio, food prep etc)before you can do the right things to have a healthy fit body and lifestyle.

I personally see the same for wealth building. Another quick example:

A good friend of mine and his wife make a pretty large amount of money every year from their jobs. He is totally obsessed with pleasing the jonses and looking rich (doing and having), but they have no real assets, no passive income, no businesses, and no hope of retiring without lottery or inheritance.

He calls his toys assets, but whenever he sells something he loses money on it - like his boat, former house, and vehicles.

What are they being? Sidewalkers.


"Being" dictates what you'll be "doing" which dictates what you'll be "having".

 

[bigred]

Amen! Preach it! The best post I have read in a long time!

 

[Formless]

An influx of great post these past few days.

 

[Iwokeup]

Mike, you've got my interest peaked with this one. Would you mind expanding a bit on a few of these?

What do they do to your attire that causes the mindset shift? For sleeping, do they have you sleep more hours or less and what time? What do they change about your thought patterns how do they do it?

I feel like a self-help book can be written on this stuff. Everyone knows the military is very effective at shaping people up.

Well, the Marine Corps basically breaks you down, and tells you, shows you, and then makes you do incredibly difficult and frightening things (excellently!) that you never thought possible. It's the process at work and it works wonders. Rawr!!

Of course you have to want to be a Marine in the first place and you have to want the challenge, even if it scares the crud out of you (like it did me).

And now that I think of it, I met a ton of "WannaMarines" in my days. You know, "Well I was gonna join the Marines but...." Kind of like around here.

Has anyone ever met a Marine? Cocky bastards, right?

"From the Halls of Montezuma, to the Shores of Tripoli...."

 

[LightHouse]

This is the playground for all of us. You are allowed to disagree with anyone. The reason for the forums is to discuss.

Yeah I'll disagree just for fun sometimes.... it goes over pretty well.

 

[Imran khan]

In other words, or for those who TL;DR things... change your identity if you want to change your results.

There's a long thread going on INSIDE about someone struggling with addiction. (Entitled "Self FN Discipline") We mentioned this there -- motivation often falls short and what really needs to go on is an identity change.

For example...

I want to be an entrepreneur.

NO.

You are an entrepreneur.

In the world of health...

I want to be a non-smoker.

NO.

I am a non-smoker.

Then when someone asks, "Cigarette?" It violates your identity to say "Yes" or "Sure, maybe just one." The answer becomes a quick NO.

Motivation is fleeting. Identity is lifelong.

Rep+

“If you work hard on your job you can make a living, if you work hard on yourself you can make a fortune.” — Jim Rohn

 

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[edward ace]

In other words, or for those who TL;DR things... change your identity if you want to change your results.

There's a long thread going on INSIDE about someone struggling with addiction. (Entitled "Self FN Discipline") We mentioned this there -- motivation often falls short and what really needs to go on is an identity change.

For example...

I want to be an entrepreneur.

NO.

You are an entrepreneur.

In the world of health...

I want to be a non-smoker.

NO.

I am a non-smoker.

Then when someone asks, "Cigarette?" It violates your identity to say "Yes" or "Sure, maybe just one." The answer becomes a quick NO.

Motivation is fleeting. Identity is lifelong.
Rep+

"Motivation is fleeting. Identity is lifelong."

Eye opener.

 

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[SteveO]

Which is going to get you to your final destination... Do or Be?

Doobie...

 

[IceCreamKid]

Take you away from people who support your old habits and lifestyle
Change your attire completely
Change your sleeping habits
Change your exercise routine
Change your eating habits
Change your thought patterns

Mike, you've got my interest peaked with this one. Would you mind expanding a bit on a few of these?

What do they do to your attire that causes the mindset shift? For sleeping, do they have you sleep more hours or less and what time? What do they change about your thought patterns how do they do it?

I feel like a self-help book can be written on this stuff. Everyone knows the military is very effective at shaping people up.

 

[Goobii]

BE an entrepreneur by deciding. Decide to wake up, each and every day and making a decision to RUN your business, or LEARN something that will improve your business, or TAKE the next step - even though it is hard.

Great Post @AroundTheWorld! I remember when I first started my cleaning business and the negative thoughts crept in ("I'm a marketing graduate, WTF am I doing cleaning toilets & showers?! etc) and I was complete dick to my family as a result of it. My father sat me down and said to me "Why don't you change your perspective? You're a small business owner! You employ 4 people, who get to feed their families because of you".

I realised that I was looking at the glass half empty and decided to change my perspective right there and then. The result...

Only when you know the person you ARE. Only when you are BEING the person you are, can you EFFECTIVELY DO.

Built a customer centred business with long term clients. 80% of my clients have been with me for over 5 years. I've built a system now where the work gets carried out without any physical involvement from me

FINALLY: YOU WILL HAVE

Time to pursue other businesses & Freedom to explore different funnels

Thanks again for the great post!

 

[LuckyPup]

Another big pitfall of "Have, Do, Be" thinking is that it reinforces failure. Because one is focused on the byproducts of providing value, rather than actually providing the value itself, they fail to do the things necessary to obtain the fruits. So, the goal they seek keeps getting farther away, like a horizon they will never reach. Dan Sullivan of the Strategic Coach (whom I highly recommend) calls this "living in the gap." Psychologically, this leads to disappointment and even depression. it can also lead to a fatalistic "lottery" mentality, wherein the individual loses belief in their own ability to achieve his goal.

 

[Kak]

BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT BACKWARDS...​

I've noticed a trend. People read the book, they get excited about all the things they want to HAVE, and then they come to this forum asking some version of "What's next?"

If you look deeper, you see that they are thinking in terms of: Have. Do. Be.

HAVE: They want to HAVE things. They want the car or the house or the pool or the fabulous vacations or the amazing partner or the bank account with a lot of zeros.

DO: Then they ask... What do I need to DO to HAVE all those things? Sell products on Amazon? Invent something? Create a sales funnel? Find a product on Alibaba? Crack the code? Get in the Fastlane? Find a Vehicle?

BE: Then, they say.... If I HAVE all those things by DOING the thing I'm going to do, THEN, I will BE happy... successful... amazing.... giving...

Sorry to break it too you, but that is exactly backwards.

If you are thinking this way, then you are CHASING MONEY. You are NOT creating value, and your desire for happiness will elude you.

What is the solution? FLIP IT ON ITS HEAD...

FIRST: BE

BE the person you want to be.

BE happy by deciding to be happy. It doesn't take the house or the pool or the vacation. It takes you choosing happiness, in that moment. BE an entrepreneur. It doesn't take owning a company you will be taking public next week, or launching a kickstarter campaign, or getting onto shark tank. Sure, those things may come... but that doesn't make you an entrepreneur.

BE an entrepreneur by deciding. Decide to wake up, each and every day and making a decision to RUN your business, or LEARN something that will improve your business, or TAKE the next step - even though it is hard.

BE a philanthropist or missionally oriented by looking at a homeless person in the eye, or taking in a foster child, or giving a loan on Kiva or volunteering for your favorite charity.

The list is endless. WHO do you WANT to be? WHO do you know you are... deep down? Forgiving? Understanding? Motivating? Strong? A leader? A generous person? A compassionate person? A happy person? A family person?

DON'T WAIT to be the person you are meant to be. DO IT NOW. The only thing holding you back is THE DECISION TO DO IT.

THEN: DO

Only when you know the person you ARE. Only when you are BEING the person you are, can you EFFECTIVELY DO.

When you ARE an entrepreneur, then you wake up every day and DO THE WORK of entrepreneurship. You make the calls, solve the problems, develop the systems.

When you ARE giving, you take the time to volunteer at the charity, or listen compassionately, or love deeply.

The act of DOING flows easily from the person you ARE.

The DOING will be creating VALUE, because you are not chasing the all might dollar. You understand that the dollar will come to you when you provide value.

FINALLY: YOU WILL HAVE

Having.... they money, the things, the cars. All these "things" will flow naturally out of your DOING. They will never come to you if you are chasing them with no other motivation or understanding. Or they may come to you temporarily, but they will leave you again soon enough - if you haven't build the foundation you need.

Great post. It took me quite a while to get ahold of this. It helps your happiness dramatically.

 

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[mindfulimmortal]

Are you apart of the problem? Or part of the solution? I don't see any recent contributions from you. Forums are mostly take with little give. The people complaining are usually the takers. They expect all give from the givers and when the givers don't feel respected, or their advice is ignored (not even a click thanks) or when their shit is stolen, they leave. Forums are like mini-socialist experiments... once everyone sits on the side of TAKE and there is no one left to GIVE, they die.



I understand what you're saying here. However, IMO, you are describing "fake it until you make it" -- that's not what this is advocating. It's advocating becoming someone who you need to become to effect real change.



Exactly. Going on a diet is not excellence. Declaring that you are healthy and will eat, exercise, and live to that standard is. The habit will validate the character change, or expose you as a fraud.





Money didn't change me, the process changed me. Money was the result of that process. I've been an entrepreneur my entire life. It's in my DNA and my character. And half of that life, I've been broke.

Please put this post in perspective of this type of thinking...

"I'm going to give this Fastlane a try!"
"TMF was great, gonna give it a shot"

All the above are signals of failure because you aren't backing your declaration with character. Entrepreneurship has to become apart of your character and essence, and it has nothing to do with money. Fastlane is not something you try, it's something you live. BE. Then DO. Then Have.

Reminds me of Yoda's wisdom "Do or Do NOT - There is NO TRY"

 

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[tminch55]

Printed this out at work today and showed it to a co-worker who is also trying to escape the 40 hour prison. Very motivating and true. I am very guilty of rushing the process to obtain wealth. Wouldnt you know that I haven't been successful yet? Thanks for this!

 

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[RogueInnovation]

Great post Around the world
Really it is terrific

The next step here I think, is asking, how do we be?
How do we flip this notion around?

MJ mentioned process "the process changed me", so we should note that
He also mentioned supporting those who give value without expecting to take all the time
He also mentioned, building habits, changing identity through how you mediate any forks/choices in the road

Process, supporting those who help, choosing new identity over easy.

These three things alone are some keys.


There are many nice people that want to learn to become entrepreneurs AND better people. It is tough to give them great advice from the get go. Tough to be expected to give give give. Tough to hold a position of authority when giving answers to people who need attention, can drain you of all your time, and only equal very mediocre results.

Ultimately it is up to each person to choose to move forwards, and because of this, sometimes people just need to be given a chance to get off on the right foot, so they can, with their inner strength choose the right paths and make their way forwards, as all who ever succeed have.

We (for our sanity) cannot always assume we can finish a newbies journey with one orientation
We can only strive to operate on principles that will see the supported fairly and not overcompensated for.


Personally, I like these three things in a new orientation
- Questions that help me show my value but don't let me run amok (stupid ego monster reigns supreme early on)
- Encouragement towards my deeper ideas (I would say this post of atw falls under that, same as icks thread, and others)
- Something to challenge myself on that will get me in the game (for me icks thread was a challenge)

Teething is a b#tch, and it can have long lasting effects on people, if they don't develop a healthy mutual respect with others who might share the journey.

Its tempting to not give room for newbies to win and earn your respect, but that is I believe the most right thing to do. Whilst as mj says, don't forget your biggest contributors, without them, you don't have any respect left to dole out to anyone.

So, big props to posts like this, thanks aroundtheworld, and also a heartfelt welcome and goodluck to all new and upcoming contributors (may you help those that follow and find freedom and success)

Nice post, it shed some light on the issue I felt

 

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[Mattie]

While I do agree on most points with military and have read some of the books, I also have to say soldiers don't have the right mindset always when they come out. Many suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. Become alcoholics and substance abuse. Yes their mindset changes, but not necessarily a positive one.

I've had lots of military men in my family for generations. While I may be patriotic and support the troops for that reason, I also know the price they pay mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I dated a marine once too, and when he got out it wasn't a positive experience. So yes they do get brain washed to be fighting machines.

 

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[Iwokeup]

Haha. You probably won't know what you want to be, completely, ever. It's a fact of life.

I've had my own progression and now I just want to have fun, serve others (making life easier and better for them), and in the process help my family and friends make some really good money ===> Freedom.

 

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