Antifragile
Progress not perfection
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Rat-Race Escape!
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
466%
- Mar 15, 2018
- 3,779
- 17,623
Hi there fastlaners and soon-to-be fastlaners.
I've got a question and would be grateful if you can advise me!
The question is, should I move out to a different city in uk, or should I move out and go to a city thats warm and sunny with more than 150 days of sun all year round like Perth in australia?
So, for context, I'm a 25-year-old guy.
I've had a form of depression since the age of 16. I didn't complete my college because it was hard for me to focus and attend class, and then I went on to work in my father's business, which I did well, but it wasn't consistent. I sold a substantial worth of dead stock whenever I was there.
Anyways,
I developed an addiction to sex with escorts, which I still have today. I've been doing this at least 2 to 4 times per month since the age of 19. This happens with masturbation and progresses. Expensive addiction. I've read dopamine nation by Anna lembkhe and her advice helped alot.
9 months ago I made the decision to go to a holiday to Thailand for 6 months and that changed my life. I know whatever I was going though is curable. Im grateful for that experience. I felt so good every single day. Even the shitty weather that happened rarely wasnt so bad haha. Only did my addictive habit 1 time or 2 time in 6 months. That is success for me. My purpose was being achieved. That is a huge win for me.
I was eating well, exercising with HIIT workouts, drinking enough water, socializing, the sun tanned me like a dark cookie haha, and I felt cured and great.
Now, since I've been back to London, there have been highs and lows. I lost 20kg in Thailand and gained back 10kg here. I know when I'm happy, I can achieve absolutely anything and everything. Also, I have bad memories in this family house I live in.
New country, new life. That's how I see life. And the grass was Greener on the others side.
I've done the **WADM** (weighted Decision Matrix) on either staying or moving out, and every time it came back to moving out. I did it 3 to 4 times, and each time even with different factors, the decision was going on to moving out.
Then I did a WADM on either maybe moving to Manchester or Brisbane, Australia(this place because of a high hourly rate and its sunny with english speakers. Spain would've won but I don't speak Spanish, even though I love spain and theres low pay with high expenses)
Moving to Brisbane won.
Now the main issue I have is this.
Since I've stayed at my family's house, I'm able to save money but spend that on my addiction. But if I were to stay here and be more disciplined, I can generate around £2000 and save that monthly. Do that for 6 months, and I have £12k, plus some profits from the family business, which would be around £10,000. This I can use for an Amazon FBA business, for which I already have the wholesalers and distributors. My brother does FBA and generates a substantial amount.
He operates it from the family bussiness which saves him money and i can do the same but the only issue is, I hate staying here.
Is my issue with the family house? Should I move out and get a flat or a spare room? Or is my issue with this country?
I've subconsciously made a decision to go to Australia .
It may not sound logical but to me it's what I need.
Yes I'm letting go of around £24k per year which I could save and invest into a bussiness if I stayed at my family house but I just feel like I'm not progressing and it may be inconsistent.
I'm only staying at the family house because of comfort I think. Not progressing rather going backwards. My heart tells me to go to Brisbane or even Manchester, and I'll figure it out there. I'll be happy. I'll progress much more. Happy to hear all your suggestions. Thank you!!
I’ll be my typical resident a**hole here with my reply, but with a reminder: I have no pony in your race, my post comes from the heart with a sincere desire to be helpful. That’s it. That’s the motivation.
Ready? Buckle up, it’ll be rough.
Your story reminds me of Louis CK’s famous rant (“everything is amazing right now and nobody is happy”), which took place during an appearance in the fall of 2008 on the Late Night with Conan O’Brien Show.
I get it, you have an addition. All addictions should be taken seriously, they can ruin your life. And I get it, change your environment, change yourself is one path… but it looks like you are seeking that “easy button”. There is none.
Yet I fundamentally view the world the other way. I want to do hard stuff. If I want to change myself, I don’t think it’ll work if is easy and my mood depends on some external event or place. F*ck that! I am in charge of how I feel. Period. Have you ever read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl? It is a classic psychiatric text that chronicles Frankl's experiences as an Auschwitz concentration camp inmate during World War II.
Take ownership over where you are today!
You were born into what appears to be a wealthy family, you have all these options and opportunities. Want to feel great? Start doing great things! Yet that’s what I am not reading in your posts.
I believe happiness comes from achieving goals. Small, medium, big - whatever. Moving in the right direction in your life has so much power, it is like a snowball. You should become harder! Sure, sunshine brings more happiness, but there are so many people who are in the UK and are really happy anyways. Shit, when I lived there I was one of them. Even now, I live on the West Coast here in Canada and let me tell you, sure I am more happy in the sun, undeniable fact! Yet, here is another fact, without doing something worthy I’d feel shitty even in the sunshine.
Hang out with people doing great things, you’ll “monkey see, monkey do” will do more than otherwise.
What I mean is that when you are thinking of changing your environment, start within. Start changing YOURSELF. Then work outwards, country, city, people etc.
In short, be careful not to fall into this trap of external locus of control. And your post screams of external locus of control.
An external locus of control is a belief that events outside of one's control are responsible for their actions and outcomes.
An individual with an external locus of control is more likely to blame external factors such as the weather, their current condition, or the exam itself as an excuse rather than accept that the exam went the way it did because of personal decisions.
An internal locus of control leads to a reinforcement of that behavior and the behavior will continue, while an external locus of control causes the behavior to extinguish. People with an external locus of control attribute academic success or failure to luck or chance, a higher power, or the influence of another person, rather than their own actions. They also struggle with procrastination and difficult tasks.
Having an external locus of control has been associated with a range of well-supported risk correlates of offending behavior, while individuals with an internal locus of control orientation are suggested to be more open to engaging in treatment and are also considered more likely to have successful treatment outcomes.