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Stop Blaming Others and Start Taking Responsibility

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MJ DeMarco

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Can I agree with Gary's take 100%? Or do I risk getting cancelled?

At this point of culture, "accountability", "responsibility" "hard work" are now dirty words.

Aside from that, these are the words that allow you to take control over your life and move forward.
 

Andy Black

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Reminds me of the story I read of the business owner who tired of hearing his managers looking for who to blame.

He had a note in his drawer that he’d take out and wave at them.

“It’s my fault.”

Then they’d stop wasting energy witch hunting and try to solve the problem instead.

I try to remind myself that “It’s my fault”.
 

WJK

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Can I agree with Gary's take 100%? Or do I risk getting cancelled?

At this point of culture, "accountability", "responsibility" "hard work" are now dirty words.

Aside from that, these are the words that allow you to take control over your life and move forward.
This is a great opportunity for those of us who are workers. While everyone else is scratching their @&***, and feeling sorry for themselves, we who believe in working smart and hard are carrying on. By the time they wake up out of their self-imposed stupor, we'll be far ahead of them and down the road.
 

Cyberthal

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Blame isn't zero sum. Blame isn't even always a moral failing. If one makes a sound bet and loses, one is still to blame for the result, even though being unlucky is not one's fault. Sometimes blame simply means being the most proximate causal link to a negative outcome.

The butterfly effect describes chaotic causation. Blame is just a subset of causation. Given how easily blame spreads, it's ludicrous to deny blame for one's own life outcomes.



Denying personal blame is so irrational that it is a telltale indicator of a person too weak to face pain and therefore reality in general. The recent decline in male testosterone contributes to the concurrent decline in personal responsibility.

Lifting weights is a good way to both increase testosterone and develop a positive relationship with pain and physics: No pain no gain.
 

Andy Black

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Cyberthal

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There is a cartoonish aura of machismo around "extreme ownership" -- it really is about charging into bullets. Warbands are as masculine as it gets, and special forces approximate a tribal warband, not least in casualty rate.

"Extreme ownership" also explains the no-snitching masculine code among equals. "I tripped" is the correct explanation for one's bruised face, because it signals that one is capable of handling lateral aggression without appealing to authority for aid, and is thus capable of holding one's place in the hierarchy.

In software terms, expose a clean API.
 

WJK

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There is a cartoonish aura of machismo around "extreme ownership" -- it really is about charging into bullets. Warbands are as masculine as it gets, and special forces approximate a tribal warband, not least in casualty rate.

"Extreme ownership" also explains the no-snitching masculine code among equals. "I tripped" is the correct explanation for one's bruised face, because it signals that one is capable of handling lateral aggression without appealing to authority for aid, and is thus capable of holding one's place in the hierarchy.

In software terms, expose a clean API.
When it's taken to the extreme -- you're right.

Personally, I draw boundaries when it comes to other people's bad behavior. I do my best to avoid taking on problems that don't belong to me. And I don't let another project their blame on me either. We're living in a world where personal responsibility has become a great mystery. On one hand, it's never anyone's fault that they do what they do. On the other hand, I'm being blamed for the sins of my ancestors -- for which there is no redemption nor relief. So, I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't. That double bind is meant to paralyze most people into dumbfounded silence. Personally, I think it's funny. It makes me laugh when these self-appointed authorities lay it on me.

These people are pinning their silly lines on a vague "they", coupled with fuzzy, questionable common knowledge, as their sources of authority. It's really not a fair fight. I went to law school so I know the Socratic method very well. The key to going toe to toe with these mouthy people is keeping asking them questions. I try to find something in their argument is correct (to my knowledge). It's a point of agreement for a jumping-off point. Then, I'm like a 4-year-old who asked "why" to everything they say. And I keep asking who "they" is... followed by when, where, and how did "they" say it. How did their go-to person confirm that gem of wisdom, or is it hearsay? Is their guru really the person to consult in this particular matter? Is there anything in that body of knowledge from their guru with which they disagree? I rephrase their argument back to them to ask if my understanding is correct as we go along. It's a well-practiced set of dance steps in my life. Common knowledge is even easier to defeat with a little bit of probing. If you ask the right questions and having good timing, They can talk themselves out of their position pretty fast.
 

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mastermind007

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On the other hand, I'm being blamed for the sins of my ancestors -- for which there is no redemption nor relief. So, I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't. That double bind is meant to paralyze most people into dumbfounded silence.
For me it's about choices. If I wasn't alive back then, how could I have made any choice?
And imagine if my parents commit a crime, while I'm alive. They're going to jail, not me. And vice-versa.

This gets really fuzzy, If you don't believe in free will. So for me, even you're a child, I believe you have free will (I'm no longer an atheist). But you have limited choice, so that's why you're considered a fully responsible adult after a certain age.

I guess even with free will, it's fuzzy..
 
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Raoul Duke

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#responsibilityisfakenews
 

WJK

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For me it's about choices. If I wasn't alive back then, how could I have made any choice?
And imagine if my parents commit a crime, while I'm alive. They're going to jail, not me. And vice-versa.

This gets really fuzzy, If you don't believe in free will. So for me, even you're a child, I believe you have free will (I'm no longer an atheist). But you have limited choice, so that's why you're considered a fully responsible adult after a certain age.

I guess even with free will, it's fuzzy..
Agreed. I too believe in free will and personal responsibility. The social rules and norms in my world are so different from those of my parents and forefathers. I have seen a lot of changes over my lifetime -- civil rights, the women's movement, Fair Credit Act, etc.. I can't go back in time to super-impress my changing world views onto those who lived before me. I must assume that they did the best they could within their world and the parameters of their understanding.

These racial tensions don't make much sense to me because they don't solve the underlying problems. I have concluded that all this current noise is a smokescreen for a bigger undisclosed agenda.
 

Cyberthal

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These racial tensions don't make much sense to me because they don't solve the underlying problems. I have concluded that all this current noise is a smokescreen for a bigger undisclosed agenda.


- Qanon

"In multiracial societies, you don't vote in accordance with your economic interests and social interests, you vote in accordance with race and religion. Supposing I'd run their system here, Malays would vote for Muslims, Indians would vote for Indians, Chinese would vote for Chinese. I would have a constant clash in my Parliament which cannot be resolved because the Chinese majority would always overrule them."

- Lee Kuan Yew

"Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement: and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

- George Santayana
 

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WJK

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This is such an eye opener. It actually uplifts me to blame myself for everything, cause this makes me take control on my decisions and I'm the only one to be blamed if anything goes wrong. Which makes me take wise decisions and be less dependable.
Are you saying less dependable -- or less dependent on other people's opinions and actions? Those are two totally different things.
 

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