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I am not Gio

New Contributor
Dec 14, 2021
5
19
Hi guys! I am not Gio.

I got to say that I am impressed by all of you, trying so hard to create a more prosperous and fulfilling life, or helping others to do so. You are truly inspiring. Well done guys. Keep up the good work. Like we would say in Italy - Chi si ferma è perduto! -

I’d like to share my story; It is going to take a while, so grab your popcorns and relax.



I’m from the North of Italy, born and raised here. I’m 30.

Sadly, I’ve never been a Fastlaner. Actually, I did quite the opposite all my life.

After high school, where I graduated with the minimum grades, I started a Business University. (In Italy most of education is public and very cheap). Foolishly, I gave up after a semester.

I had to support myself, since my family is not rich, so I started taking any job I could find.

I have been a waiter, an unsuccessful salesman for a car lot, a delivery guy for Amazon, a poorly paid Uber driver, an even less paid cook, and many other things.

I got nothing meaningful from these jobs, if not a meager source of livelihood. Nothing that could convince me to transform those jobs in a career (luckily?).

A little more than four years ago, I stumbled upon a job that I liked. Personal training. I got good at it, developing a passion for many kinds of training, for kinematics, anatomy, nutrition and helping others reach their health goals.

As you can guess, this passion improved my appearance, but definitely not my finances. In Italy, personal trainers sign awful contracts and are paid miserably. And I really mean it. It is a problem for fitness workers.

All normal here. I almost sound like a nice guy. But don’t be fooled, Let’s get started with the self-pity!

I’ve always considered myself dumb. I know I’m kind of average, but I’ve always had a very bad memory (since I was a kid), short focus, poor communication skills and lack of confidence.

However, working out regularly and good diet gave my new good-looking-self new audacity, and I started looking for ways to improve my specific skills and my intrinsic worth, since I’ve always dreamt to be somebody, one day.

So, at 26, I started Business University again, which I completed only 6 months late with good grades and great effort, since I was still working in gyms and living alone.

In that period, alas, I also started binge watching all the self-improvement material available on YT or Spotify. While I was training or driving or cooking or doing housework, I always had someone talking about growth, possibilities, greatness, and responsibility. I bought books and followed courses etc.

For 8 months, I was a machine. If I wasn’t working, I was studying for my exams. In the down times, I was doing communication exercises, studying ways to improve my memory, reading books aloud to improve my diction, meditating, working out. I even volunteered for a period. I was doing everything the self-helps gurus suggested. I was eating unprocessed food. I stayed completely sober for seven months. Even stopped hanging out with friends or having an occasional dinner with my mum. I was focused, I was motivated.

And then? BOOM! Enlightenment struck!

Just joking. Quite the opposite..

A deep transformation occurred, but it wasn’t what I expected. The light-hearted, dumb, but mostly serene guy was wiped out. I became self-aware, too insanely self-aware, and I didn’t like what I was looking at: no money, no strengths, no self-confidence, no social skills. All the work I was doing was not working.

I started looking at others, my colleagues and clients, with envy. Their charisma, their money, their happiness. Uncontrolled self-help and self-discipline had created a monster.

The gap between what I was and what I wanted for myself was so vast, that I couldn’t bear it. Has something like this ever happened to you?

Anyway, I developed acute anxiety and devilish depression. I’m still fighting with it. I started losing interest in the fitness sector overall, started losing too much weight (bad thing). I even developed an autoimmune disorder with my bones and joints and an issue with my eyes.

Eventually, I lost my job. At that point I struggled to even get out of bed or eat my meals. Started having suicidal thoughts. Got really close, till..

I went back living in my mum’s house, for the first time in 10 years, but I didn’t want to upset her. I told her I needed financial help, for a short period, since “my contract ended”, but she knew something was off.

However, I was determined to not make her worry. This thing saved me. Soon, I decided I had to heal.

Deleted all my Social Media, they were a pain in the a$$. Started working out again, at the park, even with severe pain in my joints. Eating, in a healthy way. Sending CVs.

This time I wanted a job which could sustain me and give me the possibility for a career of some sort. I found a marketing role in an electric scooter start-up. I know almost nothing about marketing, nothing about scooters, but I’m doing my best to learn graphic design, copywriting, digital marketing tools, rules and levers.

They pay me decently (1400 euros are not bad for a first job here) and I have been here for 3 months. Boss likes my work, even if I know it is coming from an amateur and is not giving great results. In my opinion, my contribution is irrelevant, but I’m putting all the effort, and I’m getting better. Moreover, they pay my rent (had to move out of my birth city).

However, unhappiness and frustration is still there, some days I really can’t find a reason to get out of bed, or I can’t focus on work because of the of all the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

I was looking for a self-development forum, to share my story, to know if someone had the same experience as me, and I encountered you guys.

I realized that you are all here for MJ’s books. I decided I had to read al least one of them. I read “The Millionaire Fastlane ” in two days, it was like being struck by lightning.

Making a ton of money. Doing whatever you want, when you want, where you want.

Helping those who you love. Be respected. Be somebody. Be free.

In short, a way to escape the rate race, aka a miserable life, like mine.

Always thought only rich people or genius or very lucky people could achieve any of this. But MJ almost convinced me. And all the stories on the forum are reinforcing it.

Now I have a reason to get up every morning.

I’m a rookie. But I think what I need is a “little capital”, a good idea and a lot of effort, right?

If you have any advices (posts on the forum, books, other sources) where I could start.. I’m snooping around and there are so many success story! So many great people, willing to share their knowledge and stroeis.

So, let’s get busy! What I need is:

  • Extra money. Ways to do it? Online, offline.. I believe strippers make a lot of money, could have been a nice second job, but I can’t find any strip club for ladies in this town. Yes, I am ready to try (almost) anything.
  • A good idea for a business. Ways to find it? I’m not a quick learner, always been bad in math and have very poor numerical memory, so learning programming could take ages. Maybe import and sell products?
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t spoil the mood!

Thank you all for taking the time to read all this. Really appreciate it. It’s my first time ever talking about my issues, or my new dreams.



X-O-X-O from Italy
 
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Kung Fu Steve

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I hope you find what you're looking for.

If I can give you advice that you didn't ask for: it may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Blaming "self-awareness" for a few setbacks in life and some different decisions isn't helping anything.

There's a lot of self-help here on this forum. The books, the gold threads, the top contributors are all trying to "help themselves".

But I'm super glad you found a place you can come and unburden. Now let's move forward!
 

MJ DeMarco

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I don't think you should impugn self-awareness because few people have it. Self-awareness is why you grow, and why you at years from now will look nothing like YOU of today.

As for a path moving forward, it sounds like your JOB is a great starting place to start honing some skills, skills that will be very VALUABLE a business moving forward. Take one day at a time. Like many young people today, your depression and anxiety is a function of YOU TODAY not matching what you want for YOU TOMORROW. The chasm creates anxiety.

I suggest reading The Power of Now (E. Tolle) or The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer to get a better grasp of living in the moment, and being at peace with your journey. The more "NOWS" you can fully enjoy, the happier you will be.

Oh yes, welcome to the forum.
 
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Black_Dragon43

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Like many young people today, your depression and anxiety is a function of YOU TODAY not matching what you want for YOU TOMORROW. The chasm creates anxiety.
I myself experience this (anxiety - not depression) frequently as there is still so much that I want to do. Solid advice MJ!
 

I am not Gio

New Contributor
Dec 14, 2021
5
19
I hope you find what you're looking for.

If I can give you advice that you didn't ask for: it may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Blaming "self-awareness" for a few setbacks in life and some different decisions isn't helping anything.

There's a lot of self-help here on this forum. The books, the gold threads, the top contributors are all trying to "help themselves".

But I'm super glad you found a place you can come and unburden. Now let's move forward!

Why did you suck at selling cars? You’ll need some ability to communicate and sell if you’re going to do anything in business (usually).
Thank for your answer.

Usually I was good at inbound selling, at handling pre-existing clients. I'm kind by nature, very comprehensive and welcoming, patient with the others, and I'm trustworthy. Often people asked specifically to talk to me for post-sale assistance because I make everybody comfortable.

However, I was not good at "direct selling", outbound selling, because I'm an introvert and I think because nobody taught me properly.

Moreover, if I know a product isn't a quality product, it's very hard to me to lie to earn something to the detriment of others.

I'm too sensible man, need to toughen up if I want to be a all around professional and entrepreneur.
 

I am not Gio

New Contributor
Dec 14, 2021
5
19
I don't think you should impugn self-awareness because few people have it. Self-awareness is why you grow, and why you at years from now will look nothing like YOU of today.

As for a path moving forward, it sounds like your JOB is a great starting place to start honing some skills, skills that will be very VALUABLE a business moving forward. Take one day at a time. Like many young people today, your depression and anxiety is a function of YOU TODAY not matching what you want for YOU TOMORROW. The chasm creates anxiety.

I suggest reading The Power of Now (E. Tolle) or The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer to get a better grasp of living in the moment, and being at peace with your journey. The more "NOWS" you can fully enjoy, the happier you will be.

Oh yes, welcome to the forum.
Thank you very much MJfor your answer.

I read many of your answers in other posts and you always have an insightful point of you.

I'll try to live in the present. However it is often difficul to enjoy life when you hate what you are, that's why I always think I will get better in the future. But this creates a loop, if you know whatI mean.. But I'm getting better, and I aspire to greatness.

Thank you also for the book and this forum. You are an inspiration to us all.
 
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socaldude

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Self-help is about helping you discover internal psychological mechanisms that can help rid you of negative thoughts and behaviors. Nothing that is truly "you" will kill you or give you suicidal thoughts, the "real" you is a positive feeling. It's like how your body won't kill itself, it needs an external bacteria or virus.
 
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D

DeletedUser84644

Guest
Hi guys! I am not Gio.

I got to say that I am impressed by all of you, trying so hard to create a more prosperous and fulfilling life, or helping others to do so. You are truly inspiring. Well done guys. Keep up the good work. Like we would say in Italy - Chi si ferma è perduto! -

I’d like to share my story; It is going to take a while, so grab your popcorns and relax.



I’m from the North of Italy, born and raised here. I’m 30.

Sadly, I’ve never been a Fastlaner. Actually, I did quite the opposite all my life.

After high school, where I graduated with the minimum grades, I started a Business University. (In Italy most of education is public and very cheap). Foolishly, I gave up after a semester.

I had to support myself, since my family is not rich, so I started taking any job I could find.

I have been a waiter, an unsuccessful salesman for a car lot, a delivery guy for Amazon, a poorly paid Uber driver, an even less paid cook, and many other things.

I got nothing meaningful from these jobs, if not a meager source of livelihood. Nothing that could convince me to transform those jobs in a career (luckily?).

A little more than four years ago, I stumbled upon a job that I liked. Personal training. I got good at it, developing a passion for many kinds of training, for kinematics, anatomy, nutrition and helping others reach their health goals.

As you can guess, this passion improved my appearance, but definitely not my finances. In Italy, personal trainers sign awful contracts and are paid miserably. And I really mean it. It is a problem for fitness workers.

All normal here. I almost sound like a nice guy. But don’t be fooled, Let’s get started with the self-pity!

I’ve always considered myself dumb. I know I’m kind of average, but I’ve always had a very bad memory (since I was a kid), short focus, poor communication skills and lack of confidence.

However, working out regularly and good diet gave my new good-looking-self new audacity, and I started looking for ways to improve my specific skills and my intrinsic worth, since I’ve always dreamt to be somebody, one day.

So, at 26, I started Business University again, which I completed only 6 months late with good grades and great effort, since I was still working in gyms and living alone.

In that period, alas, I also started binge watching all the self-improvement material available on YT or Spotify. While I was training or driving or cooking or doing housework, I always had someone talking about growth, possibilities, greatness, and responsibility. I bought books and followed courses etc.

For 8 months, I was a machine. If I wasn’t working, I was studying for my exams. In the down times, I was doing communication exercises, studying ways to improve my memory, reading books aloud to improve my diction, meditating, working out. I even volunteered for a period. I was doing everything the self-helps gurus suggested. I was eating unprocessed food. I stayed completely sober for seven months. Even stopped hanging out with friends or having an occasional dinner with my mum. I was focused, I was motivated.

And then? BOOM! Enlightenment struck!

Just joking. Quite the opposite..

A deep transformation occurred, but it wasn’t what I expected. The light-hearted, dumb, but mostly serene guy was wiped out. I became self-aware, too insanely self-aware, and I didn’t like what I was looking at: no money, no strengths, no self-confidence, no social skills. All the work I was doing was not working.

I started looking at others, my colleagues and clients, with envy. Their charisma, their money, their happiness. Uncontrolled self-help and self-discipline had created a monster.

The gap between what I was and what I wanted for myself was so vast, that I couldn’t bear it. Has something like this ever happened to you?

Anyway, I developed acute anxiety and devilish depression. I’m still fighting with it. I started losing interest in the fitness sector overall, started losing too much weight (bad thing). I even developed an autoimmune disorder with my bones and joints and an issue with my eyes.

Eventually, I lost my job. At that point I struggled to even get out of bed or eat my meals. Started having suicidal thoughts. Got really close, till..

I went back living in my mum’s house, for the first time in 10 years, but I didn’t want to upset her. I told her I needed financial help, for a short period, since “my contract ended”, but she knew something was off.

However, I was determined to not make her worry. This thing saved me. Soon, I decided I had to heal.

Deleted all my Social Media, they were a pain in the a$$. Started working out again, at the park, even with severe pain in my joints. Eating, in a healthy way. Sending CVs.

This time I wanted a job which could sustain me and give me the possibility for a career of some sort. I found a marketing role in an electric scooter start-up. I know almost nothing about marketing, nothing about scooters, but I’m doing my best to learn graphic design, copywriting, digital marketing tools, rules and levers.

They pay me decently (1400 euros are not bad for a first job here) and I have been here for 3 months. Boss likes my work, even if I know it is coming from an amateur and is not giving great results. In my opinion, my contribution is irrelevant, but I’m putting all the effort, and I’m getting better. Moreover, they pay my rent (had to move out of my birth city).

However, unhappiness and frustration is still there, some days I really can’t find a reason to get out of bed, or I can’t focus on work because of the of all the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

I was looking for a self-development forum, to share my story, to know if someone had the same experience as me, and I encountered you guys.

I realized that you are all here for MJ’s books. I decided I had to read al least one of them. I read “The Millionaire Fastlane ” in two days, it was like being struck by lightning.

Making a ton of money. Doing whatever you want, when you want, where you want.

Helping those who you love. Be respected. Be somebody. Be free.

In short, a way to escape the rate race, aka a miserable life, like mine.

Always thought only rich people or genius or very lucky people could achieve any of this. But MJ almost convinced me. And all the stories on the forum are reinforcing it.

Now I have a reason to get up every morning.

I’m a rookie. But I think what I need is a “little capital”, a good idea and a lot of effort, right?

If you have any advices (posts on the forum, books, other sources) where I could start.. I’m snooping around and there are so many success story! So many great people, willing to share their knowledge and stroeis.

So, let’s get busy! What I need is:

  • Extra money. Ways to do it? Online, offline.. I believe strippers make a lot of money, could have been a nice second job, but I can’t find any strip club for ladies in this town. Yes, I am ready to try (almost) anything.
  • A good idea for a business. Ways to find it? I’m not a quick learner, always been bad in math and have very poor numerical memory, so learning programming could take ages. Maybe import and sell products?
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t spoil the mood!

Thank you all for taking the time to read all this. Really appreciate it. It’s my first time ever talking about my issues, or my new dreams.



X-O-X-O from Italy
See if this thread can help you out by any chance (You kind of remind me of myself when I hit rock bottom not to long ago): MINDSET - Are you dying in misery on how to figure out how to get started? Then please! Do save yourself from that soul crushing agony with this thread!
Believe in yourself, know that you can do it. All of the feelings you are going through right now along the journey are valid, real, and are a part of the process. Don't feel like you're a "pussey" for having them or that you need to bottle them up. Healthy embracement of one's emotions is good as long as you are able to manage them properly. Cry and experience as much despair as you may need to, but always do so under the context that doing absolutely nothing to try to change and improve your life situation will only make things worse and make you feel more miserable in the long run, got it? Never forget that last part. It's ok if you are crying as you run the marathon, just don't let the sadness get to your head to the point that it makes you stop running or slow down too much. If you feel like you cannot properly handle / manage your emotions yourself, then I would suggest seeking some psychological help from a psychologist that you can trust and fully confide in. Oh and one more thing: Even the most toughest people on the planet cry (Even if they may not do so publicly), anyone who says otherwise is just full of shit. Every god damn person on this planet has an emotional vulnerability in their mental armor, that if exploited (Either by an individual or something else) can bring them into tears / cause their psyche to break. No one is immune from this. Some people have tougher mental armor then other's, but no one's is absolutely 100% unbreakable (They are again, otherwise, full of shit).
 

Andreas Thiel

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I think I have similar issues.
A useful way to think about this (from the book "Start from Zero") is making a distinction between mindset and identity.
My mindset has gotten ahead of my identity, and I never really put the work in to fix my identity issues.

The idea for me is getting them both to "meet in the middle". For the mindset I love the concept of "the one thing you should be proud of is providing value, even if it is just for one person". Here you'll come across this sentiment all the time. That is humbling in just the right way.

To lift your identity to meet your mindset, you have to take action through resistance. Those two concepts are based on the same idea. Hopefully once mindset and identity start to align things will look a lot brighter.
 

Madame Peccato

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Hey not Gio, welcome to the forum!

Your story resonates with me. I'm 29 and a northern Italian. I too passed high school with minimum grades (sono uscito col 60 dal liceo scientifico :rofl: ). And dropped out of 2 different universities.

It's good to unwind. We all have our internal demons. Keeping them suppressed within builds up pressure, and eventually blows up. Other people in this thread already gave you excellent advice on improving your mindset / perspective.

So I'm going to focus on the other part of your thread. Getting some much-needed DOUGH.

How?

Personally I'm a fan of the advice I see here on the forum every now and then.

Start by earning $1 by yourself. That will—at least partially—loosen the mental chains about money that society has impressed upon you. I can't tell you how to do it, as I don't know you.

Online? Go on a freelance platform and offer a service. You don't have to stick with it, just see if there's anything that creates a spark in you. I sure as hell didn't know I could write my way out of misery (in a foreign language nonetheless), but here I am.

For example: I started offering English to Italian translation work on Upwork for $5. Eventually I stumbled upon better paid jobs and switched to writing. It all happened randomly. Or maybe the universe rewarded me for taking action. We may never know.

Offline? Is there anyone you know you can help? Maybe a relative or friend of yours? Painting rooms? Mowing lawns?

Another option is to help someone you know with online stuff. Your real-life job is about marketing. Can you help someone in your network with marketing? I understand you aren't the best at it yet, but very few people need the best. You aren't trying to grow Coca Cola's revenue.

Just setting up Google My Business pages or simple FB / Google ads campaign is a good way to start.

You don't necessarily have to get paid lots for what you're doing. What you're looking for with these actions is a mindset switch. From "how can I earn money?" to "how can I help my fellow humans?". That's why I suggested easy things. It has to be a no brainer
 
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alexkuzmov

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Hi guys! I am not Gio.

I got to say that I am impressed by all of you, trying so hard to create a more prosperous and fulfilling life, or helping others to do so. You are truly inspiring. Well done guys. Keep up the good work. Like we would say in Italy - Chi si ferma è perduto! -

I’d like to share my story; It is going to take a while, so grab your popcorns and relax.



I’m from the North of Italy, born and raised here. I’m 30.

Sadly, I’ve never been a Fastlaner. Actually, I did quite the opposite all my life.

After high school, where I graduated with the minimum grades, I started a Business University. (In Italy most of education is public and very cheap). Foolishly, I gave up after a semester.

I had to support myself, since my family is not rich, so I started taking any job I could find.

I have been a waiter, an unsuccessful salesman for a car lot, a delivery guy for Amazon, a poorly paid Uber driver, an even less paid cook, and many other things.

I got nothing meaningful from these jobs, if not a meager source of livelihood. Nothing that could convince me to transform those jobs in a career (luckily?).

A little more than four years ago, I stumbled upon a job that I liked. Personal training. I got good at it, developing a passion for many kinds of training, for kinematics, anatomy, nutrition and helping others reach their health goals.

As you can guess, this passion improved my appearance, but definitely not my finances. In Italy, personal trainers sign awful contracts and are paid miserably. And I really mean it. It is a problem for fitness workers.

All normal here. I almost sound like a nice guy. But don’t be fooled, Let’s get started with the self-pity!

I’ve always considered myself dumb. I know I’m kind of average, but I’ve always had a very bad memory (since I was a kid), short focus, poor communication skills and lack of confidence.

However, working out regularly and good diet gave my new good-looking-self new audacity, and I started looking for ways to improve my specific skills and my intrinsic worth, since I’ve always dreamt to be somebody, one day.

So, at 26, I started Business University again, which I completed only 6 months late with good grades and great effort, since I was still working in gyms and living alone.

In that period, alas, I also started binge watching all the self-improvement material available on YT or Spotify. While I was training or driving or cooking or doing housework, I always had someone talking about growth, possibilities, greatness, and responsibility. I bought books and followed courses etc.

For 8 months, I was a machine. If I wasn’t working, I was studying for my exams. In the down times, I was doing communication exercises, studying ways to improve my memory, reading books aloud to improve my diction, meditating, working out. I even volunteered for a period. I was doing everything the self-helps gurus suggested. I was eating unprocessed food. I stayed completely sober for seven months. Even stopped hanging out with friends or having an occasional dinner with my mum. I was focused, I was motivated.

And then? BOOM! Enlightenment struck!

Just joking. Quite the opposite..

A deep transformation occurred, but it wasn’t what I expected. The light-hearted, dumb, but mostly serene guy was wiped out. I became self-aware, too insanely self-aware, and I didn’t like what I was looking at: no money, no strengths, no self-confidence, no social skills. All the work I was doing was not working.

I started looking at others, my colleagues and clients, with envy. Their charisma, their money, their happiness. Uncontrolled self-help and self-discipline had created a monster.

The gap between what I was and what I wanted for myself was so vast, that I couldn’t bear it. Has something like this ever happened to you?

Anyway, I developed acute anxiety and devilish depression. I’m still fighting with it. I started losing interest in the fitness sector overall, started losing too much weight (bad thing). I even developed an autoimmune disorder with my bones and joints and an issue with my eyes.

Eventually, I lost my job. At that point I struggled to even get out of bed or eat my meals. Started having suicidal thoughts. Got really close, till..

I went back living in my mum’s house, for the first time in 10 years, but I didn’t want to upset her. I told her I needed financial help, for a short period, since “my contract ended”, but she knew something was off.

However, I was determined to not make her worry. This thing saved me. Soon, I decided I had to heal.

Deleted all my Social Media, they were a pain in the a$$. Started working out again, at the park, even with severe pain in my joints. Eating, in a healthy way. Sending CVs.

This time I wanted a job which could sustain me and give me the possibility for a career of some sort. I found a marketing role in an electric scooter start-up. I know almost nothing about marketing, nothing about scooters, but I’m doing my best to learn graphic design, copywriting, digital marketing tools, rules and levers.

They pay me decently (1400 euros are not bad for a first job here) and I have been here for 3 months. Boss likes my work, even if I know it is coming from an amateur and is not giving great results. In my opinion, my contribution is irrelevant, but I’m putting all the effort, and I’m getting better. Moreover, they pay my rent (had to move out of my birth city).

However, unhappiness and frustration is still there, some days I really can’t find a reason to get out of bed, or I can’t focus on work because of the of all the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

I was looking for a self-development forum, to share my story, to know if someone had the same experience as me, and I encountered you guys.

I realized that you are all here for MJ’s books. I decided I had to read al least one of them. I read “The Millionaire Fastlane ” in two days, it was like being struck by lightning.

Making a ton of money. Doing whatever you want, when you want, where you want.

Helping those who you love. Be respected. Be somebody. Be free.

In short, a way to escape the rate race, aka a miserable life, like mine.

Always thought only rich people or genius or very lucky people could achieve any of this. But MJ almost convinced me. And all the stories on the forum are reinforcing it.

Now I have a reason to get up every morning.

I’m a rookie. But I think what I need is a “little capital”, a good idea and a lot of effort, right?

If you have any advices (posts on the forum, books, other sources) where I could start.. I’m snooping around and there are so many success story! So many great people, willing to share their knowledge and stroeis.

So, let’s get busy! What I need is:

  • Extra money. Ways to do it? Online, offline.. I believe strippers make a lot of money, could have been a nice second job, but I can’t find any strip club for ladies in this town. Yes, I am ready to try (almost) anything.
  • A good idea for a business. Ways to find it? I’m not a quick learner, always been bad in math and have very poor numerical memory, so learning programming could take ages. Maybe import and sell products?
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t spoil the mood!

Thank you all for taking the time to read all this. Really appreciate it. It’s my first time ever talking about my issues, or my new dreams.



X-O-X-O from Italy
I'm not seeing your "why", or maybe I missed it.

Sounds like you are on the fail train.
Thats not as bad as you feel. Its good to have a win here and there, but life is mostly made up of what you have experienced so far.

A good example to illustrate this is having a child.
You get a few moments of happines, which is incredible and well worth the effort, then this gets followed up with hours of misery like waking up in 4 am to feed the baby, washing shit and vomit from your clothes before you go to work and other "fun" things like this.

The point is, you'll always have bad moments in life, it never goes away, through our work we reduce them and increase the wins over time.

I think you need a win, and it doesnt have to be a big one.
What do you deem success?
Reaching a goal weight?
Helping someone?
Doing charity?
Selling cars?

Its hard for me to understand, but if you shed some light on what it is that you want and what do you see as success, maybe I can provide some useful insight.
 

KAIZOS

Bronze Contributor
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Jul 11, 2019
121
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Netherlands
The gap between what I was and what I wanted for myself was so vast, that I couldn’t bear it. Has something like this ever happened to you?
This is the most beautiful blessing. A vision.

It's logical that the vision looks/feels unattainable and makes you anxious and depressed.

Think about all the people in the world who have achieved their vision. Travis scott used to be homeless during his grind. DJ Khaled was couch surfing before fame. Parkway Drive was touring as a band sleeping on sidewalks with matresses. How many companies started in a garage?

They got to where they came step by step. So right now what you should do is make a 10 year roadmap, ladder your goals into small goals (5Year, 2.5Year, 1Year, 1Month, 1Week, 1Day), and start executing. Create a positive feedbackloop of progress. Lay the house brick by brick.

Stop the focus on other people, life is not a competition or a race. It is a personal journey. Everybody's metrics for 'success' is different. Luck is so much less of a factor than people think. Only people who take no action can focus on luck, because that is all they have as a means of change. If you look in envy toward other people, you only look to their 'good' sides, not their bad sides. You can't be selectively envious.

Defenitely read The Miracle Equation from Hal Elrod & Awaken The Giant Within from Tony Robbins. (and Unscripted from MJ DeMarco if you havent already)

You have a lot of mindset work to do, but you are on the right path. You had a good run for 8 months, but your old negative life wanted you back. It was basically a relapse. Time to accept this, continue and onwards to your vision.
 
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Martin Z

Bronze Contributor
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Oct 11, 2021
405
373
Stavanger, Norway
Hi guys! I am not Gio.

I got to say that I am impressed by all of you, trying so hard to create a more prosperous and fulfilling life, or helping others to do so. You are truly inspiring. Well done guys. Keep up the good work. Like we would say in Italy - Chi si ferma è perduto! -

I’d like to share my story; It is going to take a while, so grab your popcorns and relax.



I’m from the North of Italy, born and raised here. I’m 30.

Sadly, I’ve never been a Fastlaner. Actually, I did quite the opposite all my life.

After high school, where I graduated with the minimum grades, I started a Business University. (In Italy most of education is public and very cheap). Foolishly, I gave up after a semester.

I had to support myself, since my family is not rich, so I started taking any job I could find.

I have been a waiter, an unsuccessful salesman for a car lot, a delivery guy for Amazon, a poorly paid Uber driver, an even less paid cook, and many other things.

I got nothing meaningful from these jobs, if not a meager source of livelihood. Nothing that could convince me to transform those jobs in a career (luckily?).

A little more than four years ago, I stumbled upon a job that I liked. Personal training. I got good at it, developing a passion for many kinds of training, for kinematics, anatomy, nutrition and helping others reach their health goals.

As you can guess, this passion improved my appearance, but definitely not my finances. In Italy, personal trainers sign awful contracts and are paid miserably. And I really mean it. It is a problem for fitness workers.

All normal here. I almost sound like a nice guy. But don’t be fooled, Let’s get started with the self-pity!

I’ve always considered myself dumb. I know I’m kind of average, but I’ve always had a very bad memory (since I was a kid), short focus, poor communication skills and lack of confidence.

However, working out regularly and good diet gave my new good-looking-self new audacity, and I started looking for ways to improve my specific skills and my intrinsic worth, since I’ve always dreamt to be somebody, one day.

So, at 26, I started Business University again, which I completed only 6 months late with good grades and great effort, since I was still working in gyms and living alone.

In that period, alas, I also started binge watching all the self-improvement material available on YT or Spotify. While I was training or driving or cooking or doing housework, I always had someone talking about growth, possibilities, greatness, and responsibility. I bought books and followed courses etc.

For 8 months, I was a machine. If I wasn’t working, I was studying for my exams. In the down times, I was doing communication exercises, studying ways to improve my memory, reading books aloud to improve my diction, meditating, working out. I even volunteered for a period. I was doing everything the self-helps gurus suggested. I was eating unprocessed food. I stayed completely sober for seven months. Even stopped hanging out with friends or having an occasional dinner with my mum. I was focused, I was motivated.

And then? BOOM! Enlightenment struck!

Just joking. Quite the opposite..

A deep transformation occurred, but it wasn’t what I expected. The light-hearted, dumb, but mostly serene guy was wiped out. I became self-aware, too insanely self-aware, and I didn’t like what I was looking at: no money, no strengths, no self-confidence, no social skills. All the work I was doing was not working.

I started looking at others, my colleagues and clients, with envy. Their charisma, their money, their happiness. Uncontrolled self-help and self-discipline had created a monster.

The gap between what I was and what I wanted for myself was so vast, that I couldn’t bear it. Has something like this ever happened to you?

Anyway, I developed acute anxiety and devilish depression. I’m still fighting with it. I started losing interest in the fitness sector overall, started losing too much weight (bad thing). I even developed an autoimmune disorder with my bones and joints and an issue with my eyes.

Eventually, I lost my job. At that point I struggled to even get out of bed or eat my meals. Started having suicidal thoughts. Got really close, till..

I went back living in my mum’s house, for the first time in 10 years, but I didn’t want to upset her. I told her I needed financial help, for a short period, since “my contract ended”, but she knew something was off.

However, I was determined to not make her worry. This thing saved me. Soon, I decided I had to heal.

Deleted all my Social Media, they were a pain in the a$$. Started working out again, at the park, even with severe pain in my joints. Eating, in a healthy way. Sending CVs.

This time I wanted a job which could sustain me and give me the possibility for a career of some sort. I found a marketing role in an electric scooter start-up. I know almost nothing about marketing, nothing about scooters, but I’m doing my best to learn graphic design, copywriting, digital marketing tools, rules and levers.

They pay me decently (1400 euros are not bad for a first job here) and I have been here for 3 months. Boss likes my work, even if I know it is coming from an amateur and is not giving great results. In my opinion, my contribution is irrelevant, but I’m putting all the effort, and I’m getting better. Moreover, they pay my rent (had to move out of my birth city).

However, unhappiness and frustration is still there, some days I really can’t find a reason to get out of bed, or I can’t focus on work because of the of all the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

I was looking for a self-development forum, to share my story, to know if someone had the same experience as me, and I encountered you guys.

I realized that you are all here for MJ’s books. I decided I had to read al least one of them. I read “The Millionaire Fastlane ” in two days, it was like being struck by lightning.

Making a ton of money. Doing whatever you want, when you want, where you want.

Helping those who you love. Be respected. Be somebody. Be free.

In short, a way to escape the rate race, aka a miserable life, like mine.

Always thought only rich people or genius or very lucky people could achieve any of this. But MJ almost convinced me. And all the stories on the forum are reinforcing it.

Now I have a reason to get up every morning.

I’m a rookie. But I think what I need is a “little capital”, a good idea and a lot of effort, right?

If you have any advices (posts on the forum, books, other sources) where I could start.. I’m snooping around and there are so many success story! So many great people, willing to share their knowledge and stroeis.

So, let’s get busy! What I need is:

  • Extra money. Ways to do it? Online, offline.. I believe strippers make a lot of money, could have been a nice second job, but I can’t find any strip club for ladies in this town. Yes, I am ready to try (almost) anything.
  • A good idea for a business. Ways to find it? I’m not a quick learner, always been bad in math and have very poor numerical memory, so learning programming could take ages. Maybe import and sell products?
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t spoil the mood!

Thank you all for taking the time to read all this. Really appreciate it. It’s my first time ever talking about my issues, or my new dreams.



X-O-X-O from Italy
Great story amico mio. Welcome to the forum. :)

I'm almost a decade younger than you but I can share with you a little bit of my experience if you want to listen to a young gun.

The self help industry, or all these motivational gurus that you see everywhere nowadays is that they give you these cliché terms like "Just work hard", "Work every waking hour" or "Your network is your net worth" etc. You've probably heard them all before.

Sometimes these gurus will unpack certain parts of the tools when you buy a course but they never tell you how to fully utilize the tools to make you successful because they know that only 1-2% of people will actually take action from the course and stick with it long term. Which is a big reason why the course business is such a get rich easy industry because everyone's looking for the shortcut nowadays and wants to be a billionaire in 1 year. That industry will just grow bigger, everyone's obsessed about pills, anti depressants and how to get that instant gratification. People don't realize that things take time, and that's the biggest mistake young people make, or even older people too make this mistake. It's kind of like selling shovels. YOU want to be the guy selling shovels while everybody else is digging for these crypto hacks nowadays.

I was in that spot about 2-3 years ago too. Reading every single book, watching all these gurus on YouTube talking about copywriting, Amazon kindle, dropshipping etc. But got no results by following their advice.

And don't be discouraged. What helped me was when I got MJ's first book when I bought an Instagram course. It really changed my way of thinking.

Another guy who I also listen to consistently is someone named Andy Frisella, who's got an unbelievable story. He also got his own podcast on Spotify, Real AF. I highly recommend you start listening to him as his content is just next level.

He was about your age when things finally started to click for him. He started his first business when he was 19-20 years old, lived in the store and only made $52k in his first 10 years of business. Now he's 42, and runs a company that makes about $600 million annually in revenue, plus his other companies. He's a big inspiration for me. Even Andy himself states this point consistently; "Make sure that the guy you're learning from runs an actual company and has the success you want". Which is the reason why I only really listen to him and MJ Demarco's content, because these guys have actually done what you wanna do. They're not trying to sell you a $50k mastermind that's just going to tell you enough so you don't become successful.

Dean Graziosi and Dan Fleyshmann are also pretty good guys to listen too. Although Dean has sort of a bad rep because he's marketing himself everywhere and some guys on the internet think he's a scam which is hilarious.
The dude's a brilliant entrepreneur. Just like Tony Robbins.

You can also create a business out of teaching people how to build a great body as it's a great industry. It's not gonna happen when you're employed as a PT, but by creating courses around it and being the leader in Italy for instance. Look at P90X. MJ made a video about this guy a while ago on how he was able to escape the rat race of personal trainers and instead of serving 2-4 clients a day he's serving tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands just by his courses, books, online content etc. That business works outside his time since he's not trading his hours for $.
 
Last edited:

MJ DeMarco

I followed the science; all I found was money.
Staff member
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Self-help is often ambiguous and platitudinal which offers no guarantees. This is why I try to put self-help into more concrete, infallible terms, like math and value. If you offer value that serves a hungry market, all the cliched proverbs go out the window.
 

Michael1978hbg

New Contributor
Oct 13, 2020
4
8
Hi not Gio,

I can relate to alot of things you are sharing in your story. Thanks for sharing it.

It seems you are behind the "get rich fast fast" stuff.

What you need is a plan you believe in. If you don't follow your plan, if might be that the plan is not convincing enough for you. You might not believe in yourself - yet. And I think thats pretty normal for most of us. People stop things and projects out of multiple resaons. When you dig deeper most of it boils down to one of three basic fears. My takeaway after trying a lot and failing is this. Very high level btw.
1. Understand what you want - in detail. In cluding your motivator behind it. Key word: do it for the right reason - your reason.
2. Does your product solve a real problem? A great book I can recommend is "The Momtest" takes a lot of bias out of your idea.
3. Ask yourself honestly "Am I having all the "skills and setup" do this on a level that makes it possible to win?"
4. If not. Where do get it? There is the way of learning it yourself (takes time), or hire a freelancer (costs money).
5. Do it and adjust along the way.

Don't get stressd out. What most of forget is, that as kids we failed all the time. But didn't care. As we grow older our mind is misleading us.

Here is a little bit clichè advice, but I think it's still true.
if you fail, ask yourself. What can I learn out of it?

Best,
Michael
 
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natan

New Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Jan 17, 2022
6
4
Atlanta
Hi NotGio,

Ciao from Spain! (at the moment in USA-Germany-Spain, depends on where you read this)

I feel identified on your story, the anxiety -not depression, I hope- hi

the self-pressure to self improve becomes an extra weight on your back and you end up not enjoying the way...

even I thought about getting a job to get rid of stress.

But,

a little bit of freelancing and part-time slowlane will not hurt you -if your long-term goal is Fastlane and you have a plan...

So:
Do you want an Idea for business?

Get mine: (I make that for a living, so the idea is already validated)


If you are good at selling what is good for the client (you're like me, I fail at selling garbage),
find at least one good freelancer at designing simple websites. They need to make a simple site, so a cheap one, not a fancy 4 figures website.
Then find another freelance (can be the same freelancer if is skilled) that can make a good Google Ads campaign.
With website + Ads you just made a lead-making machine for a business, let's say, home renovation, contractors, plumbers, electricians, and so on...

Now, just sell the service for 2k and pay the freelancer 1k.

I make this as a freelancer so I know that is a good idea. If you can do everything, you take all the money. If you just sell, you get half but you don't need to do the work. If you are the freelancer, you get half but you don't need to deal with the client...

So, is an idea, hope it fits for you - or for anyone reading.
Feel free to ask for details.
 

LuckyPup

Done Dicking Around
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
Aug 2, 2012
519
828
Midwest USA
Hi guys! I am not Gio.

I got to say that I am impressed by all of you, trying so hard to create a more prosperous and fulfilling life, or helping others to do so. You are truly inspiring. Well done guys. Keep up the good work. Like we would say in Italy - Chi si ferma è perduto! -

I’d like to share my story; It is going to take a while, so grab your popcorns and relax.



I’m from the North of Italy, born and raised here. I’m 30.

Sadly, I’ve never been a Fastlaner. Actually, I did quite the opposite all my life.

After high school, where I graduated with the minimum grades, I started a Business University. (In Italy most of education is public and very cheap). Foolishly, I gave up after a semester.

I had to support myself, since my family is not rich, so I started taking any job I could find.

I have been a waiter, an unsuccessful salesman for a car lot, a delivery guy for Amazon, a poorly paid Uber driver, an even less paid cook, and many other things.

I got nothing meaningful from these jobs, if not a meager source of livelihood. Nothing that could convince me to transform those jobs in a career (luckily?).

A little more than four years ago, I stumbled upon a job that I liked. Personal training. I got good at it, developing a passion for many kinds of training, for kinematics, anatomy, nutrition and helping others reach their health goals.

As you can guess, this passion improved my appearance, but definitely not my finances. In Italy, personal trainers sign awful contracts and are paid miserably. And I really mean it. It is a problem for fitness workers.

All normal here. I almost sound like a nice guy. But don’t be fooled, Let’s get started with the self-pity!

I’ve always considered myself dumb. I know I’m kind of average, but I’ve always had a very bad memory (since I was a kid), short focus, poor communication skills and lack of confidence.

However, working out regularly and good diet gave my new good-looking-self new audacity, and I started looking for ways to improve my specific skills and my intrinsic worth, since I’ve always dreamt to be somebody, one day.

So, at 26, I started Business University again, which I completed only 6 months late with good grades and great effort, since I was still working in gyms and living alone.

In that period, alas, I also started binge watching all the self-improvement material available on YT or Spotify. While I was training or driving or cooking or doing housework, I always had someone talking about growth, possibilities, greatness, and responsibility. I bought books and followed courses etc.

For 8 months, I was a machine. If I wasn’t working, I was studying for my exams. In the down times, I was doing communication exercises, studying ways to improve my memory, reading books aloud to improve my diction, meditating, working out. I even volunteered for a period. I was doing everything the self-helps gurus suggested. I was eating unprocessed food. I stayed completely sober for seven months. Even stopped hanging out with friends or having an occasional dinner with my mum. I was focused, I was motivated.

And then? BOOM! Enlightenment struck!

Just joking. Quite the opposite..

A deep transformation occurred, but it wasn’t what I expected. The light-hearted, dumb, but mostly serene guy was wiped out. I became self-aware, too insanely self-aware, and I didn’t like what I was looking at: no money, no strengths, no self-confidence, no social skills. All the work I was doing was not working.

I started looking at others, my colleagues and clients, with envy. Their charisma, their money, their happiness. Uncontrolled self-help and self-discipline had created a monster.

The gap between what I was and what I wanted for myself was so vast, that I couldn’t bear it. Has something like this ever happened to you?

Anyway, I developed acute anxiety and devilish depression. I’m still fighting with it. I started losing interest in the fitness sector overall, started losing too much weight (bad thing). I even developed an autoimmune disorder with my bones and joints and an issue with my eyes.

Eventually, I lost my job. At that point I struggled to even get out of bed or eat my meals. Started having suicidal thoughts. Got really close, till..

I went back living in my mum’s house, for the first time in 10 years, but I didn’t want to upset her. I told her I needed financial help, for a short period, since “my contract ended”, but she knew something was off.

However, I was determined to not make her worry. This thing saved me. Soon, I decided I had to heal.

Deleted all my Social Media, they were a pain in the a$$. Started working out again, at the park, even with severe pain in my joints. Eating, in a healthy way. Sending CVs.

This time I wanted a job which could sustain me and give me the possibility for a career of some sort. I found a marketing role in an electric scooter start-up. I know almost nothing about marketing, nothing about scooters, but I’m doing my best to learn graphic design, copywriting, digital marketing tools, rules and levers.

They pay me decently (1400 euros are not bad for a first job here) and I have been here for 3 months. Boss likes my work, even if I know it is coming from an amateur and is not giving great results. In my opinion, my contribution is irrelevant, but I’m putting all the effort, and I’m getting better. Moreover, they pay my rent (had to move out of my birth city).

However, unhappiness and frustration is still there, some days I really can’t find a reason to get out of bed, or I can’t focus on work because of the of all the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

I was looking for a self-development forum, to share my story, to know if someone had the same experience as me, and I encountered you guys.

I realized that you are all here for MJ’s books. I decided I had to read al least one of them. I read “The Millionaire Fastlane ” in two days, it was like being struck by lightning.

Making a ton of money. Doing whatever you want, when you want, where you want.

Helping those who you love. Be respected. Be somebody. Be free.

In short, a way to escape the rate race, aka a miserable life, like mine.

Always thought only rich people or genius or very lucky people could achieve any of this. But MJ almost convinced me. And all the stories on the forum are reinforcing it.

Now I have a reason to get up every morning.

I’m a rookie. But I think what I need is a “little capital”, a good idea and a lot of effort, right?

If you have any advices (posts on the forum, books, other sources) where I could start.. I’m snooping around and there are so many success story! So many great people, willing to share their knowledge and stroeis.

So, let’s get busy! What I need is:

  • Extra money. Ways to do it? Online, offline.. I believe strippers make a lot of money, could have been a nice second job, but I can’t find any strip club for ladies in this town. Yes, I am ready to try (almost) anything.
  • A good idea for a business. Ways to find it? I’m not a quick learner, always been bad in math and have very poor numerical memory, so learning programming could take ages. Maybe import and sell products?
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t spoil the mood!

Thank you all for taking the time to read all this. Really appreciate it. It’s my first time ever talking about my issues, or my new dreams.



X-O-X-O from Italy
One word in your post struck me the most: Gap. You've been focusing on the gap between where you are and where you want to be - and that's a miserable place. Yes, self-awareness is important, at least to some (amazingly, many get through life just fine without a shred of self-awareness). But self-awareness is a means to an end, not an end unto itself. It's time to turn the spotlight away from yourself and how you feel, and toward your actions; your process. Learn from MJ and become a process machine. Yes, you need a vision, long term and short term goals, but the key to success and happiness is to focus on the process, not the gap.

In terms of what your "vehicle," aka your business should be, again, turn the spotlight away from your feelings, wants and needs, and toward others' feelings, wants and needs - and create solutions to fulfill them.

I know my advice is quite general, but I don't know you, so I can't be any more specific than that.
 

Martin Z

Bronze Contributor
Read Rat-Race Escape!
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
Oct 11, 2021
405
373
Stavanger, Norway
One word in your post struck me the most: Gap. You've been focusing on the gap between where you are and where you want to be - and that's a miserable place. Yes, self-awareness is important, at least to some (amazingly, many get through life just fine without a shred of self-awareness). But self-awareness is a means to an end, not an end unto itself. It's time to turn the spotlight away from yourself and how you feel, and toward your actions; your process. Learn from MJ and become a process machine. Yes, you need a vision, long term and short term goals, but the key to success and happiness is to focus on the process, not the gap.

In terms of what your "vehicle," aka your business should be, again, turn the spotlight away from your feelings, wants and needs, and toward others' feelings, wants and needs - and create solutions to fulfill them.

I know my advice is quite general, but I don't know you, so I can't be any more specific than that.
Wow, that's quality advice right there sir.

It's so easy to get lost in the trap of your current situation. Especially when you're a high achiever like many of us on this forum, like you're always hunting for more.

That's why majority of people never escape that trap. They're always focused on what they don't have, and they don't take any action to change that, and sooner or later they start believe that that's just reality, our brains can't interpret the difference between reality and imagination. That's why so many people are unhappy nowadays. They've just accepted things for what they are. It's a deadly trap that infests into our subconscious mind.

Instead of creating their dream life on paper or whatever and live in the moment by taking the action steps that are necessary for their happy future, they are so obsessed about what they don't have and only think about the bad things. I've felt this way too :(

You've got to find a way to find positives in where you are, doesn't matter if you're broke, rich, happy, unhappy or whatever. There's always going to be a void to fill if you can't control your mind.
 
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D

Deleted68316

Guest
Extra money. Ways to do it? Online, offline.. I believe strippers make a lot of money, could have been a nice second job, but I can’t find any strip club for ladies in this town. Yes, I am ready to try (almost) anything.
I don't know where you live but strippers sounds good.

In the end you have a passion for your body. Since personal training didn't work for you, why not try something that you can do in the evenings only and maybe only weekend?

Also, it doesn't have to be something you are going to do. It can be something you try once.

Downside is that you never know people behind a strip club.

There is a famous American singer that used to work in a strip club.

You could just send some CVs with pictures (I guess you have them) to good strip clubs (the closest to your place). Or call them directly.

At least, get informed on how much they pay. This itself is going to clear the ideas.

Low hanging fruits, first. Information is free. Zero risk.
 
D

Deleted68316

Guest
I have been hammering the forum with a topic I really care about. This is because no one yet, it seems, read the following books by Daniel Amen:

- The end of mental illness (to have a general overview)

- Change your brain change your life (it's divided by "brain" problems. Hence it's easier to see if you fit in some category)

I could write a lot about these books. However, if you read them, it's going to be much more effective.

These are not self-help books. These are scientific books.

I came to hate self-help books. I have developed a sort of buyer's remorse. That's because, like you, I have spent a lot of years reading this kind of material.

Results: downsides.

You see, there are a lot of people out there with "brain" problems. How do gurus tell them to be safe? To take responsibility for their life. It's their classical approach (Tony Robbins style).

What they don't understand is that sometimes people have physical problems (in their brains) and that responsibility and bullshit don't work.

Tony Robbins helps people. Not everyone though. A lot of people have a boost after the seminars and, after a while, it dissolves and they are on the ground again. I know people that went to those seminars.

At the same time, some of them get better. Of course, some people win the lottery as well.

Besides that, I really wish you will read those books.


Please read the following excerpt from The End Of Mental Illness (bold mine):

"Dave and Bonnie were struggling in their marriage. Dave had a bad temper and many negative thoughts, and Bonnie was having a hard time dealing with his behavior.

They decided to go to a psychologist for marital therapy and stuck with it for three years. But it was a frustrating endeavor. Try as they might to get closer, nothing seemed to work. The therapy sessions were filled with blaming, bickering, frequent explosions, and a general sense of unhappiness. The therapist, who was very experienced, tried and tried.

She had diagnosed Dave with mixed personality disorder with narcissistic and antisocial features, along with intermittent explosive disorder, but none of the usual treatments, strategies, or relationship tools helped them make any progress.

After considerable thought, the doctor decided to give the couple an F in marital therapy. She told Dave and Bonnie that, in her opinion, it was time for a divorce. After spending years of effort and more than $25,000 trying to heal their marriage, the couple protested, and the therapist said there was one more option. She told them about Amen Clinics, where some of her most difficult clients had found help.

After an evaluation, our team performed brain SPECT scans on the couple. Bonnie’s scan was healthy. But Dave’s brain scan looked shriveled and full of holes (scan attached), the same pattern that we see in drug or alcohol abusers. This was odd because Dave said he didn’t drink and never used drugs. To make sure, in front of Bonnie, I asked Dave if he was drinking heavily or using drugs, and he denied it. I turned to Bonnie for more information, knowing that alcoholics are often in denial and drug abusers often lie. She said, “He’s right. He doesn’t drink and, as far as I know, has never used drugs. That is not his problem, Dr. Amen. He’s just a jerk.” As an aside, his therapist’s diagnosis of mixed personality disorder with narcissistic and antisocial features was her way of calling him a jerk, but “jerk” is not a billable diagnosis.

DAVE’S TOXIC SPECT SCAN Notice shriveled appearance and huge “holes” of decreased activity I chuckled at Bonnie’s comment. But if Dave was really not a drinker or drug abuser, my mind started immediately looking for alternatives about why he had such a toxic-looking brain.

My psychiatrist friend Harold Bursztajn, former co-director of the program in psychiatry and law at Harvard, often says that scans don’t always give you the answer; they teach you to ask better questions. I went through the different potential medical causes in my head—brain infections, a near-drowning episode, hypothyroidism, anemia, environmental toxins.

My next question to Dave was, “Where do you work?” He replied, “I work in a furniture factory.” “What do you do there?” I asked. “Finish furniture.” “Is there good ventilation in the room?” “No,” Dave said. “It’s often hot and reeks with fumes.” Oh my goodness, I thought. Dave has a drug-affected brain from the solvents he is using at work.

Even though he had never willfully used drugs, the chemicals were eating away at his brain. Dave thought he was going to work to support his family, but he was really being poisoned. “Do you wear a mask?” I asked. “No. They tell me I should, but I don’t think it’s important.” “Ouch,” I said. “You really should.”

My next question was to Bonnie: “When did he start becoming a jerk?” She thought for a moment. “We weren’t always unhappy. We’ve been married for 15 years. It just seems that the last eight were hard. The first years were great. He was so different.” Then a look of “Aha” washed over Bonnie’s face. “Dave started to work at the furniture factory eight years ago. Do you think his personality change can be from his job?” “You bet,” I answered.


“Something is damaging his brain and damaging his ability to be the kind, thoughtful, empathic, and loving man you married.” I urged Dave to take a six-month medical leave of absence and would only allow him to return to a nontoxic job at the plant. After seeing Dave’s brain scans, Bonnie developed empathy for her husband. She went from thinking he was a jerk to seeing him as someone who was in need of help and understanding.

When a person’s behavior changes dramatically or does not make sense, like Dave’s, it is important to consider brain health issues as a potential cause of the trouble. It was clear to me that Dave’s problem was not just psychiatric; it was biological.

Numerous studies have shown that exposure to chemicals and solvents has negative effects on brain health, including mood, memory, and attention.[97] No amount of therapy and no amount of effort on Dave’s part was going to heal the damaging effects the solvents had on his brain.

The problem is virtually no marital therapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists start by mapping the brain, so they have no idea if it is healthy or unhealthy and in need of repair. And most don’t look into a patient’s biology that might be contributing to the problem. We can and must do better."



Toxic exposure is only one of the things that can affect our brains. the above quote is only to give you an idea of the book. How it sees "mental illness" from a physical perspective.

Other factors that can cause mental problems are (as far as I remember):

- inheritance from parents: For instance, my mama was dying from depression, my grandma tried to kill herself, I used to be depressed.

- Brain trauma: you hit your head even while you were a child. Animals are not supposed to hit their head. It seems only humans do it. The brain is very soft. It's almost like butter left out of the fridge. That's why martial arts athletes cannot talk.


- Toxic exposure: like in the example below. It can be from paints, toxic molds, and so on.

- Toxicity in foods: The same, great, Tony Robbins had mercury exposure because he used to eat salmon 3 times a day every day for years. I hope you eat organic (as an athlete, you may eat a lot of chicken). In the USA, 60% of the total antibiotics ingested by people, comes from meat :rofl:

- Other factors that I can't remember right now. I guess people sometimes are just unlucky.


I really wish more people in this forum will read those books.

We would stop finding solutions to real, physical problems, in the beautiful realm of self-help books.

This, dear @I am not Gio, is not to say that you do have brain problems. Self-help books may be the solution for you. The fact that "where you are today is so far from where you want to be" can really be the reason why you don't feel at your best, yet. I just recommend you something that will give you a completely new perspective for what concerns "mental illness". I find those books very fascinating.

You probably eat very well. Exercise like a small percentage of people, and you are in better physical shape than people in this forum that tell you that "you are responsible."

On top of that, you make 1400 euros a month. I used to live in Milan and while it's not much, 1400 euros a month is still a decent amount to rent a place for yourself (700 euros a month for a nice one bedroom), eat well, go to the gym, and save. Sometimes having housemates can be a good solution to save money and live with nice people.

I think the only thing that matters is to be better today than what we were yesterday. Sometimes we have down periods. And the beauty of down periods is that they are always followed by up periods. And the lower the lows, the higher the highs.

I wish you the best.
 

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Lared

New Contributor
Feb 17, 2022
2
5
Hi guys! I am not Gio.

I got to say that I am impressed by all of you, trying so hard to create a more prosperous and fulfilling life, or helping others to do so. You are truly inspiring. Well done guys. Keep up the good work. Like we would say in Italy - Chi si ferma è perduto! -

I’d like to share my story; It is going to take a while, so grab your popcorns and relax.



I’m from the North of Italy, born and raised here. I’m 30.

Sadly, I’ve never been a Fastlaner. Actually, I did quite the opposite all my life.

After high school, where I graduated with the minimum grades, I started a Business University. (In Italy most of education is public and very cheap). Foolishly, I gave up after a semester.

I had to support myself, since my family is not rich, so I started taking any job I could find.

I have been a waiter, an unsuccessful salesman for a car lot, a delivery guy for Amazon, a poorly paid Uber driver, an even less paid cook, and many other things.

I got nothing meaningful from these jobs, if not a meager source of livelihood. Nothing that could convince me to transform those jobs in a career (luckily?).

A little more than four years ago, I stumbled upon a job that I liked. Personal training. I got good at it, developing a passion for many kinds of training, for kinematics, anatomy, nutrition and helping others reach their health goals.

As you can guess, this passion improved my appearance, but definitely not my finances. In Italy, personal trainers sign awful contracts and are paid miserably. And I really mean it. It is a problem for fitness workers.

All normal here. I almost sound like a nice guy. But don’t be fooled, Let’s get started with the self-pity!

I’ve always considered myself dumb. I know I’m kind of average, but I’ve always had a very bad memory (since I was a kid), short focus, poor communication skills and lack of confidence.

However, working out regularly and good diet gave my new good-looking-self new audacity, and I started looking for ways to improve my specific skills and my intrinsic worth, since I’ve always dreamt to be somebody, one day.

So, at 26, I started Business University again, which I completed only 6 months late with good grades and great effort, since I was still working in gyms and living alone.

In that period, alas, I also started binge watching all the self-improvement material available on YT or Spotify. While I was training or driving or cooking or doing housework, I always had someone talking about growth, possibilities, greatness, and responsibility. I bought books and followed courses etc.

For 8 months, I was a machine. If I wasn’t working, I was studying for my exams. In the down times, I was doing communication exercises, studying ways to improve my memory, reading books aloud to improve my diction, meditating, working out. I even volunteered for a period. I was doing everything the self-helps gurus suggested. I was eating unprocessed food. I stayed completely sober for seven months. Even stopped hanging out with friends or having an occasional dinner with my mum. I was focused, I was motivated.

And then? BOOM! Enlightenment struck!

Just joking. Quite the opposite..

A deep transformation occurred, but it wasn’t what I expected. The light-hearted, dumb, but mostly serene guy was wiped out. I became self-aware, too insanely self-aware, and I didn’t like what I was looking at: no money, no strengths, no self-confidence, no social skills. All the work I was doing was not working.

I started looking at others, my colleagues and clients, with envy. Their charisma, their money, their happiness. Uncontrolled self-help and self-discipline had created a monster.

The gap between what I was and what I wanted for myself was so vast, that I couldn’t bear it. Has something like this ever happened to you?

Anyway, I developed acute anxiety and devilish depression. I’m still fighting with it. I started losing interest in the fitness sector overall, started losing too much weight (bad thing). I even developed an autoimmune disorder with my bones and joints and an issue with my eyes.

Eventually, I lost my job. At that point I struggled to even get out of bed or eat my meals. Started having suicidal thoughts. Got really close, till..

I went back living in my mum’s house, for the first time in 10 years, but I didn’t want to upset her. I told her I needed financial help, for a short period, since “my contract ended”, but she knew something was off.

However, I was determined to not make her worry. This thing saved me. Soon, I decided I had to heal.

Deleted all my Social Media, they were a pain in the a$$. Started working out again, at the park, even with severe pain in my joints. Eating, in a healthy way. Sending CVs.

This time I wanted a job which could sustain me and give me the possibility for a career of some sort. I found a marketing role in an electric scooter start-up. I know almost nothing about marketing, nothing about scooters, but I’m doing my best to learn graphic design, copywriting, digital marketing tools, rules and levers.

They pay me decently (1400 euros are not bad for a first job here) and I have been here for 3 months. Boss likes my work, even if I know it is coming from an amateur and is not giving great results. In my opinion, my contribution is irrelevant, but I’m putting all the effort, and I’m getting better. Moreover, they pay my rent (had to move out of my birth city).

However, unhappiness and frustration is still there, some days I really can’t find a reason to get out of bed, or I can’t focus on work because of the of all the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

I was looking for a self-development forum, to share my story, to know if someone had the same experience as me, and I encountered you guys.

I realized that you are all here for MJ’s books. I decided I had to read al least one of them. I read “The Millionaire Fastlane ” in two days, it was like being struck by lightning.

Making a ton of money. Doing whatever you want, when you want, where you want.

Helping those who you love. Be respected. Be somebody. Be free.

In short, a way to escape the rate race, aka a miserable life, like mine.

Always thought only rich people or genius or very lucky people could achieve any of this. But MJ almost convinced me. And all the stories on the forum are reinforcing it.

Now I have a reason to get up every morning.

I’m a rookie. But I think what I need is a “little capital”, a good idea and a lot of effort, right?

If you have any advices (posts on the forum, books, other sources) where I could start.. I’m snooping around and there are so many success story! So many great people, willing to share their knowledge and stroeis.

So, let’s get busy! What I need is:

  • Extra money. Ways to do it? Online, offline.. I believe strippers make a lot of money, could have been a nice second job, but I can’t find any strip club for ladies in this town. Yes, I am ready to try (almost) anything.
  • A good idea for a business. Ways to find it? I’m not a quick learner, always been bad in math and have very poor numerical memory, so learning programming could take ages. Maybe import and sell products?
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t spoil the mood!

Thank you all for taking the time to read all this. Really appreciate it. It’s my first time ever talking about my issues, or my new dreams.



X-O-X-O from Italy
Dear I am not Gio,

Thank you for sharing your story.
Unfortunately I have no suggestions nor advices to offer…but we are in this togheter! I know what you say, can really feel you and I’m searching for the same things.

Let me share my experience but please be kind with my grammar mistakes (a long time has passed since the last time I wrote something in english...)
Few years ago (11 to be precise) I got pregnant. I was just 18 and my boyfriend…long story short, we broke up. You know, bitter to bite the bullet for my italian family (yes, I am from the north too)…I was attending my last year at the grammar school, you can figure it out about slanderers and gossips...
I was scared, but I took my decision: I was going to have my baby, even alone. Maybe young unconsciousness, but I was sure I would have found a way to let things run. And that’s what I did. Family, friends, people discouraged me to go on with school “Don’t be ridiculos, you’ll never do it”. It has been so hard to get it: need to feed my son every 3 hours, had to study every day and night… But here we are: my diploma hangs on the wall.

The same year I found a silly job (plenty of silly jobs) and enrolled at the university. I chose the Law School -didn’t like at all, but here in Italy you’re not asked to attend law lessons, you can study by yourself and then take exames– priorities for me were to take care of my son, to keep my job…
At last It took 9 years for me to conclude university, almost studying at night. It has been very hard to do, but you know what? My law degree hangs on the wall, next to the diploma.

Here comes the trouble: during last year I felt disheartened and exhausted like never before.

It all began with my stupid hope to find a better job…no way to find, for several reasons.
First of all, in Italy degrees are undervalued – my law degree is more or less considered like toilet paper.
Employers are spoilt for choice so during recruitment they just care about how long it took for you to get the degree. Nobody cares about the reasons why you took more than required to graduate: you’re just out.

Another problem is the age: meanwhile I was working silly jobes just to carry on, I got older.
Nowadays being 30 in Italy means to find quite all CVs rejected (you know, “apprendistato”conditions…).

Nevertheless I still went ahead on searching for new job advertisements, sending CVs, even taking part in public competition. Somehow, every week I started studying something different because of a new job application, I was never enogh for.
Unfortunately, every studying-struggle was pointless: no calls, no job offers at all.
Just got more tired. My anxiety increased, felt depressed and couldn’t sleep at night.
Didn’t know what to do, I was on the verge to start an online master in order to improve my competences ...but it would have meant to invest in time and money...

After all I find myself doing a job I hate more and more and what’s worse is the wage. I earn nothing more than what I need to survive day by day, no way out. I felt empty, useless for my family, but at the same time couldn’t share how bad it was. Felt in trap.

That’s pretty much my experience.
Just like you, at a certain point I realized there was a huge difference between who I was and who I wanted to become.
During a sleepless night few months ago I though “Enough. That’s the way it is: if there’s no job for me, I’m going to create one by myself”.
Someday I found Unscripted and it has been a source of inspiration. Thanks to the book realized the hamster wheel I was running on and tried to get down. Don’t laugh at me but changement started with this new mantra: I don’t want to be someone’s best alternative, I deserve to be someone’s choice, as in working as in private life. Differently, I’m choosing me by myself
I stopped sending CVs, and started using time to understand what I really want and how to get it.

And that’s all, for now.

Ok, I haven’t achieved any goal yet, but I’m searching for the way. Still trying

As told, no advices to offer, but I cheer for you and hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.

Wish you the best
 
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