Sales Letter Review - Be Gentle, it's my first time.

[OptionTradingIQ]

Hi,

I'm hoping someone who is experience with sales letters would be able to take a look at my first attempt.

The page is www.optionstradingiqcourse.com

I tried to follow this method that I found in another post in this forum. I'm missing the scarcity, but will offer free coaching to the first X number of people to sign up when I do a live webinar. Maybe just missing a call to action and a warning?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you in advance.

1. Call out to your audience
2. Get their attention
3. Backup the big promise headline with a quick explanation (Sub)
4. Identify the problem
5. Provide the solution
6. Show pain of and cost of development
7. Explain ease-of-use
8. Show speed to results
9. Future cast
10. Show your credentials
11. Detail the benefits
12. Get social proof
13. Make your offer
14. Add bonuses
15. Build up your value
16. Reveal your price (pop by button)
17. Inject scarcity (if any)
18. Give guarantee
19. Call to action
20. Give a warning
21. Close with a reminder

 

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[Mike39]

Nice job with the layout, I personally enjoyed the squeeze page when I hit the close button :eusa_clap:, thats OptimizePress if I'm not mistaken, however, from a customer perspective, the enter name & EMAIL seemed a little rushed unless of course your MAIN goal is to generate a list, just my opinion and I am no expert :smug2:

Edit: maybe draw them back in with 60 day money back guarantee on your exit page instead of....Enter Email and Enter Name

 

[OptionTradingIQ]

good idea. thanks Mike

 

[evanwebb]

Looks really good and flows really well. I admit, I didn't read every word, but I speed-read the whole thing.

My thoughts are:

Headline could use some work. There are things you say in the sub-headlines and copy that could be more eye-catching as a main headline with some variation. Things like: "What could you do with an extra $2K per month," or "If you think you know all about options, think again." This just popped into my head: "Rogue options expert reveals shocking secret that anyone can profit from but the Wall Street Fat Cats don't want you to learn" Then make your current headline a sub-headline right below that. It's not perfect, but it's a start, and whatever you do should be split tested regardless. Keep the top headline punchy.

If you can, offer more payment options--possibly a lump sum with a discount and another that spreads out the payments over a longer period with a higher total cost (I think of it as a high interest rate short term loan).

Good testimonials.

Add the 60-day guarantee or other "confidence builders" in a PPS...a lot of people will read through part and then skip to the offer/signature section.

But looks really good.

 

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[Fisherman]

too much info... people these days are not willing to read much. You will get a lot of people bouncing. Spend some money and get the site designed by pro. If I spend that much money no way I will spend it with you.

 

[evanwebb]

too much info... people these days are not willing to read much. You will get a lot of people bouncing. Spend some money and get the site designed by pro. If I spend that much money no way I will spend it with you.

I actually had the opposite thought. I thought it could use more explanation. The thing to remember about copywriting is that uninterested people (read: unqualified prospects) won't read past the intro. But that's fine because you are targeting interested people, who probably already know they want this type of product and are shopping for it. People will read a lot more than you might first think if it is something that interests them. The notion that people are not willing to read much has been disproved time after time. It always comes back to their prior interest in the subject.

If you get the site "designed by a pro" you'd probably end up with something very similar to what you already have. This is a typical squeeze page format which works. Fisherman might be right though on your actual site (for the paying members) but I don't know because I didn't subscribe. Another approach to what you're doing might be to put up a bunch of free content to garner interest and then offer a premium subscription or sell the program you have once prospects have spent some time on the free content and start to know what they don't know. That would also improve your search-ability. Check out this site for an example: Stock Options Trading & Covered Call Writing. I am not affiliated, and I don't necessarily think he does an amazing job or he's anything special, but it's an example of what I'm talking about here.

The program you are offering sounds very interesting to me, but you might need to add more to your sales page to justify the high price.

 

[rocksolid]

Price: 6 monthly payments of $299 per month
Options Trading IQ Mastery Course
Subscribe : $299.00USD – monthly

What does this mean?? Is it 6 payments of 299.00 for 6 months? or $1794.00 for the yr? That sounds like a lot of money to give somebody that I never met and really don't even know if what you say is true.

 

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[Fisherman]

I actually had the opposite thought. I thought it could use more explanation. The thing to remember about copywriting is that uninterested people (read: unqualified prospects) won't read past the intro. But that's fine because you are targeting interested people, who probably already know they want this type of product and are shopping for it. People will read a lot more than you might first think if it is something that interests them. The notion that people are not willing to read much has been disproved time after time. It always comes back to their prior interest in the subject.

If you get the site "designed by a pro" you'd probably end up with something very similar to what you already have. This is a typical squeeze page format which works. Fisherman might be right though on your actual site (for the paying members) but I don't know because I didn't subscribe. Another approach to what you're doing might be to put up a bunch of free content to garner interest and then offer a premium subscription or sell the program you have once prospects have spent some time on the free content and start to know what they don't know. That would also improve your search-ability. Check out this site for an example: Stock Options Trading & Covered Call Writing. I am not affiliated, and I don't necessarily think he does an amazing job or he's anything special, but it's an example of what I'm talking about here.

The program you are offering sounds very interesting to me, but you might need to add more to your sales page to justify the high price.

I was interested but the design of the site instantly turned me off hence he has very little window to grab my attention. I am not questioning the quality of the writting.

You need to make this like a professional course that a bank or a trading company would offer. Major problem. Your banner just has "options trading IQ"

that means nothing to me... looks good and sounds good but means nothing.. move that to the left and add something like "ultimate Course for serious traders in 2012"

Your pricing is confusing... this is another major major major issue.

The large text under the banner is really bad. I would also increase size of your logo..

 

[sam22]

You need to make this like a professional course that a bank or a trading company would offer. Major problem. Your banner just has "options trading IQ"

that means nothing to me... looks good and sounds good but means nothing.. move that to the left and add something like "ultimate Course for serious traders in 2012"

Agreed, a tagline for your brand/logo would be nice.

Great job on your first sales letter! Here are a few of my thoughts:

- The headline could use some work. For me, the current version doesn't make me want to read the body. But then, I've never done option trading nor have I been misled by technical analysis.

You've got about 5 seconds to get someone's attention and get them to read the body text. The current headline is a little too long in my opinion.

You mentioned knowledge gaps in your body text. A headline is where creating a knowledge gap would be good because it arouses curiosity. Then fill in the gap in the body text.

I've never written a salesletter, but I've been reading The Copywriter's Handbook, by Robert Bly. Here's his 4 U's formula for writing effective headlines:
1. Urgent - gives a reader a reason to act now instead of later, e.g. "make $100,000 working from home this year"
2. Unique - says something in a new and fresh way, e.g. "why Japanese women have beautiful skin" instead of "save 10% on Japanese bath kits"
3. Ultra specific - e.g. "what never to eat on an airplane" or "best time to file for a tax refund."
4. Useful - appeals to the reader's self interest by offering a benefit, e.g. "an invitation to ski and save"

Maybe create another headline and split test it and see which one results in higher conversion rates.

- "The best kept secret in trading, revealed…" I like that subhead better than the current headline. At the same time, I thought you revealed the secret a little early.

- Your body paragraphs are relatively short, but some could still be shorter. Bly suggests 2-3 sentence paragraphs because they're easier to read and less intimidating.

- What's the introductory video about? Why should I watch it? And the preview image makes it seem like it's not about trading options.

Hope that helps. Sorry if all this sounded harsh. Just trying to help.

P.S. "indroductory" is spelled wrong in the "Watch the free indroductory video" headline

 

[MikeRuss]

Just one tip: grammatical mistakes bleed website credibility like a thousand tiny pinpricks. Either capitalize the major words in your section headings, or make them grammatical sentences by adding some end punctuation. Also, take it easy on the exclamation marks, which can make your copy seem overly market-y. Also, your letter title is a bit long, makes me want to skip it.

 

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