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MJ DeMarco
I followed the science; all I found was money.
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I'm asking this to all of you (strangers of the web) because out of any community, I've found more valuable information here than just about anywhere else. In the end, of course, the decision I'll make will be mine to make, but your input is welcome and valued.
Here's the scenario I would like you to hypothesise:
- You're 33, male, married, and have decided not to have children
- When you were out of the country and 18 years old you met your mother for the first time, she's friendly, older than you by 16 years, and tells you about your two half-sisters. You reroute your return flight to visit them for two weeks.
- You learn that she gave you up to adoption because she felt she couldn't provide a good enough life for you, and that the father never knew she was pregnant, was experimenting with drugs at the time, and had manipulative tendencies.
- You're 26 and sign up for 23andMe (a DNA testing service) with the sole intent of finding more information about potential medical predispositions. The relatives/family tree thing isn't important to you.
- You're 33 again and a woman who 23andMe believes is your aunt from your father's side messages you
She says:
"Hello [name]. I am not sure how to go about this, I thought I knew all my nieces and nephews. May I ask who your dad is?"
You respond:
"Not sure, I've never met him"
- You continue the conversation and confirm her brother is your father who only learned you existed two weeks prior.
- At this point, you're waiting to hear when/if he contacts you personally.
The Questions:
If you were in this situation:
- how would you feel? (if anything)
- what would you ask? (if anything)
- would you consider meeting them?
This was my weekend
This might seem obtuse, but what does it matter? These people might be "blood" but they weren't part of your life.
I never understood people's obsession to find out their biological, family tree.
Your life is what YOU make it.
Obsessing over someone in your family tree who was a mobster in 1921 has no impact on your life, and what you make of it.
If you lack family connections and are looking to create a family unit, then it might be worth something to pursue.
- how would you feel? (if anything)
I wouldn't feel anything, just a satisfied curiosity.
- what would you ask? (if anything)
I'd try to learn about my father, with only the reasoning to satisfy curiosity.
- would you consider meeting them?
Yes, if they are good people who will support your goals, and your desired future.
Otherwise, I'd treat them like anyone else, friends, colleagues, etc.