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My SO dreams of an unscripted life, but is struggling to success. I hope you can read the situation and talk some sense into him.

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Molly-Anon

New Contributor
Jun 16, 2021
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11
Norway
Hello everyone, as you might have noticed by the title I am here mostly for my partner.
Why this forum? He is the one who advised me to read Unscripted , introducing the book as in line with his beliefs.

For as long as I have known him he hates his day job, is really invested in crypto and can't wait to quit his job and get freedom. I'm sure you all understand.

Other than crypto he wants to open a subscription based online store. But, in his words, "he just doesn't have the energy to". I am a web designer by trade and studied some marketing in school, so his idea went like this. I do 100% of the work for the subscription-based online store, inital idea, website, marketing, etc. And he covers the finances.
I work part time and have the time and energy to do it.

Now, I don't mind building and working on the store, I am having fun and practicing my marketing skills, and the prospect of making money out of it is good.

But the further I get into reading Unscripted the more I feel like he is causing his own demise by financing the store and leaving me to build and manage it. (I might be wrong, but that's my opinion)

Not having freedom in his day to day life is REALLY weighing on him, putting him in a bad mood and draining him.

I offered some advice but of course I'm not his mother and he is an adult capable of his own choices.
Advice like, "go to sleep early since your job requires you to wake up at 6am".
Not taken.

Do you see the full picture now? I feel like he is so close but he needs a push in the right direction.

Maybe someone in this forum who found themselves in a similar situation is able to give some words of advice?

Oh and, @MJ DeMarco I don't know how active you are on the forum but I would really appreciate if you took your time and wrote your take on this.

Thanks in advance,
Molly
 

mdot

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Sounds like he outsourced the work for his business to you!

I think he needs a serious wake up call, and it's not your job or responsibility to be the impetus for that. You may wish to consider if a person that wants it all but doesn't want to work for it is someone you want in your life.

And if your business becomes successful thanks to your efforts, don't get caught in a situation where he wants "his half". Be prepared to be The Little Red Hen!

Edit: I may have been too quick to judge. If he suffers from depression that can manifest as a lack of energy to take on projects that normally one would enjoy. That would be the first thing to tackle, by removing himself from what is making him depressed and/or by working with a therapist. But at the end of the day, as you've experienced, you (or we, or a therapist for that matter) can give him all the advice in the world, but ultimately he has to make the decision to change.
 
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Mainstream7

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What do you want him to do?
 

Molly-Anon

New Contributor
Jun 16, 2021
6
2
11
Norway
What do you want him to do?
I don't really want him to do anything. Not being able to quit his job puts him in a bad mood, and of course I want him to find his happiness.
Like I said in the post, I feel like he could use some advice from people that maybe have found themselves stuck in a similar place as him.
 

Molly-Anon

New Contributor
Jun 16, 2021
6
2
11
Norway
Sounds like he outsourced the work for his business to you!

I think he needs a serious wake up call, and it's not your job or responsibility to be the impetus for that. You may wish to consider if a person that wants it all but doesn't want to work for it is someone you want in your life.

And if your business becomes successful thanks to your efforts, don't get caught in a situation where he wants "his half". Be prepared to be The Little Red Hen!
I appreciate your input on the situation. I agree in that he needs a push in the right direction.

I can't lie, the Unscripted life sounds awesome, but maybe it will take me some years of a full time job before I personally consider it hahah.
I thought some people who overcame similar struggles as him might have some advice.
 

Molly-Anon

New Contributor
Jun 16, 2021
6
2
11
Norway
Sounds like he outsourced the work for his business to you!

I think he needs a serious wake up call, and it's not your job or responsibility to be the impetus for that. You may wish to consider if a person that wants it all but doesn't want to work for it is someone you want in your life.

And if your business becomes successful thanks to your efforts, don't get caught in a situation where he wants "his half". Be prepared to be The Little Red Hen!

Edit: I may have been too quick to judge. If he suffers from depression that can manifest as a lack of energy to take on projects that normally one would enjoy. That would be the first thing to tackle, by removing himself from what is making him depressed and/or by working with a therapist. But at the end of the day, as you've experienced, you (or we, or a therapist for that matter) can give him all the advice in the world, but ultimately he has to make the decision to change.
I was actually advising him to see a doctor for possible depression, if he doesn't have it at least he can rule it out. He took several online tests (negative) but I still think a doctor should be the one to decide, seeing as how they are able to put the situation into a context.
 

Mainstream7

Beauty is Truth
Jan 1, 2015
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I understand.
Tagging @Ravens_Shadow , because he went through a lot of hardship as well.

But from my perspective, he always has a choice(both emotionally and with his job). If you talk to him, he might have a wake-up call.
I think he is so deep in his goals and dreams(based on your story of job, crypto, business) that he forgets real world practicalities. If the latter is neglected too long, it means trouble.
 

Molly-Anon

New Contributor
Jun 16, 2021
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2
11
Norway
I understand.
Tagging @Ravens_Shadow , because he went through a lot of hardship as well.

But from my perspective, he always has a choice(both emotionally and with his job). If you talk to him, he might have a wake-up call.
I think he is so deep in his goals and dreams(based on your story of job, crypto, business) that he forgets real world practicalities. If the latter is neglected too long, it means trouble.
Thanks a lot for the help!
 

InspireHD

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What's wrong with doing it as a team? You're the designer, he's the idea/money. He isn't some random person looking to hire out work and you want a piece of the action. Use it as a portfolio piece, learn the process, and build an asset. Help him build this so he can quit his job and get his energy back. Become Unscripted together.
 

Molly-Anon

New Contributor
Jun 16, 2021
6
2
11
Norway
What's wrong with doing it as a team? You're the designer, he's the idea/money. He isn't some random person looking to hire out work and you want a piece of the action. Use it as a portfolio piece, learn the process, and build an asset. Become Unscripted together.
There's nothing wrong as doing it as a team, like I said in the original post, I enjoy it and I have fun.
My post is more about the fact that I feel like he is not 100% into it and focusing too much on the negative parts, like not making enough money off of it, not being able to quit his job yet, etc.
 

Ravens_Shadow

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Tagging @Ravens_Shadow , because he went through a lot of hardship as well.

Håper du har det bra. All good things take time. At best, I can only tell you that I worked a full-time job that I did not like for years and worked vigilantly on my business (4-8 hours a day in addition to my job, 7 days a week) until it was making enough money to be able to quit my job. Me being pissed just made me want to escape more and I channeled that anger into creative energy to grow the business. To me I was fighting for my life and freedom and that meant everything to me.

Working with a significant other did not pan out well for me and contributed to my divorce. I do not mix love and business any more. In my opinion as others mentioned, it also sounds like he has you doing all of the work. Does he help with anything at all besides just ideas and money? Does he do anything to get the business moving forward to a point to where it is making money? How much money does this thing even cost? My business cost me pretty much nothing to start except time and equity.

In some ways it sounds like he wants the shortcut and just get the freedom now (i.e via crypto/you doing the work). He could also be in the desert of desertion. Mindset is the most vital part to the success of any business. I highly recommend reading the threads in my signature as well as this: NOTABLE! - Business is easy and it affects forum participation from heavy hitters.

Unfortunately dreaming doesn't get you too far without action. YOU may become unscripted , but he may not.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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I think you need to put together a written understanding.

There's nothing wrong with him financing the operation and you trying to get it going. But EXPECTATIONS, both near- and long-term must be established and agreed upon by both of you.

If you're a team, you need to have a plan.

As others have mentioned, it sounds like to me he doesn't want to endure any effort and just want to pawn it off on you, hence why he likes crpyto which is why it attracts "sit on your a$$ and make money" types.

Just because he hates his job doesn't excuse him from enduring some of the effort.
 

Stargazer

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It's a disaster waiting to happen and you know it.

If he hates his job for as long as you have known him, he can just go and get another one.

Prince Harry resigned from the Royal Family and David Cameron resigned from being PM of The UK so he has no excuse.

And if he hates the concept of having a job, obviously has some money in the bank, and really believes his idea has legs he would do it with you properly.

Out of interest what does SO mean? Boyfriend or Husband? And for how long and how old are you both?

If you've been married for 15 years that is one thing but if you are boyfriend and girlfriend, both 21 and met when you were 19 there is a big difference.

Dan
 

jjohns500

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Do you see the full picture now? I feel like he is so close but he needs a push in the right direction.

He may be very close. I don't think that push is going to come from you, at least not in a way that you want to.

I think all of us have been in some similar position in our life at some point but what kept us there or got us out is all that matters. I will tell you from personal experience, I went down the road of seeking therapy and medical treatment for depression and it took away the only drive that I had, caused me to live in a feedback loop of my own darkness, and numbed me from needing to feel enough pain to change. This is a sensitive subject and I am only giving my experience. I am not a doctor or physiologist.

For me, and for most I believe, we need to feel enough pain to change. If he's lacking motivation chances are that is an internal struggle with himself; he needs to become something more than he is in his mind. The only solution I have found is get into a combat sports gym and train. Start lifting weights. Surround yourself with men who you want to be and learn discipline. He needs to be challenged and know that he can face those challenges head on. Until that point he will most likely continue to be unmotivated and/or afraid to face things head on no matter how hard. I do not believe that any of this is depression or lack of motivation. I believe this is a fear of failure, a fear of the unknown, and a fear of facing his own reality. You unfortunately just happen to be caught up in something that you can do very little to actively change. He must become the change.

Be there for him and support him as long as he's living up to his end of the partnership. Encourage him the best you can and be there for him when he fails (Do not coddle him in failing). However, keep strong boundaries and do not allow yourself to be used in any way. Understand that you are the only one in this relationship protecting you at this point. I truly hate seeing young men struggle with these issues and I wish you both the best.

Josh
 

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