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My 28 year old cousin asked for a life decision

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Raoul Duke

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My cousin recently asked me for help. A life decision or what should I do question.

He is 28 years old. Lives with his parents still. He is in debt. Works part time for a big box retailer. He is massively obese. His expenses are $500 a month.

His boss gave him the opportunity to go full time. Right now he does side jobs. Mowing and pressure washing.

This is his debt:
  1. $4,500 Credit Card
  2. $2,250 Car Loan
  3. $2,500 Dentist
By him going full time. He would be working a night schedule. 9pm - 6am. I asked would he be able to still do his side jobs. He said "yeah". "I mow or pressure wash on Saturday & Sunday".

So, I told him, to take the full time job. Pay the Credit Card debt off first. At the end of the year he would have roughly $1,600 saved up from going full time. He then would pay off the car. Leaving him the dentist bill.

I was met with a huge "No". I don't get it. Use the opportunity now with going full time to pay off the debt faster. He states that would be hard to find the time to workout and lose his weight.

It is clear to me what to do. He doesn't see the big picture.

Should I give up? LOL

@Kak @WillHurtDontCare @thechosen1
 

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"Adversity is sometimes hard upon a man; but for one man who can stand prosperity, there are a hundred that will stand adversity." -Thomas Carlyle

Sounds like he's too comfortable to change because you can get ripped working out just a few hours a week (see PD Mangan https://twitter.com/Mangan150 / Dorian Yates / Mike Mentzer).

I wouldn't give that emotionally invested in someone who isn't ready to change - those people sap your energy and they provide bad ROI for your efforts.

But at the same time, people eventually cave to peer pressure. You could just text him once a week saying "still hitting the gym, fatass?" or "wouldn't you like to get laid again?". Though the point isn't just to be mean, the point is to get results. It's a very useful skill to learn how to get people to actually push themselves.

Persistence + adaptation = results

TLDR: Nag him via text, try different approaches to get him to better himself, don't get too emotionally invested, as he puts in more effort, you can put in more effort.
 

Kak

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My cousin recently asked me for help. A life decision or what should I do question.

He is 28 years old. Lives with his parents still. He is in debt. Works part time for a big box retailer. He is massively obese. His expenses are $500 a month.

His boss gave him the opportunity to go full time. Right now he does side jobs. Mowing and pressure washing.

This is his debt:
  1. $4,500 Credit Card
  2. $2,250 Car Loan
  3. $2,500 Dentist
By him going full time. He would be working a night schedule. 9pm - 6am. I asked would he be able to still do his side jobs. He said "yeah". "I mow or pressure wash on Saturday & Sunday".

So, I told him, to take the full time job. Pay the Credit Card debt off first. At the end of the year he would have roughly $1,600 saved up from going full time. He then would pay off the car. Leaving him the dentist bill.

I was met with a huge "No". I don't get it. Use the opportunity now with going full time to pay off the debt faster. He states that would be hard to find the time to workout and lose his weight.

It is clear to me what to do. He doesn't see the big picture.

Should I give up? LOL

@Kak @WillHurtDontCare @thechosen1

LOL, that's all he said? "NO"

What was his alternative solution? Let me guess. He has a MASSIVE external locus of control. He's waiting for someone else to decide his life for him and solve all of his problems?

Between business and personal, I routinely ring up and pay off well beyond that entire debt load in a month so this shit is foreign to me. My suggestion would be to just get on a better trajectory. Manage the debt, don't create more of it, earn more, and then just pay it all off. It isn't that much debt.

From that point forward, only use debt to create value. Like expanding his pressure washing business.

If you have 800 credit, you can get a car loan at 0%. I don't consider that debt. It's just letting the lender be the bag holder on a car worth of inflation.
 

thechosen1

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My cousin recently asked me for help. A life decision or what should I do question.

He is 28 years old. Lives with his parents still. He is in debt. Works part time for a big box retailer. He is massively obese. His expenses are $500 a month.

His boss gave him the opportunity to go full time. Right now he does side jobs. Mowing and pressure washing.

This is his debt:
  1. $4,500 Credit Card
  2. $2,250 Car Loan
  3. $2,500 Dentist
By him going full time. He would be working a night schedule. 9pm - 6am. I asked would he be able to still do his side jobs. He said "yeah". "I mow or pressure wash on Saturday & Sunday".

So, I told him, to take the full time job. Pay the Credit Card debt off first. At the end of the year he would have roughly $1,600 saved up from going full time. He then would pay off the car. Leaving him the dentist bill.

I was met with a huge "No". I don't get it. Use the opportunity now with going full time to pay off the debt faster. He states that would be hard to find the time to workout and lose his weight.

It is clear to me what to do. He doesn't see the big picture.

Should I give up? LOL

@Kak @WillHurtDontCare @thechosen1
You are not responsible for other people's thoughts, actions, or emotions.

The fact you are trying to help him reflects positively on you.

His inability to heed good advice reflects poorly on him.

It is completely up to you if you want to keep trying to help him, but it sounds like he is not "teachable," is stubborn, and generally is avoiding real success.

Your advice seems solid to me. The stable job would be a nice little stepping stone towards paying off his debts, and then he could quit and go full steam into his other businesses again. That being said, the health aspect is tough. Working nights during the week and days on the weekend will have him a bit messed up, health-wise.

But it sounds like he's in no position to be picky...

ALSO, if he was really capable, he would already be paying off those debts solely from business income. A mowing and/or power washing business is good to pay all of that debt off quite quickly, if you're good at it.

I said the job might be good because this guy sounds like he's not autonomous enough for business...
 

Raoul Duke

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"Adversity is sometimes hard upon a man; but for one man who can stand prosperity, there are a hundred that will stand adversity." -Thomas Carlyle

Sounds like he's too comfortable to change because you can get ripped working out just a few hours a week (see PD Mangan https://twitter.com/Mangan150 / Dorian Yates / Mike Mentzer).

I wouldn't give that emotionally invested in someone who isn't ready to change - those people sap your energy and they provide bad ROI for your efforts.

But at the same time, people eventually cave to peer pressure. You could just text him once a week saying "still hitting the gym, fatass?" or "wouldn't you like to get laid again?". Though the point isn't just to be mean, the point is to get results. It's a very useful skill to learn how to get people to actually push themselves.

Persistence + adaptation = results

TLDR: Nag him via text, try different approaches to get him to better himself, don't get too emotionally invested, as he puts in more effort, you can put in more effort.

LOL, that's all he said? "NO"

What was his alternative solution? Let me guess. He has a MASSIVE external locus of control. He's waiting for someone else to decide his life for him and solve all of his problems?

Between business and personal, I routinely ring up and pay off well beyond that entire debt load in a month so this shit is foreign to me. My suggestion would be to just get on a better trajectory. Manage the debt, don't create more of it, earn more, and then just pay it all off. It isn't that much debt.

From that point forward, only use debt to create value. Like expanding his pressure washing business.

If you have 800 credit, you can get a car loan at 0%. I don't consider that debt. It's just letting the lender be the bag holder on a car worth of inflation.

You are not responsible for other people's thoughts, actions, or emotions.

The fact you are trying to help him reflects positively on you.

His inability to heed good advice reflects poorly on him.

It is completely up to you if you want to keep trying to help him, but it sounds like he is not "teachable," is stubborn, and generally is avoiding real success.

Your advice seems solid to me. The stable job would be a nice little stepping stone towards paying off his debts, and then he could quit and go full steam into his other businesses again. That being said, the health aspect is tough. Working nights during the week and days on the weekend will have him a bit messed up, health-wise.

But it sounds like he's in no position to be picky...

ALSO, if he was really capable, he would already be paying off those debts solely from business income. A mowing and/or power washing business is good to pay all of that debt off quite quickly, if you're good at it.

I said the job might be good because this guy sounds like he's not autonomous enough for business...


I don't think he is comfortable. He is basing his actions on what I did in the past.

I know what I had and needed to do. I stuck my middle finger up and told the boss man to get bent.

I was a idiot. It has worked out so far for me.

With good conscious. I can't tell him to do that. He wants to work his 20 hours a week. Build his service business. And lose his weight.

I want him to go full time. Pay off his debt. Put extra money in the bank. Then quit if he can starting January 2023.

It is hard for me to tell him to burn bridges, you know?

He cuts my lawn. He is damn good.

Maybe... I am giving him the wrong information?

Kinda weird to be honest. I said f*ck it and went for it. Now I am telling someone to do something entirely different.
 

thechosen1

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I don't think he is comfortable. He is basing his actions on what I did in the past.

I know what I had and needed to do. I stuck my middle finger up and told the boss man to get bent.

I was a idiot. It has worked out so far for me.

With good conscious. I can't tell him to do that. He wants to work his 20 hours a week. Build his service business. And lose his weight.

I want him to go full time. Pay off his debt. Put extra money in the bank. Then quit if he can starting January 2023.

It is hard for me to tell him to burn bridges, you know?

He cuts my lawn. He is damn good.

Maybe... I am giving him the wrong information?

Kinda weird to be honest. I said f*ck it and went for it. Now I am telling someone to do something entirely different.
Like his weight loss, maybe he is working hard but doing the wrong things.

Is he mowing just by himself? Hire people and get more lawns under contract.

Is he working out really hard but still eating 3,000 calories per day? Work out less, and cut that down to 1,900 calories.

As for the debt, maybe he's making $500,000 per year but he's racking up $520,000 per year in credit card charges! Again, focus on what matters.

(Working hard) * (Working smart) = results

Gotta work on the right things
 

Kak

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I don't think he is comfortable. He is basing his actions on what I did in the past.

I know what I had and needed to do. I stuck my middle finger up and told the boss man to get bent.

I was a idiot. It has worked out so far for me.

With good conscious. I can't tell him to do that. He wants to work his 20 hours a week. Build his service business. And lose his weight.

I want him to go full time. Pay off his debt. Put extra money in the bank. Then quit if he can starting January 2023.

It is hard for me to tell him to burn bridges, you know?

He cuts my lawn. He is damn good.

Maybe... I am giving him the wrong information?

Kinda weird to be honest. I said f*ck it and went for it. Now I am telling someone to do something entirely different.
Here is another deal though...

Telling someone predisposed to be morbidly obese that they need to wait for something is a problem.

Weight issues, and personal debt issues, are rooted in impatience and a lack of ability to sow into the future. A little gratification now, like eating something shitty and buying something they can't really afford, is more important to them than 100x the gratification later. For someone with this kind of mindset, 2023 might as well be 234085.

The best habits to set up for a person like that are instantly gratifying, yet still healthy and sound... Tough to find, but small wins are out there. It permanently puts him on a better trajectory. It trains the mind to accept future payoff.

All of this said, you aren't responsible for his decisions either. Encouraging a crappy job when he already has a little business, meh, I could go either way depending on what I know of the person. Mowing and pressure washing could knock that debt out in no time if he got 20 new customers.
 
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Raoul Duke

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Like his weight loss, maybe he is working hard but doing the wrong things.

Is he mowing just by himself? Hire people and get more lawns under contract.

Is he working out really hard but still eating 3,000 calories per day? Work out less, and cut that down to 1,900 calories.

As for the debt, maybe he's making $500,000 per year but he's racking up $520,000 per year in credit card charges! Again, focus on what matters.

(Working hard) * (Working smart) = results

Gotta work on the right things

Here is another deal though...

Telling someone predisposed to be morbidly obese that they need to wait for something is a problem.

Weight issues, and personal debt issues, are rooted in impatience and a lack of ability to sow into the future. A little gratification now, like eating something shitty and buying something they can't really afford, is more important to them than 100x the gratification later. For someone with this kind of mindset, 2023 might as well be 234085.

The best habits to set up for a person like that are instantly gratifying, yet still healthy and sound... Tough to find, but small wins are out there. It permanently puts him on a better trajectory. It trains the mind to accept future payoff.

All of this said, you aren't responsible for his decisions either. Encouraging a crappy job when he already has a little business, meh, I could go either way depending on what I know of the person. Mowing and pressure washing could knock that debt out in no time if he got 20 new customers.


You know. Thinking about this. Has made me realize. That MAYBE I am the one who is comfortable now.

Sheesh!

I'll give him a another scenario. Break it down for him. A blueprint that helped me.

Get more contracts. That will lead him into a greater success of paying off his debt.

While keeping his job for basic income.

I wonder why I defaulted into telling him to go full time?
 

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You know. Thinking about this. Has made me realize. That MAYBE I am the one who is comfortable now.

Sheesh!

I'll give him a another scenario. Break it down for him. A blueprint that helped me.

Get more contracts. That will lead him into a greater success of paying off his debt.

While keeping his job for basic income.

I wonder why I defaulted into telling him to go full time?
Word! That's what I was wondering...

He's got under 10k in debt? That's "nothing" in the grand scheme.

And good for him for wanting to prioritize his health. Without health, what does wealth matter?

Support him. More contract means more physical work which means more weight loss and more $$ in his pocket too. That's a win-win-win (the last win being a faster path to time freedom).

Why would "full time at late night shift of big box retailer that is probably dying" ever be the correct response for a guy who wants to lose weight and has an active side hustle?

Also, have him join the forum and listen to @Johnny boy 's advice. Who knows where your cousin will end up in 5 years?
 

Agent X

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All great advice from everyone, especially @Kak @thechosen1 and @WillHurtDontCare . Definitely give your cousin the second option of the entrepreneurial route instead of working full time.

My deciding factor would be how he uses that extra four hours everyday that he is only working part time. Is he being productive and working on his business or actually improving his fitness or is he just saying that he should and making excuses? If he isn't doing anything useful, then maybe full time is the way to go for now until he gets more motivated. In the mean time, like you said he could pay off debt and save some capital for the business.

If he is doing useful things, then if you are feeling generous, maybe along with the second option, tell him to give you weekly updates of what he is doing, and hound him if he doesn't give you one on his own. If he consistently is slow or doesn't give you a report, then maybe he isn't ready and you shouldn't get too emotionally involved.
 
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Kak nailed it above, he needs small wins. My boxing coach used to explain that to train a champ, it’s important to put us against opponents who are hard to beat but beatable. To gain a string of small wins as long as possible. It changes people. Same with food and work ethic.
Support him but only if he welcomes your support. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they are willing to stand up and climb in life again.
 

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What compelled him to ask YOU for advice in the first place?

Did he see YOU have results?

There's a Principle in TGRRE called The Thirsty Rat Principle...

You can lead a rat to water, but you can't make him drink.
 

Raoul Duke

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What compelled him to ask YOU for advice in the first place?

Did he see YOU have results?

There's a Principle in TGRRE called The Thirsty Rat Principle...

You can lead a rat to water, but you can't make him drink.

Yeah.

His mom, dad (my uncle) moved here a few years back.

He saw that I lost weight.

He has really been trying. Slowly. But surely.

He recognizes that it won't happen overnight.

Planet Fitness was his go to gym. He got a bit upset when they were coming up to him with free food. Oh boy. I remember that day. He now uses my home gym. Which works out for me on days I need a spotter.
 

andydimitrov

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Just tell him to try an app called MuscleSecret it's a lifesaver and it should help with his obesity problems!
 
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My cousin recently asked me for help. A life decision or what should I do question.

He is 28 years old. Lives with his parents still. He is in debt. Works part time for a big box retailer. He is massively obese. His expenses are $500 a month.

His boss gave him the opportunity to go full time. Right now he does side jobs. Mowing and pressure washing.

This is his debt:
  1. $4,500 Credit Card
  2. $2,250 Car Loan
  3. $2,500 Dentist
By him going full time. He would be working a night schedule. 9pm - 6am. I asked would he be able to still do his side jobs. He said "yeah". "I mow or pressure wash on Saturday & Sunday".

So, I told him, to take the full time job. Pay the Credit Card debt off first. At the end of the year he would have roughly $1,600 saved up from going full time. He then would pay off the car. Leaving him the dentist bill.

I was met with a huge "No". I don't get it. Use the opportunity now with going full time to pay off the debt faster. He states that would be hard to find the time to workout and lose his weight.

It is clear to me what to do. He doesn't see the big picture.

Should I give up? LOL

@Kak @WillHurtDontCare @thechosen1
Then spent more months to lose weight fast, before switching to slower weight losing schedule and moving to full time.

chicken breast and lifting for four months. No excuse then. Small win to start the momentum.

Personally I find night shift too damaging to the long term health to worth it.
 

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My cousin recently asked me for help. A life decision or what should I do question.

He is 28 years old. Lives with his parents still. He is in debt. Works part time for a big box retailer. He is massively obese. His expenses are $500 a month.

His boss gave him the opportunity to go full time. Right now he does side jobs. Mowing and pressure washing.

This is his debt:
  1. $4,500 Credit Card
  2. $2,250 Car Loan
  3. $2,500 Dentist
By him going full time. He would be working a night schedule. 9pm - 6am. I asked would he be able to still do his side jobs. He said "yeah". "I mow or pressure wash on Saturday & Sunday".

So, I told him, to take the full time job. Pay the Credit Card debt off first. At the end of the year he would have roughly $1,600 saved up from going full time. He then would pay off the car. Leaving him the dentist bill.

I was met with a huge "No". I don't get it. Use the opportunity now with going full time to pay off the debt faster. He states that would be hard to find the time to workout and lose his weight.

It is clear to me what to do. He doesn't see the big picture.

Should I give up? LOL

@Kak @WillHurtDontCare @thechosen1
What is the example of the parents? If they have a similar attitude about work ethics, of course, he believes it is acceptable to do what he is doing? Also, depends on them setting the boundaries of what is appropriate and not appropriate behavior.

I would assume if he likes doing what he does, you can teach him to build his own business off it and work full time and expand what he's doing now. Maybe instead of changing his course, just expand is course in entrepreneurship.
 

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My cousin recently asked me for help. A life decision or what should I do question.

He is 28 years old. Lives with his parents still. He is in debt. Works part time for a big box retailer. He is massively obese. His expenses are $500 a month.

His boss gave him the opportunity to go full time. Right now he does side jobs. Mowing and pressure washing.

This is his debt:
  1. $4,500 Credit Card
  2. $2,250 Car Loan
  3. $2,500 Dentist
By him going full time. He would be working a night schedule. 9pm - 6am. I asked would he be able to still do his side jobs. He said "yeah". "I mow or pressure wash on Saturday & Sunday".

So, I told him, to take the full time job. Pay the Credit Card debt off first. At the end of the year he would have roughly $1,600 saved up from going full time. He then would pay off the car. Leaving him the dentist bill.

I was met with a huge "No". I don't get it. Use the opportunity now with going full time to pay off the debt faster. He states that would be hard to find the time to workout and lose his weight.

It is clear to me what to do. He doesn't see the big picture.

Should I give up? LOL

@Kak @WillHurtDontCare @thechosen1
Everything happens in its own good time. You got a big "no". But, that's not the end of the conversation. From his reaction, he heard you. Maybe your advice just needs to marinate for him. He hasn't really thought about how changing his situation could get him out of his problems -- or his stuck feelings. Just be there for him and carry on. When he's ready, he'll ask you the whys and hows.
 

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