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Introduction 28 year old PhD Engineer

Discussion in 'Forum Introductions (Who are you!?)' started by yigiter.hos, Feb 11, 2018.

  1. yigiter.hos
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    yigiter.hos New Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Hello everyone,

    Honestly, I did not think I would write here for these reasons, but life happened to me when I was actually making other plans.

    I was born in Turkey. Not the animal one, but the country. My mom is a typical slowlaner, whereas my father had his own company, but lacked the vision to see that learning would catapult his business. Now he is in pension, getting less than the minimum wage in Turkey and dependent on his pension.

    I always wanted to be an engineer. I had this affinity for two things: technical stuff and languages. I learnt to read at 3, skipped second class, I was a smart kid. And I was fed the idea of "get a degree, get a job, you would be fine".

    About 16-17, when I got into college, I started to see through the society's bullshit. After bachelor's, I got into master's in Germany after getting a scholarship and it was followed by a PhD.

    I started my PhD at 23. But there was a problem: I have made a collection of diplomas from the most prestigious universities, but the ladies' department was not doing anything. I was still a virgin.

    Followed by being bullshit by a Polish girl I briefly dated, I was completely devastated about women. This was followed by 3 years of pickup artistry, funded by my job in the university as an assistant.

    In those three years, I learnt a lot. I have seen through the complete bullshit of common wisdom. (Just like business, dating is a skill that you can REALLY improve, but that requires a completely new forum on its own.)

    My experiments with girls led to a slow cleaning of bullshit ideas in my head and I have become more a realist than an idealist. I have discovered self-development and made myself a better person in the last five years (I am 28 now, and happily not a virgin anymore. :) And way less concerned about my lay count and far more concerned about fulfillment in life.)

    I have discovered that authenticity is the way of becoming a good person with healthy self-esteem. I have seen that I actually have no reason to live on someone else's terms, which were defined before me, but I can dictate my own agenda with consistency, work and a healthy athmosphere.

    Slowly becoming an adult, in the last two years, I started to have some problems of freedom. I reached a level of authenticity in my free time, but what about my work life? Do I really want to earn this much money? Do I want to live in Germany? (The answer is a HELL NO.)

    Freedom became much more important for me, and it still is.

    In 2017, I graduated from my PhD and came across TML by a friend's suggestion. I thought it was just a catchy title, and I would leave the book after 50 pages. I was actually thrilled when I started it and I finished 400 pages in 3 days. (I usually make such in a month)

    My plan for life changed suddenly. I realized that I did not have to take all those bullshit slowlane people anymore around me, who want to have their 3 kids and work until they die to afford a stupid house loan. I realized, I COULD DEFINE MYSELF.

    In 2017, my plan was to get a job after my PhD. I thought it would be an easy stroll in the job market, because of my qualifications. I made my defense in April and looking for a job ever since.

    I found one just a week ago, starting next month. It took 11 months to find a job. This has costed me my life savings, which was about 15k€. Not to mention the devastation of qualifying myself to someone else and the corporate ass-lickery and the obligation to hang around with people you do not want to, for a mediocre salary.

    People actually really think that 3k€ a month is a huge amount of money. I cannot really believe this.

    At the beginning of 2017, I thought being an entrepreneur is a long-term goal. Now I think, it is a MUST. The mediocre wages, the inauthenticity in corporates and the uselessness of my degrees lead me to that decision. Not to mention the emerging AI and my job (structural design) probably becoming automated in ten years.

    I still need to get a job because I want to apply a German passport and I have to stay in the country here for that. But I HAVE TO create an alternative source of income in the next two years, at least amounting to my salary.

    I have made experiments in 2017. I made some interviews for potential business partners and really teamed up with a guy for an engineering software idea, but I quitted it because I did not like the feeling it gave me after two months. I also needed to focus on finding a day job, to sustain my subsistence needs and the reason I stated above.

    Now I am looking for similar minded individuals online and around Frankfurt area.

    This is why I am here.

    Entrepreneurship is freedom.

    I will continue my dayjob for my subsistence but I will invest at least 20 hours a week into my side hustle.

    At first, my goal is to earn 10k€ until the end of this year from dropshipping several products. I want to get the ropes in e-commerce and I want to develop myself in import/export on a long-term basis because I do not want to live at a single place. I want to move from Germany, but earn my income in Euros, Francs or dollars.

    I am right now reading some threads about dropshipping, and quite happy to see that some folks here are still making money with it.

    May freedom be the end destination for all of us!
     
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  2. Real Deal Denver
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    Real Deal Denver Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    What you don't realize, is that meeting your soul mate, having three kids, and a nice house IS life. You don't have to work on defining yourself - you have to work on defining life. You seem to be missing the main reason we're all here (not this blog: this planet). Your post has plenty of bashing to go around for everyone - even, sadly, your parents. Wow. If you were my son, I'd be very sad. If you were my brother, talking about our parents like that, I'd be very angry.

    I can only wonder what your extensive education taught you that you DO think is important?

    IF it's only about money and/or getting laid - that is a very shallow LONELY life indeed.

    You have miles to go.
     
  3. Real Deal Denver
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    Real Deal Denver Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    You have no real world experience right? But a lot of classroom education. I don't know why they subjected you to such humiliation in making you qualify yourself. And they didn't start you out at a top salary either?

    I've never seen such solid gold entitlement like this. Start your own company and be the boss. If you were my competitor, I know I'd be eagerly jumping out of bed every morning to go to work.
     
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  4. Knugs
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    Knugs Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER

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    Hallo aus Köln!

    I feel you. Bsc/Msc /PhD in engineering and still getting only 3k a month. Sold a lie and only realising it now. How much of that goes into rent in Frankfurt btw?
    I thought engineering is an extremely sought after profession at the moment? Weird to be waiting 11 months for a job.


    Getting a job to survive and working on a side business is probably the best idea. I would strongly reconsider dropshipping, at least read and understand the tax situation for dropshipping in Germany. Disclaimer: its another degree.

    What is your msc and phd in? What specific skills do you have? Surely you have seen problems and needs in your area that you could solve.

    Luke
     
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  5. yigiter.hos
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    yigiter.hos New Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Well, I can tell you where that entitlement comes from. I was always told in school and around family that "I had it". I was the golden kid, who could debate with adults about politics when I was 4-5 years old. That was just normal to me. But that was amazing to adults and I've been consistently told that. Not only that, I'm also objectively successful academically. My grades were not pumped up, I could really pull the sh*t.

    The mistake is to recognise IQ as the key to everything. IQ does not matter after a certain level, then EQ becomes more important. But if you're always treated like a golden kid, you look for a golden thing when you grow up. That's where the entitlement comes from. I'm a quite arrogant person and I think that entitlement brings me a lot of material success. (If it makes me happy, that's another question.)

    I don't know, I don't have the mindset of an employee. I don't like to follow, I like to lead. I have a profound belief that "I got it". I don't like to be pushed around. I don't like to be treated like an apprentice and in job interviews you have to give that vibe, because nobody wants to recruit a boss. I like being mentored but I don't like to be bossed around. If you're in a job interview, you have to be bossed around. You have to tune down and lick ass. Something I cannot manage. I've had 10 interviews and I couldn't get an offer until the 7th. They also probably think that I have a high qualification so that I ask a higher salary than other graduates. My experience at the university is not really recognised a lot.

    And yes, I resent a lot of people in my life because they are not choosing to be authentic and real. They do not take responsibility for stuff in their lives. And if that includes my parents, that's it as well. Maybe I need to improve my gratitude, I don't know. I had a very rough 9 months as well, the frustration is quite high here. I think that's understandable though, given that I've had 11 years of training and my assistant job was not completely useless, but I was not a popular candidate.
     
  6. Real Deal Denver
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    Real Deal Denver Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Eleven years of training and you're 28 years old. Okay. With all your training - eleven years of it - you should certainly be smart enough to see things for the way they are.

    30 years ago, the world was a vastly different place. You look down on other people, and especially your parents for their perceived shortcomings. Guess what? They worked hard, and supported you, didn't they? They, in their good intentions, treated you like a golden child. Big mistake. I know - I have three sons that all have healthy egos, with one son having an ego that is over inflated. Then, when they enter the real world, the cold hard facts of real life are like a slap in the face to them. We've all been there to a certain degree. You have it worse than others, and I can understand that being that you have unusually advanced education. So, yes, you are right in that you need to change, and that involves having a LOT more gratitude. My son's are all very talented, but I think I will always be "smarter" then they are, because I have a LOT more experience than they do. I can find the technical expertise that I lack, but they can't find the experience that they lack. I will always be X steps ahead of them, just a my own father is ahead of me in so many ways, even though I have more knowledge about certain things than he does. Knowledge is easily obtainable - wisdom is not. Wisdom is knowing how to use knowledge. That's why so many brilliant people work FOR someone that isn't as "smart." Bill Gates once said, “I failed in some subjects in exam, but my friend passed in all. Now he is an engineer in Microsoft and I am the owner of Microsoft.”

    So, who is the smarter one in this example? And why? Figure that out and you will be well on your way to success.

    I have met so many people that think they are smart, but they are not. I can't even keep count of them. On the other hand, I have read about 16 year old kids doing things that are more impressive than anything that anyone I know could do. It's all about *using* knowledge. *Having* it only makes you one of the herd. I've been there. I can only ask to be paid in relationship to what I contribute. I may not have anywhere near your level of knowledge, but if I can sell a million dollars of rreal estate a month (something I'm working on), I will be paid handsomely for that "skill." Just because I don't have years and years of high priced education, that does not inhibit my paycheck. That paycheck, would be somewhere around $28,000. For one month. I'll pose my earlier question again - who's the smart one in this example? I know women under 30 making a lot more money than that, by doing exactly what I've said. They aren't brilliant. But they are nice looking, easy to work with, and KNOW how to read and interact with people very well. Other people have the exact same career and don't do nearly as well - even though they may technically be smarter. Hmmm.

    I am amazed at how many "smart" people can't find a job - or why they would want a job anyway. Can't they look around and find someone - anyone - that is successful and copy what they're doing? Oh, hell no. They expect to be paid big bucks working for someone else - but they can't figure out how to make $100K a year completely on their own. It's not hard. I could name 20 ways anyone could do it - starting tomorrow.

    Maybe I AM more talented in that regard than the vast majority of people in that way. Stay with me on this... And maybe that's because of my upbringing. Maybe I saw how hard my parents worked, and I studied them to figure out what makes them tick. And then I studied their successful friends too. I don't have the skills that some of my father's friends have - but I do know HOW they think, and HOW they became successful using what they had - which was a LOT more than any school can teach you. I know so many successful people that I could write a book of 50 chapters - one chapter for each successful person and how they became successful. They all had a common thread - and that thread is able to be duplicated. Maybe I will write that book.

    Many of the successful people that I know had parents that LIVED on a farm - not owned it - and RAN the farm as hired help. Those people learned a lot from their parents and that wisdom served them well. YOU should put aside your contempt for other people and see WHAT you could learn from them. Even the natives living in mud huts can teach us things. I wonder how long you could survive in a desert - or the Amazon jungle? Some people that know "nothing" not only survive there, but they thrive there.

    I am also an arrogant and somewhat impatient person. But I have learned to temper that and develop skills to study and learn from others that have gone before me. I never undertake an idea from a newcomers point of view. I read three books on the subject, and THEN I develop a carefully thought out plan. In those three books, I leap ahead of the learning curve and don't waste time reinventing something. That skill, tends to have compounding effects. In other words, the more I learn, the more my knowledge is reinforced with the earlier knowledge that I learned previously.

    Nuff said. I'm not trying to rant, or make you feel bad, in any way. Always ask yourself - who is the smartest one in the room now? Like Bill Gates put it - it's not the guy that "knows" the most. It's also never me, either - which is my great advantage. I'm always learning from other people. Even ones like your parents. I'm sure some of the parents of my friends were much worse off than your parents were - yet they raised brilliantly successful kids. Therein lies the mystery.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018 at 3:31 AM
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  7. yigiter.hos
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    yigiter.hos New Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    Well, I wish they didn't helicopter me and instead they gave me a sense of responsibility. Id have loved to live in a poorer family but where I was given more responsibility. Basically what they did was using my computer and the school as caretakers.

    When other kids were bullying me in the primary school, my dad simply didn't care and my mom went to talk with the principal and that's it. The same thing happened in two days back again. And I was completely helpless because I couldn't change my school.

    Instead, I wish they sat down with me and gave me sensible advice and cared about my problems. I was f*cking 9-10 maybe, this went on for 4-5 years. I didn't know what to give a f*ck about. I was not mature enough to see it through. I didn't know that I was entitled to respect from people who I call my friends. That's why parents are there, to teach me how life is. Not just material but emotional and psychological care.

    They didn't care about raising an individual, they cared about me as a reflection of their parenthood. Although they never gave me attention before I got into university, they boasted with every success of mine. That's not sensible parenting. There is nothing exemplary there, sorry.

    I understand them and forgive them for their ignorance, but I'm not grateful for being neglected and raised as a over-helicoptered nerd. And I'm not gonna do the same to my own kids. That's being selfish towards your own f*cking kid. Unintended, but malevolent.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018 at 9:24 AM
  8. yigiter.hos
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    yigiter.hos New Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    By the way, i don't intend to complain here about my parents. I've created a good basis with both of them currently. I had to discipline them as the child, but I have a good basis now. It's been decades since then.

    This is just my opinion on sensible parenting, that's all. I don't think anyone owes anyone gratitude or something and I'm also not responsible for my parents' feelings. That's how I see the past, school time was hellish for me.

    I still would not leave my kids with my parents for more than 2 days in a week due to their bad influence, if I ever had any. I want to raise responsible people, if i ever get to have a kid. And the best way to do it is to practice it day by day.
     
  9. Real Deal Denver
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    Real Deal Denver Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    I am going to tell you two things that I think will greatly help you. I, too, have the same feelings, but being much older than you are, I think I've gained valuable insight in how to deal with these feelings. I hope this is helpful.

    First of all, as a parent having three sons your age, and older, I can completely understand their raising you as a reflection of what they admired, and I also certainly understand their boasting. One my sons is a nerd of sorts that didn't have a lot of friends. Today he is a highly respected nerd of sorts - in the super hot industry of computer science. I encouraged him all I could. He did not have all the advantages most kids had, but he worked with what he had, and is, today, brilliant and highly respected. He's still somewhat of a nerd, but this brilliant nerdy guy sure has his choice of nice lady friends at his beckoned call. And he's happy - and he makes buko bucks. Not bad for a nerd that didn't quite fit in. Like your parents, I too am proud, and I appreciate and celebrate his accomplishments even more than my OWN! Call that living my life through him if you want to - but that's what parents do. You should be happy that your parents celebrate your accomplishments. I can say, from my parenting point of view, that I am sure they are more proud of you than you will EVER be able to understand - until you have your own child and experience that for yourself.

    Every parent can look back and find things they could have done differently to be better parents. Doesn't matter. As long as they didn't beat you, see the good in what they did. Like I said, some parents of super successful people that I know were dirt poor. I mean really poor - NEVER saw a movie. A wood stove for heat and cooking - no indoor plumbing. Brutal conditions by today's standards. But they raised happy and confident kids - somehow. And those kids are actually GRATEFUL for not having an easy life. It drove them to be the successes they are today. Not an easy life - but loved and supported, as best they could be. Oh - and not even a BED, either! Some slept on the floor their entire lives. And to this day - nary a complaint about it from any of them. I admire them as well, and am PROUD to call them my friends.

    Second thoughts. You're really gonna like this. It took me years to develop. It sounds so easy, but it isn't. We come from the same background, so I can help you in this regard. I look back at many things that I am angry about, from my upbringing. I'll always be angry about these things. They have held me back my entire life, until recently. I have had to figure out a way to detach from them. That's a lot easier said than done. Here's what I did, and it worked great. I envision the "scenes" of my life as being separated from me by a thick sheet of glass. I can't touch them - I can't respond to them - all I can do is look at them through the glass. They are like museum exhibits. I can walk around them and look at them from any angle I choose, and I can look at them as long as I want to. It's important to NOT try and brush these things off. Instead, study them - embrace them - absorb them. And then, slowly back away from them, turn around, and walk AWAY from them - knowing that you have become a wiser and stronger person from them being in your life. That's right - use their energy to empower you today. Yes, that will be painful, and yes, you will always feel resentment for them. The pain will fade over time, and your strength will grow. Use that power to CHANNEL energy that you didn't have. There is a lot of truth to the saying that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Suck the energy from every one of these experiences in your life. Eventually, when you revisit them - and you will - they will be like faded photographs in a dusty photo album. Whether you like it or not, they are a part of who you are. But that doesn't mean you have to be weakened by that. YOU decide that you are going to draw the energy from them in order to make you a better person - and then do it. This all sounds so simple, doesn't it? It's not. It took me years to be able to do this effectively. Many times I came away depressed and disgusted. In time, I came away proud that I overcame these situations - and then the healing truly began. Now, I draw strength from them. They don't control me in any way, except to make me a much more aware person. Because of these experiences, I have friends that are actually in awe of how understanding I am to their lives. These experiences have made me a better person, and a special friend to several people. Amazing, isn't it? The same thing can happen to you, if you let it.

    Whew. That's enough for one day. I hope these things that I've said TURN the direction of your thinking into a much more positive direction. It will take time, so don't be discouraged. Embrace your fears and resentment head on - which you are already doing to a degree. Good luck, my friend. Some day you too will be a parent, and you will make a very fine one because of the experiences that you've had. That alone, may be the best accomplishment of your life. You too, as the parents of so many of my friends, may raise brilliantly successful people. There is no greater accomplishment than that - so your parents do deserve more credit than you give them, for that alone!

    Your pitfalls today may become your greatest strengths tomorrow! Don't laugh - I've seen that happen many times. And I've lived it myself.

    All of that, combined with your extensive education, can make you a true superstar. If you use the forces to help push you forward, instead of pushing against you. Go easy on yourself, and then go easy on everyone else you encounter. You can, and will, go far.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018 at 8:24 PM
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