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I realized I'm scared...

Sid23

Bronze Contributor
Aug 9, 2007
683
107
71
So it hit me last night. All this research, all these ideas, all these ways to make money. Why haven't I taken the first step towards my financial independence? Last night I realized its because I am scared shitless. :smxE:

I'm terrified to think I'll put a plan together that will allow me to leave my job. I'm scared to leave my comfort zone. I have these great bosses and a good work environment, but its not giving me everything I want.

I'm scared to death to think about life without my steady paycheck and company car. I'm scared to think I WILL BE RESPONSIBLE for my financial situation, and not just be able to rely on my bosses to make deals.

What a realization this has been. I feel strange that I am so scared. But I think the fact that I realize this will allow my to figure out a way to move past my fear.

Thanks for listening. I feel like this forumn is a safe place to admit this.

EDIT: After rereading my post, I realized that I need to find ways to get past this fear. What techniques have you guys used to move past the fear and take that all-important first step?
 

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Last edited:

MJ DeMarco

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Your desire of comfort and security is greater than your desire of prosperity and living well.

There is nothing wrong with being scared or "comfortable". What you are describing is the exact reason why most people will never escape a middle-class existence.

Fear is common. Everyone has it. However, not dealing with the fear, not overcoming it, and not sacrificing for a greater goal is what keeps most people running in the hamster wheel.

Being an entrepreneur, taking risks and making sacrifices are big choices and yes, they aren't easy.
 

RAiMA

New Contributor
Aug 24, 2007
95
7
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44
Sydney, Australia
It's ok to be scared, just don't let it paralyze you, let it drive you. This means associating a new meaning to your current situation. It's good that you realize that if you stay where you are, it won't be giving you everything you want. Be clear on what you want then visualise where you will be at the age of 65 and 80 years IF you don't change.

Notice the contrast and ask questions what you would be missing out if you didn't change? Is settling for less who are really are? There's other questions you can ask yourself, but you got to be honest and get to the point where it no longer is a should, could, or would, but a MUST. It's gonna be A LOT more painful if you stay where you are than to take the positive steps to move forward towards your goals.

Just be assured that the human spirit is truely magnificent and capable of overcoming great obsticles. You have everything within you to be successful, just bring it out. Keep us posted on how progress. I'll be and I'm sure many others here will be cheering for you :)
 

wildambitions

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Aug 29, 2007
813
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Southern NM
This is a normal feeling to have. It has not been so long since I have been there. Most importantly you realized that you are there. Now that the challenge has been identified, here are some suggestions that may help you to get through this phase:

1. Keep doing all the same types of due dilligence that you are already doing. I don't think too much is possible unless you are unable to continue beyond just doing the dilligence.
2. Add personal developement DAILY focusing on the subject of overcoming that type of fear. Don't allow un-like minded people influence you goals and desires.
3. Surround yourself with like minded (people from the B&I quadrants) individuals. Use their experience to realize that you can do it because someone else before you has already proven that it is possible.
4. Find a trust worthy partner that can offset your fears with the inititive to move forward. (This is the one that got me going and it still took almost six months before I finally decided that I did want to move forward with action instead of all planning). Make sure that you have something to offer the partnership. NOTE: My partner was moving forward; started an LLC, bought some properties, etc., I was her support to the detail work which she felt was not her strong point.
4. Above all do something, even it ends up being a mistake. Somthing is better than nothing. Mistakes can be corrected or at a minimum become a GREAT learning experience.

My partner and I are still very much novices in the game, but now we are playing! It is very exciting and the input from this forum continues to be awesome and inspiring.

Good luck and we hope to continue to see your progress via posts. Make sure you read some of the success stories. There are NO SHORTCUTS.
 

AroundTheWorld

Be in the Moment
Speedway Pass
Jul 24, 2007
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Ask yourself this....

What is the WORST THING that could happen?

then...

How will you deal with that?

I found that if I can put my plan B into place -
If I know where my safety net is and how it will work -

I don't worry so much.... and then I am able to move forward.
 

Runum

Platinum Contributor
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Aug 8, 2007
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I agree with all of the advice being presented here. One time recently, while my wife and I were negotiating a deal, my wife told me that this is scaring her. I told her that I know what you mean, what we are doing is scaring me sometimes. Some of the things I have to say or some of the people I have to meet with is completely foreign to my life of a year ago. It is scary and exhilarating at the same time. It's like playing Monopoly for real. I cannot remember when I have felt more excited and alive. Surround yourself with positive people and use a lot of positive reinforcement techniques. You can do it if it means enough to you. Good luck. :cheers:

Greg
 

royemunson

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Jul 24, 2007
216
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SW Ohio
All the above are great suggestions. It's a matter of pain and pleasure as tony robbins says. there is obviously a reason you are on this forum and want more out of life, right?

the problem is there isn't enough pain in your current situation to move forward. MJ's story says it all.

when you're scared as we all tend to be, just take some time and analyze why. determine what will happen if you don't take action. think of positive aspects if you do take action waht would happen.

I find that when I take small steps instead of looking at the big picture it gets easier and it's amazing at what you will get used to. Just listen to what others around here say about their lives and their actions. They weren't always feeling that way. What is comfortable now for some wasn't always case.

Joe
 

M-M

New Contributor
Aug 27, 2007
107
10
15
NC
I know exactly how you feel. I too used to be scared, and still am in some regards. Mine has deeper psychological reasons that I am aware of. It's not always easy overcoming them. Analyze yourself, face your fear, and fight it. Sometimes it takes some time.

One thing that helps me is my ultimate dream in life of owning a Lamborghini Diablo. When I feel scared or down or unfocused I look at my wallpaper (which is always a Diablo). This usually gets me going.
 
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Sid23

Bronze Contributor
Aug 9, 2007
683
107
71
Your desire of comfort and security is greater than your desire of prosperity and living well.

I think this is exactly my problem. I have a "good" job, that will most likely become a "great" job over the next 5 years. I have some debt, but I have a nice car, live in a nice area, have a WONDERFUL relationship, great friends, etc. I've often thought "hell, if I had a little more money, I would have nothing to complain about."

MJ, I realize that I either need to take the risk and try and make my great life AMAZING, or sit back and embrace what I have and be content. I know which option I want to choose, now I just have to make myself believe in my heart of hearts that the risk is worth it.

Thanks to all for the thoughts so far. My favorite website by far these days...:hurray:
 

RAiMA

New Contributor
Aug 24, 2007
95
7
17
44
Sydney, Australia
now I just have to make myself believe in my heart of hearts that the risk is worth it.
What are the risks you're referring to? There maybe a few that people can help overcome.

I know I saw investing over the years risky, things from you need money to make money, my money is safer in the bank, the stock market will eat you up alive, high returns = high risk, real estate is too expensive, I can't afford to invest, all of these things kept me from moving forward.

I spent the last few years playing games. The only thing I got out of it was developing team, communication and organisation skills as a gm who lead groups of 40+ people. Financially I was stuck. I got to the point where I looked around and saw I was no better off than 5 years ago, and that scared me. I no longer accepted that I wanted to continue down the track and see myself on that path 5 years in the future. All I could see was myself in my current position only older, more worn out and my spirit dwindling. I was ashamed, disgusted, embarrassed, disheartened, when I came across a movie called the secret. Now I know not every has positive views from the movie, but I did get something positive from it. Basically, you get what you focus on and the actions taken towards those focus(es) will bring it into realisation.

I then focused on what I wanted, and got clear on it. So clear that I could visualise myself in the new environment. I then looked for ways on "how" to bring it into realisation. One thing lead to another and not only did I find A way to make it happen, but I found MANY ways on how to do it. I took action, or a leap of faith to invest in a financial education course with money I didn't really have. I knew the biggest risk to investing wasn't investing itself, but it was ME who posed the biggest risk. Once I got educated and built up awareness. I found ways to change my old limiting beliefs about money and to start taking actions that the wealthy were taking. I now have a plan to replace my active income with passive income in 6 months (without MLM). It's ambitious, but it's doable and possible. Worst case is I only make 50%, best case I can double my monthly income in passive wealth.

This only started about 2-3 months ago, so I'm still at the beggining stages. I'm raising capital to get the business investment venture off the ground tonight. My aim is to be out of my working job in 6 months time Mar 08.

So I hope the story above has given you hope and inspired you to move forward. A lot of the time, we make things look harder than they really are. All I can do is to encourage you to get to the point where you MUST move on. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking they have other options, and end up taking their dreams to their grave unrealised. Don't let that happen to you, be the guy that made a difference in the world because YOU made a difference.

God bless.
 

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Shawn

PARKED
Aug 14, 2007
55
0
13
I've been in your shoes as well. Luckily I made the plunge when I was in college and my only responsibility was a $500/mo apartment and a car payment. Throughout the years since then I've had several bad things happen that got me very worried, sometimes so much that I couldn't sleep at night.

Lawsuits, sales declining, staff quiting, it all affected me. What I've learned is that when something bad happens, I get really worried and scared and it makes me work harder to make sure I compensate for it. In the past 5 years alone I've owned about 10 businesses and now only have 3. Others, I've sold, closed or just gave up on. So some of my ideas have been great and some failed miserably. The best advice I have is to not get in over your head.

Instead of "making the plunge", why not try to start out something small in your free time WHILE you still have a job. Then over time as it gets better and better sit down and look at the numbers and decide if it's feasible to quit the job and start working full time for yourself.

Good luck :)
 

yveskleinsky

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
Jul 26, 2007
2,233
496
192
42
The fear is the catch 22 in real estate/investing. There is a delicate balance that exists to where you need to know enough to move forward, but not too much to be paralyzed! Hence the term, "No Net Worth Know it Alls" that someone recently coined.

This is what I do: 1. Find a potential deal. Tell yourself you are not going to move forward on it- this part is purely educational. Telling yourself this takes the pressure of having to perform off. 2. Analyze the numbers. Have questions? Come here- this forum is the best sounding board out there. 3. Get your questions answered. Does the deal work? Yes? No? If no- why not? What would it take to make it work? 4. Develop a plan for this investment. Is the plan solid? ...If in doubt run it by this forum! Repeat as necessary.

Practice, practice, practice. Of course you have fear- it would be unnatural for you not to. You are looking at deals that require steep financial commitment. According to Tony Robbins, anxiety is an emotion that lets us know we are unprepared or don't have enough info. Get the info, and you will relieve the anxiety...somewhat. I would bet that even advanced investors get butterflies.

Keep us posted when you get some numbers!
 

AroundTheWorld

Be in the Moment
Speedway Pass
Jul 24, 2007
2,909
1,868
550
.
Hey Sid - - What have you been up to? How is the fear battle going?
 

A-GAME

New Contributor
Sep 23, 2007
61
6
12
Australia
Lots of great advice here...If i was you i would read ''Think And Grow Rich'' by Napoleon Hill...Its a classic and has an entire chapter devoted to educating people about the 6 ghosts of fear and how to overcome them...Good luck and remember at the end of the day you have nothing to fear but fear itself...
 

PEERless

Bronze Contributor
Jan 23, 2008
1,469
106
81
I'm realizing that "waiting for the right time" is the same thing as paralysis by analysis. Funny how the mind plays tricks on us. I thought I was being clever, but I was just being scared!
 
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Sid23

Bronze Contributor
Aug 9, 2007
683
107
71
Hey Sid - - What have you been up to? How is the fear battle going?
Hey, ATW, thanks for asking! It's actually going really well. I've continued my personal therapy (about to marry a therapist - kind of a requirement) and have spent countless hours working on my goals, issues, plans, etc.

I'm currently managing the development of two new apartment complexes for my firm. I'm responsible for taking the piece of dirt, getting all necessary city approvals (which in the SF Bay Area ain't easy I'm learning), managing the design process and then helping to oversee construction. I'm completely over my head, but I just keep pushing forward and I'm learning so much. AND, I'm cut in on the profit side as well so if the projects are successful, I'll see some nice coin.

In addition, to help build up my working capital, I've been emailing and working with Jill on an almost daily basis now to set up my eBay store. (I've heard we may be competitors soon!)

So I must say, I've really made some great strides with my fear issues. They are not gone by any means, but I've learned to eliminate some, manage the others and not let them hold me back any longer.

The secret has really been the personal therapy - working through the demons of my past, dealing with the family issues, etc. This has really helped me see "why" I do a lot of the things I do and why most were conditioned from an early age.

And of course, this forumn. This forumn has also been a tremendous, TREMENDOUS help to me. I can't thank everybody enough for all the positivity, guidance and support I've received here.

I haven't been posting much lately...too busy DOING!!!!! (God it feels good to FINALLY say that)!!!!
 

lightning

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Aug 24, 2007
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Northern, NJ
Some incredible advice in this thread. As MJ said, unfortunately, that fear is what keeps people running in that hampster wheel forever…doomed to answer to someone else for the rest of their lives because they never take the jump. My Father was an unsuccesful Entrepreneur (he had great ideas, but was just never able to get them to take flight, more of a dreamer then a “do-er”. When I mentioned to my Mom a couple years back that I wanted to start my own business someday, I saw the look of panic on her face immediately…instantly worried that I would follow down his same path, and that I would be foolish to leave my safe and secure job with the Government..where I can look forward to sitting in a cubicle for the next 35 years till retirement.

I feel the EXACT same way as you, and actually posted a thread very similar to this one in the business section of another forum I am on. After I bought my house 2 years ago, I was stretched almost to the max. (still am unfortunately). I realized after a few months of paying my mortgage, that it would be very hard for me to ever leave my safe/secure job now, until I had a LARGE safety net of savings to fall back on. As happy as I was to finally own a house and have a large appreciating assett, I started to wonder if buying it was such a great idea..because I HAD in fact tied myself down to a large extent. The reality is, my mortgage will have to be paid whether I am succesful as an Entreprenuer or not, and the banks WONT CARE just how promising my idea looks for the future! I am not married yet and have no kids, however, the fear of losing my house has kept that fear with me for almost 3 years now, and its hard sometimes to keep my head up as an optimist.

Through the advice of others, I realized that although I am tied down a lot more now then I was with my cheap apartment a few years ago, I also own something that may help propel me in the future. To supplement that hope, I have taken several steps to help increase my chances of success when I DO take that jump in the next few years, and ALL of them involve setting myself up financially. Although I am in no position to give advice as I havent slain the dragon yet myself, here is my .02 on the matter:

1-Work on building/keeping your credit score HIGH. You will need those credit lines open to help you out of tough times in the future.

2-Save much more then you spend. As hard as that is sometimes (BELIEVE me I know), think about that every time youre about to drop
$100 bucks on dinner, or about to plan a vacation that could in fact wait a few years…think about that when youre contemplating buying a new car..or nursing your old beater along to get a few more years of use out of her.

3-Keep your debt LOW or non-existant. Doing so will help your income/debt ratio on your credit score, and it will keep those great offers for better credit
Lines coming.

4-Try and take steps every single week to learn something new as you work towards your goal, and never stop striving to jump off that hampster wheel.

Good luck.
 

kimberland

Bronze Contributor
Jul 25, 2007
825
120
38
Great advice here.
I'll just add that the safety of the steady job and the company car
is really just an illusion.

All it takes is one bone-headed move by someone higher up on the ladder
or an innovation making your product obsolete
or... a million other possibilities
and that safety is gone.

I worked at a Fortune 500 company
that intentionally had turnover every year.
At first, it was shocking.
After a time, it was freeing.
Perform or be gone
and once you get into that space,
you think "I might as well perform for myself."
Easier to step into entrepreneurship.
 
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Sid23

Bronze Contributor
Aug 9, 2007
683
107
71
Thanks to all for the thoughts on my initial post...

Once again, as you can see from my latest response to ATW's question, I've made some strides and this fear is not something holding me back on a daily basis.

Thanks to all for the input.
 

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