My FTE.
I've lurked the forums for long enough so I figured it's high time I posted something.. I joined the forum a month ago or so and introduced myself. Now, dozens of spent notepads later I've come to the conclusion I should probably post something, even if I'm just talking to myself.
Full disclosure, I'm Deaf. And I have been since the day I was born. I don't really like talking about it because it's not a crutch. But I'll share my story once so that there are no questions about who I am. My parents both wept when the doctors told them that I would never lead a normal life... I'd never speak, write proper english, and would need special education all my life. Imagine as a parent, being told by your doctor that your child would never be perfect? I can't even begin to fathom what my parents felt in that moment.
Because doctors know best. These 'experts' would have been right had my parents not decided that they were wrong. Both my parents rose to the challenge and made sure I kept up with my peers in school. Believe me, without the power of audio 'osmosis' that is an extremely difficult undertaking. The worked me to the bone every single day... I went to school during the day, filled out endless workbooks at night, and my weekends pretty much consisted of tutoring. And growing up, I gave my parents hell for all the work they put me through.
Fastforward 20 some years, I'm giving the commencement address at my college - starry eyed, graduating with honors, I was ready to blaze a bold new trail. I nailed a job at a high-profile company and that's when my problems began.....
[Begin Sidenote] Before anybody asks, yes - I do know @jpanarra. We shared a dorm floor together our freshman year. He had an afro. Yes, he has pictures. [/End Sidenote]
To make a long story short, there's a lane MJ didn't quite cover in his book.. mostly because it's irrelevant, but believe me, there is a slower lane. And it is slower than the slowlane but faster than the sidewalk. It has the same speed limit as the slowlane, but it's infested with potholes. Corporate Bias. It's why the gender wage gap exists, and it's also why I'm a pressure cooker ready to burst.
I ran into my first example some 4 years ago when I was working for a boss who was extremely popular and great at what she did. I had glowing performance reviews and a notable track record among leaders... but she had it out for me. She'd randomly throw out projects at me and say "but I told you about this yesterday" even though she didn't. Or she'd say things like "communicating with you is a burden on the team." I tried to get help, but no one believed me when I told them what kind of things she'd say to me.
On one occasion, she tried to convince me that 'buying a house was not worth it because you just never know... you might get laid off!' Every time, I swallowed it and kept trying to do better.
Eventually I was slapped a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP)
It broke my pride.
Here I was spinning wheels for a system that was hell-bent on squashing my success. I worked so hard to meet all her demands but she found ways to make me fail. There seemed to be absolutely nothing I could do but take the blow.
Anybody ever feel like that before?
In the months that followed, my life spiraled out of control - I was in total panic mode. Slaving away to save my career. At the same time, my relationship with a long-time girlfriend was ending badly. Within two days, she was gone and found a new guy. My funds were swallowed up because I was alone in an apartment in a gated community. My credit cards maxed out. I slept on the floor (she took the bed). It was a real low point for me. And I thought for sure my life was over when my boss texted me "meet me at 4:30pm at the visitor's center (at work)." I was going to get fired. My life was over.
I was fired.
I don't generally believe in the power of prayer, guys - but if someone was praying. It was answered. Fortunately, an HR manager caught on to what was happening. I don't know how or why, I never really asked. But I think she knew. Before I knew it, corporate jumped in and stopped my termination. I was pulled out of her team and moved back to Michigan where I took on a high profile role building relationships with corporate partners. Things have gotten better now, a least a bit for the last five years. I've had glowing performance reviews but the promotions were few and far in between.
At first, I thought this was pretty normal... so I just kept on rolling. I was the kid everyone liked, so I was riding on that possibility my work and reputation would speak for itself. Then one day I was going out for lunch with a bunch of colleagues my age. Some joined a year before me. Others joined a year after me. The subject of job levels came up - and my heart sank when I found out I was literally at the bottom of the totem pole. They had all been elevated ahead of me.
So I decided that something had to change, this isn't for me.
[More in my next post.]
I've lurked the forums for long enough so I figured it's high time I posted something.. I joined the forum a month ago or so and introduced myself. Now, dozens of spent notepads later I've come to the conclusion I should probably post something, even if I'm just talking to myself.
Full disclosure, I'm Deaf. And I have been since the day I was born. I don't really like talking about it because it's not a crutch. But I'll share my story once so that there are no questions about who I am. My parents both wept when the doctors told them that I would never lead a normal life... I'd never speak, write proper english, and would need special education all my life. Imagine as a parent, being told by your doctor that your child would never be perfect? I can't even begin to fathom what my parents felt in that moment.
Because doctors know best. These 'experts' would have been right had my parents not decided that they were wrong. Both my parents rose to the challenge and made sure I kept up with my peers in school. Believe me, without the power of audio 'osmosis' that is an extremely difficult undertaking. The worked me to the bone every single day... I went to school during the day, filled out endless workbooks at night, and my weekends pretty much consisted of tutoring. And growing up, I gave my parents hell for all the work they put me through.
Fastforward 20 some years, I'm giving the commencement address at my college - starry eyed, graduating with honors, I was ready to blaze a bold new trail. I nailed a job at a high-profile company and that's when my problems began.....
[Begin Sidenote] Before anybody asks, yes - I do know @jpanarra. We shared a dorm floor together our freshman year. He had an afro. Yes, he has pictures. [/End Sidenote]
To make a long story short, there's a lane MJ didn't quite cover in his book.. mostly because it's irrelevant, but believe me, there is a slower lane. And it is slower than the slowlane but faster than the sidewalk. It has the same speed limit as the slowlane, but it's infested with potholes. Corporate Bias. It's why the gender wage gap exists, and it's also why I'm a pressure cooker ready to burst.
I ran into my first example some 4 years ago when I was working for a boss who was extremely popular and great at what she did. I had glowing performance reviews and a notable track record among leaders... but she had it out for me. She'd randomly throw out projects at me and say "but I told you about this yesterday" even though she didn't. Or she'd say things like "communicating with you is a burden on the team." I tried to get help, but no one believed me when I told them what kind of things she'd say to me.
On one occasion, she tried to convince me that 'buying a house was not worth it because you just never know... you might get laid off!' Every time, I swallowed it and kept trying to do better.
Eventually I was slapped a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP)
It broke my pride.
Here I was spinning wheels for a system that was hell-bent on squashing my success. I worked so hard to meet all her demands but she found ways to make me fail. There seemed to be absolutely nothing I could do but take the blow.
Anybody ever feel like that before?
In the months that followed, my life spiraled out of control - I was in total panic mode. Slaving away to save my career. At the same time, my relationship with a long-time girlfriend was ending badly. Within two days, she was gone and found a new guy. My funds were swallowed up because I was alone in an apartment in a gated community. My credit cards maxed out. I slept on the floor (she took the bed). It was a real low point for me. And I thought for sure my life was over when my boss texted me "meet me at 4:30pm at the visitor's center (at work)." I was going to get fired. My life was over.
I was fired.
I don't generally believe in the power of prayer, guys - but if someone was praying. It was answered. Fortunately, an HR manager caught on to what was happening. I don't know how or why, I never really asked. But I think she knew. Before I knew it, corporate jumped in and stopped my termination. I was pulled out of her team and moved back to Michigan where I took on a high profile role building relationships with corporate partners. Things have gotten better now, a least a bit for the last five years. I've had glowing performance reviews but the promotions were few and far in between.
At first, I thought this was pretty normal... so I just kept on rolling. I was the kid everyone liked, so I was riding on that possibility my work and reputation would speak for itself. Then one day I was going out for lunch with a bunch of colleagues my age. Some joined a year before me. Others joined a year after me. The subject of job levels came up - and my heart sank when I found out I was literally at the bottom of the totem pole. They had all been elevated ahead of me.
So I decided that something had to change, this isn't for me.
[More in my next post.]
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum:
Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.
